


Checkin' You Out, at the Check-Out

by HadenXCharm



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Barebacking, Bonding, Bottoming, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Feels, Firsts, Fluff, Gay, Gay Sex, Grocery Shopping, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Kissing, Language, Laser Tag, Lemon, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Male Slash, Manipulation, Marriage, Medical, Minor Violence, Multiple Pairings, Oral Sex, POV Third Person, Past Abuse, Plot, Protectiveness, Relationship(s), Rimming, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Slash, Slow Build, Stalking, Suspense, Topping, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Violence, Virginity, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-21 13:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 141,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1551548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadenXCharm/pseuds/HadenXCharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're scanning my items, but I'm scanning you. I was checkin' you out, but baby please don't check out of my life. </p><p>Yumichika is a cashier and Ikkaku is a college student aspiring to be a fighter. Renji and Ichigo go through problems of their own - Things grow so tense that they almost split up, and Renji’s past comes back to haunt him, and he is sure that he’s lost Ichigo forever. Meanwhile, Yumichika’s ex-boyfriend is stalking him, trying to get him back, and all of these friends are trying to plan their vacation.</p><p> </p><p>(Yumichika/Ikkaku, Renji/Ichigo Modern-Human world - AU.) ( M for Sexual dialougue, Graphic activity of a sexual nature, and Cursing )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was striving for realism in this fic - and it may seem mundane at times, but I think there’s a beauty in it, and makes it easier to imagine really happening. I promise this isn’t that Renji x Ichigo pairing where Ichigo is the stereotypical ‘uke’, who’s whiny and oversensitive and submissive, etc. He and Renji keep their original characteristics, and are equals here.

 

Ikkaku growled to himself as he looked around the 'planned parent-hood' aisle through the pregnancy tests, yeast-infection cures, condoms, and enough flavored lubrication to feed an impoverished country.  _All_ of them were items that most people would rather die than purchase in public.

Fucking Renji. Fucking Kurosaki. Fucking Renji and Kurosaki who were fucking each other and making him go buy fucking oversized-condoms and other nasty sexually-themed accessories and shit. Ikkaku needed to find some new friends.

Ones that didn't make him do solids like this.

Of course, Ikkaku was smart enough to do this while he was grocery shopping, as he'd obsessed over how to make such an embarrassing purchase for all of last night. He'd come up with a plan, which was basically to hide the condoms with a bunch of groceries.

At least then the embarrassment of buying condoms and lube in public would be minimized. He could bury them at the bottom of his cart, and when it was time to check out he could stuff it on the conveyor belt with a bunch of food. It was less conspicuous that way. He planned to pretend to be preoccupied with something while the cashier scanned the rubbers, not wanting to make eye-contact or initiate conversation over something like that. He didn't want to have to say they weren't for him, because that would make him sound like a pervert, and a perverted  _liar_ who was a chicken on top of it all.

He decided not to buy Yachiru that Teletubbies movie that day, because he might give the cashier reason to suspect that he was a  _really_  fucked-up pervert, buying that together with condoms. Holy crap, was he nervous.

Ikkaku grabbed the thrice damned box which was causing him so much upset, chucking it in his cart with a scowl. Fucking Renji; he'd get him back for this. He turned red when he realized that there was a woman and child standing in the cosmetics aisle just next to him. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him hucking the huge box in his cart. He probably did look pretty intimidating, what with his baggy hoodie, eye tattoos, and his thousand-watt scowl. She grabbed her child's arm and hurried away, making him feel like he'd just drowned a kitten.

God damnit. Ikkaku was  _so_  gonna' kick Renji's ass later.

He took his heavy bag off his shoulder and set it in the baby seat of the cart, coins clinking loudly when it was dropped. He needed some fucking ice cream.

After approximately ten minutes of wandering around and filling his cart with freezer food, chips, beer, and cookies, he moved over to one of the check-out aisles, slightly flustered at what was coming next. Oh, he was gonna' get Renji back for this, big time, but how to do it? He had to make it painful,  _extremely_  painful, if it was going to make up for this.

As he plotted murder, he chose an aisle, trying to calm himself down so he didn't make an ass of himself when the moment came.

He only had to wait a few minutes for the line to disappear, so he took the opportunity to flick through a couple of magazines and pick a few packs of gum. It would be easier to be nonchalant about making the purchase if he could pretend to be preoccupied or reading or something. Apparently, he'd actually drifted off when he was just supposed to be pretending, because the next thing he knew, he was being sassed by a stranger: a store-employee.

"Sir, did you hear me? Are you deaf or just ugly?" came the cashier's snarky voice.

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched as he returned the tabloid magazine to the rack. "I don't think they pay you seven twenty-five an hour ta' talk back to me."

"You weren't answering," said the voice in a mocking tone. "You'd think that without hair, you'd hear better." Oooh, Ikkaku was this close to putting whoever belonged to that voice in a chokehold, no matter how sexy they sounded.

 _Enough_  with the hair jokes. Ikkaku had heard them all by this point, and it was seriously getting old. He'd heard everything from cue-ball, to dango, to stupid puns about using his head to tell fortunes, to warning him not to cause an eclipse.

"You'd better shut the hell up before I sic the manager on your ass." He started putting his stuff on the conveyor belt, feeling like he was trying to smuggle a bomb onto a plane when he put the condoms on there. Hopefully the cashier would just be professional and not mention them - probably not, now that he'd provoked him.  _Damnit, why hadn't he kept his mouth shut?!_

"Hmm." Ikkaku had to admit, that voice was pretty attractive, as voices go, even if it was annoying. It sounded like velvet, much too classy, suave, eloquent, and snarky for him not to just love it. When he looked up, the person it belonged to was even more attractive. Oh, wow...

It was a guy, of course, but he was really beautiful, with soft eyes, nice clear skin, and jaw-length black hair. His uniform actually looked good on him too, which was a plus. Ikkaku had never had a word come to mind when he looked at someone, especially not the word 'beautiful', and  _especially_  not on a man, but as he looked back at the young guy, he knew that it was right on the mark. He was pretty, handsome, and hot, sure, but those words didn't quite fit the description like 'beautiful' did. Oh, wow...  _wow._

...  _Maybe_  Ikkaku would forgive him for back-talking him.

"That wouldn't be so bad; I don't like this job. Too many ugly rude people in a hurry, and people are so cruel to male cashiers," the cashier said good-naturedly, making conversation as he scanned the barcodes on his snacks. Ikkaku scratched his head, remembering hearing something once about there being a stereotype about male cashiers being twenty times slower than their female counterparts.

"Eh, sounds like you can fend for yourself with a mouth like that. Your tongue's sharp." If it had been anyone else, Ikkaku probably would've hit them and then washed their mouth out with soap, but maybe... maybe he'd let the guy live for insulting him. It had seemed harmless enough, because their conversation was already headed in a better direction. At least they weren't threatening each other anymore.

The pretty guy stuck out his tongue at him with a coy grin. "Yep," Ikkaku said, as if he'd just proven that his tongue was in fact sharp. "If Anyone messes with ya', you could just smack em' down real easy," he finished, realizing that he had been staring with his mouth open like some stupid fish... It was just... This guy frickin' had this  _glow,_  and he really liked it. Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. His luck had always been weird like that.

"Probably," the man replied, asking for his ID to sell him his liquor. Ikkaku opened his wallet, and the man hummed in appreciation, mentioning that they were born in the same year, eyes flicking over it.

The sales clerk was really damn attractive now that Ikkaku was looking at him, seeming to grow more and more beautiful by the nanosecond. His name tag said 'Yumichika A.' in English letters, and below it, it was spelled out in kana and kanji. ' _Ayasegawa Yumichika_ _.'_

' _Hm. Pretty name.'_ As Ikkaku raked the man with starry adoring eyes, the cashier paused in his work for a moment. Ikkaku's heart jumped, and he freaked out a little as he saw just what the guy had unearthed.

The cashier eyed his dreaded purchase: Extra large box of Trojan condoms, and a few different kinds of lube. Aw shit.

"Should I ask?" the pretty guy asked flatly, flicking his eyes up to look at his face, sounding bitter and maybe even  _disappointed._  Ikkaku inwardly cringed, hardly able to meet Yumichika's eyes, getting flustered. This was what he had dreaded, that  _look_ , like they were thinking about how much of a pervert he was, and he  _wasn't,_  damnit!

"They-" Ikkaku stuttered, cheeks turning red. He immediately began fidgeting and scuffing his toe on the ground. God fucking damnit, he hated fucking blushing! "They're not for me. They're for my friend," he said sincerely, practically begging Yumichika to believe him. Yumichika obviously didn't buy a word of it and gave him a bitter sly smirk.

"Oh, so you're on the bottom bunk th-"

"You jerk!" Ikkaku shouted much too loudly, drawing attention to himself. He lowered his voice right away, shoulders hunching up around his ears as he got in the cashier's face. He snarled at Yumichika and his stupid bunk-bed joke about bottoming, hating how the guy just raised his eyebrow and how  _hot_  he looked doing it. "Okay, Punsie Mckale, who says I'm gay?"

"Well, you didn't say you  _weren't_. I just have never heard of a straight man buying condoms for another man," Yumichika said stoically, bagging his items. "Unless you're in some weird fraternity."

"I guess… that's fair… enough," Ikkaku said slowly, feeling like he'd been talked in a circle. Wait, had the guy just twisted the conversation the way he'd wanted it to go? He  _had_ , hadn't he...

Ikkaku assumed that it was kind of dangerous for a gay guy to make the first move on someone that they didn't know, because there was always that risk of being beaten up. Had Yumichika just gamed him? Was he flirting with him?... There was always the chance that the guy's attitude was always flirty, but... Yumichika just might be flirting with him on purpose... Maybe...  _Sweet!_

"But they really are for my friend. I owed him a solid, and he takes advantage a' solids. I know he didn't even need them, he just wanted to embarrass me for a bet. Either way, I'm glad I don't live with him and his boyfriend anymore."

"So you're  _not_  planning on getting lucky, then?" Yumichika asked coyly, drumming his nails on the box before moving to bag them. Seeing the interest in Yumichika's smiling eyes, he felt a small flutter of courage, which gave him the boost he needed to do something super impulsive and risky in his book.

Ikkaku spat out the next words, surprisingly without stuttering or blushing, "Maybe I'd be lucky if you'd go to dinner with me." Yumichika blinked at him a few times, staring him down, searching his eyes for insincerity but finding none.

Yumichika seemed flattered then, trying to maintain his aloof, uninterested attitude. He crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows with his eyes closed, "Alright. I'll go out on your ugly, stupid little date, but you won't be getting lucky with me," he said sharply, pointing in Ikkaku's face.

Ikkaku grinned widely. "I think I just did."


	2. Chapter 2~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku gets into a fight at the check-out, and organizes his date with Yumichika over the phone, to get Renji and Ichigo to double date with them.

Yumichika hummed cheerily as he tallied up the last few bits in Ikkaku's large grocery order: grapes, soda, headache medicine, popsicles, and a monkey-wrench. Ikkaku grinned as he watched him half-dance around to the music playing over the loudspeaker.

"Alright sir... That comes out to..." Yumichika grabbed the long trailing receipt and tore it off, handing it to Ikkaku. "Fifty-six, forty-two."

"Sheesh," Ikkaku sweat-dropped, opening his wallet, shelling out a fifty and picking out the rest in coins from his black bag. "Oh, and by the way... My name's Ikkaku, nice ta' meet you an' stuff."

Yumichika stared at him, trying not to laugh. Ikkaku got flustered and yelled at him a little. What the hell was wrong with telling him his name? They'd only met a couple minutes ago, holy cow. "Geez, don't look at me like that! Just didn't want you to go on a date with someone that might be a serial killer." Besides that, he wanted to hear Yumichika say his name out loud in that voice of his.

"I saw your ID, Madarame Ikkaku."  _Oooh_ , yeah. Just like that. Ikkaku blinked dazedly, shaking off some of those tingles, realizing how carefully Yumichika had said that, as if he was testing how his name felt in his mouth. Ikkaku growled at him a little when he saw Yumichika give him a weird look, smiling like something was wrong with him.

"Yeah, yeah, just checking... Wait, you weren't lying, were you?" he asked, suddenly paranoid. There had to be a catch. His luck was always horribly sneaky like that. There was no way that Mr. Gorgeous was just going to come quietly without having his rights read. He had to be a hooker or a CIA agent or an alien, or  _something._  Ikkaku looked at him expectantly, scrutinizing him for a hint that he'd been bullshitting him this whole time. Yumichika looked a little horrified, putting a hand over his chest in mock-distress.

"No, why would I turn down free food?" He smiled at him slyly, and Ikkaku laughed a little, face still a little shocked. Well, damn. He kind of liked that snotty attitude. It would make for a lot of bickering,  _friction_ , and fuck did he want it.

"Well geez, I know what  _you're_  after then-"

Yumichika seemed to want to assure him that he really was interested, but didn't want to look soft or sensitive, so he sniffed snootily and closed his eyes, crossing his arms. "I know that my time is valuable, and I wouldn't waste it going on dates with ugly idiots."

Something about that sentence struck Ikkaku as off, some little sign ringing in his ear telling him to pay attention because it had been important, that it had to do with that  _catch_  he'd been so worried about.

But he'd never been known for his listening skills, had he?

"Tch', I know there's a compliment in there somewhere," Ikkaku mumbled, grabbing Yumichika's wrist, making him take the bag of change, and holy  _crap_  was his skin soft. Yumichika looked surprised at being touched and twitched a little.

Ikkaku jolted back when he realized that he hadn't let go, and that Yumichika looked near-alarmed. He supposed his hands must feel really rough by comparison to Yumichika; He shouldn't have touched him without asking, anyways. Geez, what a pushy moron he could be sometimes.

There hadn't been anyone waiting behind Ikkaku in line thus far, so when a group of trashy-looking young men approached the ringer, the noise level was very jarring. In fact, people around them were staring at them as if there was a neon sign above them that flashed 'Disturbance of the Peace'.

"-An' she was gettin' all worked up, so I slapped the bitch-" Cue some obnoxious laughter and a burp. Yumichika wrinkled his nose at them, opening the little ziplock bag with a flourish, swiftly beginning to count out the large amount of change in stoic silence and gloom, in sharp contrast with how he'd been dancing around a moment earlier. It was like his energy was being sapped or something. His eyes were dark and clouded by something that looked like grief.

Ikkaku stiffened up, turning towards them when he heard that little remark as if it was something to be proud of. Whenever he heard stuff like that, he just couldn't help himself but put his little sister or Rangiku in the situation, thinking of how violent he'd get if someone had treated them like that. But really, if he thought of it that way,  _everyone_ was someone's sister, daughter, friend, whatever.

" _Pow! '_ Ehh, oh my god, you hit me!' She's whinin', right? So I-"

Ooh, there would be  _blood tonight_.

Yumichika looked a little surprised at how steamed he was getting, as if he'd expected Ikkaku to ignore them as well. He quickly muttered under his breath to just leave it, and Ikkaku obeyed, breathing out through his nose in ire. He knew how it was in the service industry. Customers could walk on you and do outrageous things, and if you gave them what they deserved, you'd be fired. Ikkaku suddenly felt really bad for female waitresses.

He grabbed a couple of plastic bags of his groceries and put them back in his cart, eager to get away from the loud idiots, even if it meant less time with his 'hot date'. At this rate, he was going to get Yumichika fired, so he needed to fuck off somewhere for a while.

"Hey, uhh... Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked warily, knowing that he had scored a date with him, but not really knowing what the boundaries of his request were. Besides that, he didn't want to say too much with those guys standing near him. He didn't want Yumichika to change his mind about seeing him because of some frat-house hoodrats calling him 'faggot' at work, because of  _his_  slip-up.

He knew that these were the type of guys to pounce on a weakness the moment they see it, and they'd eat Yumichika alive if they got the 'gay' vibe from him. These guys probably said 'fag' nonstop anyways, and there was no way in hell he was going to give them an opportunity to insult his date.

"Would it be alright if we doubled up? My uh... ' _friend_ '," he stressed to show that this was the friend that made him buy the condoms, "and his," here he widened his eyes and nodded to indicate that this was his other friend, which was his first friend's lover, "... Maybe they could come with us? If that's alright?" He knew that they had just met, and that it was kind of dangerous to go out with someone you knew nothing of, so he hoped that this arrangement would make Yumichika feel a bit safer, going with two other people.

"That sounds fine to me," Yumichika replied readily, not seeming to realize Ikkaku's hesitance to reveal too much in front of these thugs. Or maybe he was just that smooth as to not let it bother him and seamlessly play along with Ikkaku's little game. "What are their names?"

The group of men started to get restless due to the time it was taking for Yumichika to count the large amount of change, perhaps feeling that the time he was spending talking could be used to count faster. Nevertheless, they started to get rowdy, knocking shit onto the ground. Yumichika exhaled slowly to gather some patience, flicking his eyes up to Ikkaku as if to say, 'See what I have to deal with here?'

"Renji and Ichigo," Ikkaku said in answer to his previous query, leaning on the counter a little to get closer to Yumichika so he could speak in a lower voice. He put his hood up, not eager to draw any attention to himself from these guys. His fists were starting to clench up and that was  _not_  a good sign. Fists had a tendency to  _punch_  things.

The last thing he needed was to get into a fight at the grocery store and get kicked out like some delinquent. Yumichika would _never_  wanna' see him if that happened, and he wanted to keep this date. Yumichika was funny and smart and smelled really nice, and he was probably really soft and maybe would even let him  _kiss_  him, and Ikkaku did  _not_  wanna' mess up a chance to find out if he was right.

Yumichika looked up in surprise, " _Abarai_  Renji?"

"Yeah, the one with fire-truck red hair and all-over tattoos," Ikkaku replied. Yumichika nodded with a smile. "You know him?"

"Yes, we're very good friends. I've known him a long time. He talks a lot about his 'senpai', and I assume he means you," Yumichika chatted amicably, still adding up change at lightning speed without losing count.

"Hm... That's weird... He talks about his senpai in fronta' me t-..." Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika, trailing off. "Oh, no way..."

"Small world," Yumichika said lightly.

"No, no, it's  _luck_ ," Ikkaku suddenly grinned. Yumichika agreed with him easily, and then continued on.

"I know Ichigo too. I even lived with them both for a little while when I was going through a hard time. They're entertaining to say the least. Two of a kind." Ikkaku twitched a little uncomfortably, slitting his eyes sideways at the group of guys.

"Uhh, yeah, hey, do you think it's a good idea to use the Coinstar machine here? How much is the fine?"

"Not much," Yumichika said amicably, a little unnerved at the abrupt change in subject, but not enough to break his flow. Yumichika was sharp, and Ikkaku liked it. "I've used it for eighty dollars in change and only paid about five dollars."

"Oh, that's not so bad." Ikkaku picked up his big black bag and let it fall heavily back into the baby seat, revealing how much change he was carrying by the clinking noise. "I got this full a' coins n' stuff. I didn't bring all a' my returnables but, I just- Ya' know, is it worth it ta'... go here instead a' the bank-"

Yumichika stacked up the nickels in little piles to represent dollars. Ikkaku grimaced - he should have grabbed a bag with quarters, and this could all have been over quicker.

Yumichika's hands were really... He liked watching them. They were really graceful and smooth, with long thin fingers. They'd probably feel really nice between his own.

By this time, Yumichika had finished counting everything up. "No, I understood what you meant. Here you go." Yumichika returned the bit of change Ikkaku was owed and slid him his receipt back a second time, making doubly sure that he took it.

Ikkaku held it up to check that the items on the list were all correct, and noticed a little heart down by some cursive-style numbers, a  _phone number_. There was a little heart next to it and a message that said 'I was lying, You're very handsome.'

Ikkaku blushed, scratching at the back of his neck a little with a smile, unable to look up and check Yumichika's expression, but keenly aware of the violet eyes crawling all over him.

He moved down to the bagging area, so the guys could have the register. He started filling up his cart with the rest of his bags. Now that he and Yumichika weren't talking, the men's noisy conversation was back in his realm of perception. Oh god, and the fists were starting to clench up again.

One of the men - wearing particularly saggy pants and a dirty white tanktop underneath one of those overlarge-furlined jackets - was telling a story much too loudly.

"-started screamin' about callin' the police, an' so I was like, 'go ahead n' call the cops, they can't unrape you!'"

Yumichika jolted a little, putting a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in horror when the man started going into detail over his story. He quickly recovered and seemed to wrestle his feelings beneath the surface, because he had a carefully blank face as he started scanning one of the more respectful men's party supplies.

Ikkaku stiffened up and got upset, unable to keep his shit-talk to himself, because he knew people that had actually had that happen to them, and it was  _not_  a joking matter. He truly believed that to be the worst crime, even worse than murder.

"Yeah but maybe they'd get there in time to un-castrate  _you_ , you dipshit."

He hoped that this misogynist's victims all had beefy friends, brothers, or dads that could beat this guy into pulp-free orange juice.

He could feel eyes on him now, from the other cashiers, from Yumichika, from other shoppers, but he didn't really feel embarrassed. They weren't looking at him with disapproval, however, even though he had sworn out loud like that. They all just seemed surprised that he had challenged this guy that everyone was trying to ignore.

The guy turned and looked at him incredulously, one of those people who had probably never heard the word 'no' in his childhood, and definitely wasn't challenged in his adulthood. Yumichika, having gotten over his shocked admiration, bit his lip to hold in his laughter, scanning the men's multiple cigarette cases.

The only thing that could've made it funnier would be the guy's over large pants falling the rest of the way off of his ass. Whatever - Almost all of his neon colored boxers were already visible; the only thing the thug would've had to be embarrassed about were his skinny-ass-chicken legs.

His friends were all 'Oh'-ing, and saying 'burn' and hissing like fucking snakes, none of them really offended on their 'bro's' behalf. Ikkaku just crossed his arms, glaring at the guy,  _daring_  him to do something so he could punch the dirt off of him.

Yumichika watched him with interest as he scanned the rest of the men's items, took money from one of the less rowdy ones, and asked for their IDs so he could sell them their beer and cigarettes.

"You talkin' pretty big, huh cueball?" Ikkaku guessed that this guy was one of those suburbaner's children who liked to act like they were from the 'hood', one of those white boys who listened to rap so they could vicariously live the thug lifestyle that they obviously knew  _so_  much about. Basically a complete punk who couldn't back up his shit-talk with anything but money.

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched at the jab, but he kept his cool, knowing that he easily could turn into the culprit of all this. After all, he had tattoos and looked somewhat like a punk himself. This could all be blamed on him, and he didn't doubt the guy's acting skills. How else would the man have BS-ed his parents into not cutting him off?

"I can talk just as big as you, but at least I can back it up," Ikkaku said, gesturing to his gang of hoodlums. "What, how many people do you need to help you punch one guy who back-sassed ya'? Oh no, wait, I've got it. You probably need your  _mom_ here in case I make ya' shit yer' pants-"

Yumichika covered his mouth and turned away, half bending over from trying to hold it in. A couple of the guys friends did the same thing, desperate to keep from laughing.

"He's tearin' you up, man-"

"Oh snap!"

The guy was getting frustrated, Ikkaku could tell, because he set his jaw, and started doing that stupid thug swagger towards him, holding his arms out like he was saying 'do something'. Ikkaku tried not to laugh, thinking of some sort of demented penguin, flapping its idiotic flippers at him, trying to look intimidating.

"Do somethin'." Yep, here we go. "Ya' talk'n' so tough."

"I talk tough cuz' I can back it up, I said." Ikkaku just rolled his eyes, holding his arms out as if to say he didn't have a gun or a switch blade and that it should be easy to punch him. He could see Yumichika clicking a button under the counter-top to get the manager's attention.

" _Do_  somethin'!"

"Hey man, I'm right here.  _You_  do something. I'm one guy, c'mon." Ikkaku twisted his head to the side and pointed at his cheek, as if he was waiting for a kiss instead of a punch. "Right here, c'mon... No?"

"You ain' worth it."

"I thought so." Ikkaku put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone, looking away to lure the coward out. The guy clenched his fists and suddenly threw a sucker punch, which Ikkaku easily ducked, letting the guy nearly fall over from overshooting. He kicked him in the back of the leg and watched him crumple to the ground. Geez.

"Pssh. Coward." Ikkaku stood there looking at him for a couple of seconds with a sort of pity. He felt bad for the guy's high school teachers. The guy's friends just stood there looking a little embarrassed as he peeled himself off the ground, sputtering and cursing up a storm.

Just in time for the manager to arrive.

"Okay, all of you,  _out,_  right now," said the woman in a brisk, firm tone. Her hair was in a bun and she held a clipboard. Ikkaku thought she looked kind of like a librarian. She was accompanied by the assistant manager, which was a burly guy who looked like a stereotypical bouncer.

"Go, get out.  _Go on_ ," she said pointedly, gesturing them out. Yumichika practically threw the receipt at one of the guy's with particularly saggy pants, who'd been trying to flirt with him.

They started to shuffle out, except for the guy Ikkaku had made a fool of, who tried to get at him again. Immediately the bouncer guy with the bulging muscles grabbed him.

"Yeah, You see me in the streets!  _You see me in the streets wit' dat'_!" Ikkaku sneered at him.

"Now yer' tough, huh? With someone holdin' you back?"

"You an' yer' little bitch fag have a good time bu-" The bouncer covered his mouth and wrestled him out the automatic doors. Yumichika visibly bristled. A few of the shoppers who were observing the confrontation were muttering something about disgraceful displays and young people having no respect. Someone actually asked Ikkaku if he was okay.

Ikkaku waved a hand at the guy being dragged outside, and turned away. The manager looked at him and pointed to the door.

"All of you. You too. Go." Yumichika immediately leapt to explain that he hadn't been part of the disruption.

"Miss Ise, please, honestly, he's not a hooligan. You know how ugly I find them-"

She grimaced a little but conceded to let Ikkaku stay. After she left, Ikkaku and Yumichika turned to see the bouncer guy come back into the store, thug-less. They looked at each other and burst out giggling like little kids.

"Oh my god," Yumichika gasped after a few moments, beginning to scan the items of a young woman with a baby carrier on her back, and a toddler in the cart-seat. "I think you're the one with the sharp tongue... That was really brave," Yumichika looked at him, and there was a glint of visible attraction in his eye now.

Ikkaku laughed a little bit longer, putting some of the woman's stuff in plastic bags for Yumichika so he could stick around and talk to him. "I can't stand a fake-" he cut himself off, looking at the little kids. "I can't stand when people's mouths are bigger than their fists." Yumichika nodded at him, smiling a little.

"That was very brave. I think I like you." He smiled wider, but then narrowed his eyes at him. "I think you've made enough of a spectacle, though. You should move off," Yumichika said pointedly, spinning the bagger to make more room. The woman smiled at them, being one of the people who had seen the whole fight, but had been lingering back to avoid getting her children injured.

"Go, you filthy hooligan, you," Yumichika swatted him a little and pointed over to the coin machine. Ikkaku stuck his tongue out at him and moved over to the Coinstar with his cart, opening his coin bag.

He stared at the screen dazedly for a moment, letting all that sink in, and then he fistpumped to himself, biting his lower lip with a grin. Ikkaku pulled his hood up further as he scanned over the directions on the machine, really just reeling inside that he'd scored such an awesome date. He hadn't fucked up or stuttered or anything, nothing embarrassing had happened, and the guy was seriously  _perfect_  if things were going to continue on like this. Ikkaku couldn't believe Yumichika had said yes!

' _Luck-Luck, Lucky~'_

Even the snark in Yumichika's voice just endeared him to Ikkaku. Ikkaku  _loved_  bickering, no matter how much he denied it. He enjoyed the friction. He was really excited, feeling that floating sensation of finding new love.

He began humming without being aware of it as he started dumping his numerous bags of change onto the metal tray, lifting it up cautiously to watch it slide down into the machine. He heard some clinking, banging, and then a  _click_  as each coin went through some sort of receiver, at which point the amount would show up on the screen.

By this time, he'd taken out his phone and was holding it between his shoulder and ear, pouring the money in slowly like the machine said to. He  _definitely_  hadn't anticipated his condom-trip going this well. Abarai's little prank had backfired big time. He almost felt like thanking the idiot for making him do this.

"Yeah? Renji?" Renji picked up, and his voice wasn't wavering like Ichigo was giving him head at the moment -  _Good sign._ It hadn't happened since high school, and it had only been one time, but he still hadn't forgiven them. By the time he'd figured out what was going on, he'd been completely grossed out.

"Do me a solid... You owe me now. I got yer'," He paused and picked through the cart to look for Renji's sick shit. "Trojan, extra-large, extra-strength, pre-lubed, bla-bla-bla. Oh  _gross_ , these are pleasure-mesh... huh?"

Renji said something, something he did  _not_  want to hear.

He blinked. Oh  _hell_  no. "The freakin' frack, I can't frickin' believe- Ugh, you did  _not_  say Magnum. The bet still counts, I bought the things, so you're taking the freaking Trojan ones, I'm not going through that again...  _I said too bad-"_

Ikkaku rested his forehead on the screen of the Coinstar, "I really don't care if they make you sore, man, I got your lube, It doesn't-  _You know what, I'm sick of this_ _sh_ \- Urrrgh, I'm so freakin' mad at you, and I can't swear in the store anymore, you jerk-face... No, I got into a fight. No...  _No_."

Renji babbled more nonsense at him, "No, no, just shut up- Listen to me now, Just stop being a baby, and go to the clinic and get checked, and then you won't need the rubber anyway. Don't think that I don't know that you didn't need the rubbers in the first place, you just wanted to embarrass me. Hey- Hey, just do it.  _No,_ Hey, you'd better frickin' do it, or I'm gonna' make my deal with Ichigo... Heh, yeah,  _now_  you wanna'- Hm?... Dude, it's free, don't worry. Just go to the public one... Yeah... Next to... yup, that's the one."

He sighed a little, "I hate you, man..." He laughed a little at Renji's response. "You owe me a solid, an' I'm cashin' it in right now... Mhm... Oh, nothin' bad. I got a date... What? Why are you laughi- You  _frickerfr-_ GAH-!"

He paced a little, realizing that people were staring at him. Damn, Ikkaku, always making a scene. He pouted, shoving more coins into the machine, waving Yumichika away when he looked at him with concern.

He lowered his voice and turned up the volume on his phone, "Don't freaking laugh at me,  _yes,_ I have a date. An' they're good looking... Listen, I don't want it gettin' messed up. So you an' Ichi- Freakin', I swear if you don't stop laughing and take me serious, I'm gonna' choke you next time I see you...  _Renji_ -"

Ikkaku sighed deeply at the laughter in his ear and then jumped a little as he heard a loud shout in the background, telling Renji to shut the hell up with many colorful cuss words following and a threat of no TV for a week. Predictably, Renji shut up immediately. "Is that Ichigo? Give him the phone- No, give him the phone."

Not nearly close to being done dumping all his change in the machine, Ikkaku picked up the pace and dumped in two plastic bags at once. "Yeah? I just want you ta' get Renji to go on a double-date with me an' my date. Dude, I swear if you laugh, I'll kill you... Okay, okay, just checking... Yeah, I have a date. They're good looking.  _Yes,_  they're real. No, they're not homeless. Or desperate... Why is that hard to believe?" Ikkaku growled in frustration. "So what if I don't date? I'm dating  _now_."

He was getting impatient, "Dude, just- C'mon... Alright... Yeah... Don't worry, it's not something sappy or anything. I just wanna' go play laser-tag or something, because... Yeah, I know you're gonna' beat us. I'm just sayin' a movie's a horrible first date, so don't let Renji turn you to the dark side or something for that new sci-fi movie."

Ichigo was a lot easier to deal with than Renji. While it wasn't good in every situation that Ichigo took everything seriously, it was good in this one, because Renji was pretty much the opposite. Honestly, sometimes Ikkaku forgot that Abarai was a grown-ass man.

"Yeah, and food after. Yes. Yes... I know... Yeah, it's my fault he's pouting. Don't ask why, he can tell you himself. He just owes me... Mhm... Yeah, you're welcome, just come on the date and you won't owe me anymore... Yep... Thank you... Yeah, Bye."

Ikkaku grinned. This all had gone infinitely better than he could have planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really slow pairing, and I don't get very many hits, reviews, or favorites, regardless of whether or not my story/writing is good, so any encouragement I can get is really helpful - Please leave comments/reviews!  
> -
> 
> This is a writing exercise of mine - Ya' know, 'write a little each day to become better?' So these chapters will be kind of 'hot off the press.'
> 
> I'm not using that as an excuse for any spelling or grammar errors, but for plot holes, or a lack of plot - Because I didn't think out a plot for this story, so it may not really have one, due to the fact that I'm writing as I go, and not thinking of the plot ahead of time.
> 
> So enjoy my rambling little story - I'm really trying to make it funny and in character. (:
> 
> \- Just a side note, If you're new to my stories, I do lots of Yumichika/Ikkaku, and I have plenty of ideas for more. I have an tumblr ask blog (ask-yumichika-ikkaku), do fanart, etc. I have a full length story fiction that has one more chapter to go! (Days of Our Lives) I have other one shots as well, and one incomplete multi-chapter story - ON FANFICTION . NET
> 
> More funny weird au's to come~!


	3. Chapter 3!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laser-tag date!

Ikkaku hoped that Yumichika hadn't taken his little 'serial killer' comment to heart, because he'd insisted on driving himself to the location.

Well, perhaps it was just that Yumichika was smart and that he valued his own life, seeing as Ikkaku was a bit bigger than him and could probably overpower him easily. They had only met that morning after all, and although Yumichika had seen ID to verify that that was his real name, and they had two mutual friends, they really were little less than perfect strangers.

Perfect strangers that had crushes on each other, maybe.

Ikkaku waited outside in front of the 'kiddie-casino', holding the door open for Yumichika, who had dressed in a black jacket, a striped t-shirt, and dark jeans. Yumichika smiled at him and passed into the building, and Ikkaku got a little whiff of Yumichika's perfume-cologne-aftershave. Ikkaku was overcome with a desire to stick his face in Yumichika's hair and just breathe the sweeter air for the rest of his life. He smelled frickin' delicious, and he looked like the love child of Aphrodite and Adonis.

And  _frick_ , Yumichika squabbled with him and teased him, and he was smart and sweet and funny and just  _everything_  he was looking for. He could even overlook what Renji had commented on as 'extreme vanity, an obsession with his appearance, and replacing morality with aesthetics'. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

_'Luck-luck, lucky, who is lucky? I am, motherfucker! Woop!'_

"You look nice," Yumichika commented, seeming sincere, even though Ikkaku hadn't changed out of the clothes he'd been in earlier. He was still wearing his big black hoodie that covered pretty much every attractive part of him, and some jeans with tears on the knees that were just beginning to show through.

He'd wanted to get all nice for Yumichika, so he had taken a shower and done some push-ups, but he also didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard - he didn't wanna' seem desperate, because he was - so he'd just put on the same clothes again, even though they made him look out of shape. None of his muscles were visible from under that hoodie and it irritated him a little, because being lazy and overweight sadly was a deal-breaker for a lot of people. But judging by what Renji had said, Yumichika didn't even give the time of day to people he thought were ugly, so he must have a real chance.

' _You look nice, You look nice, I think you look nice,'_

Ikkaku sweat-dropped and scratched at the back of his neck, cringing inwardly at the fuzzy feeling that gave him. Well, realistically he knew that maybe that had been a pity compliment, but still, it had felt good, as he didn't get compliments often. If Yumichika thought he looked nice like this, just wait till' he took his shirt off painting his apartment walls. That would hook him for _sure_. Maybe Yumichika would start liking his personality on accident if he could get him to stick around for awhile to see him shirtless more.

He was notorious for having difficulty being nice to people. Emotions were a sore spot for him, and he was keenly aware of that, so he tried to force out a compliment in return, meaning it wholeheartedly even if it sounded a little awkward. "Eh, thanks, you do too... Really nice. Too pretty fer' a cashier. People'll start givin' ya' tips." Ikkaku shifted his weight, feeling a little nervous, because that had almost sounded like he'd just called Yumichika a hooker, oh  _god_ , he was fucking everything up. This night was probably going to end with Yumichika splashing him with a martini and slapping him in the face.

To his surprise, Yumichika just laughed a little, like he thought his awkwardness was cute, thankfully unoffended. "So, um, whaddya' think," Ikkaku gestured to the place - grimy arcade machines, questionable-looking food counter, and rusting diner stools. Now that Ikkaku thought about it, this was kind of a gritty place, and Yumichika would be right to suspect some sort of serial killer action.

"It's ugly," Yumichika said bluntly, sniffing as he grimaced, "and bratty children always congregate in these types of places."

"Damn, ya' hate it?" Ikkaku asked sorrowfully, but Yumichika shook his head, saying that he'd give it a chance, because he'd heard the laser-tag floor was state-of-the-art. "Yeah, it is. Professionals come here to play all the time - it really ticks the kids off, cuz' there's no way in hell they wanna' play against adults who do this religiously. Kids like winnin' an' shit." Ikkaku backed up in alarm as some children that came up to his belly-button raced past him, almost knocking themselves out by narrowly dodging a support beam. "Sheesh."

Yumichika laughed, saying that paintball players were similar in that regard. "Are the others already here?"

"I think they're almost here. We can just wait over at that table." Ikkaku pointed to the front of the room, near the counter-top where the kids could exchange tickets for toys, like at a chuck-e cheese.

Ikkaku pulled out a chair for Yumichika and pushed it in when he sat down. Yumichika looked at him a little strangely but didn't say anything as he laced his fingers and laid them on the tabletop.

"You want some soda? I'll buy it," Ikkaku offered as he watched Yumichika watch some children play deer-shooting games and DDR. Yumichika was  _really_  pretty, and it was driving him nuts, because he wasn't a gentleman and never had been and never would be, and he knew someone this beautiful and special  _deserved_  a gentleman.

"Oh no, that's okay," Yumichika said a little defensively and went quiet for a few moments, watching Ikkaku back, both of them trying to pretend that they weren't staring. "I've never played laser-tag before," he then said with an enthusiastic smile, dropping his quiet, indecipherable mood. Ikkaku's chest tightened a little, heart feeling all warm and fuzzy. Damn, he was getting hooked on this guy's smile, and his voice was so smooth that it sounded like music in his ears. Yumichika probably sang like an angel.

"Oh no?" he answered, glad that the conversation had picked back up. He hated having to flail for something to say, and he was trying really hard to stay engaged despite how closely he was watching Yumichika and his reactions. Yumichika sounded excited to play laser-tag, even though it was his first time.  _Score_ , he  _knew_ that this would be a great first date idea. Something out of the ordinary like this would make it more likely for Yumichika to remember him differently than everyone else.

Yumichika shook his head in reply, saying that he was excited to try it. Ikkaku grinned back. "This'll be memorable then. I know that people usually see movies on their first date, but I never got that, because we're supposed ta' get ta' know each other, and we can't even talk while we're watching a movie... We can actually do something together this way," Ikkaku explained, flailing for a moment to find something to say - there was a reason that he didn't date. He wasn't good at making conversation, and he had a hard time with saying certain things out loud. That stereotype of boys being mean to people they liked wasn't all a myth; it was  _really_   _hard_  to say nice things out loud, although with Yumichika, it probably wouldn't be so bad.

Yumichika nodded, commenting that that was a really smart idea.

"Renji and Ichigo are gonna' smoke us," he grinned, trying to feel at ease. Yumichika had agreed to see him, and that meant that he was at least  _somewhat_  interested in him and thought that he was good-looking, so there was no reason to be nervous. He couldn't help but feel like he was dangling over an abyss, however, because he was really far out of his element here. "If ya' wanna' be on my team, that is. Ya' might have a chance if we split up." Yumichika grinned at him, and Ikkaku found that he couldn't take his eyes away from his face.

 _'Beautiful... I wonder if he'd ever let me kiss him. Is it too early to try on the first date?'_ Of course, he was completely kidding himself, because he was  _way_  too chicken to try to do something like that so soon. But as he thought about how it might feel, he found that he couldn't stop staring at Yumichika's mouth. His lips were probably really soft. Then the lips moved, and Ikkaku realized that Yumichika was answering him and that he needed to pay attention.

"I'll be with you. I know someone else who plays laser-tag and paint-ball very well, and they've given me some advice on the latter-"

"Oh yeah? Who'zat?" Yumichika looked caught off guard, as if he wasn't used to being sincerely listened to.

"He-"

"Oh, look, there they are," Ikkaku interrupted and pointed at the door, escaping a sticky topic without knowing it. Renji came in wearing one of his usual muscle t-shirts, a bandanna on his forehead, and Ichigo came in behind him, already yelling at him with a big scowl on his face. Ikkaku thought he could hear him saying something about badly parking the car in two lanes and possibly getting it towed while they were in here.

Renji just said that for anyone else to park near him, they'd have to use two lanes as well, and then the tow truck wouldn't know who to tow. Ichigo argued that they still might pick his car anyways and that there would be no reason for anyone to park next to him if there were other empty spots in the parking lot.

Ikkaku waved to them to let them know where they were, and they came over, their harmless bickering ceasing. "Hey, Yumichika's here," Renji said in pleased surprise, causing Yumichika to smile back and wave. "Hey-" Renji stopped dead, pointing at Yumichika and looking up at Ikkaku, the magnitude of what was happening here hitting him full-speed. "Wait... You-"

Ichigo's mouth opened and closed and opened again as he looked back and forth between the two of them a few times, like he was watching a tennis match, "You're... Uh... When you said you had a date..."

"Yumichika, you're dating this," Renji said incredulously, "This... Uh..."

Ikkaku glared at him, "This  _what?!_  Is there a problem here?"

"No need for hostility," Yumichika said, raising his eyebrows. Ikkaku just grumbled a little, putting his hood up and crossing his arms like a pouty kid. Yumichika smiled, nudging him under the table with his foot until he smiled a little too.

"Senpai's dating Senpai? How does that work-" Ichigo shoved a hand backwards into Renji's face to make him be quiet, looking towards Ikkaku, whose eye was beginning to twitch.

"No, no, no problem, there's no problem. Who's got a problem? Not us," Ichigo said a little too hurriedly, dragging a chair over to their table, "Renji, go pay an' set up the match." He said it like he wanted Renji to go before he said something bad like ' _Hey Yumichika, aren't you with somebody else still?'_

Luckily, Renji caught his meaning and remained discrete. "On it, babe." Renji ruffled Ichigo's hair, pecking his cheek before Ichigo could slap him away and grouch the typical answer of 'I'm notchyer' babe.' Renji grinned in triumph, and then pointed in Ikkaku's face, "We're gonna' smoke you."

"I  _know,_ " Ikkaku said through gritted teeth, glaring at him, still pissed. Renji stared back for a second, before going to pay like Ichigo had asked -  _demanded._ Ichigo bit his lips and puffed out his cheeks for a couple seconds, looking between the two of them.

"So... How did you guys... Uh... I'm not saying I don't think you should go out, I just... never expected," Ichigo said awkwardly, stumbling on his sentences a little, giving Yumichika a significant look that required an explanation for what appeared to be blatant cheating.

"Are you saying that I'm dating low?" Yumichika asked with eyes narrowed, silently threatening to gut Ichigo like a fish if he said anything about his significant other in front of Ikkaku. Ichigo shook his head wildly, realizing how much he wanted Yumichika to get away from the guy he was already seeing. Ikkaku was a  _huge_  step up, no matter how much the bald idiot screwed things up.

"No, no, no, I just mean... Well, if I think about it, you guys'd probably get along pretty well. It was just... surprising... ta'... see  _you_  here with 'im," he finished awkwardly, glancing at Yumichika uncomfortably. Yumichika's gut clenched, knowing that Ichigo knew too much. So did Renji. They'd better not ruin this for him. Sure, it had been a split-second decision to give Ikkaku a chance, but he still didn't want Renji and Ichigo to blow his cover before he could see if he wanted to make a choice between Ikkaku and his boyfriend.

"I got into a fight," Ikkaku said bluntly in answer to the question of how they'd met, "in the grocery store where he works... That sounds worse out loud... But, I guess we just... I dunno'. Somehow I got lucky."

"You have no idea," Yumichika muttered to Ichigo, and Ichigo blinked for a second and then started laughing, permanent scowl melting away. Renji turned around from where he was standing, ordering the matches, grinning in wonder at what besides him could make Ichigo emit that high-pitched laugh. Ikkaku glared at the two of them.

"Ay', quit talkin' me down," he grumbled, kicking at Yumichika's legs gently under the table. They smiled at each other, and Ichigo tried not to laugh more as he got up to go look for Renji.

As if on cue, Renji shouted at them from across the room to come to the little black-walled room where the people playing the next laser-tag game wait. There were lots of gun holsters on the walls and TV monitors on the top corners of the room, with game names and scores.

"We got only a little while to wait. Uh... standard rules, guys? Don't hit the little kids too hard and... uh... no cursing very loudly... and... Yeah," Renji finished lamely, plopping down next to Ichigo on the cushioned bench. He tried to bite his neck a little, but Ichigo shoved his face away, shouting at him that there were kids here.

"Yeah, but there's none in this room yet," Renji whined, diving across the bench to grab his retreating boyfriend around the waist.

"Get off, you hooligan!  _Ack-_  Stop it, let go of me!"

"Can it. You know you like it. You're just embarrassed."

"Shut  _up!"_

Ikkaku sat down near Yumichika gingerly, scooting a little closer. After a moment of hesitation and gathering his balls, he asked under his breath, "Is it okay if I put my arm 'round ya'?" Geez, his heart was frickin' pounding; he wasn't good at this emotional shit, but he didn't wanna' act like a complete jerk and make Yumichika think that he didn't like him or something.

He'd just try to show Yumichika that he was sweet on him and stuff, even if saying nice things was like pulling nails.

Yumichika had been staring straight ahead, patiently waiting for their turn to go into the laser-tag course, trying to tune out his friend's all too familiar yelling and wrestling. He looked a little surprised at the question, but he nodded hesitantly as if he wondered why on earth Ikkaku would want to do such a thing.

Ikkaku put a warm muscled arm around his shoulders and pulled him in a little closer, getting comfortable on the bench as he propped his foot up on his other knee. Yumichika just looked at him blankly like he didn't understand what it was that they were doing. Ikkaku lazily traced circles on Yumichika's shoulder with his hand, leaning his head back against the wall, ignoring Renji and Ichigo's scuffling.

Yumichika seemed to finally realize that Ikkaku was trying to cuddle him or something, and he hesitantly leaned his head very slightly on Ikkaku's shoulder, moving a tiny bit closer. Ikkaku didn't respond other than to tighten his hold on him and rub his shoulder a little more. Yumichika gave a breathy sigh, relaxing from his stiff, awkward position, melting onto Ikkaku's warm hoodie.

By that point, the red-head and the redder-head had stopped arguing for a moment, "Hey, just tellin' ya', Yumichika..." Ichigo began, eyeing Renji sideways, who was trying to get him to shut up by glaring at him. "Stop it, you baby. We're gonna' win anyways, so stop pouting."

Ichigo pointedly ignored Renji then, "I'm tryin' ta' give ya' a head start so ya' don't get  _completely_ slaughtered. The green guns shoot at least twice as good as the blue ones do. So get a green one before this idiot tries ta' trick you."

Renji pouted and began whining loudly, until Ichigo grabbed his nipple through his shirt and twisted it. The red-head gave off a high-pitched yelp, staring at Ichigo with wide eyes before tackling him to the floor. Yumichika giggled a little.

"You asshole! What happened to not doing shit out in the open!?"

"Get  _offa' me_ , there're kids here, what the hell are you doin'?"

Yumichika started laughing, putting a hand over his mouth. Renji scowled and dragged Ichigo up off the floor, practically chucking him back onto the bench. Ichigo smirked at him for a moment, looking the other way, then teasingly nudged Renji's butt with his foot enough to make him take a step forward.

Renji ignored him, scowling deeper, not liking that the tables had been turned with his teasing. "Yeah, laugh it up Yumichika. Just wait until we get started. You two are goin' down!"

After a couple seconds, Renji kicked Ichigo in the leg, crossing his arms and sulking. Ichigo grabbed him by the back of his pants and dragged him down onto the bench, demanding that he quit pouting.

"You and your face... You and your stuuupid face," Ichigo teased, pinching Renji's cheeks and pulling on them. Renji put a hand on Ichigo's face and tried to shove him away, but it didn't work, because Ichigo just hauled Renji with him, not releasing his grip on his cheek.

"Ow, ow, ite-te-te-te!"

"Have fun on your date with death," Ichigo quipped, grinning good-naturedly even with Renji pushing his nose back far enough that it was alarming. Yumichika was falling to pieces, trying really hard not to pee his pants from laughing. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and finally smiled at their antics. Ichigo grinned.

It was nice to see Ikkaku with someone.

* * *

Ikkaku had to admit, that for a first-timer, Yumichika wasn't petty enough to shoot at little kids or be goaded into chasing them, and he wasn't overly jumpy in the dark maze, which could make some feel claustrophobic. They ignored the kids running loose, who left them alone; before they'd gone in, they'd all told the kids that they were playing a game and that they promised not to shoot them if they'd return the favor.

The two of them were out for blood - specifically from their two friends. Nobody else mattered.

He had been a little worried that Yumichika might make beginner mistakes, but Yumichika was actually really good at creeping along quietly and remembering which way they had come from - almost like he could build a map in his head. Maybe he had played paintball before with that person who'd given him advice, or maybe he was just particularly analytic.

Yumichika kept close to Ikkaku, sometimes gripping the front pocket of his hoodie to keep track of where the bigger man was in the dark. The only light provided was the glow of the guns, their bullet-vests, and the big splotches of the glow-in-the-dark stickers and painted footprints on the walls and floors respectively.

Renji and Ichigo had already gone and begun their little stake-out in some crevice of the maze that Ikkaku could never find.

"They always hide in the same place," Ikkaku whispered as they came out of a twisted corridor into a little room with a window in it - the perfect place for sniping people who passed by outside. There weren't any glowing stickers inside, so the room was completely dark and wasn't easily visible from the outside hallway. "It's a room like this on the other half of the maze, but I can never find them."

"This is perfect, of course they'd always take the same place," Yumichika hissed back, crouching down beneath the window.

Ikkaku came a little closer to him, following the slight glow of Yumichika's laser gun and vest. "People don't usually find these rooms, there's only like three. We could talk for a while," he suggested, not sure if Yumichika was really comfortable with what he was asking.

He had heard Yumichika when he said that he wasn't going to 'get lucky' with him, so he wasn't going to try to make a move - but Yumichika might think that that was his intention: to try to get him alone in this dark room so that he could make out with him, or worse,  _assault_  him.

"Okay," Yumichika agreed, not seeming to feel the same tension that Ikkaku did, or maybe he was just good enough not to show weakness. Damn, Ikkaku could never be sure with this guy. Part of him liked the mystery. "While we wait for someone to pass by." He grinned devilishly and Ikkaku snickered a little. Devious little minx. He felt a surge of affection roll through him, probably getting some stupid dreamy look on his face.

"Yeah, when someone comes by, we'll smoke 'em. Renji'll come out first lookin' for us."

"I say we scare him," Yumichika said slyly, scootching a little closer to Ikkaku on the dark floor.

"Hey, can I..." Ikkaku began uncertainly, folded legs touching Yumichika's slightly. He hated saying vulnerable shit like this; it was extremely uncomfortable and grated on his male pride. "Can I hold your hand?"

Yumichika looked at him and grinned with mirth, "What, are you scared of the dark?"

"No, I just wanna' hold your hand, stupid," Ikkaku mumbled, just barely stopping himself from saying something cruel out of defensiveness. He wasn't able to keep from tacking that little insult on the end, however. Yumichika's smile faded away and he looked at him strangely, before holding out his hand cautiously.

Ikkaku took his soft cool hand in his and brought it up to his mouth, giving Yumichika plenty of time to pull away if he wanted. He looked up to Yumichika's eyes for a moment as he pecked his knuckles, feeling Yumichika go still. Then he just warmed his hand between his big palms for a while before linking their fingers together. It felt just as good as he'd imagined.

He could've sworn Yumichika was blushing. He looked really uncomfortable, like he was trying to sit on pins. "Am I making you feel uncomfortable? I'm sorry," Ikkaku said considerately, loosening his grip so that Yumichika had a choice to withdraw. He really didn't want to scare Yumichika; he wasn't trying to grope him or anything. Yumichika shook his head, breathing a little strangely. Maybe he really was claustrophobic.

"No, I'm just not used to it."

"Are you sure? You look kinda' sick. I'm not scarin' you, am I? You don't have ta' worry, I'm not gonna' try somethin'."

"No, no, honestly, I'm just not used to it. It's nice," Yumichika said more firmly, thus far limp hand squeezing Ikkaku's back.

"Well, good... I think so too." Ikkaku leaned back against the wall, rubbing Yumichika's hand with his thumb a little, reeling with happiness at how nice it felt to be here doing this.

"Hey," Yumichika said, going back to his happier attitude, squeezing Ikkaku's hand tightly. Ikkaku smiled. He didn't usually cross his own fingers, so that space felt ultra-sensitive now with Yumichika's fingers between his. "Do you think they're off making out somewhere instead of looking for us?" Ikkaku cracked a smile, getting closer to him in the dark.

"Heh, no way. They take this game way too seriously. There was this one time that Renji tried somethin', though."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Last time Renji tried something, Ichigo... I think Ichigo kicked him where it hurts, because he screamed really loudly and gave away their position." Yumichika began to shake from giggling too hard, trying to stay quiet.

"It's so funny to watch them. They aren't any less smitten than when they got together in high school."

"Heh', you're right." Ikkaku grinned, remembering. They'd been shorter, with a little acne, and a lot louder, if that was believable. Even less believable was that they seemed to grow more in love as time went by, instead of growing apart like normal people. They were lovers  _and_  best friends at the same time, somehow.

He really wanted something like that.

"From the outside it looks like they're polar opposites, because of how much they argue, but you know... I think they like it... They're more alike than they'd like to think... Although, Ichigo would rather walk around naked than be open in public, almost like he thinks it's shameful, but Renji... Renji's not like that."

"It's cause' he's more jealous. He likes makin' his territory clear, I think... I'm more like him in that way, I guess... I think they stay together, because... they act like equals, even when they're insulting each other." Yumichika was quiet for a little while, and Ikkaku cringed. Maybe he'd said too much.

"Your hands are like ice. Are you getting too cold?" Ikkaku asked with concern. "Here, come closer to me." He scootched Yumichika in a little closer, putting an arm around him, trading hands to continue intertwining their fingers. "Do you want to wear my hoodie?"

"No, that's very kind of you though," Yumichika said a little flatly, as if he felt that Ikkaku's kindness was false somehow. Then he jumped a little, scaring Ikkaku nearly out of his wits. He said that he heard something, calming Ikkaku down a little bit. A moment later he heard the heavy footfalls too, poorly disguised by the light steps. That was no kid.

"That's Renji," Ikkaku breathed out with near silence, "he wore his work-boots here, the idiot," Yumichika smiled at him and turned around to the window extremely quietly, putting his gun up to his cheek so he could line up the sites at the opposite wall outside the window.

"Any second. Hit him, then we run, okay? I'll cover you."

"How sweet," Yumichika whispered back, hardly making any noise at all. Ikkaku stood up slowly so as not to break his concentration or draw attention to their position.

After about twenty seconds of silence, Renji finally had crept past the window backwards, holding the gun up to his eye, checking to see if he was being followed. He was whisper-humming the pink panther theme like a complete dork, half crouching as he moved slowly.

Yumichika held the trigger down and hit him with a continuous shot with his automatic gun. Renji's vest jolted with the bullet-simulation over and over and over.

He shouted in surprise, having thought he was in an empty hallway. Yumichika had ducked smoothly before being seen. Ikkaku ran out of the room and started shooting Renji more, so Yumichika could start running down the hallway.

By that time, Ikkaku was running after him, laughing loudly as he caught sight of Yumichika's excited smile. "Havin' fun?"

"Yes," Yumichika ran up a ramp and a hopped over a few hurdle walls, going almost too fast for Ikkaku to keep up at all. He skidded through a triangle shaped opening in the wall and around a corner, pulling Ikkaku back against the wall with him. "I'm glad I came with you, even though we're going to lose."

"Just what I wanted to hear, sweets," Ikkaku said absently, peering around a corner, taking Yumichika's hand and leading him further through the corridors.

Yumichika looked at him with wonder, following without question.

* * *

"Woooooaaah!" Renji shouted, slamming his foot on the ground, " _OH!_  I told you we'd beat you guys!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up, you idiot," Ikkaku said, and he sharply looked up at Ichigo who had said the exact same thing.

"Woah, that was weird." Ichigo scratched the back of his head a little, "Anyone else gotta' use it before we go?"

"Me," Yumichika said, following behind the orange-haired man to the bathroom.

"Hey, wait," Ikkaku called, "Lemme' hold onto yer' jacket for ya', so it won't get all gross." Yumichika turned around, looking at him warily, but took off his jacket and handed it to him.

"Thank you," he said a little flatly, turning and blinking to himself for a moment before he entered the men's room. Ikkaku was not at all how he expected him to be. He was... concerned for his well being and feelings, and Yumichika wasn't used to someone caring this much.

Ikkaku had only known him for one day, and even though the guy professed to be a jerk, he was awkwardly sweet. Maybe Yumichika wasn't dating low at all; Maybe it was who he was already with who was the low peak. He shook his head, opening a stall.

He had a feeling his life was about to reach a turning point.

* * *

Renji leaned over to Ikkaku, who was standing there waiting, humming quietly, half petting Yumichika's jacket like a dork. "Let's sit."

"Oh, okay," he said, as if coming out of some deep thought.

"So you met him, had a fight in front of him, and he  _still_  wanted to come on a date with you? He has some weird ideas about what's beautiful. He's been kinda' miserable lately, though... Can't believe he gave you a chance."

"Alright, you nosey idiot, here's what happened,"

* * *

After closing the stall he'd just used, Yumichika went over to the sink, checking his face in the mirror before beginning to wash his hands. Ichigo sauntered up behind him and leaned his hip on the counter for a second, watching him silently before opening his mouth with a pop.

"Wow..." He shook his head.

"What?" Yumichika looked up at him, trying to get the cheap faucets to make the water at least  _moderately_ warm. It wasn't really working, but he thought it was a little less freezing than it had originally been.

"I just... Hm." Ichigo scratched at the back of his neck for a second before turning on his own faucet, using way too much soap as he methodically scrubbed his hands, getting each fingernail individually; Probably just a byproduct of being a doctor's son. "I've just never seen Ikkaku like this. It's weird."

"How do you mean?" Yumichika asked curiously. Was his date a jerk normally? That wasn't a good sign.

"No, nothin' bad, don't look like that," Ichigo said a little awkwardly. "I didn't realize until I saw you two together that... I dunno'... I mean, it's not like he doesn't spend time with us a lot or something, he gets out... I just... Seeing him with you... I guess he was lonely."

"Really?" Yumichika inquired a little warily. He didn't want to date someone who had just taken the first thing they'd seen. He wanted to be special.

"Renji mentioned it to me on the way here in the car... and he's right... Ikkaku really doesn't date. I just mean as long as I've known him, I've never seen him with someone... No women, no... drunken one-nighters... Nothin'. He's like a rock."

"Is that so," Yumichika burst out laughing, laughing harder at Ichigo's embarrassed face.

"Ew, don't even... You sound like Renji," Ichigo smiled begrudgingly. "You knew what I meant."

"Alright, alright, I've had my fun."

"I'm just saying... He must really like you if he actually went through the trouble to ask you out..." Ichigo grew serious then, "Listen... I know you still have some loose ends with Kaa, and I'm not trying to butt in, but... I really think that... Just... Ugh." He grew flustered and grabbed some paper towels.

"I'm just saying not to lead Ikkaku on. You must be special for him somehow, and you could probably really hurt him if you're not careful. Okay? I think he's taking this really seriously, and if you aren't... I just think that you should at least let him down easy if you gotta'. Be gentle... Or something." Yumichika's smile had faded, but he nodded.

"I'll be tactful if I must," Yumichika promised, eager to lighten the convesation. "Where are we going to eat?"

"Uhhh, Applebees? I think?" Ichigo said, making weird faces as he wiped paper towels in between his fingers.

"Oh good, I was hoping it wasn't too fancy," Yumichika said in relief, "Or too expensive. Besides, I don't trust valets."

Ichigo looked at him for a second before giving this weird cross between a smile and a pained grimace. Then he began laughing really hard, "You are seriously  _just_  like Renji... Well, I guess you're his senpai, after all." He sighed then, "Ah geez, okay let's go."

When he came out of the bathroom, Ikkaku handed him his jacket back and removed his own hoodie.

Yumichika gaped. Oh  _wow_ , he hadn't realized how fit and muscular he was under that baggy monstrosity. Ikkaku looked a little taller now, and his biceps were probably bigger than Yumichika's head, closely rivaling Renji's.

A bit of his collar bone was visible from around the neck of his t-shirt, and Yumichika noticed that his skin was a nice tan. His scarred ropy arms crossed over his hard chest, muscles bulging. His stomach was flat and rippled, leading down into powerful hips and long legs. Like a fucking greek statue.

Yep, Yumichika was still gay.

 _'His back is shaped like a cobra. Holy shit,_ ' Yumichika thought, feeling distinctly weak in the knees.

Ichigo started laughing at the look on his face, and Renji couldn't get anything out of him other than something about rocks.


	4. Chapter 4@

Ikkaku thought that dinner had gone really well. The only troubling argument that they'd had was over who should pay, seeing as they were both guys, and usually the man pays on a heterosexual date. Ikkaku insisted that it didn't  _matter_  that they were both guys. He said that since  _h_ _e'd_  asked Yumichika out on the date,  _he_  should have to pay.

Yumichika had still insisted that he pay something, not wanting to seem submissive or like a gold-digger, so Ikkaku went on to say that you wouldn't invite your mom over for her birthday and then make her pay for her own food. Yumichika agreed that that made sense, but he had still paid the tip.

Ichigo and Renji didn't have the same problem, because Ichigo just demanded that Renji cough up the money since it was his night to get dinner. They had some weird arrangement over who decided what they would eat on which night.

Ikkaku noticed that Yumichika tipped pretty heavily and asked about it. Yumichika explained his new-found appreciation for people in the service industry. People were  _evil_  to waitresses and the like, what with men getting away with sexual harrassment, and people taking too many liberties, and maybe some snobs telling them to go get a 'real' job. Yumichika said that he understood how difficult it was to remain polite and upbeat now that he was a cashier.

Ikkaku thought it was cute, and he also noticed Yumichika's kindness despite those sometimes-cruel-or-inappropriate 'ugly' comments he made quite often. Kindness was a good trait to look for in a person, as was being a good listener. Yumichika was _both._  Jackpot! How freaking lucky was he?! Things just kept getting better and better.

But overall, he felt that their date had gone really well, even though they'd gotten smoked at laser-tag. He'd been considerate and nice, and he thought that Yumichika had really liked him. He had paid for all of Yumichika's food, sat next to him at the booth, and made sure that he didn't forget his wallet or phone or keys there when they left. Their conversations had been as easy as breathing and were filled with that snarky bickering that Ikkaku freaking  _loved_ , and he found that he was liking Yumichika more and more as time went by.

He knew that he'd found someone special, and it was really exciting to him. It got kind of lonely, living alone, now that he'd moved away from Renji and Ichigo, and he'd always secretly kinda' wanted somebody to spoil rotten. He had Yachiru, but she couldn't talk yet, and if she could, she'd just be calling him stupid, more than likely.

Yumichika was his lottery prize. All that was left now was to win and get a second date.

When it was time to go, Renji gave Yumichika a sharp look and pointed at him rather violently, as if to say that he'd better do something; what that something was, Ikkaku had no idea. The corners of Yumichika's mouth grew tight, and Renji gave him one last parting glance before slinging his arm around Ichigo's thin shoulders and walking to their pick-up truck.

Ikkaku didn't ask. He was mentally readying himself, sort of like how he did before a fighting match, or maybe even before using a scratch card to see if he'd won or not. Now was the time he'd find out if Yumichika wanted to see him again.

As they walked out to the parking lot, Yumichika asked him to come sit down in his car for a little while so they could talk. Ikkaku started to feel kind of nervous, which bothered him, because he'd actually had pretty good control of his nerves all night. He had thought things had gone well and that Yumichika had liked him. There was no reason for him to  _not_  want to see him again, right?

Well, maybe Yumichika had been faking his smiles and thought he was a complete and total loser, suffering through a bad date. Why would someone so great want him, anyways? What had he been thinking, thinking that he'd had a chance? Yeah, right. Not in a million years, you bald idiot. Crap, the paranoia was kicking in full-speed even though he knew it was irrational, because nothing had gone wrong all night.

He shut the passenger door behind himself and turned in the shot-gun car seat to look at Yumichika, who looked agitated and almost, dare he say it, timid.

"Hey, what's wrong... Did ya' have a bad time?... You don't wanna' see me again, huh?" Ikkaku asked miserably.

Ikkaku was ready for rejection despite all his hopes, but Yumichika was quick to stop him, holding up a hand, "No, no, that's not it. I really enjoyed tonight... I... I really like you, Ikkaku." Ikkaku smiled a little in relief, but it faded away as he noticed that Yumichika wasn't smiling back.

"Hey, don't be nervous, I'm not gonna' bite," Ikkaku said softly, brow furrowing, "Just tell me straight, an' I'll take it like a grown-up."

Yumichika nodded, taking a shaky breath, struggling to meet his eyes without breaking away. "I just want to tell you... That a cashier isn't my regular job... I'm an actor... I was actually doing quite well, and I got assigned for a movie... But, there's a reason I work at a grocery store now... And I need to tell you this right now before things progress further."

"Okay..." Yumichika had just made it sound like he really  _intended_  to let things progress further, but what was the matter, what was making him so frightened-looking?

Ikkaku felt anxious to ask if he could see him again soon, but decided to let Yumichika breathe a little. He could tell something was bothering him, something important. "So what's up then..."

Yumichika cut to the chase, closing his eyes and tipping his head down a little, "I have a... significant other."

The floor just seemed to fall away from under Ikkaku. He literally could feel his heart crack inside his chest, because he was _the other woman_.

Hey, it's a figure of speech.

"What?" His voice sounded hollow in his ears, and he knew he looked crestfallen and pitiful. Tch. He'd been stupid to think that Yumichika was really interested in him.  _Obviously_  someone as great as Yumichika would have somebody special; there would be no way Ikkaku would be so lucky as to snatch him up before anyone else could. He'd let his hope carry him away again, and he'd forgotten all about that  _catch_  that always came along with his luck. Fuck. No really,  _f_ _uck._

"There's... There's someone else?" Damnit, now Ikkaku remembered why he didn't date. He had a really soft heart in contrast with his rough demeanor, and he didn't want to open up his heart like this only to have it stabbed repeatedly. He disciplined himself enough that he didn't have those urges or a need for companionship, knowing just how much of a weakness it would be. He didn't want to feel this hurt, this rejection and heart-pain; it was  _torture._

"I know, that sounds bad doesn't it..."

"Heh, sure does," Ikkaku laughed falsely, just staring at Yumichika in crushed disbelief. "You... you've got a boyfriend? So, what then... You said yes ta' me out of pity? I'm like yer' charity case?"

"Well, well, no," Yumichika held up his hands as if he thought Ikkaku was going to get out of the car and leave in anger, or worse,  _hit_  him. "Let me explain. We're allowed to see other people... He," Yumichika then sighed in dejection, sinking into the driver's seat, "He, uhm... said he wanted an open relationship, so, I assumed that  _I_  could see other people too..."

Instead of becoming reassured like Yumichika had hoped, Ikkaku became more upset, now looking incredulous and hurt, "I'm your bounce-back, then?  _Frick_ , Yumichika, I thought you weren't serious when you said that thing about free food... That really stings." Ikkaku buried his face in his hands, giving a low moan of upset.

"No, no, I really like you," Yumichika tried to convince him, "I really like you... I haven't felt like this in... a very long time." He sighed, turning away in sadness. Ikkaku sat quiet for a few moments, looking at his hands, before he looked up with a fixed determination. All hope was not lost. Yumichika said he liked him, so what the hell does  _that_  mean? It meant that he had a chance, obviously. He just had to take care of this catch, swallow the salt with the sugar.

Nothing worth having came easy, and he'd been told for years that he made everything difficult. This was just another challenge. He smiled a little to himself. Yumichika was special, and therefore, he wouldn't be easy.

But that was okay. Ikkaku had been born a fighter.

"So... how is he like?"

Yumichika looked up at him in surprise, and instantly became wary, "You... want to know-"

"I'm not gonna' give up just like that, you idiot. I  _like_  you," Ikkaku practically shouted, shoving Yumichika a little. Yumichika just stared at him in surprise, as if he'd thought that things were over and done, and Ikkaku was informing him that his hope had been brought back from the grave. The same hope that Ikkaku now had was starting to shine in Yumichika's eyes again.

"I just want to scope out the competition," Ikkaku said eagerly, turning in his seat towards him, "... How serious is it?... Do... Do you live together?" he started, trying to make Yumichika meet his eyes and show him that he wasn't angry, just desperate to make things work.

It wasn't that Yumichika was put off by Ikkaku's enthusiasm, he was just taken aback by it, not quite sure if it was genuine. "Not anymore..." Ikkaku inwardly whooped, knowing that that was a step in the right direction. "We've been together for quite some time, though... Um... His name is Kaa... He-"

"What, like the snake?" Ikkaku asked incredulously.

"Like the snake," Yumichika repeated, smiling a little, "He, um... He dyes his hair a lot; It's been every color under the sun, and at the moment it's maroon... wine colored, I suppose... Darker than Renji's... He... Um... Models, and... He-"

"Models for what? Underwear?" From the look on Yumichika's face, Ikkaku could tell he'd been right. Ikkaku grimaced. "Okay, I can't beat him at looks or money... and he's probably an animal in the sack... So it's three ta' zero," Ikkaku grimaced a little.

Yumichika looked down a little, playing with his own hands.

"So, what's he like to ya'?"

"He... He has a big personality... and he's very charming and popular..." Yumichika began speaking almost mechanically then, "He's smart, and clever, and funny, and-"

"Yeah, but what does he  _do_  for ya'?"

Yumichika looked at him blankly, "I don't know what you mean."

"Being good in bed can't be the only reason ya' like him... I mean like... What does he do to make you happy? Why do you love him? What did he get you for your birthday?"

"Ahh," Yumichika scratched the back of his neck, "He actually..."

"Forgot your birthday, huh," Ikkaku said knowingly. "So he's got a big ego, and he's inconsiderate? Minus two points; It's one to one now."

"No, you have it all wrong, he's not  _mean_ ," Yumichika defended him weakly, and Ikkaku went quiet even though he wanted to criticize this guy left and right. Yumichika obviously had some sort of feelings for him, and he didn't want to push him. He tried to remind himself that he was trying to make Yumichika leave a long-time lover for a complete stranger. He needed to convince him more gently, and insulting the competition was not the way to go. Instead of pointing out his current boyfriend's flaws, he needed to point out his own good points.

"Well, then what is he? Tell me what you're tryin'a' tell me," Ikkaku tried to say it comfortingly, when really he was on the edge of his seat. He didn't want things to be over when they'd hardly started. Yumichika was a gem, and he really, really wanted to be around him more, even if only as friends. He knew that they'd met for a reason.

"He..." Yumichika took a deep breath then, making a pained face, "He doesn't... He has a hard time with... me being a guy, I think... I don't think he's prepared to completely come out... When we lived together he had us sleep in separate beds... All of that stuff that couples do, he didn't want to do with me - like hand holding or kissing or sweet names... even... I don't know, I knew him when he had girlfriends and he always did those things for them... It's like... maybe it's just  _me_  that he has a problem with," Yumichika said sadly. "Because I'm a man, it's like he can't... he just doesn't..."

"Pay you attention," Ikkaku finished, staring at him, feeling how dejected Yumichika felt just from looking at him. "He's the popular type to give it to everyone else  _but_  you, right?"

"Yeah..." Yumichika sighed, staring off into space, eyes growing dark and depressed. "I guess when it's  _real_  feelings, he can't show them."

"So he's off with other people then?"

"Yes," Yumichika said tightly as Ikkaku prodded at his wounds. He looked at him with narrowed eyes, as if to see where he was going with this. He didn't want to be taunted or teased when it already hurt this bad - Ikkaku was on  _extremely_  thin ice.

"So, he's got all the perks of bein' with you without having to commit," Ikkaku said, jaw setting. Just thinking about it made him kind of angry. Yumichika really was sweet, and he really liked him. He loved squabbling with him and being near him and laughing with him, just like how Ichigo and Renji did for each other; he didn't understand how somebody could  _not_  want to pay Yumichika attention.

He forced his pride down his throat and gathered his guts.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Ikkaku said. Yumichika blinked and looked up in near-surprise, grimacing after a moment, "No, don't do that..." Ikkaku gently lifted his chin, rubbing his cheek a little, "I'm being one hundred percent honest right now. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

Yumichika's mouth opened a little, starstruck and helpless, eyes needy, meeting his without wavering. Ikkaku stroked his hair, causing Yumichika to give a shocked smile, and Ikkaku could practically  _see_  Yumichika's heart melting.

Ikkaku knew that these might be lines that a lady-killer would use, but he really meant them from the bottom of his heart. "You're so pretty, it's almost hard to look straight at ya'... If I feel this lucky to have just a few hours with you... then this guy should be treatin' you like the morning star... Heh."

Ikkaku smiled crookedly, running the backs of his fingers over Yumichika's cheek. Yumichika just looked into his eyes, still staring at him with wonder and a sort of excited happiness. "You picked the one person in the world who can't see what he has? Now that ain't fair ta' you, huh?..."

"I don't," Yumichika said sharply, going cold in a split second, withdrawing from his warm fingers. "I don't give him perks," he clarified when Ikkaku just stared at him in confusion at why he'd grown so upset.

Yumichika grew defensive, coiling in on himself, crossing his arms and legs tightly, looking away with a sour expression. "I'm not  _cheap,_  I know better than to let him have his cake and eat it. That's why I moved out. He..." He seemed to deflate again, "didn't like that, and said he wanted to have an open relationship after that."

"He wants a relationship where you commit, but he can run free and still have the single lifestyle," Ikkaku said bluntly. "So basically he's just lookin' ta' fuck other people and have you waiting for him?" Yumichika didn't say anything, and he took that as his answer. He had the guy pegged and he'd never even met the jerk.

"Would you," Ikkaku tried to be more understanding, reaching out for Yumichika's hand, gently drawing it between his two palms. "Would you consider leaving him? I'd treat you good." He tried to be gentle and soft about it, knowing that this was a huge decision. He really didn't want to corner Yumichika or pressure him into it.

"I..." Yumichika looked uncomfortable but didn't withdraw his hand. His fingers twitched a little in the warm grip, as if they wanted so much to hold on and never let go. Ikkaku's heart was pounding; this was the moment of truth. "I don't really... Renji talks about you a lot, but I don't really know you," he said sensibly. "I know that we have this... I feel like I've known you a really long time, but I just met you this morning... You can't expect me to-"

"I get it, I get it," Ikkaku said, "I'm just asking you to think about it, okay? I'm not saying I deserve you, cuz' I don't, but I  _am_ saying that ...  _he_  definitely doesn't. I can see it right here," Ikkaku pointed at Yumichika's eyes. "He's upsettin' you. He's hurt yer' feelings... He's probably done you wrong a lot more than you're tellin' me... Hm?" Ikkaku prodded.

"It's not like he  _hits_  me," Yumichika said, trying to blow off Ikkaku's concern. He had stuttered a little, so Ikkaku had a sneaking suspicion that that wasn't entirely true.

Ikkaku made him meet his eyes. "That's not the only way to hurt someone. Ever heard of emotional battery? If he's making you feel awful then he obviously doesn't respect you... Remember what I said about equals? It's why Renji 'n Ichigo are so damn happy together... You can't give someone so much if they're not returning it... You can't put someone on a pedestal if they don't put you on one... or they'll be forced to look down at you."

Yumichika didn't say anything, but broke their gaze, turning away and staying silent for a few minutes.

"I'm... sorry I upset ya'," Ikkaku mumbled. "I didn't mean ta'... bring up anything painful... I shouldn'ta' said that, it's not my place."

"No, you're right, I know that you're right. It's just hard to hear." Yumichika twiddled his thumbs a little, and then rubbed his hands together to try to get them warm. Ikkaku took one of them again and ran it between his hands. Yumichika looked up at him, still with this curiosity and awe like a child before their idol.

"Maybe, I will..." he said slowly, with hesitance, like he hardly dared speak the possibility aloud. "I mean... If you'd..." Yumichika cut himself off then, not knowing if Ikkaku would still accept him now, knowing about the other man.

"It would be an honor to have you, m'lady," Ikkaku said with a high-and-mighty-tone, teasing Yumichika to get a smile out of him. Inside he was reeling with happiness. Yumichika was ditching his lover for him? Yumichika was going to be his  _boyfriend?_ He'd never had someone to be sweet on; It seemed that that short burst of courage it had taken to ask him out had been well worth it.

He couldn't wait to freakin' feed Yumichika ice cream and take him to the beach and to carnivals and to malls and to car shows and show him to all of their friends. It was clear to him now that this nameless person Renji and Ichigo would always talk about was indeed Yumichika. It was fate, it had to be, as stupid as it sounded. It was too much of a coincidence to be anything _but_  fate.

It was pretty awesome knowing that neither of them would be new to any of their friends. They already fit into the 'family', which meant that there wouldn't be any awkwardness, like when Rangiku would invite different guys to come hang out with them, or if Iba would invite his date.

' _Ding, ding, ding, you have won the billionare jackpot!'_ _Fuck_ , yeah.

"Alright, I'll try to call him right now," Yumichika said, seeming to lose a bit of confidence. Ikkaku was at least impressed that Yumichika hadn't put it off for even a little bit. That way there wouldn't be any sneaking around or 'oh crap, we're caught' moments. Wow, Yumichika really meant it when he said that he wanted to be with him, was this really happening?

"Don't worry, 'm right here... Wait, you're not scared, are ya'?" Ikkaku said with growing concern. It was normal to have anxiety over breaking up with someone, but Yumichika almost seemed afraid. Maybe Yumichika stayed with this guy because he was  _frightened_  by him.

"No, I'm not afraid, I just," Yumichika paused and grimaced. Ikkaku noticed that Yumichika had a flip phone, which was uncommon, given how almost everyone had those touch-screen ones now. He was liberally pressing each button of the phone number and then nervously held the receiver up to his ear.

Ikkaku laced his fingers with Yumichika's free hand and squeezed lightly to send him some courage. After forty seconds of ringing, Yumichika tried calling again, mentioning that he was probably busy. The busy 'in bed' part was left unsaid, but Ikkaku could hear the words hanging there.

Finally, Kaa picked up. "Hello? Nicholas?" Yumichika said timidly. Ikkaku could hear a little of the voice. Really smooth, moderately deep, and like Yumichika had said, it sounded overly charming and slightly insensitive - sort of like how Tony Stark talked: slightly-better-than-you, filled with quips and wit, and with a dash of arrogance.

"Nicholas?" Ikkaku mouthed, sounding confused. Maybe Kaa was the name this guy had picked to sound cooler - Like a stripper name, almost. Yumichika put a finger up to his mouth to tell Ikkaku not to say anything.

He began to say something but stopped, eyes closing in a wince as he shook his head, "No,  _no_ , I'm not in trouble, I'm fine. I just needed to talk to you... Yes, right now, it's important... Just because I don't need an ambulance doesn't mean it's not important, you were concerned just a moment ago... I'm not sassing y-... I'm  _sorry_  you're busy, Kaa, it's not like I ne-"

Yumichika sighed a little, shaking his head with closed eyes as Kaa talked right over him. "I don't want to hear about that, I just need to talk to you for one minute." Yumichika seemed to lose patience, and pinched his brow, getting snippy, "Nicholas, would you  _please_  listen to me?... Are you high right now?"

Ikkaku felt like grabbing the phone and screaming some sense into this guy's ear, because there was no way any sane person would talk that way to Yumichika, and  _definitely_  wouldn't take him for granted. This guy obviously didn't realize what he was throwing away. He felt like taking the phone and yelling so loud that he'd cause the guy hearing problems, but he wanted Yumichika to handle this himself. Unresolved issues like this could haunt people for years, and he didn't want Yumichika to have any regrets or lingering doubt.

"Listen...  _Listen_...  _Will you listen?!_ " The guy finally stopped talking, finally letting Yumichika get a word in edgewise, "I don't want to have an open relationship anymore."

Yumichika went quiet for a few moments, listening to Kaa's response. "No. That's not what I said. I didn't say I was changing your mind or making you do anything, Nicholas... I'm not threatening you to get you back... Stop talking over me... Ah-..." Yumichika began to get frustrated, struggling to keep his composure as he tried to get a word in. "No... No, I don't  _want_  you back... I  _said,_  I'm leaving you."

Even though Ikkaku could only hear one side of the conversation, he could see how hard it was for Yumichika to do this, and every word was breaking his heart more and more. He felt really bad, because he could  _feel_  the pain in Yumichika's voice.

"No, didn't you hear me? I said,  _I'm leaving you!"_

Yumichika's hand slipped out of his, and he opened the car door and got out, walking a little ways away into the parking lot. Ikkaku could see that he was starting to get upset. "No, I'm not. No, just-  _No,_  I'm not happy anymore, okay? I'm just not happy!" Ikkaku got out of the car and approached him slowly, with dread, realizing that Yumichika was near tears now.

' _Oh tears. No tears, Yumichika, please don't cry. Please don't let me see you cry. I can't... I can't... Don't cry, he doesn't deserve your pain.'_

"No, it's not about that... Who cares if I'm seeing someone, it's not like  _you-_  No, I'm not throwing a fit, I can't deal with this, I don't know  _what_  you want, or if you... No,  _No_ , Stop saying it's not over- It's over,  _it's over, I mean it!"_  Yumichika screamed into the phone after that, beginning to cry. Ikkaku jolted, feeling like he'd been slapped with a wet blanket. No, oh, Yumichika, no...

After standing there for a moment, he took a hesitant step forward, hands unsure as he hovered them over Yumichika's shoulders. Then he touched him tentatively, patting his back a little bit for support, each of those tears feeling like a bullet through his chest.

"No, I'm not coming back. I'm not crying,  _No_! Well, you shouldn't have thought that I... Would you- No, shut up! I acted like I didn't care, because  _you_  didn't care! What kind of person wants their lover to sleep with everyone but them?! No,  _be quiet!_  You don't pay any attention to me anymore, you never show me that you care,  _never,_ Nicholas! How am I supposed to feel when you show your feelings by not looking at me?! It  _hurts!_ "

Yumichika ran a hand through his hair in frustration, starting to cry harder, so much that he could hardly speak, "I've been hanging around you for years just  _wasting my life_  waiting for you to get tired of playing around and come back to me... What? No, you give affection to everyone but me, what's so wrong with  _me?_  What's wrong with  _me_  that you can't stand being around me anymore if I'm not naked, huh?"

Yumichika was stomping his feet now and hiccuping as he cried, "No _, stop_  saying that! I'm done with you, you missed your chance. I'm done with you and all of your shit! You dog, you fucking dog, I hate you! You gave me an STI, you crashed my car, you got me fired, you ruined my life, I hate you!" Yumichika sobbed for a moment, choking, " _I hate you!_  You never think about anyone but yourself, and you've ruined my life! No-" Yumichika went quiet then, trying to keep it in as he listened.

"Shut up. No, I'm not... No, stop it," his face crumpled, more tears melting onto his wet cheeks. Ikkaku's hands were shaking a little, gripping Yumichika's arms tighter. He was getting a little choked up himself, seeing just how much  _pain..._

"Don't talk to me that way. I... I don't  _care_ , just keep them. I never want to see you again, you stupid... you stupid stupid-head," he sniffled, whining miserably, wiping his eyes. Ikkaku could hear the guy saying something back now, but all it was doing was make Yumichika's eyes leak.

"I'm hanging up." And just as Yumichika had been serious when he'd said he'd call his boyfriend and break up with him right then, he was also serious now, and hung up right away, not waiting for the man to keep talking to convince him to stay.

Almost immediately he covered his emotions under a blank face, sniffing a little as he put his phone in his pocket, seamlessly hiding his pain.

He looked up at Ikkaku, and even though his eyes were red and puffy, face wet from snot and tears, Ikkaku thought he looked so beautiful out in the moonlight, so broken and hurt and  _honest_. Ikkaku didn't bother asking if he needed a hug, because he knew that he did, so he just approached him slowly and wrapped him tightly and securely in his arms, holding him close to his chest.

He rested his chin atop his head and stroked his hair a little, rocking him from side to side, not saying anything, because he knew he didn't need to. After Yumichika had recovered from the shock and relaxed from his stiff surprise, he melted and clung to him, crying onto his shirt, shoulders shaking.

"Shhh." Ikkaku wrapped him in his jacket, and Yumichika just lost it, blubbering, body racking with sobs, hands fisting in Ikkaku's t-shirt. "Sh, sh, sh, it's okay."

Ikkaku took him under the armpits and hefted him into his arms like a child, letting him wrap his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. Yumichika put his forehead on Ikkaku's shoulder, still choking, trying to stop from crying in such an noisy, wet, 'ugly' manner. Ikkaku carried him back to the car and sat them in the back seat, rubbing his back and hushing him.

After a few more minutes, Yumichika pulled himself together to the point where he could keep quiet, moving out of Ikkaku's lap to sit next to him. He was crying silently now, biting his wobbling lips as tears rolled from his violet eyes, dripping down his chin like a faucet. Ikkaku felt guilt roiling in his stomach, because he could  _see_ how much pain Yumichika was in. That was a _lot_  of tears.

"I made a mess of your shirt, I'm so sorry, you must be disgusted," he said with a tortured, wobbly, raw voice. Ikkaku didn't even look down at himself to see the mess of snot and tears. He didn't care about that.

"Hush.  _I'm_  sorry. I'm so sorry he's hurt you... I'm sorry you've been hurt, I really am. I know that was hard for you... I hope I didn't... make you make a decision you'll regret. I didn't think it would be so... I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"No..." Yumichika said, lip quivering. "It was a long time coming. I've meant to do it for a long time. I just didn't want to admit to myself that I knew I had to go." He sighed then, trying to calm down, shaking with those involuntary hiccup-breaths that follow a crying fit, moisture still seeping from his tired eyes, spreading over his raw cheeks.

"Here, come closer," Ikkaku said, putting his arm around him letting him lay his body on his still-wet chest. "You're shaking," he said in surprised concern. Yumichika hiccuped, weeping quietly to himself. "I know you're hurting... and I know that... this is all moving really fast... I don't expect you to make any decision while you're-" He cut off when Yumichika wrapped his arms around his middle and held him tightly.

"Thank you... Thank you," Yumichika whispered in a cracked voice, somehow forcing every drop of emotion and gratitude into those words, thanking him for the nice night, thanking him for paying for dinner, thanking him for asking him out and for taking care of him and comforting him out here in the middle of a parking lot at night.

"I know you thought this wasn't a very good date, but it's the best one I've been on in years. You're... you're so nice... and sweet. You try... you really try." Yumichika sniffled a little, hugging tighter, tears still leaking from his red eyes. "I really want to get to know you better. I hope you'll call me again." Yumichika began clinging to him, as if he thought this was the last time he'd see Ikkaku. He'd become a complete mess, and probably thought that Ikkaku would be turned off by his outburst.

"Of course I'll call you again..." Ikkaku blushed a little and settled his arms around Yumichika's trembling form. "Are ya'... are ya' gonna' be okay... like, I don't wanna' leave you alone if you're gonna' ... like kill yourself or something... I'll stay up all night with ya' if ya' want." He rubbed Yumichika's back awkwardly, patting him for comfort. Damn, those tears were horrible to watch.

"No... I won't do something so drastic. I feel better," Yumichika sniffed, searching for some napkins in his car so he could blow his nose and wipe off his wet face. "Ick... You probably don't find me very pretty anymore... weak, and crying like an idiot..."

"No, no, hey now," Ikkaku said dead serious, holding his shoulders, "You listen to me. Nobody should have to put up with crap like this. You're stronger than me, Yumichika. Don't doubt yourself... and didn't I tell ya' you were beautiful?" He said it as if what he said was beautiful simply was, and was an incontestable fact.

"You're very kind," Yumichika said a little miserably, leaning his head onto Ikkaku's shoulder. "Can I see you again? I can see you again, right?"

"Of course..." Ikkaku said, patting his shoulder a little. "I feel bad... I made'ja' cry on our first date... That's supposed to be a bad sign... Really... I'm really really sorry, I didn't mean for you to cry."

Yumichika sniffed one last time. "I had fun, I really did, Ikkaku. I'm glad that I came with you. You gave me some bravery."

"Well, good... Are you tired? You ready to go home?"

"Are you sleepy?" Yumichika looked up at him with concern. Ikkaku shook his head.

"I just thought you'd be worn out after that... What do  _you_  feel like?"

"I just feel like sitting here with you for a while... If that's okay." Ikkaku nodded and settled into the back seat.

"Tomorrow's Saturday." He stretched out his legs and cuddled up to Yumichika, loving the way he fit so nice onto his body, soft hair pillowed on his chest, skinny arms around him. "You don't got work on Saturday, do ya'?"

"No."

"We could go to the park. If ya' want, I mean. Tomorrow will be better, and I promise I won't make ya' cry again." Yumichika gave a watery smile. "I gotta' paint my apartment, you could... Well, I don't wanna' like make you work or nothin', but you could come keep me company, and then we could walk around in the park for a while? Then ya' can get ta' know me some more." Yumichika seemed to find his voice soothing, so he talked more about what they could do, just to calm him down.

After a few minutes, Yumichika's breath finally started to even out, no longer shaking with those involuntary intakes of air, and he leaned his head onto Ikkaku's shoulder, snuggling closer like they'd known each other for ages. Ikkaku smiled and pulled him closer. "Second time's the charm, hopefully. Plan sound good to ya'?"

"That sounds nice," Yumichika seemed to settle in next to him, "That sounds really nice... I don't know if this is creepy to say, but... how funny would it be to tell people a year from now that we basically got together because of Renji and Ichigo's condoms?"

Ikkaku busted out laughing and started tickling the shit out of Yumichika.


	5. Chapter 5%

"Hey! Ya' still feel like comin' over, hot stuff?" Ikkaku asked eagerly, holding the phone between his shoulder and cheek, pulling some sandwich ingredients out of his fridge. The phone was cold on his bare skin, as he had just gotten out of the shower. He began shivering as the fridge-air hit his still-wet chest. He just needed a quick snack for some extra energy - maybe a peanut butter and banana sandwich - before he'd get back to painting.

Maybe it would be a good idea to show Yumichika that he could take care of him. His fighting career was going pretty well and he was making quite a bit of money, so he'd have no problem protecting Yumichika from crazy ex's, catcalls, or unforeseen hospital expenses. He could cook moderately well and kept his house clean. He could wash dishes and clothes, he could take care of kids and sick people, and on top of that, he could build pretty much anything.

He didn't want Yumichika to think he was some useless muscle head or a jerk like his ex who would make him fend for himself. He wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to him, to keep the sparkle in those spoiled, bratty, beautiful eyes.

"I'm not hot. I'm cool," Yumichika said flatly, voice a little listless and wispy as if he'd been crying again.

Ikkaku couldn't find it in him to laugh at his joke. He sounded kind of sick. "Oh geez, you don't sound so good... Are you okay? Ya' throwin' up?"

"I'm feeling a little miserable," Yumichika's voice came grainily through the receiver, sounding like he needed to cough to clear his throat. Ikkaku was at least happy about the fact that he hadn't lied and reflexively said 'I'm fine'. It was progress, even if only a little bit. Trust was important, after all. "I'm still a little… uhh, mopey. From yesterday. It just hurts."

"Aw, I'm sorry yer' sad, sweetheart. Ya' need me ta' come take care a' ya'? I'll make ya' a cake if ya' want." He put some bread in the toaster and started slicing up a banana with a butter knife. "Ya' need anything, just say so. I'll say 'how high' and frickin'... 'silver platter' and all that..."

"No, no, that's all right… I'd still like to come visit, if that's okay? I understand if it's too early to invite me into your home-" Ikkaku gave a 'pssh', waving a hand even though Yumichika couldn't see it.

"I invited you last night; yer' not imposing. Ya' comin' today or tomorrow? Cuz' I'm busy tomorrow, I got my god-daughter's baptism ta' go to. If you're not busy, maybe you could come to that too?"

"Um, I can come today, if it's not too short of notice," Yumichika said a little tentatively, testing the waters, thankfully not sounding so sad anymore. "Maybe tomorrow too; It'd be nice to meet some of your family."

Ikkaku didn't like how nervous and shy he sounded. Ichigo and Renji had given him the impression that Yumichika had used to have this tremendous sense of pride and vanity, more like how he'd acted the day they had met - snarky and confident - but now... he was really self-conscious, and it stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps it was just a remnant of the breakup, Ikkaku didn't know, but he definitely didn't like it. He could hear how weak, worthless, and miserable Yumichika felt, and he  _hated_ it.

He wanted Yumichika to be the snarkiest, bitchiest, most spoiled, confident, snobby, fucking  _diva_  he'd ever meet. He wanted him to be snotty like when they'd met, so much so that it would drive him fucking insane until his patience was out the window, because he loved how it made him feel. He loved that smug smirk and that stupid little hair flip and his flouncy walk. He loved his complaining and his quips and his 'ugly' comments and his fucking  _squealing._  He wanted him conniving, brutally honest, and sly, always teasing and always witty, always ready to kick ass alongside him. They could bicker, shove each other, fight over food, and have freakishly competitive contests just like Ichigo and Renji.

He just wanted everything, embracing the flaws and the friction. Even that bitchy, bratty, spoiled attitude of Yumichika's just endeared him to him even more. He just knew that this was right, that this was what he was meant to do.

"Sweet, I'll come pick ya' up if ya' want."

"I'll drive myself, just tell me your address."

"Suna Apartment complex… Ah… Room 621? You could check it on Google maps if it'd help."

"Oh, okay, I'll do that. When should I come over?"

"As soon as yer' ready. I can't wait ta' see ya'." Ikkaku grinned. He could almost see Yumichika's blush just by the slight silence. "Oh, put on some clothes that you won't mind wearing outside or getting paint on, okay?"

"But you wanted to go on a walk... Won't you be embarrassed if we have to go outside? If we dress in paint clothes, I mean?"

"Nah, no way, babe. I can't wait ta' show you off."

"... Well, alright, I'll come over in about half an hour. Is that good?"

"That's great. See ya' soon, Yumi-chu. I'll be waitin'. Drive safe."

"Bye, Ikkaku." Ikkaku grinned. He could hear the smile in Yumichika's voice. It sounded like a beginning.

* * *

"Hey," Ichigo yawned, nudging Renji, who was hugging him tightly with his dopey, innocent, sleeping face pressed into his stomach. "Ren-shinku.  _Hey,"_  Ichigo half-called sleepily, still a little disoriented, as if he didn't know exactly where his boyfriend was and was worried that he'd gotten lost or fallen out a window, even though he could plainly feel the behemoth attached to his middle.

He yawned again, rubbing his eyes, looking down at the leech on his waist with a blank face that sort of said 'oh, there you are, I guess you're not a blanket.'

In the night Renji had squirmed down the mattress so far that his feet were hanging off of the bed. He'd pulled up Ichigo's cotton T-shirt to put his cheek on his boyfriend's warm skinny ribs. There was an ocean of scarlet hair spread over the sheets, pillows, and their bodies, tangled and slightly damp from a late-night shower.

Ichigo rubbed his eyes, wiping out some sand, blinking blearily at Renji, whose face was relaxed and vulnerable looking without the crinkles between his eyebrows. His long reddish eyelashes were brushing Ichigo's stomach, and there were a few soft hairs creeping up on Renji's cheeks where he'd failed to grow a beard; his hair grew thick on his head, but the strands were fine and soft, so Ichigo only caught Renji shaving his face probably once a week, just to keep his sideburns in check. Ichigo himself didn't get much coarse hair on his face either, which he was grateful for, because razor-burn drove him absolutely nuts.

Renji's tattoos were set in stark contrast to his skin tone in this low light, and Ichigo loved to trace them and use them as a path to send his kisses down. He especially loved the ones on his back; they reminded him of angel wings. Renji had gone to get them redone a while back, because they had faded a little from when he had worked as a lifeguard at a pool  _and_  on a ferry a few years ago. That had been an unpleasant experience. Renji had had bandages and scabs all over him, and had just lay on the couch naked with ice packs and wet towels everywhere for days. Ichigo could hardly stand listening to him swear in the bathroom every time he had to piss, because his tattoos were all over.

Even with the hassle, Ichigo liked them. He liked looking back on pictures of when they had been younger, seeing the progression of them growing up, of Renji settling into his style. Ichigo's dad had been hesitant to let them keep dating when Renji had started getting more and more tattoos, but he'd had personal reasons to get them, and hadn't turned into some delinquent any more than they already were, what with the way they were always getting into scuffles and kicking ass in alleys after school. They'd been good students despite all the fights, and luckily Isshin thought that was more important, and even gave Renji lots of advice on how to keep from getting his tattoos infected.

Ichigo yawned, smiling a little, content to watch Renji sleep for a little while, liking to see the relaxed look that was seldom there these days.

Renji's mouth was open a little, showing white teeth with a few fillings he'd gotten in his adult life, because the orphanage he'd lived at hadn't been able to afford to fill his cavities from all the hoarded Halloween candy he'd eaten to survive the winters. Renji gave a breathy little sigh, smacking his lips, settling back down, still with his mouth open. It gave him an innocent cute look that you probably couldn't catch him with awake and sober.

Ichigo yawned again, still barely awake. "Hey, wake up." Ichigo prodded him a little, running his fingers through his soft but tangley red hair, which was all over the place. He was really glad Renji hadn't cut it off back when he'd had that lifeguard job. With all the chlorine, Renji had seriously been considering just cutting it short to avoid the tangled frizzy knot it became. Ichigo would've missed countering those stupid fruit jokes with some of his own. Oh, and that red pineapple shirt wouldn't have made sense anymore.

"Mmmhg-mghr," Renji mumbled, big feet twitching down where they were hanging off their queen-sized mattress. His eyelashes flickered a couple times, giving a sporadic almost seizure-like view of the dark brown eyes beneath, before he simply drifted back to sleep again.

"C'mon, get up, lazy-ass," Ichigo nudged him again, "You're drooling into my belly button," he gave up on moving Renji, mumbling something about him being like a cat who can't be moved when they fall asleep on something.

Suddenly Renji pinned him to the bed and blew a raspberry on his stomach, causing him to emit a high-pitched screech and a full-body spasm. He almost kicked Renji in the crotch, thrashing around laughing as Renji tickled the daylights out of him.

Ichigo tried to scramble away, almost falling head-first off the bed, but Renji yanked him back towards him by the ankle, tickling his skinny ribs. The orange-head shoved him away, wriggling like a drowning person, but Renji latched onto his wrist, pulling him right back into his bare chest. Renji noogied him a little and tightly kissed his cheek for a full two seconds with a sappy sound effect. "Mornin', ya' little shit."

"I thought you were sleepy," Ichigo pouted a little as he pulled his shirt down over his stomach, embarrassed at the high-pitched scream he'd been unable to control. He made a show of wiping the kiss off and crossed his arms. Renji raised his eyebrows at Ichigo's old habit of trying to maintain his manliness whenever something 'questionable' happened between them. He'd scowl or mildly insult him so that he didn't seem soft, but he usually only did it in public when there were people for him to be embarrassed in front of.

"I am," Renji said, and he was. Ichigo felt bad about it, because there were big dark circles under his lover's usually enthusiastic bright eyes. He'd stayed up almost all night studying for his differential equations exam. Renji had his heart set on becoming a mechanic, just as Ichigo was fixated on becoming a doctor.

Renji scowled just thinking about it. Fucking Ichigo and his fucking night school and his fucking inability to spend time with him. Hmph. He didn't even care that the sex was spread out; he really didn't, he could go without sex easy. He just hated that he couldn't even eat meals or do fun things or even  _normal_  things with Ichigo anymore, like go to the library, watch television in bed, or grocery shop.

He'd used to be able to go and sit in the restaurant Ichigo worked at as a busboy, and study in an empty booth, just to be near Ichigo even if they couldn't talk. Of course, he'd spotted a creep harassing Ichigo, who couldn't fight back if he wanted to keep his job, and Renji had ended up being banned from the restaurant. Damn.

He really missed spending time with Ichigo. They'd used to go do all kinds of stuff together. They'd go to parties with their friends, to bars, to clubs. They'd go to the zoo, the beach, to concerts, or even just camping or having a barbecue with Ichigo's family. They'd had a date night, they'd go see movies, or explore parks, cities, and arcades; they did everything that Renji had been deprived of as a kid, everything that Ichigo had been too depressed to do after his mother died. What had happened to that?  _Life_. Fuck.

Stupid college and bills and work and Ichigo's car that had a boot on it for half a year, and  _stupid_  planning for a vacation that was supposed to cause the opposite of stress.  _Fucking adulthood._

"Well, sorry," Ichigo said, brow pinching in concern, not really bringing Renji back out of his typical morning 'fuck life' stupor. Renji was sitting there with this dull, blank expression, kind of like a zombie. He could tell Renji was on the verge of falling asleep again just sitting there, because the scowl had melted off his face and his eye lids were drooping. "Ren-chu...  _Hey._ " He snapped his fingers in front of his face and turned Renji's head to make him look at him. The big dork.

Renji's half-closed eyes opened a little further when they focused on his sleepy-boyfriend, who was looking really cute what with how his frown lines hadn't redefined themselves this early in the day. He'd be nice to snuggle up to and use as a pillow as he got some more sleep. Yeah, sleep sounded really nice. Sleep and some cuddling, just as soon as he could lay his head down.

"We gotta' go grocery shopping. The fridge is empty."  _That_  woke Renji up.

He looked at Ichigo with this paranoid expression as if he had just told him that the world was ending or that he had only sixty days left to live. Oh no, not the  _food!_ Immediately, his stomach began to growl with hunger, and Ichigo gave him a concerned look.

But Renji then gave a loud 'Pssh' and waved his hand. "It's not  _all the way_ empty. Can't we last this weekend?"

Ichigo looked at him strangely, having a completely different idea of what real food was. As far as he was concerned, two week old shrimp on crackers was not a meal. He knew that Renji was more okay with eating 'questionable' food than he was, because he'd had to eat stuff like that to keep from starving. He wouldn't be surprised if Renji had been forced to eat out of trash cans before to keep from going hungry. It explained why Renji would eat basically anything that fell on the floor.

There was no way he was going to win a 'no, don't eat that, it's gone bad,' argument with Renji, and he knew he should have just thrown the things away before Renji noticed. There was no way Ichigo was going to admit how dirt poor they'd become, because they were almost out of this rut, and things were going to get better. It was a sure thing, which was why they were spending money on a vacation. They'd get out of this soon enough. There was no way they were going to skip meals, eat rotten food, or cheap junk that wasn't even safe for human consumption. There was no way he was letting Renji feel hunger, _real_  hunger ever again. He'd beg his dad for money before he let that happen.

He tried to keep Renji out of situations like that, because Renji hated seeing food thrown away, or having to clean out the fridge or toss leftovers. Renji had seriously  _just_  stopped having those nightmares where he would wake up  _starving_ , and Ichigo wasn't willing to see his strong always-steady lover shake so badly with low blood sugar and beg for him to make him something to eat, regardless of the hunger being a delusion and regardless of the time of night. Ichigo didn't want to go back to that. Renji had made so much progress, nearly leaving all his childhood horrors behind.

Only one remained.

"Unless you want to eat ketchup for dinner tonight. Or shrimp that's about to turn."

"It's not gone bad, babe, it's got a couple of days left." Yep, just as he'd thought. There was no way he was letting them eat tainted seafood, because neither of them could afford to be sick during finals.

"As appealing as hepatitis sounds, yellow is just not my color," Ichigo quipped, knowing that  _that_  would get Renji to give up.

"You're stupid," Renji said after a moment, unable to think of a comeback after just waking up.

"I'm not takin' care of you if you get food poisoning."  _That_  was the biggest freakin' lie he'd told this year. "The fact remains that even if we did eat the tainted shrimp, there's not enough to feed both of us. We're going to the grocery store," he said, as if his decision was final.

"We can't go today, Yumichika doesn't work on weekends." Renji said it as if his argument made perfect sense, and Ichigo tried to remind himself that Renji was sleep-deprived and that he might get really cranky if he wasn't patient with him.

"Renji," he said in a tone he'd use with a little kid, "You know there was a time when we could go grocery shopping on weekends perfectly fine... Before he worked there."

"Yeah, but it's not the same now," Renji whined, trying to snuggle back up to Ichigo, who was left wondering why Renji would ever argue against getting more food. Ichigo tolerated it for a few seconds before it became obvious that Renji had no intention of getting out of bed ever again. "Mmmmm, you're extra handsome this morning." Renji kissed his neck, "Feel like some pineapple?"

"Shut your tattooed-ass up," Ichigo whined, shoving him off. "Go eat some cereal, we're going to the store." Oh yeah. They didn't have milk. Or cereal. Or bread. Or  _eggs._

Renji pouted a little at the rejection, and Ichigo turned around so he wouldn't see his smile; Renji's hair was all fucked up and it was really frickin' cute. "We  _could_  go in the afternoon," Renji said sulkily, and given his bad case of bedhead, Ichigo couldn't take him seriously.

"You have ta' study, hun," Ichigo said patiently, without thinking. Then he stiffened up as he realized what he had just let slip out. "I'm gonna' hit you so hard if you give me that shit-eating grin. You call me all the stupid-fucking things you want-" Renji grabbed him and turned him around, kissing him to shut him up.

"Love you, stupid-ass-workaholic-moron," Renji mumbled into his mouth, holding his face.

"Hmmm, love you too, you fucking dorky-cheese-head," Ichigo sighed, stress seeping out of his frame. Renji inwardly whooped, cause' he'd gotten Ichigo to do that thing where he threw his stress out the window, even if only for a short while.

_Sweet,_  that meant that stressed Ichigo had turned into happy Ichigo, which was also  _lenient_ Ichigo, which was also less-serious-arguments-and-less- _cranky_  Ichigo. Which resulted in, you know, a happy  _Renji_... and more junk food on the grocery list.

Renji put his hands on his hips and picked him up, letting Ichigo wrap his legs around his waist. He loved the weight of Ichigo's body against him and the way they fit so nice together. He just loved how they felt like they'd been made to intertwine like this.

Renji stood there for a few moments with his eyes open a little, smiling into Ichigo's lips as his orange-haired lover held his face and tried to sweep his long hair out of the way with his eyes closed.

Ichigo tried to deepen the kiss, but Renji sealed his mouth. "No tongue in the morning," he reminded him of their rule, which was designed to keep them from fainting from dragon breath. Ichigo looked disappointed for a moment before leaning back with a brilliant smile.

Fuck, that smile got Renji weak in the knees, even after all these years. He was the only one who ever got to see it, and maybe that was what made it strike him so heavily. Every time he saw it he was reminded of why he'd fallen in love with this gorgeous idiot. He was fucking  _perfect._

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Ichigo grinned a little more, that special open smile that he saved just for him. Renji bit his ear a little, grinning like a dork. "Hey," Ichigo said, still with that fucking innocent facial expression that got Renji all blushy n' shit. As cute as Ichigo was when he was stressed out and scowling, as hot as he was when he was shouting and raising hell, as  _sexy_  as he was when he was covered in blood, kicking ass, and getting into brawls, Renji freaking  _loved_ when he relaxed and got like this. That smile was like his saving grace, his panacea.

Ichigo was seldom carefree and happy these days. His night classes really stressed him out, and it really worried Renji sometimes. Ichigo had lost weight and hadn't been sleeping or eating well.

He was seeing that smile less and less as time went by, and he was starting to wonder if Ichigo was even happy being with him anymore. Their life was a mess, and he wondered sometimes if Ichigo just didn't feel the spark anymore like he did. Stress does lots of damaging shit to people, and he was starting to think it might be better if Ichigo didn't have to waste his time worrying about him.

Thoughts like that really fucked with his mind, because he didn't know if he'd be able to make that sacrifice, even if it was the best thing for Ichigo.

Ichigo was like air, Ichigo was flowers and candy and blood and he was  _real_ , Ichigo was the  _sun_ , keeping him here in the summertime of their lives. Renji never wanted to see snow if he couldn't have winter alongside roses. He didn't know if he could live, he didn't know if he could go back to how he'd been. His ocean of blood would freeze if the sun went out.

He didn't know if he could survive without him - worse, he didn't know if he could live with himself if he was so selfish as to keep Ichigo here if he was suffering, and that was a horrible thought to think, to think that he could be such a twisted horrible person.

"Yeah, baby?" He tried to say it lightly, not wanting to destroy this precious moment where Ichigo was smiling like that. He couldn't let him know; he couldn't let him see how much this had been eating at him.

But the fact remained that Ichigo could check out of his life as easily as a hotel room, and it scared him.

"We should watch some movies tonight. I have the night off from my classes - That's why I thought we should shop now, so you could study this afternoon. I'll make some snacks while you work, and then we'll eat them with the movies. Or we could play Marioparty."

And just like that, all of his fears melted away. What was he talking about, Ichigo  _loved_  him. Being paranoid wasn't helping anything. Maybe all that shit was true, that Ichigo would be better off without him, but he could still value this time that he had right now, until Ichigo decided to leave on his own.

He loved the fucking idiot like he was an angel sent from god. He didn't take him for granted for one second. Not anymore. He knew how special Ichigo was, how many people would die for a chance with him. He knew what he had, he understood how lucky he was, because it seemed like everyone that met Ichigo couldn't help but fall a little in love with him. Ichigo had a special something. He had this power over people that just... made them come alive.

Maybe Ichigo could feel that. Maybe that was why he put up with all his childish behavior and his jealousy and his messiness. Maybe Ichigo knew in his heart that Renji would give absolutely anything for him.

Renji smiled, nuzzling Ichigo's cheek a little. He smelled like home.  _Their_ home.

Ichigo was looking at him with a little concern, as if he could sense Renji's upset and unease. Renji was quick to blow it off, going back to teasing him a little, hugging his thin upper body close to him, urging Ichigo to wrap his legs tighter around his waist. Ugh, he loved how close he felt right now, he loved that weight against him. He loved how he could hold Ichigo's hips, wrap his arms around his back, and look up to kiss him.

He gave a shit-eating grin to eliminate any of Ichigo's suspicion, because he knew how perceptive his boyfriend could be. "A party. Sounds good. Maybe I can get you drunk enough to suck my-"

"Shh," Ichigo put a finger on his lips, grinning before leaning in again to kiss him hard. "Mmmm." Renji started to get into it, thinking about breaking the no-tongue rule just this once, because he needed to get Ichigo closer to him.

But Ichigo backed away, kissing him on the nose with bird lips that were so freakin' cute Renji wanted to punch something. "Mwah," Ichigo said with a smile, before he hopped down from Renji's arms, throwing his shirt off and into Renji's face.

"Rawr," Renji grinned doggishly, eyes gleaming, loving that body even if Ichigo's arms were getting skinnier, even if his ribs were showing too much and his hips were sticking out more than normal. He loved those chocolate eyes with the thin, but long lashes, and he loved that ruffled hair and the way his face glowed in the morning.

Ichigo took advantage of his 'my-boyfriend's-pretty' stupor, and flashed those straight white teeth at him again, before tearing off down the hallway. Renji chased him into the bathroom, stopping just short enough to avoid having the door slam in his face and break his nose. "You are a fucking tease, Ichigo," he said with too much laughter in his voice for Ichigo to think that he was truly angry.

"Always with the whining," Ichigo teased back.

"Hey, I can't figure out some perfect trick ta' get you in the sack that'll work every time, like you got fer' me. Of course I'm whi-" Ichigo opened the door and threw his boxers in Renji's face, even though he knew Renji was joking.

"I can always get you in the sack, because you always  _want_  to be in the sack. You'd live in one if you could." Ichigo blew a raspberry just as Renji got a hold of his senses again. Ichigo waved at him, giving his naked body a little wriggle.

Now he remembered why he'd bought pajama pants that were this loose; they needed a lot of room otherwise the seams would be broken within a couple months.

"Damnit!" Renji tried to grab him again, but Ichigo slammed and locked the door, laughing at him.

Eh whatever, Ichigo couldn't keep him from sleeping a little longer this way.

* * *

"Hey," Ikkaku grinned, opening the door and ushering Yumichika into his apartment. "Welcome, n' shit."

Yumichika laughed a little bit, taking an exaggerated breath as he slipped off his sandals. He walked to the middle of the room, twirling in a circle to show off his painting clothes. Ikkaku gave a little whistle, taking his hand so he could twirl himself again slowly. Ikkaku gently raised their connected hands to rotate Yumichika back into his arms.

He hugged him for a couple seconds. "Missed ya' already, you little dork," he said affectionately. "You doin' okay? I was worried about' ya'."

"I'm feeling a bit better now that I'm here."

"Good. You look nice by the way," Ikkaku said, cheeks a little pink as if he'd seriously toned down his compliment - he was still getting used to all this vulnerability shit.

Yumichika had on an old blue t-shirt with a huge tacky sunflower on the front, that was wrinkled and a bit too big for him - his jeans were tight and had rips and stains on them - Ikkaku thought he was absolutely beautiful; he looked like he was fuckin' _glowing._

"Thank you," Yumichika smiled, looking at his bare feet. "You sort of look like Mr. Clean shirtless." Ikkaku blinked, eyebrow twitching, before he grabbed Yumichika and noogied his head.

"Shut up, you smartass," he said with laughter in his voice. "Whatcha' thinka' my apartment? I just moved in a little while ago," Ikkaku grinned excitedly, looking around at the half-painted walls.

It was a pre-furnished apartment, and obviously the furniture was worn out and really ugly. Ikkaku hadn't gotten around to buying some nicer things for himself since his wrestling checks had started coming in. Almost immediately, Yumichika mentioned the paint-smell, so he opened a couple windows and turned on his fan.

"It's quite nice, there's a lot of space. Do you plan on having a pet?"

"Eh... A fish, maybe. Something that doesn't need me to babysit it." Yumichika smiled, saying that he had a cat.

"So," Ikkaku said, holding his bare arms out, noticing Yumichika's interested eyes on his muscles all too keenly. His plan was working. "Ya' like tha' color?"

"It's beautiful," Yumichika replied readily, still looking at Ikkaku. "You've gotten quite a bit on yourself, you clumsy idiot." He pointed at Ikkaku, giggling. Ikkaku looked down at himself, twisting to try to look at his own back.

"Eh, it's my first time," Ikkaku grinned, setting his paint roller down on the plastic tarp. "I think I'm gonna' fuck up the molding, I don't have the patience for that tedious shit."

"Maybe I could do it?" Yumichika smiled, "I've never done it before, but I'm good at... tedious shit." Ikkaku looked at him for a minute before he started laughing lowly. Yumichika grinned wider. "I'm serious, I'll do it."

"Oh yeah, sure. What do you think'll look good in contrast to tha' walls?" Ikkaku turned around, looking at the light blue he'd picked out. He'd had to use a steamer to get the old wallpaper off, and that had been a chore. He'd burnt himself a ton of times and sworn enough that he'd gotten a few knocks on his door.

"Hm," Yumichika walked around his living room, looking at all the cloth-covered furniture that was shoved into the hallway. "Maybe a dark grey, or navy... or white... What color is your couch?"

"Oh, I'm gonna' put that thing in storage and get all new furniture. It's this shitty plaid print that came with the apartment." Yumichika wrinkled his nose and actually put a hand over his heart as if to say  _'barbarians'_. Ikkaku could've sworn that Yumichika had literally gagged at the thought of such an ugly sofa.

"Good idea... Of course you can't just burn the apartment furniture, I don't know what I was thinking... Ikea has some nice things."

"Yeah, I was planning on going there. I'll probably need Renji's help, since he has a pick-up truck... I'm no good at setting up rooms though, so it's probably gonna' look fucked up in here." Yumichika started laughing; he seemed to appreciate Ikkaku's profanity for some reason. Ikkaku suspected it had something to do with the whole 'brutal honesty' part of it.

Ikkaku wiped some sweat off his forehead, "Hey, uh... Listen, I've been painting for a while, so maybe while the room airs out, we can go walk around? Maybe get somethin' ta' eat? I'd make ya' somethin' ta' eat here, but... these fumes are gettin' ta' me. We can walk through the strip mall."

"You need a break? That sounds nice."

"Great," Ikkaku grinned, climbing over the covered furniture and walking down the hall with Yumichika hesitantly following. "I just gotta' wipe this paint off before I put my shirt back on."

"Okay, should I... Should I wait here?" Yumichika said, not feeling right about invading Ikkaku's privacy, knowing that they were coming closer to his bedroom.

"Ah, actually I can't reach my back," Ikkaku said, demonstrating. Indeed, his arms were too big for him to be able to easily reach an small area of his back. "If it's okay, can ya' just wipe it off?" Ikkaku got a washcloth from one of his kitchen drawers and ran it under the sink. "Here ya' go."

Yumichika bit his lip, eyes flicking over the view of Ikkaku leaning against the counter.  _Wow._

Kaa might've been extremely good-looking, enough so that he'd become a model, but Yumichika understood how rare it was for someone to be  _this_  in shape. He had to admit, that even  _Renji_  had fallen off a little bit because of his hectic schedule. Ikkaku's back was cobra-shaped, tan and flecked with paint, and he had a tool belt on, which somehow got Yumichika a little riled up. Ikkaku grabbed a pear from the fruit bowl on the counter, taking a bite of it absently.

Yumichika realized he'd been standing there for a few seconds, and approached smoothly so as not to reveal what he was thinking. He skated his cool fingertips over Ikkaku's skin as he wiped with his other hand. He realized that the paint and plaster dust was really stuck on there, so he actually had to scrub a little bit. A muscle in Ikkaku's back spasmed, twitching a couple times.

"Oh, is it raw?"

"No, it's just... cold." Ikkaku laughed a little; it sounded kind of nervous. Yumichika put a hand on his shoulder... Of course it was cold. It had to be, what with how warm Ikkaku was.

"Alright, turn around," he asked softly. Ikkaku did, and Yumichika's core tightened up for a second. Ugh, it hadn't been so bad when he'd first came in, but to have Ikkaku so close to him with that rugged smell of his, it just drove him a little crazy. He felt like he was touching a living, breathing playgirl advertisement, or a perfectly crafted greek statue. He could be wrong, but he got the sense that this body of his was just a byproduct of him working hard doing heavy lifting or fighting or something, not because he was obsessed with getting muscles. That somehow made it more attractive, the allure of Ikkaku's strength, the raw power.

He cleaned Ikkaku's front off in silence, unable to meet his eyes, more focused on Ikkaku's tan and the texture of his skin. It was nice. He was so warm, and even though the muscles were hard, there was a layer of skin atop that, enough so that it would be comfortable to maybe use his stomach as a pillow.

Yumichika snatched his own hand away, turning around to give himself a moment to get it all together again. Kaa had always had skin like marble... cold, stunningly clear, and beautiful. Ikkaku was scarred, rugged, and radiated heat like the sun.

He felt like his heart was melting when he turned and saw Ikkaku's signature grin: wide, manic, and crazed.

He grinned back, giving a short laugh. This idiot really was crazy - that was the only explanation - but the sparkle in his eyes and the honesty behind everything he did was bringing Yumichika back to earth.

If this was crazy, if  _love_  was crazy, then maybe Yumichika would willingly put on a straight jacket and sign himself over to an asylum ward, just so he could keep rolling around in this sun-warmed grass, in this glow, in this  _fire_.

Because he wanted this like nothing he'd felt in a long time.


	6. Chapter 6

"Renji? Renji! Hey, someone's knocking!...  _Renji?!_ "

"Yeah?"

"Can ya' get tha' door? I'm in the shower!"

"I know yer' in the shower, I'm gettin' it," he called. Renji yawned, scratching his bare stomach. He shuffled to their apartment door in his pajama pants, frowning when the mystery person began to knock even louder and faster, like they were hitting both fists on the door in tandem. How old was this guy, like five?

No, a little kid wasn't tall enough to knock where the stranger was hitting the door. Seriously? This was an adult? Renji scratched his head, wondering who it might be, deciding not to open it yet to see if they'd give up. It probably wasn't the landlord: Sweet little old lady who brought them baked goods and candles from time to time. Moreover, it probably wasn't one of the neighbors; They only knocked when they had people over and started getting too loud. None of their friends or family knocked like this.

After a moment of confusion, Renji bent slightly to look through the peephole at who was  _still_  hammering away at their inner door. At least he  _hoped_ it was the inner door. If the stranger was knocking on the 'porch' door, they'd probably punched the bug-screen right out of it.

He closed one eye and looked through the little peephole, careful not to put his face up against the door, lest he be punched by the knocker.

Gelled-up red hair, sunglasses, and a smirk that said 'I am ridiculously wealthy'.

_'Oh, fuck.'_

He tore ass back through their apartment, busting into the bathroom after kicking the door, which had flung open since it had no longer been locked. He yanked aside the shower curtain, shouting like a maniac, " _Ichigo!_ "

Ichigo screamed, hands flying over his naked body in reflex. After a moment of silence, he started swearing at the top of his lungs, punching Renji everywhere he could reach for scaring him. They'd recently watched 'Psycho', and Renji had freaked him out so much that he'd literally almost peed.

Renji turned off the water, and Ichigo punched him again, turning it back on, yelling something about privacy and that he still had soap in his hair. Renji just grabbed Ichigo and tried to drag him out of the shower, which was difficult, because Ichigo was naked, slippery, wet, and pissed. He started chucking towels at him and telling him to get dressed, because fucking  _Kaa_  was outside of their house.

Ichigo immediately stopped shouting at him and gave him a 'no way in hell you're telling me the truth' look. Renji just stared at him as Ichigo pointed a thumb vaguely over his shoulder, listening to the knocking which was  _still_  going on.

"He  _is._  Get dressed," Renji demanded, even though he himself was still shirtless and now partially soaked from manhandling Ichigo.

"What does he want?" Ichigo said incredulously, still just  _standing_  there naked and confused. Renji sighed and started toweling him off.

"I don't know yet." Kaa was  _still_  fucking knocking. He must've known for sure that they were home or something.

"You gonna' deal with it?"

"Yeah."

He jogged back through the house, undid the safety lock, and opened the door. Renji scowled at the man. There he was - that smirking-shit - with his hand still extended like he wanted to keep pounding on the door, suddenly realizing that someone's pissed-off face was under his fist.

"Oh, hey there, Renji," the overly handsome guy grinned, taking his sunglasses off and clipping them onto his t-shirt collar. He leaned one hand on the door frame, putting the other on his hip. Renji grimaced. He couldn't  _believe_  that Yumichika had ever dated this guy. Sure, he was good-looking, and rich,  _and_  had that 'bad boy' appeal, but he was an  _ass._  Besides that, it looked like his head was on fire.

Fucking Kaa. Him and his straight teeth and his clear skin and his gelled-up hair. Renji looked down his nose at him, ignoring the sounds coming from within the house behind him.

Ichigo was trying to yank on some sweatpants, and had to sit down in the hallway to avoid tripping himself in his hurry. Renji could tell from the look on Kaa's face that Ichigo was plainly visible from the doorway, and might not be fully clothed. Kaa started smiling that smug grin, raising an eyebrow. Oh  _hell_ no.

Renji shoved Kaa further back so he could close the door a little to hide Ichigo and his wet-half-nakedness from sight. He was too good for this pervert's eyes. He might not be allowed to beat him up, because Yumichika had long since told him not to, but there was absolutely  _no way_  he was letting this womanizing nympho-maniacal creep take a peek at  _his boyfriend._

Gah, this guy made him furious. He didn't seem to realize the meaning of fidelity, or even plain respect. Renji had been over to Yumichika and Kaa's apartment back when they'd lived together. This guy had posters of naked women in his room, he had nasty triple-x videos all over the house, and he had made it a habit to flirt with women in front of Yumichika. He was a complete and utter dee-bag.

Renji had always hated players, but this guy was seriously on his shit-list.

This guy was the reason none of them had bothered inviting Yumichika on vacation with them. They'd asked him on outings before, and it always had something to do with Kaa saying no, or needing to do something for Kaa, or not having enough money because he had hocked his jet-ski to pay for Kaa's damage to a hotel room. They'd just assumed that this time would be the same and Yumichika wouldn't be able to come like usual.

It was bad enough that this guy had had sex with Yumichika and treated him so bad for so long. Now he was giving Ichigo that _look_  just to tick him off. Renji wanted to freaking punch him in the mouth and mess up his perfectly straight teeth. He hated Kaa, because a big part of him  _liked_  Kaa; he was charming and cool and interesting and stuff, and it made him fucking angry, because he knew that was how Kaa got away with so much shit.

Kaa was smirking now, raising his eyebrows. Ichigo had seemed to have changed his mind about coming to the door, because Renji heard the fridge open. Okay, so Ichigo trusted him to deal with things and make Kaa leave. Alright, he could do that no problem.

"What," he said flatly, not bothering with playing this guy's little game of dancing around the issue. Renji stared Kaa down without blinking, knowing that this shit made him uncomfortable, and that was what he wanted. He was done with this guy, _completely fucking done_. He'd turned Yumichika into this broken thing with no pride, no dreams of his own, and no hope for a good future, and it was painful to see. He'd fucked up his poor Senpai's life, and that was reason enough to set this guy on fire for real.

Kaa had come here for one reason, and one reason only. It had something to do with Yumichika, and  _possibly_  something to do with Ikkaku, if he knew about last night. Renji wasn't giving Kaa any leeway. He'd either say what he wanted, or he could back down and leave.

Yumichika really needed someone like Ikkaku, and Renji wasn't going to let this fucker mess things up again.

And besides that, Kaa had already been completely lewd and disrespectful in regard to his boyfriend after only ten seconds of the door being open, and there was no way in  _hell_  he'd let anyone disrespect Ichigo when the orange-head wasn't in a position to be able to defend himself. Renji's patience had already run thin. This guy had better get to the point before he put him in a headlock.

"Aw, why so cranky? Aren't we friends?" Kaa grinned, clearly wanting to sweet talk him into changing his mind about his harsh attitude. It was true enough that there had been a time where Renji had wanted to befriend him, but that had been a  _long_  time ago. He saw him for what he was now: Perhaps not malicious, but an insensitive, manipulative, self-absorbed  _sneak._

"Cut the bullshit, Kaa. What do you want, we're busy."

"So I gathered." Kaa licked his lips like some fucking snake, raising his eyebrows at their states of undress. "Real sorry to interrupt your fun. I'll be sure to let the neighbors know that no one's being murdered, you're just getting fucked up the-"

Renji  _swung_  on that bastard, just missing his face. He was  _not_  gonna' take this guy's lip. Kaa knew he was pushing it and had been ready to duck. He backed up, holding his hands up in surrender. "Hey, hey, no need for hostility, it's just a joke. You know what those are, right?"

"I said  _cut the bullshit!"_

"Alright. I just need a favor."

Renji had lost his patience and was pointing in Kaa's face, growling lowly,  _this_  close to wringing his neck for making Yumichika cry all those times. "You can do  _me_  a favor and jump off the balcony." That would do the  _world_  a favor, because all his money would probably go to a nice charity.

"C'mon man, it's quick, an' it's an emergency." The guy held out a piece of paper and a pen. "Can you write down Yummy's address?"

Renji snarled at him. Yumichika might let Kaa walk all over him, but he wasn't gonna' sit by and listen to Kaa talk that way about him. "It's  _'Yumi',_  not 'Yummy', don't you fuckin' pull that shit with me-"

Kaa talked right over him, grinning widely, chewing his gum like this conversation was something ordinary and amusing. "I left my little sister's inhaler over there on accident, and I need it back. It's urgent."

"Who put all this shit on the grocery list?!" Ichigo shouted from inside the apartment, knowing that it couldn't have been anyone but Renji. Apparently he'd finished scavenging for food and was writing down what they needed from the store. "You don't even  _like_  Sanka, why is this on here?!"

Renji ignored him, pinched his brow, and closed his eyes. "Dude,  _no._ Get someone else," he answered to Kaa, trying to shut the door on him, but Kaa stuck his boot in the way.

"Aw, c'mon now, ya' don't wanna' be responsible for a little girl's asthma attack, do ya'?"

"I can't help ya', I'm sorry." Renji moved his hair out of his eyes, looking to the left at the railing and the open view of the city. He was starting to wish he'd put on his own shirt, because he could feel Kaa's eyes crawling interestingly on his tattoos, as if wondering how far the ones on his abdomen went down into his sweatpants, or if there were any  _more_  down there. That was for Ichigo to know, and for Kaa to never find out.

The wind ruffled Kaa's hair, but it somehow stayed perfectly spiked up. Renji let out a breath, looking at the flower boxes their neighbors had put out. Maybe he could make Kaa eat some dirt and then pitch him over the railing to his miserable death.

Nah, if he got arrested for murder, Ichigo would kick his ass to mars.

"You're okay with that on your conscience?" Kaa raised his eyebrows, smirking. "It's not gonna' haunt ya' at night? The thought of a poor little girl choking and coughing because you didn't let me get her medicine? Hmmmmm?"

"..."

Fuck.

Renji scowled, thinking of Yuzu and Karin, and even Ikkaku's little niece, Yachiru. How would he feel if something like that happened to  _them?_  Even if Kaa was an asshole, that didn't mean his little sister should suffer because of his pettiness. Ugh.

The guy had found his weak spot, and from his smug grin, he knew it too. He didn't want to give in and let Kaa get what he wanted, but at the same time, his honor wouldn't allow him to refuse. It wasn't in his alignment, and just thinking about it was already making his skin itch. When this guy had a motive, he really knew how to twist people to his will, like some sucky cartoon villain that just needed a few punches to send them running for the hills.

Renji cracked his knuckles ominously.

"It'll take two secs, just do me this solid."

"You are one deaf asshole, aren't'cha."

"C'mon, man."

This went on for a few more minutes, and Kaa insisted enough that Renji eventually gave in to get him to leave.

By the time he'd shut the door, leaning against it and letting out a slow breath, he could hear Kaa humming a little as he jogged down the steps of their building.

"I like coffee, I like tea, I like the boys and the boys like me," Renji could hear just as the guy left. Kaa really creeped him out sometimes. He really hoped Yumichika would break things off with him soon. He didn't even like  _thinking_  about Kaa being alone with Yumichika, even for five minutes.

Ichigo was in their little kitchenette, pouring himself a glass of milk, which he'd miraculously found a can of in the cupboard. "So what did he... uh..." Ichigo gave it a cautious taste. "What did he want?"

Renji made doubly sure to lock the door. He felt ill at ease after that, like someone was up to no good and that they were the targets on some imaginary hit-list. "He needed Yumichika's address to go get his sister's asthma medicine, or something."

Renji jumped out of his skin when Ichigo's glass slipped out of his wet hand and shattered on the floor of the kitchen. "Fuck!" Renji shouted in surprise, jolting backwards. Ichigo was looking at him in surprise, only vaguely concerned with the glass fragments and milk all over his feet.

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Ichigo asked with dread.

"Holy shit, Ichigo, don't move, there's glass all over! You look like you've seen a ghost," he slid his feet carefully through the mess and scooped him up, setting him on the counter so he could clean up the mess without having to worry about Ichigo's feet getting sliced up. Ichigo needed those feet.

" _Renji,"_ Ichigo said in a subdued sort of panic, trying to get his attention. His mind was racing. Kaa's sister had  _died_  last year. Yumichika had come back from the funeral with a pale face and shaky hands. She had been so young, and it had been such a horrible death. It had been right before Kaa had gotten Yumichika into that car accident, because he'd been driving drunk, distraught over the loss.

On top of that, if Kaa had left her medicine at Yumichika's apartment, it meant he'd been there before - which he hadn't, because he'd needed the address. He'd conned it out of Renji, using his dead sister as an excuse... That didn't sit particularly well with Ichigo; He would never in a million years use his mother for something like that. It would weigh on his soul.

This guy... Ichigo didn't particularly like Kaa. He wasn't exactly  _malicious_ , but he didn't seem to have normal human emotions. They'd always called Yumichika vain, but this guy was a real narcissist in a less obvious way. He was manipulative, insensitive, and completely self-centered. Sometimes Ichigo would wonder what he was capable of, and it really scared him to think that Yumichika had been stuck alone with this guy for a long time.

He looked up to Renji, face solemn. "You told him. You told him, didn't you?"

"Holy shit, you're so pale, what's wrong?" Renji was gathering the large glass fragments into a pile, squatting on a glass-free kitchen tile. He touched Ichigo's foot, looking up at him in concern.

"Yumichika  _moved,_ remember? If Kaa didn't know his new address, it's probably because Yumichika purposefully didn't tell him. That means he probably was trying to get away from him. You can't put anything past this guy. He's probably found a way to swipe Yumichika's key and have a copy made."

Renji stood up so fast he got whiplash, "Oh my god."

* * *

' _I'm not home right now, I'm out on a date! As of 12:15, I will be gone for an undetermined amount of time. I'll be back by tomorrow at least! In case of emergency, I can be reached at this number: - - - - - - - '_

Kaa grinned widely, grabbing the note off of Yumichika's door and crumpling it in his fist.

"Gone fishin', huh? Maybe ya' think this is a two-way street? No, it doesn't work like that. At least I don't hide it, huh? You, you're sneakin' around... Time ta' put that phone chip to good use..." He pressed his ear to the door, smiling when he heard a noise.

"Just one more thing I gotta' take care of. Here kitty kitty,"

* * *

Yumichika was quite surprised and a little bit embarrassed when Ikkaku just up and grabbed his hand as soon as they started walking down the street.

At first he thought that it might be because Ikkaku didn't want him, or himself to get lost, but he soon realized that it was just hand-holding for the  _sake_  of it, like how sweethearts did.

They were getting looks, but Ikkaku didn't seem to care. He was off in his own world, humming and grinning like a dork. After a little while, Yumichika realized that Ikkaku wasn't worried about anyone else but him; he only cared about this moment, this place, and this person next to him.

Yumichika smiled. He rather liked Ikkaku's warped point of view, his brutal honesty, and his playful teasing. Everything was out in the open with Ikkaku; he always made everything perfectly clear. Although he was a little crude, he was always up front with asking permission, and he never was mean-spirited when slinging insults. It was like a breath of fresh air for Yumichika.

He liked knowing exactly what was between them. It was actually a bit of a relief.

"Hey, we should go there for sandwiches," Ikkaku pointed to a deli across the street, bringing Yumichika out of his thoughts. "My friend Rangiku works there," he said absently.

Yumichika stopped walking, frowning a little. "I know her too..." Ikkaku turned to look at him, eyes wide. Yumichika paused for a moment, "... Do you know a Hisagi?"

Ikkaku stared at him.

"How about a Kira?"

Ikkaku blinked a couple of times. Yumichika really must be that person they always talk about. "This is super creepy... I can't believe we've never met before if we have all the same friends."

"I think it's a good omen," Yumichika said airily, linking his fingers with Ikkaku's more firmly, swinging their arms. "It must be meant to be." He smiled and started humming, and Ikkaku just stared at him, heart melting a little. He looked so pretty with the sun glinting off his hair like that, and wow, violet eyes. He'd never seen anything like it.

Then he grinned with all his teeth. Something was telling him that Yumichika was some sort of lucky charm. It was all too good for it to mean anything else. "Maybe you're right. It makes up for lost time somehow." Yumichika looked at him, eyes big and trusting.

Ikkaku opened the door to the small sub-bar, bell jingling as they walked in. There were a couple people milling around and Rangiku was behind the counter, holding up a compact, checking her face in it.

Ikkaku leaned up against the counter for a full thirty seconds, waiting to be noticed. Yumichika stood there patiently, rocking on the balls of his feet, looking over the menu. After Yumichika's stomach audibly gurgled under his sunflower shirt, Ikkaku got fed up and snapped his fingers near Rangiku's face. "Hey. I'm tryin' ta' get my date a sandwich. Wouldja' pay attention to your job, already?"

Rangiku snapped the compact closed, glaring to see who dared speak to her in such a manner. What man could possibly resist her charms? She looked at Ikkaku, and then to Yumichika who was smiling and waving at her, darting his eyes conspicuously to their linked hands.

Oh. Well okay.

She did a little gasp, putting a hand over her mouth. "Yumi- _chika?_  You're on a date and you didn't  _tell_  me? Oh, wait, you and... You're on a date with  _Ikkaku?_ " She gave him a look of surprised concern.

"Hey, what's wrong with me?" Ikkaku snapped, not entirely angry sounding, "Everyone's got a problem with me, what the  _hell_ is wrong with me?" He wasn't invested enough in his own shouting to try to sound serious. He was still mostly reeling with happiness at this whole situation. Frick. He was holding someone's hand, he was spending time with someone who could really fill a void in his heart.

He wouldn't lie to himself. He was becoming dangerously smitten, so much so that it wasn't even funny. Maybe this was why he'd tried to stay out of these situations for so long. He'd known how big and soft his heart was, and didn't want to give it a chance to hurt him.

There must have been a sappy look on his face that contrasted with his rough remark, because Rangiku gave him a lopsided-smile.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all, carry on. Nice shirt," Rangiku said slyly, laughing a little bit at Yumichika's clothes.

"Why, thank you," Yumichika said in an equally snarky tone, breaking his hold on Ikkaku's hand to put both of his hands on his hips, pressing his over-large shirt around him. "I got it at a thrift store."

"That's probably why it looks like it came from the trash." Yumichika tried really hard to look angry, but he couldn't and started laughing.

"At least I don't have to wear a uniform as stupid as that to work." Rangiku pouted at him a little. Her bust line was  _way_  too big for the polo shirt she was wearing, and it had all the buttons open, with a tanktop underneath, in an attempt to still look decent. It was hard because her breasts forced the shirt up enough that her belly was showing a little. She crossed her arms, rolling her eyes at him and his cattiness.

"I'm teasing. I'm wearing this to help this messy idiot paint his walls. Besides, it's not entirely ugly-looking."

"Yeah, it does look kinda' good on you."

"I was talking about Ikkaku," Yumichika said smoothly with raised eyebrows. Ikkaku's jaw dropped in mock offense.

"So was I," Rangiku retorted. Yumichika started laughing.

"Hey, hey, everybody's pickin' on me," Ikkaku muttered, smiling a little. He loved the sound of Yumichika laughing. He really wanted him to be happy,  _especially_ after seeing him cry last night.

"Okay, okay, I've had my fun. What food would you like, you two?"

"Ah..." Ikkaku looked at the menu, scratching the back of his neck. "Whatcha' want, babe?"

"Something with turkey," Yumichika answered, eyes flicking to Ikkaku for a split second at the sound of that pet name coming out so naturally. While Ikkaku looked over the options, Rangiku gestured for Yumichika to come closer.

"When did you break up with Kaa? I thought you'd tell me something like that," she whispered indignantly. Yumichika leaned closer to her ear.

"I've been too busy to gossip. It only happened last night, besides," Yumichika explained, side-slitting his eyes at Ikkaku. "I met him at work yesterday, and we went on a double date with Renji and Ichigo."

"You left Kaa for Ikkaku? Well I can't say that you took a step down."

"Oh, come on," Yumichika whispered, offended on Ikkaku's behalf. "And... I'm still... sort of, maybe in the process of leaving Kaa."

"Oh boo, don't change your mind." Rangiku put on some clear gloves, "Just follow your heart, Yumichika, your heart knows. You really dodged a bullet with Kaa, though." Yumichika grimaced, crossing his arms as he sighed.

"Not really. How many years late am I dodging it? I think I'm dodging after getting shot twenty times with an automatic gun."

"Hey, quit whispering over there," Ikkaku said sharply, glaring at them. "If you're gonna' talk smack about me, do it ta' my face." Yumichika grinned, giving his arm a swat to make him quit growling.

"You're so morbid, Yumichika," Rangiku said in her regular voice, starting to get the ingredients out for a turkey sub.

"Sad truth." Yumichika hummed, waltzing over to a table and sitting down on one of the spinny stools. "How's life treating you, then? Can't be worse than mine."

"Oh, it's going great, I met this guy on a dating hotli-"

"Hey, don't talk to her, talk to  _me,_ " Ikkaku said with a grin. "We're eating on the go, remember?"

"Oh right. I'm on a date, sorry Rangiku," Yumichika said with a smile. Rangiku grinned back, not missing the way Yumichika's gaze lingered on Ikkaku. And Ikkaku, oh boy, she had teasing material that would last for years, just after the first sight of him and his sappy grin. He was just  _gone._

They would be just right for each other, she felt.

"Okay, okay, just tell me all about it later."

"Of course." Yumichika grinned as she made a phone signal with her hand. Rangiku stuck her tongue out at him and made a shooing motion towards the door.

"Well geez, no pressure on me now," Ikkaku sighed, paying for the food.

"Later," Yumichika grinned, opening the glass door.

He was really glad everyone was so happy for him. Renji and Ichigo had basically encouraged him to see Ikkaku, and Rangiku had as well, even though they all knew he was still sort of wrapped up with Kaa. They seemed to want to push him towards the right choice.

At times, he had felt abandoned because nobody invited him over anymore, and they'd all just treated him like a lost cause. It was like they'd given up, and for a long time he'd felt very lonely. It was nice to know that his friends still cared and wanted what was best for him.

"Have a good time," Rangiku said with a serious tone and a significant look.

"I will," Yumichika replied.

* * *

"Well, fuck, what should we do?!" Renji said in panic, hands knotted in his own hair. He couldn't let his senpai get hurt, he just couldn't! He was pacing the tiny kitchen, feet bleeding from where he had crunched some glass under his feet.

"Call him. Call Yumichika and let him know that a psycho's about to break into his house and take him!"

"Okay," Renji said breathlessly, trying to gather his wits as he took out his phone, "Okay, good plan. Frick, if he hurts him I'll never forgive myself."

"I'll never forgive you either! You should've seen that one coming!" Ichigo shouted, throwing his hands in the air. Renji scowled listening to Yumichika's phone switch to the answering machine. He tried again.

"Hey, I'd just woken up and he could talk anyone in circles, even that pink-haired maniac! Quit fucking yelling at me! I didn't see  _you_  helping when it happened! You didn't even come to the door. You coulda' stopped me!"

Ichigo held up his hands in a 'white-flag' gesture. "I'm not blaming you, calm down, I'm just worried. I don't wanna' see Yumichika on the news tomorrow. I'm just saying that we shouldn't wait to see how this plays out. We should  _do_  something."

"Shit, he's not picking up..."

* * *

"Hmmm, I wish we'd brought a picnic blanket," Yumichika said, scratching at his back, "This grass is a little itchy."

"Yeah... But it's warm... And it smells good. Nice place ta' think," Ikkaku said reasonably, laying on his back with his eyes closed. Yumichika smiled, settling back down, enjoying the silence.

"Hey."

"Hm?" Yumichika cracked an eye open, rolling over to get closer to Ikkaku.

Ikkaku twirled a black-eyed susan between his fingers, rolling onto his stomach so that they were nose to nose. He smiled, pressing their foreheads together. "You smell nice..."

"We're in a flower-garden."

"No... No, it's definitely you," Ikkaku teased.

Yumichika grinned, looking down at Ikkaku's big hands, which were cupped around his. Ikkaku slipped the flower behind Yumichika's ear. "There. Beautiful."

Yumichika gave a contented sigh, and Ikkaku dropped his head down onto Yumichika's shoulder. "I really like being with you..." Ikkaku whispered hesitantly, "I really like you," he repeated.

"Do you..." Yumichika began, smile fading away, "Do you get this... feeling? I... I can't explain it, but... I feel like I've met you before... like I've known you forever... Or... It's almost like... I  _should_  have met you already."

"Do you read the art of seduction?" Ikkaku asked flatly, teasing him a little.

"No, no, listen," Yumichika smiled weakly, trying to get him to take him seriously.

"I'm listening, babe... I love ta' hear you talk," Ikkaku said lowly, running his fingers along Yumichika's cheek.

"I... You're... everything... that I was missing." Ikkaku looked into Yumichika's eyes, frowning a little. He pressed a finger to Yumichika's lips.

"Hey, hey now... You ain't missing anything, ya' hear me? You're already perfect right now... just how you are." Ikkaku curled Yumichika's hair behind an ear. "But I know what you mean... about feeling... that way... it's something like soul connection."

He clasped their hands together, pressing his lips to their intertwined knuckles. "You're... Look, I'm not good talking about emotions, so listen close." Yumichika nodded. "This is all new. I've never felt like this, alright? Renji and Ichigo mighta' told ya'... but, I don't date, I've never dated, so I probably won't treat you the right way or know the right things to do... but..."

Yumichika blinked, brow twitching. Ikkaku plowed on, rubbing his thumb over Yumichika's hand. "When I saw you, I don't know what it was, but... The way you tease me..." Ikkaku took another breath, gathering his thoughts.

"Whenever I look at you, you freaking have this... this  _glow._  I can't explain it, just... it's like in dreams where you just  _know_ things that you normally wouldn't... and I know that... you're somethin' special... and I want to make you feel... special," he breathed, not meeting Yumichika's eyes. "Maybe I'm a creep for thinking this, but... I..."

Yumichika just looked back into his eyes for a moment, heart fluttering. The wind rustled his hair, and he turned his attention to the river, the boardwalk, the beautiful-smelling flower garden they were resting in. It was the perfect place to lay down and spend time being lovey on someone.

"I know sometimes I can sound rude and mean... But I have this gut feeling that I'm supposed to be here with you. I really really like you, okay? And... I really want this to go somewhere." Yumichika nodded.

Ikkaku let go of his hands, rolling onto his back, looking up at the clouds. "Here, come a little closer to me." Yumichika crept up to his side and laid down with his head pillowed on Ikkaku's arm.

"There's just something about it... There must be a reason," Ikkaku whispered. "There's something... I just met you, but this is costing me everything... You've rented space in my mind already... When I see you, I want to make you happy, I wanna' argue with ya' like a little kid... I wanna'... I wanna' spoil you rotten and feed you candy n' shit... Can't stop thinking about you when I'm alone... I think about jokes ta' tell ya'... Sappy stuff like that... There's just gotta' be a reason."

Yumichika turned on his side, putting his arm on Ikkaku's stomach, tracing little circles with his finger. He looked up through his eyelashes, and he could see Ikkaku's smile.

"I have to thank you..." Yumichika said quietly, enjoying the soft rustle of the wind on his skin. "For so long I was waiting... just...  _waiting_  for someone to come save me from my own messed up life... And you offered me your help so easily, even though I'm a stranger..." Ikkaku tried to stop him from talking, because he could see that it was upsetting Yumichika a little, but Yumichika kept talking.

"Just... just the fact that you were there... made me... brave enough to save myself. I haven't felt in control of my own life for a long time. I feel brave... when I'm with you."

Yumichika lay on his back, eyes drifting off somewhere, growing fragile and somewhat distant. "I am not weak," he whispered, and the line hit Ikkaku in the gut like a sledge-hammer.

"It ain't right... It just ain't right," Ikkaku mumbled, referring to Kaa and his shenanigans. Yumichika sighed, seeming to shake off the darkness that had almost crept over him. He sat up with a sunny grin to break Ikkaku out of his mood before it began.

"Let's go walk through the mall. I need to use the bathroom." Ikkaku's eyes opened, and he propped himself up on his elbows, looking up at Yumichika.

"Eh? Right now? Okay, I'll come with ya'."

"Good," Yumichika said with a little relief, standing up. Ikkaku stood up, wiping grass off his back, picking a couple of pieces out of Yumichika's hair for him. "I don't like going in the public bathrooms alone. Girls have it so much easier," he said airily.

Ikkaku grimaced. "I dunno', I seen some shit. Sickos creepin' in there ta' peep on 'em n' stuff."

Yumichika sniffed, "Yeah, well, you know how people can get. I'm sure you know." Ikkaku thought of some big burly man, either peeping on Yumichika with lustful eyes, or worse yet, harassing him for his flamboyant attitude. Neither situation was desirable. He suddenly felt extreme sympathy towards transsexuals, who didn't get a break no matter  _what_  bathroom they picked.

"I guess that makes sense, sugar. I'll come protect you." Ikkaku's heart was swelling, aching, and it was bothering him a little. This feeling was way past smitten, way past taken, way past the crush stage. Maybe it was because he'd never felt this as a kid, in his preteen years, the intense insanely powerful deep love that comes when you're young. Maybe it was just coming to him all at once now, overwhelming him.

He needed to keep himself from becoming too emotionally invested. It was seriously day two of knowing each other, and he couldn't feel things like this if Yumichika wasn't as serious about this as he was. They were adults, and he shouldn't have the feelings of a child who'd never had their heart broken, who didn't know how to control their emotions.

"How valient. God forbid my protector be a pervert as well," Yumichika mumbled under his breath. Ikkaku punched him lightly in the arm, giving him a wry smile.

"I heard that."

"You were meant to," Yumichika giggled behind his hands. Ikkaku grinned crookedly, feeling a skipped beat in his chest.

This was not good. He hadn't expected to fall so hard so fast. Even though he'd never felt it, there was no denying what this feeling was, and he knew there was no way to get rid of it now that it had penetrated the iron walls surrounding his heart.

He was in love. He was so fucked.


	7. Chapter 7

"Fuck, what do we do?  _What do we do!?_ " Renji shouted, pale-faced and clawing at his hair. Frick, he'd given this psycho-maniac access to Yumichika's house, and possibly Yumichika if he was home, and he probably was because he didn't have work on Saturday.

"Don't panic!" Ichigo shouted back, equally on edge.

"What if he hurts him because he tried to leave him?!" Renji yelled, punching the fridge door, knocking some of their magnet-stuck bills onto the floor in his frenzy.

"Stop panicking, Renji!" Ichigo tried to grab him, but Renji started on a guilt-wracked tirade, dodging his arms.

"Fuck, I led his stalker-boyfriend to him. What if he kills him?! I led his killer to him, he's gonna' be on the news and in different garbage bags strewn at the bottom of a lake - Fuck, I killed Yumichika!"

Ichigo could hear people pounding on the door in concern, and maybe a couple people in the apartment beneath them hitting the ceiling with a broom in an effort to tell them to shut the fuck up.

"Don't make me slap you, you're making people come to the door! Now quit fucking screaming," he demanded, nabbing Renji by the arms, "You're being hysterical!"

"How can you be rational at a time like this? You  _know_  Kaa's nothing but trouble. What if he does something awful?!" Renji seemed to realize something else, because his face went from stricken to devastated in a split second, "Oh fuck, and we basically set Yumichika up with Ikkaku, what if Kaa found out? That might be why he came here. Aw, man, he's out for blood; He's out for motherfucking blood, Ichigo, what if he takes him?"

"I know, koi, but calm down, we can think this through," Ichigo said, trying to sound reassuring, knowing that Renji was still tired, frazzled from studying, and probably starving from a bad dream. "Acting crazy won't help us think of a plan." Renji nodded, sighing, trying to calm down a little. Ichigo inwardly cringed. Renji had always had a bit of a problem with guilt, _especially_  after that incident with Rukia and her brother.

"Alright... Now, Yumichika had this in confidentiality with me, but in light of what's happened... I think I'd better say, just in case... Kaa's never purposefully hurt him. Yumichika said he's never even raised his hand to even scare him, but I basically got it out of him that Kaa's vaguely threatened him a couple of times, so I think just in case, we'd better take this seriously. Just in case," Ichigo repeated again.

"Wait, why would he even tell you that?" Yumichika had long since learned not to bring Kaa up in conversation, because all his friends hated him and didn't want him around them, which was why Yumichika often had to miss out on spending time with them.

"I walked in on something that looked bad, and he had to explain to keep me from cutting off Kaa's dick. No more questions. It's supposed ta' be secret."

Renji nodded too many times, biting at his lower lip. "I really don't know what that guy's capable of; he creeps me out." Ichigo nodded.

"He is a little... off, I guess. He probably won't hurt Yumichika or anything, but..."

"Just in case," Renji said, pinpointing Ichigo's meaning.

"Yeah. Okay, let's look over the facts. He wanted Yumichika's address, which means he didn't know it. So we can probably assume that Yumichika purposefully moved so he wouldn't know where to find him. That means Kaa either wants to find Yumichika or find something of his... or maybe to plant something in his apartment." Renji nodded, and Ichigo nodded back, feeling pleased about how Renji had stopped acting like a maniac. "He's only been gone about ten minutes now, so we can probably still catch him."

"So Yumichika's either at home, or not. We don't know for sure."

Ichigo nodded. "Good point. We should call Ikkaku, Rangiku, or the police. One of them might've seen Yumichika if he isn't home, and if they haven't, we can call the cops to let them know about the situation and that they should look out for any red-head ne'er-do-wells."

Renji looked at him strangely for a moment; Ichigo assumed it was to think over the plan. "I can't fucking believe you just said ne'er-do-wells. You watch too many-" Ichigo put a hand over his mouth, scowling.

"Shut up and focus, Yumichika's person is at stake! You want his face ta' get messed up and have him scream at you about being ugly for the rest of his life?!"

"No! Stop yelling at me!"

"Okay, so the next step is to go over to Yumichika's apartment just in case he's still at home. Then we can warn him and maybe have him stay over here until this all clears up. Just in case Kaa's actually after him. I wouldn't trust that guy with fifty cents."

"Problem."

"What's that?"

"We don't have a key to his house."

"If he's home, he'll answer the door, koi," Ichigo said patiently. Renji blinked. Oh boy, sleep-deprived, stressed-out Renji. Ichigo was readying himself for battle, because that meant Renji might get extremely cranky.

"Wait, wait, wait. Flaw in the plan."

"Another? What is it?"

"What if when we're out looking for him, the cops think I'm the guy who kidnapped him?! Look at my hair, what am I supposed to do about this?!"

"Put on a fucking hat, or maybe a paper bag," Ichigo said exasperatedly and maybe a little cruelly. He didn't have the patience for this anymore. This was really wearing on his nerves. If they went and told the cops about this then  _obviously_  they wouldn't think Renji was the guy who did it, even if they said the suspect had red hair. Besides that, Renji's hair was long, and Kaa's was much shorter, and Kaa didn't have any tattoos that they knew about.

Renji scowled at him. Oh great. Now he'd done it.

"That was just plain mean. I fuckin' hate you sometimes, Ichigo." Renji crossed his arms.

"You don't mean that, you're just upset," Ichigo said calmly, grabbing a jacket, trying not to let those words phase him. Renji seemed to feel bad then, because that was one of the  _only_  things they didn't insult each other with, no matter what. His lip protruded a little, from guilt. He probably thought Ichigo was mad and about to give him the silent-treatment out of hurt feelings.

"I know... I'm sorry baby, I dint' mean that." And then, shit, Renji tried to hug him, getting him all tangled up in his jacket sleeves.

"I  _know_ , I just said so. My feelings aren't hurt. Get your gay arms off me, now  _call,"_  he pointed at the phone viciously.

"Okay, okay, I'm doin' it." Renji fidgeted for a minute, before he grabbed Ichigo's hand, head bowed. "Do you really think Kaa'll hurt him?"

"You're a butt when you're scared," Ichigo sighed.

"You're the one dating me, so who's the real butt here?"

Ichigo face-palmed. "Okay, let's just go beat up the cockbite who's possibly stalking our prissy-idiot."

"Good plan, babe." Renji kissed his cheek a little roughly, before grabbing the phone.

"Thank you," said Ichigo, as he raised his eyebrows. "Phase one of the rescue mission?"

"Check." Renji grinned. It seemed like Red and Redder were back in business.

* * *

"You have to go too?" Yumichika asked a little warily, wondering if Ikkaku was going to follow him inside the secure room of the strip mall. Ikkaku shook his head.

"I thought you wanted me to beat off the pervs." Yumichika opened the heavy storm door and peeked inside, looking around.

"Well, the bathroom's empty, so you have to stand outside like a bouncer."

"Oh. I can do that, that was my old job." Yumichika put his head in his hands with a part-laugh part-sigh, and Ikkaku grinned at the cute noise.

"Here, gimme' yer' wallet n' phone n' junk, so it doesn't get all nasty." Yumichika pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.

"How do I know you won't run off with it once I go in?" Maybe it was just Ikkaku's overly-trusting nature when it came to Yumichika now, but he kept being surprised when Yumichika pointed out little things like that. He supposed that Yumichika was right about them being strangers, even if he already felt like drowning in this ocean of warm feelings.

Ikkaku frowned, thinking for a minute, before taking out his own wallet and handing Yumichika his driver's license. "For solidarity. Just don't drop it in the toilet."

"Ch'. Yeah, I'll try." Yumichika rolled his eyes, sticking it in his pocket. "Don't come inside, I don't want you to listen to me peeing."

Ikkaku laughed a little, shoving Yumichika inside. "Fine, fine, just get in there. I won't let anyone come in until you're done." The door shut, and the sound proof storm-haven allowed complete silence to fall.

Yumichika smiled, leaning against the cold steel of the closed door, sliding down it a little, clutching at the front of his shirt. This felt really wonderful. He sighed happily and then went to stand in front of the mirror.

Humming a little, he twirled a couple of times, holding the edges of his shirt out to look at himself. He smiled at his own face, taking the flower out of his hair and playing with it, leaning his elbows onto a dry spot on the sink counter to get closer to the mirror. "I'm really happy," he whispered, leaning in close to touch his forehead to the glass.

The handicap stall burst open with a  _bang,_  door rebounding off the brick wall. Yumichika jumped three inches in the air, gasping loudly. "Happy, huh? Ya' weren't so happy last night... What was it that you said?..." Yumichika breathed shakily, extremely startled... He knew that voice. "Somethin' like 'I'm just not happy'. Hm-hm-hm," came a low laugh.

"How did... how did you know it was me," Yumichika asked lowly, shivering a little, trying to slow his heartbeat.

"Just been around. I'm sure it's one'a those weird coincidences." There he was behind him in the mirror like the wolf sizing up Red-Riding Hood. He was leaning up against the wall like a thug with his arms crossed and with a sinister grin on his face. Yumichika swallowed, seeing his own face go pale.

It wasn't as if Nicholas was a really big guy like Ikkaku. He wasn't overly-muscled, but he was tall like Renji, and could still probably really hurt him if he wanted to.

"What are you doing here, Nicholas?" Yumichika felt like a gun was pressed at his back, and he didn't even want to take his eyes off Kaa for a single second, not even to turn and see the real one instead of the reflection.

" _Here-_ here? Pissing."

"No. Answer me," Yumichika said with a tone that was braver than he felt.  _'Don't let him push you around. You can do this.'_

"Oh, the usual." Kaa shrugged, pushed himself off the wall with his foot, and came towards him with raised maroon eyebrows. Yumichika turned around to face the real Kaa, not wanting to look at the reflection of himself anymore, so pale and scared-looking. That wasn't who he was. Ayasegawa Yumichika had a backbone, he could protect himself, he was brave.

He didn't feel like that person anymore. That memory of himself seemed so far away. Yumichika backed himself up to the counter, edging away from the man he'd spent so long revolving his life around.

He felt threatened. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, and he had a sick feeling in his gut, as if he really  _was_ being held at gunpoint, or with a knife to his throat.

"Throwing rocks at windows, tripping old people," he joked. Kaa looked upwards, smacking his lips once, biting at his lip ring as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "... Setting trash cans on fire. You know, passing time while I skulk on my man." His eyes flicked to Yumichika suddenly, like some creepy possessed demon from a horror movie. Even without the jump-score, Yumichika's heart still jolted.

"You're not funny," Yumichika whispered, frowning, still hyped up on adrenaline from the initial shock of Kaa slamming the door open.

"Ya' look nervous, whatsa' matter," Kaa asked, looming closer, smile not diminishing. Yumichika began to slide against the sink counter until his back hit the wall, trying to maintain the distance between them.

Kaa was closer now, slamming his hands on either side of Yumichika's face. Yumichika jumped, screwing his eyes shut, having anticipated a blow. "Hey," Kaa grabbed his chin, not seeming to get why he was flinching, "Look at me."

Yumichika did, and somehow it was so much different than when Ikkaku said it; there wasn't that regard for his feelings, there wasn't that tone that made it a request and not a demand. Kaa's hand was stone cold on his face, and Yumichika felt like the fire in his heart had been put out with a damp towel.

"What's this about you leavin' me? Now, I know that you're not leavin' me, huh?" Kaa gently ran his hand over Yumichika's hair, smiling crookedly like Yumichika had always used to love. Now it looked like the devil with its cracked Glasgow grin. He no longer saw beauty, and Kaa's presence was no longer comforting.

Yumichika tilted his head back, shuddering when he felt nails skate down his neck and to his shoulder, moving the thin airy fabric of his overlarge shirt aside. Some part of him would rather Kaa rip his skin and tear out his throat. He'd rather Kaa do something that would prove that he was rotten to the core. It jarred Yumichika to have someone so horrible that had hurt him so badly before him, and to see nothing but beauty. Kaa was perfect on the outside, and Yumichika didn't want him to treat him nicely, because it made him believe in the illusion.

He wanted anything but this gentle gesture, what he had been yearning for for so long from Kaa. It wasn't fair that his manipulation was working; it was making his blood boil that he couldn't help but want Kaa's cruel trickery. He wanted to _scream._

Kaa saw the violent twitch in his cheek. "Huh? You throwin' a tantrum on me? You want me all to yerself? Flattering, but ineffective."

"No," Yumichika whispered, "I'm not throwing a fit."

"Ya' know this little scheme a' yer's coulda' been avoided. Talk ta' me like an adult an' tell me ya' want me ta' come back."

"That never worked before," he snapped like a wounded animal on the defense. Yumichika was surprised to realize that he was about to start crying. He was shaking a little bit, fear beginning to kick in and spread through his body.

What did Kaa want from him? Yumichika didn't know what he was capable of and it scared him; Kaa might be furious under this veneer. He was like a rubber band just waiting to  _snap._

"Cause' it's selfish ta' not share, baby," Kaa grinned in his face, "Huh?"

"There's no scheme, Kaa," he said, voice quavering. "Back away from me."

Kaa didn't listen, smile going sour, "What, ya' mad an' tired a' waiting?"

"I've wasted too long on you," Yumichika hissed, putting a hand on his chest, pushing him back. "It's not worth it anymore." Kaa didn't move, in fact, he loomed over him more than ever, eyes going dark.

"When didja' break, huh? You ain't strong enough ta' wait anymore? Like some weak twink-faggot?"

"I am not  _weak_ ," Yumichika spat, shoving at his chest, getting an inch - and you know what they say about gaining an inch and taking a mile. "I'm strong enough to not let you push me around any longer."

"Is that right," Kaa said lowly, "Ya' don't want it no more? Then how come you're lookin' like you're lookin'? Why ya' runnin' around town just waiting for me ta' snatch ya' up?"

"I'm not looking for you, Kaa. I can leave my house without it having to do with you." Kaa looked at him blankly.

"My world does  _not_  revolve around you. Do you understand?" Kaa blinked, brow twitching, and Yumichika could see a flicker of confusion. "I can walk around like a normal pers-"

"Oh, that's right, huh? You're out ta' flaunt the new guy in my face," Kaa began to laugh, and Yumichika felt shame coiling in his gut. Kaa had always made him feel so small, so stupid, so unwanted.

Kaa slipped the little flower out of his hand, looking at it with a twisted grin. "He loves you not, huh? What's he got that I don't? Why would I be jealous a' him?"

"He has nothing to do with you, do you hear me?" Kaa scowled deeply for a split second, flower quivering a little because of how tight his grip became. "I'm done with you."

"No. No, you're not done," Kaa said simply, putting the flower back behind Yumichika ear, making him begin to feel helpless. Didn't Kaa have to accept it if he said he was leaving? He couldn't just say no, right? This was so frustrating.

"I'm not coming back just so I can waste my life some more. I'm not happy, okay? You don't care about how I feel. It hurts, the way you show it... How am I supposed to know that you show me how you feel by  _not_  showing it?"

"How was I supposed ta' know you weren't happy?" Kaa asked a little helplessly, as if it hadn't occurred to him that Yumichika was a separate entity with feelings as important as his own. "C'mon. Wastin' it doin' what?"

"Waiting for you, you stupid-" Kaa grabbed his arms, and Yumichika stiffened up, gasping a little.

Kaa made a mock-shocked expression and then started laughing, seeming to find pleasure in scaring him, or perhaps not even realizing that he had. "Waitin', I'm right here, stupid. I never left."

"What?" Yumichika asked faintly, fingers shaking.

"C'mon, I miss ya', I  _love_ ya'," Kaa said easily, leaning down and smiling in his face like he didn't know how deeply that had struck Yumichika in the heart.

Yumichika shook his head. "No, no you don't. You don't even understand what that means...  _Nicholas._ You don't understand." Kaa bristled a little at his name, like Yumichika had just uttered a horrible curse word. "Let me go, you're just trying to-"

"C'mon." Kaa shook him gently, drawing him in closer. Yumichika tried to resist, but some secret dark part of him really wanted this embrace that he was being drawn into, so with guilt, he allowed it. He really did still have some feelings left, some part of him that  _craved_  Kaa's affection like nothing else.

"No, You  _cheated_  on me, you got me fired, you drove my car when you were drunk and got my arm broken. I  _hate_  you, Nicholas, I never loved you," Yumichika lied in a cracked, bitter voice. "You've ruined my life, and I'm not-" Kaa grabbed his face and kissed him.

Yumichika melted. Oh... This was... Oh, wow.

Yumichika felt his hands going up to Kaa's face, so desperately wanting to just give in and go back, but some part of him knew that it would never feel right again. There was new love... there was someone else who barely knew him, but still found him so wonderful and who had treated him better in two days than Kaa had in the last two  _years._

But, oh, this kiss was just what he had craved for so long, and he couldn't help himself. He sank into Kaa's arms and kissed him back, pulling his face closer. Kaa moaned hungrily, feeling him up, but somehow the embrace didn't feel right anymore. Kaa was too cold and hard and angled, and his hands felt like spiders. He didn't feel  _real_  anymore, and his tongue felt like an icicle in his mouth. Yumichika's eyes opened again, and suddenly he was struck with such deep revulsion and self-hatred that he almost puked right onto Kaa's face.

He was letting Kaa get away with it.  _All of it._

What had happened to his pride? What had happened to the brave, arrogant, never-ashamed Yumichika, the one who was too good for anybody, the one who never let anyone use him? He didn't recognize himself anymore.

Yumichika pulled away, "I don't- No, I don't. I don't. This doesn't feel like I wanted it to. This is just-"

"What? I still got it," Kaa bit at his neck. "C'mon, I still got it. Huh?"

"Yeah, you do... but I don't want it anymore," Yumichika whimpered a little, going limp at the sucking mouth on his pulse point. Oh this was so cruel, using this against him, using this to lure him in again.

"No?" Kaa said simperingly, kissing him again with fervor. "C'mon, you know that I love you... That's why you won't leave." Yumichika was almost swept up again by those cold lips, but after a few seconds of a bitter sort of happiness, he felt rage boiling up inside him, and he coiled back and slapped the hell out of Kaa's face.

No, he was not weak. It would take a real apology to get him to listen, and Kaa obviously wasn't going to give him one.

Yumichika was shocked, still hearing the slapping sound ringing in the air. His hand was tingling, and his chest was tight from holding back tears, but all he could do was stand there. Suddenly he saw Ikkaku's face in the mirror, staring right at him.

Yumichika didn't look back at Kaa, didn't look at Ikkaku, unable to bear meeting their eyes, not knowing what he would see. He just rushed out of the bathroom, leaving the two men behind, not knowing where to go, just that it had to be somewhere other than here.


	8. Chapter 8

Ikkaku had just gotten off the phone with Renji, who had babbled at him in a panicked state for almost five whole minutes before he'd gotten him to slow down enough to let him get a word in. His heart had sunk further and further as the conversation went on.

Yumichika might be in real danger from the sounds of things.

He'd opened the bathroom door to tell Yumichika about Kaa knowing his address and that they should go check his apartment, but that... that  _guy_  was in there looming over him. Presumably, it was Kaa. He matched Yumichika's description: Extremely handsome, dark-red spiked-up hair, domineering attitude.

Shit, he'd found him. The guy worked fast.

He still wanted to give Yumichika the chance to deal with the guy himself; Kaa didn't have a knife or a gun or anything, so Yumichika probably had things under control and could handle it. Then their conversation had gotten stickier, and Ikkaku's gut started to clench up, along with his fists.

Damn. Bad sign. Clenched fists' purpose was to punch, and he really didn't want to interfere if he didn't have to. This was Yumichika's business, and no matter how much his body was screaming at him to get in there and beat the absolute hell out of that man for daring to speak to him like that, he knew that he had to let Yumichika handle this.

From the reflection he could see in the mirror, Yumichika was getting really freaked out. He looked like he felt really threatened, like a scared cat all puffed up. Oh man, Ikkaku didn't like the way this guy hovered over him, using his larger size for intimidation.

Even more so, he didn't like the way he  _talked_  to him. It was patronizing, borderline-disrespectful, and overall, something about it was a little creepy, like some car-salesman out for blood. His voice made chills go down Ikkaku's spine.

Yumichika still seemed to have a pretty firm handle on things, telling Kaa to leave him alone, so Ikkaku just watched silently in case things got out of hand.

The guy was as handsome as Yumichika had made him out to be, so much so that he didn't look entirely real. Kaa was about the same height as he was, a little on the thin side, but toned, kind of like Ichigo. He had extremely fair clear skin, giving him a silvery glow in the lights of the bathroom. His hair was cherry red, with dark red roots, gelled so much that it defied gravity, and the guy had even dyed his eyebrows from the looks of it.

Then Kaa had started  _touching_  Yumichika without permission, like he owned his body or something, and Ikkaku was ready to snap his neck. He didn't care how many times he and Yumichika had had sex; it didn't give him a right to just get up in his personal space like that when Yumichika  _obviously_  didn't want him there.

Then he told Yumichika he loved him, rather cruelly in Ikkaku's opinion, because it was obvious he was only saying it to try and string him along. Or he might have meant it, Ikkaku didn't know, it just didn't sound very sincere to him. Then again, everything Kaa said sounded insincere.

Yumichika's resistance had started to visibly flicker at that point. Then he'd embraced Yumichika, almost like a robot, with rigid arms and a mechanical sort of feel, like he hadn't practiced hugging people enough to know how.

Yumichika had tried to squirm out of it after one single moment of allowing it. Ikkaku could see the indecision on his face. This guy was toying with Yumichika's heart, but it seemed like Yumichika was keeping his head, rattling off all the bad things Kaa had done to him.

Ikkaku felt a fire light inside him when he heard the last thing about Kaa being irresponsible and almost killing Yumichika in a car accident. Maybe this was why Renji and Ichigo had been so surprised to see the two of them together: they'd known that Yumichika had a habit of going back to this guy and had given up hope on him finding someone else.

He had to help Yumichika get out of this; Yumichika had even told him that he hadn't been able to do it on his own for a long time... Until last night. Yumichika had thanked him for the bravery... the courage to handle things himself. Someone believing in him.

Ikkaku swallowed. His heart was really fucking him up, getting all mushy and stuff. I mean, what was wrong with him, falling in love with a guy in two days? A guy who wasn't even technically available?

A guy who was literally in another man's arms.

Kaa grabbed Yumichika's face with force, and Ikkaku  _just_  stopped himself from going in there and kicking the guy in the junk. A moment after, Ikkaku felt like  _he'd_  been kicked in the balls, because Kaa grabbed Yumichika's face and kissed him  _really invasively,_  probably with tongue.

Maybe Yumichika had lingering feelings and regrets for this guy. Well, of course he did, they'd broken up last night, and Yumichika had been crying his eyes out. He'd told Ikkaku that Kaa didn't give him much affection, so  _of course_  this would be Yumichika's weak spot. Kaa seemed like a clever person from the way he'd been talking, and he probably knew that this would be Yumichika's kryptonite.

Sure enough, Yumichika started kissing back, and Ikkaku felt ready to throw up. Fuck, he was starting to remember why he didn't want to date. This really fucking hurt.

Then they said a few words, and Kaa started groping him, kissing him more. Yumichika was into it for a few more seconds, and then  _pow -_

Out of nowhere, Yumichika slapped the  _shit_  out of him. Ikkaku's jaw dropped at how hard he'd blasted Kaa. Ooohh, that had to hurt. The sound was still ringing in his ears, echoing through the storm-cellar room.

Yumichika's eyes met his,and he could see the rush of shock, shame, and then guilt, and it was cutting him really deep.

Yumichika looked near tears now, completely shell-shocked as he rushed out of the bathroom. Ikkaku glared at Kaa, who was looking him dead in the eyes in the mirror with a blank face. Fuck, he was getting creeped out, but not enough that he didn't snarl at the guy and slam the bathroom door.

He could hear Kaa laughing in there like a mad-man. Okay, there was no fucking way he was letting Yumichika stay in his own apartment while this fucker was on the loose.

How had Kaa found him? No seriously,  _how?_  Had he followed them all day and sat around in the bathroom just waiting on the off-chance that Yumichika decided to go in there? No, no, even Kaa wouldn't be that crazy. It was something else... but definitely not a coincidence.

"I'm going home now," Yumichika said with a dull voice, jaw slack and eyes sad. He was so pale and shaky looking that Ikkaku felt really bad again, like he'd made him cry for the second time already.

"What? Already, but-"

"I just," Yumichika got frustrated then, growling and crooking his fingers in front of his face, "Uggh!" He put his face in his hands with a swift pitiful sigh. Ikkaku took his wrists, pulling him under one of his arms, walking away with him, eager to get as far away from that bathroom and that creep as he could.

"C'mon, don't go yet, please?"

Yumichika didn't remove his face from his hands. Suddenly, Ikkaku realized that Yumichika was trembling,  _trembling_. Ikkaku's heart wilted and then filled with unquenchable rage. Kaa had  _scared_  Yumichika.

"I'm not mad at you," he said, just feeling like it was something he should say.

"You're mad, I know you're mad," Yumichika said, so quietly that it was really starting to freak Ikkaku out. "You're angry after seeing me do that."

"I oughta' shake you," he said helplessly, taking him by the shoulders. "I'm not mad. He's messing with your mind, Yumichika, you have no reason to be ashamed. Sure, I wish you hadn'ta' kissed him, but I'm not mad at you. I told you, I like you." He shook him a little, making him look at him, "I  _like_  you, I said. I'm not givin' up, okay? I... C'mon." He took his arm and walked with him, further away from that bathroom.

"How did he find you like that," Ikkaku muttered under his breath. "He knew you'd come in there... What on earth... How could he know that?" Yumichika didn't say anything, eyes wide and distant like he was thinking deeply.

"C'mon, let's go in one of these stores," Ikkaku picked one, a small outlet which he quickly navigated, taking them to the back behind some coat racks. He gestured for Yumichika to sit down, and he squatted in front of him, taking his hands.

"Listen to me, okay? Look at me," he tipped his chin up gently. Yumichika twitched suddenly, jerking back a tiny bit, but obeyed. After a couple seconds, Ikkaku took a breath, "Look, I'm not good at this emotional stuff, okay? I already said that... When I look at you, I go all stupid inside, and I feel like I mess up a lot, but just listen."

Yumichika nodded, lip quivering a little. Ikkaku rubbed his hands, trying to get them to stop trembling. Kaa had really scared him, Ikkaku could tell, and it made him furious.

"I'm falling really fast, and really hard. Okay? I'm fallin', so if you still think you're not ready to leave him for good... or if you're still tangled up with him or something... if you're not as serious about this as me, just tell me... Maybe I shouldn't care this much, but I do. I was serious when I said I know I'm supposed to be here... I mean, it's okay if this takes a while for you to work through. We can get to know each other as friends until then, if you want. I'm serious, I really want this to work."

Yumichika was quiet for a long time. After a few minutes of silence, he brought their linked hands up to his cheek and held them there with his trembling fingers.

Ikkaku knelt down and held him close to his chest. "You don't have to decide right-"

"I want to leave," Yumichika interrupted him, wiping under his eyes to get the tears before they fell. "I want to be done, I promise. I'm not lying. I'm tired of not being happy," Yumichika said with a small voice. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been this happy?... It's been a long time... You stupid idiot," his voice cracked a little.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Ikkaku fluttered his hands over him, "Don't cry, please don't cry... Oh man." He grabbed Yumichika's head and pressed it to his chest, stroking his hair awkwardly. "Uh... Sh."

Yumichika gave a watery laugh and a sniffle at the sweetness, before sighing. "This is exhausting... this whole mess... but... I think it's worth this... I do feel safe around you... I know that you care, and I can see that you're trying... It makes me feel safe... and... trust you, I guess."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku inquired, rubbing his hair a little more, still a little jittery over almost having Yumichika start crying on him again. He'd  _pound_  that fucker's face into the cement. "Good... I'll protect you, okay? I wasn't joking, I won't let him come near you if you want him to get away. I won't let anything happen."

Yumichika nodded, blinking hard to suck his tears back up into his eyeballs. "Can... Is it really... okay after..." his voice trailed off. "How can you not be angry with me... how can you still want me after I just did that?"

"I'm not upset over that, okay? I just want to beat him up a little for grabbing you like that."

"A little," Yumichika repeated, staring at some of the coats, before laughing.

"Yeah, you're special ta' me, okay? You told me you were leavin' him last night, and I believe you. He's the creep who's following you around. I have no reason ta' be mad at  _you_ , you didn't ask for him ta' come here."

"Okay," Yumichika sniffled, taking a shaky breath. "I'm glad I didn't scare you away... I thought for sure that you'd lose interest when you saw how much there was to still deal with."

"I'm not worried about that, I can deal with it. I'm patient. So you gonna' let me be sweet on you, or what?" Yumichika nodded. "Really? You'll be my boyfriend?" Yumichika nodded, smiling at Ikkaku's deliriously happy tone. " _Really?_ "

"Yes," Yumichika said, poking him in the stomach. Ikkaku grinned that crazy smile again, and Yumichika smiled wider.

"Fuck, I wanna' hug you and spin you around, but there's no room in here," Ikkaku said breathlessly, and Yumichika just felt so happy inside that he could hardly even contain it. Yumichika laughed a little, standing unsteadily, grin fading away after a moment.

Ikkaku looked at him seriously then, holding him by the shoulders, "I wonder if you're okay... Are you afraid?"

Yumichika nodded, "I'll be fine."

"Why're you lying to me?" Ikkaku asked, so gently that Yumichika startled a bit, inwardly curling with shame at having lied out of reflex. "I don't want you to feel scared, please talk ta' me. It's okay for you to be sad and to miss him. We can talk about this, don't worry about my feelings."

Yumichika nodded slowly, "I just... I feel better breaking things off with him, but I don't know if he understands that I was serious. Maybe that's why he came here... He knew where I was... I don't feel safe going home. He knew where I was," Yumichika repeated, frowning. "Things like that have happened before, he'll just pop up like that... How did he know where I was?"

"Let's go back to my house and work something out, okay? Renji and Ichigo are gonna' come by real quick; they're worried... They called and told me that Kaa tricked your address out of 'em... I don't really think you should sleep over there alone either until this gets cleared up."

"Okay," Yumichika nodded, a little braver. "Just in case. I think that's a smart idea. Thank you, it's a lot easier to think rationally with you here. I don't feel so alone." He looked up at Ikkaku. "I like you," he said simply, beaming.

"Fuck," Ikkaku muttered to himself, looking down at his shoes with a blush. He hid his eyes with a hand, scowling to himself.

"What's this all of a sudden?" Yumichika said in concern, trying to peek at his face to see what he was hiding. "What? What's the matter?"

"I just... Ugh."

"What?!"

Ikkaku looked up at him, face red with embarrassment, frown a little awkward. Yumichika suddenly realized that he was  _shy_. "I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet you."

Yumichika melted inside, cheeks flushing a little. "Hold my hand, you sap."

Ikkaku's blush intensified, and he hid his eyes again, looking the other way as he thrust his hand out for Yumichika to take.

* * *

"Yumichika, I think you should stay over with us until we figure something out," Renji said, scratching at the back of his neck. "This is all really freaking me out, okay? I'd feel really guilty if something happened to you cuz' of my stupid mistake. Please, can you sleep over with us for a couple nights?"

"I don't want to impose on you two, you're so busy," Yumichika said, adamant about not staying at their house.

"Well, where else can you stay?" Ichigo asked, pointedly eyeing Ikkaku to get him to speak up. "With Rangiku? Any family members?"

"No... Rangiku is staying in a dorm at the moment... And my only family that would let me stay is my sister, and she's in England with her husband... that's why I have her car: she couldn't take it with her. Hmm."

"You can stay with me," Ikkaku piped up, trying not to sound too eager.

"Oh no, I could never impose," Yumichika said, shaking his head too many times. "We've just met, this is... No, I couldn't."

"I insist, I have room-" Yumichika looked to Renji and Ichigo for help, but they were whistling and looking off in different directions, pretending to ignore his silent plea.

Humphing, Yumichika turned back to Ikkaku. "Are you sure it's entirely appropriate?"

"Well... If you aren't comfortable with it... I'm not gonna' peep on you or something," Ikkaku said awkwardly, and somehow, the fact that Ikkaku didn't see anything inappropriate about them rooming together made it better. It was like he was too naive to even understand why it wasn't okay, and somehow, to Yumichika, that made a difference.

"You don't even have to spend your time there during the day - Just sleep there so you'll be safe n' stuff. I know it's too soon, but I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Okay... Well... Okay," Yumichika sighed, conceding, but quickly saying it would only be for a little while. Ikkaku gave a small grin, and Yumichika scowled at him and his little victory. "I'm  _not_  cheap," he pointed in Ikkaku's face sharply, making sure he understood that he wasn't easy or anything, and that this was strictly a forced arrangement.

Ikkaku looked upset, like that thought hadn't even entered his mind. "No, no, of course not." Yumichika looked at him for a little while longer, eventually exhaling in satisfaction that he really was being genuine.

"Alright," Renji said. "We gotta' book it to the store now, or I'm not gonna' get any h-"

"Don't say stuff like that in public! And I never said you were getting any!" Ichigo slugged him in the gut and turned bright red in the face. "We're leaving," he snapped, dragging Renji to their pick-up truck. "Call us if you need anything, Yumichika."

Yumichika and Ikkaku looked after them, blinking, before looking at each other and laughing.

"Alright, let's just stop at your place to pick up some of your clothes. I don't want you going over there alone."

"Okay," Yumichika said, as if it hadn't occurred to him yet. "How many days should I stay?"

"Until you get an order of protection on him. Or until you feel safe to go back there by yourself, alright? I know it's a little early for you to come live with me, an' we've only known each other a little while... but... I hope that you can feel at home, okay? I don't wantcha' ta' feel scared or anything, I promise I won't do anything... like  _that_ , okay? I'm  _not_  a pervert," he said rather vehemently.

Yumichika nodded. "It's a first step, and it is a little strange, but... I think I want something a little different."

"Okay. Now let's get out of here before that creep comes lookin'."

"Good idea."

"I'm full of good ideas."

"No, you're full of _shit_."

"Oh-hoh, shots have been fired!"

"Pow, bang-bang-bang!"

"Quit it, Stop frickin' tickling my ribs- Ack!"


	9. Chapter 9

"Guh," Renji moaned, pulling his eye sockets down with one hand. "I'm pulling over, my eyes won't stay open anymore." After parking on the side of the road, he looked over at Ichigo, who was clinging to the arms of his chair, hair standing on end, face pale. "That okay?... uh, what's wrong with you?"

"Oh, oh, nothing," Ichigo said, sounding stricken as he jerkily unbuckled himself and got out of the truck to change places with Renji. "I'm just thanking god that we didn't die all those times that you just konked out on the freeway like someone suffering from narcolepsy."

"C'mon, I wasn't swerving  _that_  much," Renji complained, dark circles under his eyes, tattoos standing out because of his unnaturally pasty complexion. He pulled down the little mirror flap above his seat to take a look at his face. "Aw frick, I look like a box a' hammers, and that's an insult ta' hammers everywhere."

"Okay, mister dark lord, sleep while I drive," Ichigo demanded. "This whole thing with Yumichika's scumbag has exhausted you." Ichigo pinched him, turning the key to turn the car back on.

"Hey, worrying about people is hard work."

"Tell me about it," Ichigo rolled his eyes, "I need a vacation."

* * *

"We're totally going on a vacation!"

"Really? I haven't had the money to go on a vacation since I got fired - even just going by myself."

"Oh yeah? You could probably try to get your old job back now that you're with me." Ikkaku grinned; he loved saying that. Yumichika was with  _him_  now.

Yumichika looked like he hadn't thought of that until that point, and he looked excited about the prospect. "Oh, I hadn't thought of that."

"The vacation's gonna' be great, since it's like seven people pooling money. All our friends're goin' together."

"Oh," Yumichika smiled widely, "Good idea."

"So yeah, we'll just be going on a little vacation for a weekend. Renji and Ichigo have been excited about it for months now, cause' they hardly  _ever_  get time off at the same time anymore."

"You're inviting me? Are you sure that's okay?" Yumichika asked uncertainly. "I didn't get an invitation, are you sure it's okay for me to just come along? I mean, I'll pay, but..."

"It's definitely okay."

* * *

"This is so  _not_  okay," Ichigo raged, kicking the side of the car so hard that his foot left a dent in the door.

"Woah, woah, calm down, baby, I'm  _totally_  gonna' fix it," Renji said, grabbing his tools from the flat bed of the pick-up.

Ichigo crossed his arms and glared at him with his mouth in a flat line, completely not in the mood for this. "No. Call a tow-truck."

"But, babe, I can-"

" _Call a tow truck!"_  Ichigo screamed, picking up a rock off the ground and throwing it at Renji's head.

"Woah, geez. I dunno' what the hell you were calling  _me_  the dark lord for, you're really pissy today."

"Our day's completely ruined! You  _can't_  fix the car, it'll take twice as much time and money for you to fix it, so just call someone to come get it!" Ichigo was getting red in the face. Oh geez. Renji hated when stressful situations like this happened, because Ichigo was seriously  _so_  close to blowing his stack lately, especially when it came to something to do with cars. Ichigo's own car had been undrivable for almost a year now, and now that their pick-up wasn't working, they were fucked. Renji cringed guiltily, knowing that this might put Ichigo at risk for premature strokes.

He didn't want this to be the straw that broke his boyfriend's back.

"Okay, okay, I'm calling, okay? Just... Stop bein' so mad," he mumbled, leaning on the side of the truck.

Ichigo sighed, sitting down on the ground and leaning his back against one of the tires. "Looks like we're back to taking the subway." Ichigo looked so dejected and pitiful that Renji was starting to think those bad thoughts again about how his presence fucked up Ichigo's life.

He really shouldn't have messed with the car - but he had wanted to try out something he'd learned in class. After he'd tried to fix the air conditioner, he'd probably fucked something up with the engine, and now Ichigo was upset and stressed out because of it. Damnit.

Okay sure, the air conditioner had to do with the electrical part of the car, and not the engine, but still, Renji felt responsible.

"It's okay, it's okay, don't look like that." Renji held out a hand that had just gotten some grease on it. "C'mon, sit in the cab, babe, it looks like rain."

"I'm not yer' babe," Ichigo growled, not taking his hand.

"Aw, c'mon..."

"I don't see any clouds," Ichigo said, so upset that he wasn't even scowling anymore; he just had that blank, flat expression on, and it was tearing Renji to pieces, because that was how Ichigo looked when he was in front of his mom's grave, or when his car had gotten a boot on it and dragged away, or when he'd come home after one of those horrible fights. It was when he was forcing himself not to feel anything.

"I meant yer' eyeballs, baby. C'mere." He pulled Ichigo up, but the orange-head just pushed his hands away and got in the cab, shutting the door.

"Fuck," Renji sighed, leaning against the back of the truck. "Yer' just not happy anymore, are ya'," he mumbled. "Hopefully goin' on vacation with everyone'll help ya' relax... Hopefully... or I'm just outta' ideas."

He kicked the side of the truck, swearing.

* * *

"Oh come on, everyone who's going are your friends too, right?"

Yumichika scuffed his foot on the ground a little. "Yeah, I guess so. I'll think about it. I've never been to Cedar Point, or that water park."

"It's gonna' be  _bomb_ , baby."

Yumichika laughed a little, getting in his car, letting Ikkaku hop in the passenger side. "Sounds like fun."

* * *

"Riding the subway? Sounds like fun, right?" Renji nudged Ichigo, who was crossing his arms and sulking as they got dropped off at the subway station.

"Yeah, carrying a fuckload of groceries on a nasty subway sounds like a lot of fun, I can't  _fucking_ wait."

"C'mon, Look on the bright side. Don't get so mad." Renji carried his tool box in his hand, power drill in the other, and a bag over his shoulder. He couldn't leave their things in the car while it was at the shop - it might get stolen, or the legal documents in the glove compartment might be needed for other matters, so it all had to come with them.

"I'm not mad." Renji shut up. If that line got brought out, you'd best not say a goddamn word,  _e_ _specially_  not if Ichigo was obviously mad.

They rode most of the way to the city in silence, Renji sitting down on one of the benches with their things, Ichigo standing on the other side, smooshed in between a bunch of people while he looked out the window.

Everything seemed to be going okay until out of the blue, Renji's attention was grabbed by some Ichigo-noise,  _pissed_ Ichigo-noise. "Hey, watch it, watch it, what the heck are you doin'?"

Renji looked up to see Ichigo shouting in the face of a really big burly guy. Oh boy, getting into a brawl on the subway was not on Renji's to-do- _ever_  list. "What's your problem, man?" the guy said back, looking a little nervous at being called out on his chikan-ways.

"My problem is your  _hand on my_   _ass!_ Keep it to yourself before I rip it off and shove it down your throat!" Renji grinned a little, shaking his head. Ichigo did his job for him most of the time when it came to these things. He usually didn't even have to get protective of Ichigo unless they were in a situation where Ichigo couldn't fight back.

"Woah, back off, dude, like I'd touch some fag-pervert anyway. You're probably the one touching  _me." Obviously_  the guy didn't usually get attention drawn to what he was doing, so he was trying to push the pressure off on someone else.

"What the hell does that even mean, you sicko' jerk?!"

"Oh, I'm a jerk?" The guy grabbed Ichigo by the collar. Ichigo just growled, pulling an arm back, ready to punch the guy's lights out. Renji knew that this was the moment to interfere, because the guy was obviously a punk coward, and you never know which punk cowards have good lawyers.

"Let him go!" Renji shouted, holding a wrench above his head. "You let him go, or I'm gonna' make you and your fat face sorry!" He yanked the guy's hand off of Ichigo's shirt and pulled Ichigo behind him. "Now  _get lost!"_

The guy probably hadn't expected psycho-muscular older-brother to just pop in out of nowhere, so he backed down, growled, and turned away.

"You okay?" Renji asked lowly. Ichigo scowled, crossing his arms. "Hey, can anyone spare a seat so we don't have to be near this dirtbag?" Renji asked the entire train-car, looking around. Most people were staring, still in awe over that display. Some middle-aged women made some room, and Ichigo helped carry their stuff over there.

"Feel better?" Renji put his toolbox under his legs - there was only room for one of them, so Ichigo stood next to the bench. "C'mon, sit right here, there's room."

"Absolutely not."

Ichigo was extra-frazzled today, which was probably the only reason Renji got away with coaxing him into sitting on his leg. Renji bounced him a couple of times to get a response out of him. Ichigo took a deep breath, "Ahhh, Yeah. I do feel better, actually." Renji tried not to smile, sideglancing at the two women sitting next to them, who were whispering and smiling at them.

"I woulda' felt better if I coulda' punched his ugly mug a couple of times," Renji said airily.

"You coulda' knocked him down, mister," cheeped a little boy from the seat behind him. His mother tried to hush him and pull him back down, but the kid clung to the seat edge and stuck his head over it to look at them. "You have big brave muscles." The mother pulled the kid down and apologized for him.

"It's alright, Miss," Renji said, grinning at the little kid with a wink. Ichigo just scowled.

Renji laughed lowly a little, tightening his arms on Ichigo, making him sit with his back flush to his chest; He was secretly glad that it was one of those times where Ichigo was forced into showing what they were in public. He was very passionate in letting his territory be known, but he had accepted the fact that Ichigo was a private person when it came to these things.

Ichigo just crossed his arms, face turning red, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Is it my day ta' get groped on the subway or something?" he grouched. Renji just tugged on his ear. Truth be told, Renji didn't like embarrassing Ichigo. He really didn't, even to tease him, so he never did so on purpose. He did feel a little bad, but he tried to enjoy it, knowing that this was probably the only time he'd get to do this in public for the next ten years.

"Aw, don't be cranky, we've still got most of the day left."

Ichigo shrugged, leaning his head back on Renji's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess."

"I think you need rest more than me," Renji said quietly, running his fingers through Ichigo's hair, trying to tame the bristles down a little. Ichigo sighed. "Just close your eyes for a little while," Ichigo nodded, squirming a little to get comfortable. Their legs were all tangled up and pressed against the seat in front of them.

"Tch', if we crash, we're gonna' have four broken femurs, here."

"Be quiet, I was just startin' ta' relax." Ichigo grinned, not opening his eyes.

* * *

"You good for some heavy lifting?"

"Aw, and I was just starting to relax, too."

"Oh hush, you lazy lout."

Ikkaku followed Yumichika up the steps to his apartment level. He grinned at the golden knocker attached to the green door - chipping paint, and rusty handle. Yumichika had some flower pots and boxes outside of his door and there was a cheesy welcome mat on the ground.

"I'll just need some laundry and... some other things." Yumichika opened the door, stepping inside.

Ikkaku followed him hesitantly, slipping off his shoes as he took a look around. It sort of looked like a magazine, things were set up so nicely. He nearly ran into Yumichika when he stopped suddenly.

"What, what's that look on your face?" Yumichika looked around his living room slowly, eyes wide. Ikkaku let three dead silent seconds pass, before he nudged Yumichika's shoulder. "What?"

"Someone has been in here," Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku startled, looking around. Yumichika held a finger up to his lips, creeping across the carpet bare-foot. "Or is."

"Wait, you mean someone might be in here right now?"

"Maybe. Don't talk." Yumichika stood perfectly still, listening. "If there is, they'll already have heard us, so we need to look around." Ikkaku nodded, heart pounding really fast as he followed Yumichika through his living room into his kitchenette.

Yumichika handed Ikkaku a rolling-pin solemnly and slipped a knife out of the wooden block, holding it aloft as he crept out into the hallway.

"This is our first partners in crime gig," Yumichika whispered, grinning. Ikkaku smiled after a second.

"Well wayta' think positive, I guess." Yumichika rolled his eyes, elbowing Ikkaku in the gut. "There's no way this creeper will take us seriously though."

"He doesn't have to take me seriously if there's a knife in his throat," Yumichika shrugged, sticking his tongue out. Ikkaku bopped him lightly on the shoulder with the pin.

"You need to take  _yourself_  seriously. There really might be a creep in your house right now."

"I know, I'm just tired of having problems," Yumichika sighed, holding the knife above his head as he checked behind some wicker doors in the hallway. Ikkaku peeked in and saw some old board games stacked up next to a boiler and some pipes. There was a switch-box on the wall and a couple of spiderwebs. "No problem in here."

They snuck through the house, Yumichika telling him to follow his steps over the squeaky boards. All the crawl spaces and large cupboards and closets were checked, and no one was there.

They both took a breath. Yumichika swallowed and put a hand over his heart, rolling his eyes. "My goodness," he griped, tapping his foot on the ground as he checked his face in the knife.

Ikkaku rolled the rolling-pin on Yumichika's arm, tickling him a little. "Are you just paranoid or something? How do you know someone was here?"

"I have a feeling." Yumichika looked at him with those eyes and Ikkaku felt chills go down his spine. From the look on his face, Yumichika was one hundred percent sure that someone had been in his house.

"It doesn't seem like anything's missing but, the door was unlocked… I just kno-" Yumichika's eyes went wide and he did a huge gasp. And then he turned to Ikkaku and grabbed his arms, knife clattering to the floor.

"My cat… My cat is gone," he said in shock, face screwing up. He wailed in despair, stomping his feet on the floor. "Oh no, oh no, where is she? We looked through the whole house, she's gone! She's gone!" Yumichika clamped his hands on the sides of his own face, digging his nails in.

All of this whole situation had obviously worn Yumichika down to the nerves - Ikkaku felt bad, because he was so frayed that anything more would probably kill the poor thing.

"Wait, wait, calm down, you said the door was unlocked, she mighta' just gotten out by herself, right?" He was getting freaked out, because Yumichika was seriously starting to panic. This day was just one train wreck after another. "Did you leave any windows open?"

"No, no," Yumichika began to cry, so tired and cranky and upset that he just couldn't help it now that he'd lost his cat along with everything else. "She always runs to the door when I come home and she didn't come out. Someone took her. I'll never see her again, oh my god." Fat tears started rolling down his cheeks to Ikkaku's dismay, as Yumichika began crying into his hands.

"Ya' think it was Kaa?" Yumichika nodded, shoulders shaking as tears streamed from his eyes.

"Oh-hoh, noo, you're right, it must be him." Yumichika was now crying so hard he couldn't stop. He nodded again, screwing his eyes shut as he dropped down onto the floor, curling up into a ball.

"C'mon, get up, sweets," Ikkaku said shakily, taking Yumichika under the armpits, hefting him up into his arms. "C'mon, it'll be okay." He picked him up and carried him out into the living room, sitting them down on the couch. Pulling him in close to his chest, Ikkaku pet his hair. "Shh, it'll be okay." He kissed the top of his head, but this just made Yumichika cry harder.

"Aw, babe, don't cry," Ikkaku whined, patting his back. "Are you sure he'd do this? Is he really so petty as to take your cat and hurt it?" Yumichika was getting hysterical, face wet, hands shaking and clamped over his mouth and nose, hardly able to breath through his crying. He nodded a bunch of times, crying so hard that Ikkaku's heart was hurting.

"Oh, sweetheart," Ikkaku squeezed him. "Shhhh…. We need to go report this. Right now. We can look all over town – Your cat's only been gone a couple of hours, right? He wouldn't have had time to come here after we just saw him, so he musta' done it after you left to come over."

"Right," Yumichika said shakily, beginning to calm down. "His little sister-" His breath was rattling and quavering, because he physically could not stop crying anymore, hiccuping and sobbing. "Before she die-ied, she said he-  _hic-_ " He began to cry hard again, putting his hands over his face. "No, no, no, no, he can't, he can't-"

"Shh, babe, pull yourself together... C'mon, calm down, just breathe," Ikkaku made him copy his breaths for a while, until he was calm enough to say a full sentence.

Yumichika sniffled, getting it together. "I'm sorry for falling apart, I just... She's my only family now that my sister's moved away... Kaa loves horror movies - he'd always be watching them and they would have serial killers who would hurt animals when they were kids." Yumichika's voice spiraled higher and higher with each bout of worrying, "And the pets would get torn up or set on fire! Hair burns so fast, I didn't realize, but they just doused the cats in gasoline and just  _fwhoom!"_

"Shh, don't think about that," Ikkaku put a hand over Yumichika's mouth and then pulled his head to his chest. "I'm sure that won't hap-"

Ikkaku gasped, snapping his fingers. "Wait, if we hurry, we can go back and get that bastard, he's still in town." Yumichika blinked up at him, getting up off the couch.

"Here, get on my back, we'll run."

* * *

"Fuck, we're missing the bullet train!" Ichigo shouted, carrying groceries in his arms.

"Here, get on my back, we'll run!"

"You idiot, you can't carry me and all this shit!"

"Well fuck then, I'll go hold the door," Renji dropped his bags on the ground and  _sprinted_  across the subway station, jumping over the turnstiles and slipping through crowds, jamming his foot in the door of the train.

"OW!" Ichigo could hear from across the cavernous room. "OW, OW, FRICK, IT KEEPS OPENING AND CLOSING, HURRY UP!"

Ichigo looked around helplessly, already laden down with plastic bags. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY EVERYTHING!?"

He was met with silence, and he sagged, groaning. "Guuuhhhh, I'm on a planet full of lunatics."

* * *

" _You lunatic!_ What did you do to her?! Give her back!" Yumichika screeched, kicking and clawing at Kaa's smirking face, only held back by Ikkaku's arms, clamped around his chest.

"Hm…" he scratched his head, feigning idiocy. "I dunno'," he cackled. Ikkaku set Yumichika down on the curb, rolled up his jacket sleeves with a calm expression, spit into his palms, cracked his knuckles, and then punched Kaa in the nose.

Kaa almost fell backwards on his ass as he clutched at his face. "Frick, you punch hard, man."

"There, now your face matches your hair, you sicko!" People on the other side of the street were staring in shock, because Kaa was laughing like he'd been told an insanely funny joke. The bruising on his face from where Yumichika had slapped him melded in with his now broken nose.

"Ha, that's a good one." Kaa let the blood run into his mouth as he looked at them, grinning as he snapped his nose back into place. Ikkaku cringed at the sound. "What's this, ya' like bald guys now, Princess Yum-Yum? What's up with this? How am I supposed to be jealous of this-"

"Careful, ya' sound kinda' worried there, Nickie," Ikkaku teased, fists clenching in rage. "You fucking sicko." Kaa's eyes went wide in fury, and he grabbed the front of Ikkaku's t-shirt, wondering how he knew his given name.

"My name is  _Kaa_ ," he hissed through gritted teeth, fist coiled back ready to punch Ikkaku in the face. "Who... Who told you... _Yumichika_ ," he said, poison in his voice as he looked to the man sitting on the curb in the dirt. Yumichika winced.

Ikkaku shoved Kaa's chest to get him out of his face. The guy's attitude changed in a split second, "Heh, you're right about me doing the fucking, though." Kaa's anger left as quick as it had come, and he was grinning again, eyes glinting threateningly. "Ain't that right, Yummy-chika?"

Yumichika glared, throwing a rock at Kaa, hitting him in the stomach. "Pfft," Kaa laughed, crossing his arms.

"You petty piece of shit," Ikkaku grumbled, picking the distraught Yumichika up off the curb.

"Heh. I'm sure Ruki's around here somewhere, she did always like the fish pond in that one park," Kaa laughed. "I just opened the door and she shot out like a rocket. Ran straight to the open window at the end of the hall and went down the fire escape. S'not my fault, I didn't do nothin'. I was just looking for something."

"Oh, you bastard," Ikkaku spat, "You're just tryin' ta' scare him, huh? That's it?" Yumichika kicked a wall. "You let him think you cut his cat up or suffocated it in a shoe box, and you just let it run away? Wow. That's actually kind of a let down."

Kaa grinned, sticking out his tongue, making a lewd gesture.

"You are the biggest dirtbag I've ever met." Kaa laughed. "You have double-standards about gays even though you  _are_ one – you're a complete creep, and you stalk Yumichika even though you've probably been sleeping around like a soggy waffle. What's  _wrong_ with you, man? You can't have it both ways!"

Kaa seemed to be listening now. "It's a wonder he didn't kick your ass out years ago!" Ikkaku stared at Kaa without blinking. "Once your body gives out, you won't have a job or anyone to warm your bed, because that's all you are is a pretty face with some pretty words."

Kaa wasn't smiling now, and was staring at him, slack-jawed. Yumichika was blinking, starry-eyed, looking at Ikkaku like he was a superhero. "You're nothing but a slime ball, and once you look like one, everyone's gonna' know, and ya' won't get away with shit anymore. There's something wrong with you, there has to be for you to not treat Yumichika like he deserves. You have to be insane."

Kaa opened his mouth, closed it again, blinking. Yumichika stared, not speaking. He'd never seen Kaa at a loss for words. He looked pretty stupid with drying blood all over his face and his teeth, eyes wide and mouth agape like a fish.

Ikkaku pursed his lips, glaring at the guy. "And for the record, your head looks like it's on fire." That at least got a smile out of Yumichika. "He doesn't want to see you anymore, so stay the fuck out of his sight, his house, and his personal space... You make me sick, and you're also a loser."

Yumichika looked at Kaa, who was starting to look kind of sad, arm twitching like he wanted to grab his hand.

"We're leaving." Ikkaku turned around and took Yumichika's hand, pulling him off the curb and walked away. "See you never, asshole." Yumichika looked back, and there was a flash of devastation on Kaa's face for a moment, like he didn't understand why he was watching Yumichika walk away from him.

"Small world," Kaa called after them, and for some reason, it really fucking creeped Ikkaku out because he could feel his eyes following them long after they'd left the immediate area.

* * *

"I can't believe you gave a hundred dollars to a stranger just to get them to hold the door," Ichigo said in disbelief as he trudged through the park with Renji, carrying way more than a human ever should.

"Hey, c'mon, what would you have done?" Renji ducked under some tree branches and sat down on a bench to rest.

Ichigo slitted his eyes, "Okay, fair deal. Let's just get home."

"In a minute, my legs are killing me."

* * *

"My legs are killing me, let me down," Yumichika said to Ikkaku, who knelt down to let him off his back.

"Okay, what's your cat look like? I don't actually know, so... I don't know how much help I can be with finding her."

"She's a maine coon, so she likes water... That's why she likes the koi pond... I used to live closer to this area, when I was living with Kaa. If she's not there... then, I'll have to give up," Yumichika said. "She's white with black patches, and she's really fluffy and big."

"I'm sure we'll find her, Yumichika, think positive."

* * *

"Think positive, we'll be back soon."

"Yeah... I guess," Ichigo sighed, sitting down next to Renji. Renji poked him excitedly, grinning.

"Hey Ichigo, wanna' arm-wrestle? C'mon, arm-wrestle me,"

"Alright, alright, I was gonna' say yes." Ichigo looked up, just in time to see something divebomb out of the tree above them and land on Renji's head.

"ACK!"

"Holy fuck!" Ichigo screamed. "What the hell is on your head?"

"Get it off! Get it- Oh, geez." Renji pried the thing off his head, holding it in front of him, "What the- Haruki? Hey, is this Yumichika's cat? I think it is," he laughed, petting the cat's back, completely forgetting his shock and upset. "Remember how she always used to lick my hair when we lived with Yumichika?"

"Speaking of, is that Yumichika over there? _"_  Ichigo put a hand up to his eyes, staring into the distance.

"Oh hey, what do you know."

"Is Ikkaku holding a fish carcass?"

"Haruki's breath stinks."

"Oh geez, I hope the park manager doesn't see that."


	10. Chapter 10

"They are just having one problem after another, aren't they," Ichigo mumbled as they came up the steps to their apartment. Renji was still upset over what they'd been told about Kaa messing with Yumichika's cat – they'd been right in their caution, by not letting Yumichika sleep at his own apartment alone. Kaa had done exactly what they'd expected him to do: go to Yumichika's apartment to make trouble.

Never mind the fact that they had thought he was going to kill Yumichika, rather then let his cat run out of the house. Kind of disappointing actually. Well, not everything could be a horror movie.

Renji was still ranting about it at the moment, getting on Ichigo's nerves a little. "I mean, how creepy is that? Just  _think_  if Yumichika had been  _home_  when Kaa came around – I can't freaking believe-"

"Yeah, they're having one problem after another, I said," Ichigo repeated in the same tone of voice. If he raised it in hopes to be heard above Renji's shouting, Renji would most likely get even louder. "Let's see, there was Ikkaku brawling at his work, his explosive break-up, Kaa stalking him in a bathroom, and almost losing his cat. Just one huge unlucky streak. Ikkaku's pretty determined."

"On the positive side, it'll probably bring them closer together."

"Or it might just scare Ikkaku away," Ichigo said flatly. "You know how he is with that luck and superstition stuff." Renji grimaced, shrugging as Ichigo opened the door and toed his shoes off as well as he could without the use of his hands, which were still preoccupied with the grocery bags.

"Oh pssh, I doubt that, he's a stubborn asshole," Renji said, sliding in and shutting the door with his shoulder. "He's already said something about Yumichika being a good luck charm." He ducked down to kiss Ichigo's cheek and tried to nose him up to his lips. "Mmm, He looks as smitten with him as I am with you, good-lookin'."

"Yeah, yeah, pipe down, pineapple-head." Ichigo grinned, kissing him back for a second before going to the counter to set down the groceries before his arms just fell off. "Just wait till' tonight, you won't even know which end of me looks better."

Renji's breath left him all at once, and he dropped his groceries on the ground, staring at Ichigo who was giving him that innocent look. Ichigo then glared at him when Renji grabbed his ass a little, kissing his neck. "Go study. I've decided that whoever wins Marioparty tonight gets to pick top or bottom."

Renji made a thoughtful noise when inside he was fist-pumping, "Hm. Good stakes. Not really any way to lose."

"I thought so too," Ichigo said, opening the fridge, beginning to put away the new food. "Go get started or we won't have time."

"Alright, alright, I'm goin'." Renji gave him one last kiss on the cheek, trying to avoid getting beat with a dishrag that Ichigo was fending him off with. "I'm glad I get some time with you, dandelion."

Ichigo sighed, smiling fondly, not turning around. "Love you too, you fucking loser," he said quietly after Renji had left.

* * *

It took them a while to get all of Yumichika's things – Yumichika didn't want to let his cat out of his sight, and had pet and cuddled her for an obscene amount of time. Of course, Ikkaku didn't know what things Yumichika needed, or where they were, so eventually he had to gently prod him and tell him that he'd watch Haruki while he packed. Yumichika conceded, which pleased Ikkaku, because it obviously took a bit of trust.

This didn't stop him from pausing in packing every few minutes to peek into the living room to see if Haruki was still there. Ikkaku just pet her and glanced back at him with a grin every time - Yumichika eventually stopped, finally settling as he realized that everything was fine.

Yumichika ended up with a bag of clothes and a couple cardboard boxes of video tapes and some other things – which Ikkaku couldn't see, because of the box cover. Lastly, there was a small cube television that played only VCR tapes, and then there were his cat's things, of course.

"It's a good thing you didn't let me pick you up," Ikkaku noted. Yumichika's eyes narrowed and his lips pursed when he mentioned his motorcycle. Of course, it would've been impossible for them to bring anything but their bodies on the motor-bike.

"Yes, it's a good thing."

"You should let me take you for a ride someday," Ikkaku said eagerly. Yumichika stuck his nose in the air. "What's that? Why are you so sour all of a sudden?"

"Those bikes are dangerous, you hooligan," Yumichika said snootily, crossing his arms.

Ikkaku stared at him for a second before a Grinch-grin spread over his face. "You're scared, aren't you." Yumichika bristled like a porcupine, and he hit Ikkaku in the shoulder pretty damn hard. "Okay, okay, you chicken," Ikkaku teased as he picked up some of Yumichika's boxes.

Yumichika allowed Ikkaku to drive his car on the way back to his apartment because Haruki disliked car rides, and needed to be held by Yumichika, which obviously could not be done while he drove.

After sliding Yumichika's car next to his motorbike in the under-ground parking garage, Ikkaku sidled over to it, leaning against the concrete wall, whistling nonchalantly, "What, you don't think I'm hotter next to this bad-ass motorcycle?"

Yumichika hissed and threw a balled pair of socks from his clothes bag at him. " _No."_

"Oh, so I look cooler, then?" Yumichika gave an exasperated laugh. Ikkaku grinned. "I'm gonna' get you on it someday."

"You're going to die disappointed then," Yumichika said with a straight face, goading Ikkaku into laughing again. He made a noise with his teeth to get Haruki to follow after him as he carried his boxes to the elevator.

"Ikkaku, can you hold the door so her tail doesn't get caught?"

"Yeah, sure." Ikkaku did so as Yumichika grabbed the rest of his things and locked his car. The elevator ride was calming, spent in silence. Haruki meowed at her reflection on the chrome walls, and Ikkaku wormed his hand into Yumichika's.

The door opened and Ikkaku stepped out onto the sidewalk, waving at the guy in the tollbooth at the garage entrance. Haruki stayed close to Yumichika's legs, winding around them as they picked up Yumichika's luggage.

After a short walk to the building, Yumichika screeched at the fact that the garage had an elevator, but the twenty story apartment building  _didn't_.

"Oh come on, babe, the levels are open to the air like a condo, that's why they don't have an elevator like some hotel – leaves and rain would get in."

Yumichika still pouted about it, since his apartment was indoors like a hotel. "You walk twenty stories worth of stairs everyday on your way to work?"

"No. I live on the third floor. You walked up there this morning, remember?"

"Oh, not so bad." Yumichika brightened considerably. "I don't know why I didn't remember that. It's been a long day, I suppose."

"I hear ya'," Ikkaku said wholeheartedly, "but we're almost there already, see?" He nodded in direction of the last two stairwells. Haruki bounded up the steps, and meowed when she reached the top of them, looking down on the two of them.

"I'm surprised that she likes you," Yumichika indicated his cat. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone this, but she's the reason for Hisagi's scars."

"What? No way," Ikkaku looked at the sweet furball and then started laughing. He would never let Hisagi live that down.

"You can't tell him that I told you," Yumichika said firmly, fighting back his own laughter. "She doesn't like strangers; Only me, Kaa, and Renji to an extent."

"I see. I guess I can't get a fish anymore then, huh?" Ikkaku joked. Yumichika then looked guilty about invading his home, so he was quick to say that he liked this arrangement better.

When they reached the landing, Ikkaku set down his boxes and unlocked the door to his paint-smelling apartment. Haruki circled at the doorway, meowing as Yumichika and Ikkaku entered and took their shoes off.

"Here kitty," Ikkaku squatted down, trying to lure her into the house, but she wouldn't come - she turned around and made her way towards the neighbor's flower boxes. Yumichika picked her up and carried her in, petting her head.

"She had Kaa wrapped around her little finger, it was quite funny... She seems to like you too, or at least she's tolerating you. I'm glad... If she scratched you, you might get fed up pretty quickly."

"Oh, come on. If that slimeball can't scare me away, something this cute can't either."

Ikkaku closed the door to keep her in and moved to the windows, closing them again. Haruki wandered around in front of the fans, enjoying the breeze.

"Well... Home ... Home sweet home," Yumichika said, while pulling his shirt up over his nose and mouth in an attempt to mask the paint smell. Ikkaku cracked up, going over to hug him and pick him up.

"I'm glad you said yes," Ikkaku grinned. "Now we'll have a bunch of time to get to know each other... To tell the truth, I was a little worried you'd change your mind and... ya' know... go back... because he does know a lot more about you than me... Your favorites and... all about your life and family... what you like."

"Knowing all that didn't make him treat me better." Ikkaku smiled after a moment, pulling at the ends of his hair.

"Still glad ta' have ya' here."

"Going home with a man on the second date," Yumichika sighed with a rueful smile, looking back at Ikkaku, who was grinning like a maniac and squeezing him under the armpits in a huge hug. "Ohhhh, what would my parents say." Yumichika flopped his head back, laughing a little as Ikkaku shook him from side to side, goading him to hug back.

"What  _would_  they say?" Ikkaku asked curiously, eager to know more about Yumichika.

"Something degrading," Yumichika grimaced, "But my sister supported me. When I came out, I mean. She didn't support me being with Kaa, though."

"Well, she obviously cares about you then."

Yumichika smiles, "Yes. You two would get on like a house on fire."

"Oh geez," Ikkaku grimaced, a little cowed. Yumichika moved his luggage a little, looking around. "Okay, so obviously you can't sleep on the couch in the living room, because, well..." He gestured at the burlap-tarp covered couch that blocked the hallway and the painted room: a complete mess. "So... Well, you said there's a lotta' space in here, but... there's not a lot of _rooms_ , as you can see. If you don't wanna' sleep in the bathroom... you'll uhh... you'll have ta'... um,"

Yumichika pursed his lips. From what he had seen, there was a bedroom, a front room connected to a kitchen, a bathroom, a mystery room, and a hall closet.

"Share your room?" Yumichika's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure there isn't anywhere else I could sleep? You're not trying to bait me into your bed-"

Ikkaku looked offended, and cut him off, "Hey now, I am  _no_  pervert, you fruitcake." He jabbed Yumichika in the stomach and wound his arms around his back tightly to keep him from escaping as he tickled him. Haruki clawed at Ikkaku's leg when Yumichika began to laugh and thrash around.

"Stop, stop, you're upsetting her," Yumichika laughed, squatting down and petting down her puffed up fur. Then he sighed, "I'm just saying, it doesn't look good, Ikkaku. We met yesterday, and I'm  _not_  that kind of person."

"Oh woah, hey now, I never said you were cheap. I'm not insinuating  _anything_. I just want you to be comfy... and not get poisoning from paint flecks." He scratched at the back of his neck. "I mean, you could sleep in my bed, and I could sleep on the floor."

"It's okay, I suppose. I'll take the floor, if I could have some blankets."

"Yeah, sure, no problem, babe, let's go see what I got." Ikkaku immediately hopped over the covered couch blocking the hallway, Haruki following him like a shot.

Yumichika trailed behind hesitantly, looming by the doorway of Ikkaku's room, watching Ikkaku fumble in a closet in the dark.

* * *

Ichigo set down a tray with cheese, crackers, and a drink next to Renji on his work desk. His red-headed lover had on headphones and reading glasses, scribbling at sheets of graph paper and ticking things away on a calculator with his pencil eraser.

Not wanting to interrupt him, he made to sneak away silently, but Renji snagged him around the waist, pulling him in so he could kiss what was level with his face, which was, at the moment, his stomach.

"Thanks, babe," Renji mumbled, skewing his green-frames as he pushed his cheek up against Ichigo's torso. "M' almost done, I swear," he said tiredly.

"Take your time," Ichigo said, hesitantly setting his hand on Renji's head, then beginning to pet his hair soothingly. "I'm packing for our vacation."

"Mm, I can't wait." Renji turned back to his work. "We should get Yumichika to go with us. I feel bad about not inviting him."

"We already booked hotel rooms. He'd have to share a bed. If he's not comfortable with that, then don't push him, alright? He's had enough after that volcano-headed maniac-"

"Hey now, don't talk about his hair while it's that color," Renji pouted. Ichigo kissed his forehead, rubbing his shoulder a little.

"Concentrate, Koi," he said softly. "Don't let me bother ya'."

"Yer' not a bother. Yer' sexy."

"You just wait until I beat you at Marioparty. We'll see who's sexy  _then."_

 _"Oooh_ , I thought I was supposed to concentrate?"

"It's called extrinsic motivation."

* * *

"What is this other room for? Couldn't I sleep in there?"

"That's full of stuff. All my belongings are in boxes from when I was moving around."

"Ah, I see. I  _could_  lay in the hallway," Yumichika pointed out, waving an arm at the cramped space blocked off by tarp-covered furniture and cardboard-boxes. "Or in the kitch-"

"Are you that eager to get away from me?" Ikkaku teased, pulling things out of what Yumichika recognized as a linen closet.

Yumichika looked around the room, even though he had been trying to preserve Ikkaku's privacy. It was a little messy, with a large queen-sized bed, blankets askew. There were clothes on the floor and some food wrappers, but there weren't any dirty magazines, condom foil, or murder supplies, which was a good sign.

"No, no, I just, you know... You might get questions and weird looks if-"

"Look, Yumichika,  _nothing_  about you could ever embarrass me. Okay? No one's gonna' make fun of me because I've got  _you_ over here. They're gonna' be jealous."

"I just... don't want to make you go to trouble..."

"You're no trouble. Just lemme' do this for you, okay? Don't worry about anything."

Yumichika looked like he wanted to say something else, but he let out the breath and nodded, taking some sheets and a comforter from Ikkaku, who was putting a new pillowcase onto one of his pillows. He then threw it towards a clean place on the carpet, next to his bed. "Just put em' right there. Is that okay? If it's uncomfortable on the floor or if you wake up in the night, feel free to sleep right on the other half of my bed, I don't mind at all."

Yumichika nodded, smiling, wondering if Ikkaku was someone who spread across the whole bed, or if he snored, or if he kicked in his dreams. "You can just settle in while I finish painting, a'right?"

"Okay. Ikkaku?" Yumichika touched his shoulder as Ikkaku made to pass by him back down the hallway. "Thank you. I'm glad we're doing this. I didn't mean to sound so reluctant. I'm just excited... and happy," he said quietly. "It's like a new chance at... life, I guess." Ikkaku looked at him for second, before smiling softly.

"'M happy too. Thanks for givin' me a chance. I know it was a gamble for you, what with you havin' ta' change your whole life situation around for me."

"A risk worth taking." Yumichika smiled, walking back out into the front room, taking out a little portable radio and some scrapbooking materials. "Just tell me when you want me to paint the molding." Haruki meowed from where she'd hopped up on Ikkaku's kitchen counter.

"Hmm." Ikkaku mixed some more paint up into the roller tray, moving to a section that needed another coat. "Well you're supposed to let the paint dry for a couple days, then do another coat, let that dry... and then tape everything off and paint the molding, so... Hm, and next weekend is the vacation... But don't worry 'bout that, just relax for a while."

"Okay." Yumichika smiled and lie down on his stomach, beginning to cut pictures and stickers.

It was nice; sharing space with the music on. Before they knew it, it was seven at night and they had hardly talked, but they say that the mark of true companionship is peaceful silence.


	11. Chapter 11

"And I said, 'next time you want to get piss-drunk, at  _least_  put on something less tacky, and maybe you'll score the ugliest wretch in this god forsaken crevice. Just a hint, it's not me.'... And I also said that his breath stunk."

"You totally didn't say that."

"Why wouldn't I say it?"

"You have to back up shit talk, especially in a bar." Ikkaku looked at him a little strangely. "Your arms are like sticks, sweetheart... Although... Now that I'm thinkin' about it, you could probably kick  _my_  ass if you wanted to."

Yumichika grinned at the teasing, holding up his skinny arms in offense, making a mock-muscle. "Hey now, I can back it up. I _never_  bluff; It gets me into more trouble than it's worth. Anyways, the guy got mad, like the spitting, rage, violent, drunken type of mad. He grabbed the front of my shirt and ripped the buttons, so I splashed my drink in his face and kicked him in his crotch."

"You did not," Ikkaku said, calling bullshit. "You were drunk."

"I  _did_ , I  _did_ , I remember because he didn't zip up his pants after going to the bathroom. I used his neon underwear as a target. Freaking bull's eye... So that's the story of how I learned to teach men to sing soprano."

"Oooh, snap." Ikkaku closed a kitchen drawer with his hip. "Remind me not to get on your bad side. I'd hate to see ya' on the war path."

"I prefer to solve things without violence," Yumichika said haughtily. "I'm far too pretty for prison, and fighting is just no fun when the other participants are insanely sweaty and so condescending that their faces could fall off."

"So you don't think fighting's ugly then?"

"Not really, although fight- _ers_  can be ugly... and I do like watching men's wrestling and MMA on television. Imagine what that would look like without the hot pants."

"Oh my god." Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "You freaking pervert. How am I supposed to ask you to fight me now after you just said that?" Yumichika laughed to himself for a little while, before singing quietly along with the radio.

"Hey," Ikkaku said to get Yumichika's attention back. "Crack some eggs into a bowl, and pour in some milk. It makes the breading stick to the meat."

"Okay, this is a little too domestic for me," Yumichika joked, cooking some rice on the stove while Ikkaku chopped some raw chicken nearby.

"What?" Ikkaku looked up in confusion, watching Yumichika move to dig through the fridge. He grinned and turned back to his task. "I dunno', I kinda' like it." Yumichika shrugged with a little smile, dancing a little to the music.

Ikkaku started humming, sticking the knife under the faucet, washing it with a quick swipe of his fingers. Yumichika winced at the possible slice to Ikkaku's thumbs. "You've been hit by, you've been hit by, a smooth criminal," he pulled on a piece of Yumichika's hair at the end.

Yumichika smiled, "You are such a cheeseball. It's-"

"Ugly?"

"Don't take words out of my mouth, Madarame Ikkaku."

"I'm not Madarame Ikkaku. I'm hungry," he said with a morbid look on his face and the blunt side of the knife jokingly pressed to Yumichika's neck.

"Uh oh, I'm in trouble now," Yumichika laughed, letting Ikkaku take his hand and twirl him backwards into his arms.

' _Come into my world, I've got to know, know, know you.'_

"Mmmm." Ikkaku nosed at Yumichika's cheek, smiling as he hugged him, tossing the knife into the sink. He just fit so perfectly in his arms that it couldn't be mere coincidence. Ikkaku let out a pleased sigh, just enjoying holding him tight for a moment, appreciating how soft and squeezable he was. It was so nice,  _too_  nice; it was seriously giving Ikkaku a bad case of some sort of snuggle-lust. He never wanted to let go if things were always going to feel so perfect. He could smell flowers and expensive perfume, hoping that it sunk into his own clothes and stayed there.

"You smell good," he said simply, not knowing how else to describe a smell.

"You're smelling the food." Yumichika pinched him in the arm but lay his head back on Ikkaku's shoulder. Strong muscled arms were around him, strong enough to strangle him, to  _hurt_ him, but they never had and they never would. Ikkaku's big hands were always so careful and were always pleasantly warm, seeming to fill some secret desire held in Yumichika's heart.

Back when he and Kaa had first gotten together, back when they would roll around multiple times per day due to the passionate fire that they'd felt, Yumichika hadn't particularly needed intimate moments like this. He hadn't yearned for soft kisses, hand-holding, or professions of their feelings, but after a while he had come to crave it, the attention that he knew he deserved. He could admit it now. He wanted to be held, he wanted long deep moments of gazing into someone's eyes, he wanted to feel the care, that his beauty was being cherished.

Oh, he liked this very much.

"Pssh, okay, don't take the compliment." Ikkaku let him go with a little swat, grinning stupidly as he practically chucked the chopped meat into the frying pan.

"Wait!" Yumichika held out a hand in a 'stop' gesture, a 'please, no' expression on his face.

Ikkaku startled a little at Yumichika's melodramatic face. "Holy shit, what's the matter?"

"You didn't put the breading on yet," Yumichika pointed out. "Fish it out." He gestured to the frying pan and the sizzling meat.

Ikkaku stared for a minute, pursing his lips. "I'll just eat that ruined piece, it's no big deal."

"Guh, always difficult," Yumichika said, shaking his head when Ikkaku replied with 'difficult, thy name is burnt-ass fingers'. Ikkaku just grinned at Yumichika's eye-rolling as if he'd been doing it for years. Haruki hopped up onto the counter, curling up to watch them with interested eyes, particularly the raw meat.

"Sooooo... baby," Ikkaku said, looming over him with his hands behind his back.

"What," Yumichika answered flatly, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I know you don't wanna' talk about Kaa anymore-" Yumichika tried to cut him off, but Ikkaku plowed on, "I'm just tryin' ta' ask, like... Did he ever do anything with you that you have good memories of?"

Yumichika stared at him with his mouth open. "Are you asking me how he got me in bed?"

"No, no, no,  _sheesh._ " Ikkaku rubbed his face with a hand, trying to convey that he wasn't trying to get him in the sack. "I'm just, like... What did he..." He tried to think of a better way to phrase the sentence, but couldn't quite get it to come out right. "Something you did together that you enjoyed-  _not pervy_  stuff, like a happy memory that you always did when you still had that... fire for each other. I mean, what did he do that made you love him... Something like that?"

Yumichika was quiet for a minute, going back to cooking. Ikkaku thought that he might not answer, so he sighed a little and got back to work, mentally cursing his fucked-up blabber mouth.

"He took me to nightclubs."

"And you liked it?"

"Yes, I used to party a lot, and he still does. We have a long history, but that's how we first met. We'd seen each other at school before, but that's where we actually  _met-_ met."

"You met at a club?" Yumichika nodded. "So that means you like dancing." Yumichika didn't seem to see what he was getting at, because he began talking about Kaa, even though he had said he hadn't wanted to.

"You have him all wrong, you know. We were very happy for about two years. We used to go dancing a lot, and do crazy things together, go to concerts and the like. Things changed after his sister passed. All the little problems we'd had became big ones, and it started to weigh on me, but I stayed and hoped... I just... I don't want to live every night of my life waiting for him to come home anymore."

Ikkaku grimaced, imagining Yumichika slowly starting to yearn for the attention that Kaa was plastering on his many friends. He knew that after a while, anybody would become jealous and bitter, but Yumichika had apparently born with it for a long time, staying in a one-sided relationship with Kaa out of loyalty.

"I've decided I'd rather dance than cry," Yumichika said, and that line struck Ikkaku a little, giving him some heartache.

"I'm probably not that good of a dancer, but I still love to. It gets me extra lucky, and it's lotsa' fun. Whenever you wanna' go, let's go," Ikkaku said simply, becoming paranoid after a second of eerie silence. "Unless, like... it would bring up bad memories."

Yumichika was just looking at him with this indescribable expression. Ikkaku freaked out a little, knowing that he should've kept his mouth closed. That topic had been too close to Yumichika's poor heart.

The words that came out of Yumichika's mouth were like music. "Where have you been all my life?"

Ikkaku scuffed his toe on the ground, turning away, trying to busy his hands with  _something._  "Fuck, you are... somethin' else... So, uhhh... Does he  _always_  forget your birthday? He's gotten you  _something_  before right? What kinda' stuff do you like?"

Ikkaku could admit it. He  _sucked_  at buying presents. In fact, his friends openly admitted that it was more of a present to them to not receive anything from him. Ikkaku needed some ideas, because there was no way he would skip out on spoiling Yumichika at every opportunity. He just had to watch closely and figure out what it was that he liked.

"Umm... He doesn't forget my birthday, exactly," Yumichika said awkwardly, as if he knew it sounded bad.

"Huh?" Ikkaku said in confusion. If he didn't forget his birthday, then why on earth wouldn't he get him something? "So what, he just-"

"-Chooses not to get me a gift," Yumichika finished wearily. "He does other things sometimes though," Yumichika added in defensively.

Ikkaku looked up at him, sure to listen close. "Oh? Like what?"

Yumichika was obviously not someone who blushed very often, or at all, even when talking about inappropriate things, so it really shocked Ikkaku when Yumichika bit his lip and began to turn a little pink, like he was wishing he hadn't brought this up.

Ikkaku figured that meant that Kaa did  _favors_  for him. Well shit, he couldn't very well do the same thing, could he? No, he was a chicken, and besides, he  _respected_  Yumichika. He'd much rather get Yumichika some candy and watch him eat it, instead of eating it off of him. "Oh... well... What should I get you then?"

Yumichika looked extremely grateful to have gotten out of saying  _that_  out loud, the color leaving his face pretty quickly. Ikkaku sighed with relief. He felt kind of bad to have embarrassed Yumichika, as cute as that little blush was. "Um, I like music, and food... and art. Um... Flowers, Horror movies, Beautiful things... Oh, I like it when people make my gifts. Rangiku made me this beautiful bottle filled with different layers of sand from one time she went to the beach with Ichimaru. I love things like that..." He thought for a few more moments, seeing that Ikkaku was eager to hear more suggestions.

"Hm... Maybe a birdhouse, or a vase... I don't know, something that I'll use, like a blanket... or a jacket... What do you like?" he asked in turn, looking to Ikkaku with a smile.

"Hm... I like to watch soccer... Uh... Video games... chicken wings... Ahh... Beer," Ikkaku finished, already trying to plan out what he'd get Yumichika if he was lucky enough to keep him long enough. "Oh, and I think old-fashioned sword fighting is awesome."

"Simple man," Yumichika mused. "You know what they say about the only way to a man's heart."

Ikkaku turned red.

"I meant food," Yumichika said, face twisting as he tried not to smile. "It doesn't matter. I just got an idea of what to get you."

"Oh," he said awkwardly.

"It's not perverted," Yumichika was quick to add. "But I know you'll just love it."

Ikkaku nodded, still painfully aware of how much his face was burning up. Damn it, he probably looked like an idiot. "Why don't you go relax while I finish up here," he said, not meeting Yumichika's smug judge-mental face. At least he wasn't laughing.

"I'll go make my bed and put some pajamas on, okay?"

"Okay. While you're at it, picka' movie or maybe a video game. I bet I could kick your ass at mariokart," he challenged. Yumichika smiled devilishly with the obvious thrill of competition on his face.

Damn it, Ikkaku loved it, and he loved it when he heard him say, "We'll see about that."

* * *

"Mmm," Renji moaned into Ichigo's mouth, back pressed into the carpet, hair in his eyes as his lover held his face and kissed him hard, slipping his tongue into his mouth. "I thought we were playing the game," he gasped, rolling his hips upwards desperately, trying to pull the man straddling him closer. Oh,  _why_  had he put on  _jeans_ _?_

"Forget the game," Ichigo said breathily, and Renji laughed, shivers going down his spine. He could still hear the game going in the background. Renji had beaten him at a mini-game and had started to gloat, but had gotten jumped. Best punishment in the world.

Renji wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck, pulling his lips back down to him, and  _damn_  if there was anything he loved more than kissing Ichigo. He could do it all day, all  _week_ ; he loved the soft lips on his, he loved the velvety tongue, the warmth, and the closeness. He loved kissing that same mouth that scowled and cursed and shouted.

Renji could feel hands pulling his shirt up and skating over his tattoos, hips grinding down onto his. "Ooohh, just like that." He slid his hands down over Ichigo's back to grab his hips and press upwards.  _Fuck_ , why had he put on jeans? He couldn't get enough friction and it was getting awfully tight in there.

Ichigo gripped his biceps, squeezing greedily with a grin as he exhaled with wanton. He leaned down and licked along Renji's lower lip, before biting gently, causing him to give a quiet moan. Even after all this time, Renji never grew tired of this or wondered what other lovers would be like. "Ya' know how long it's been?"

"Long enough," Renji moaned, letting Ichigo open his belt and yank his accursed jeans down partway, and  _fuck_  did he love watching Ichigo take his pants off. "Thought that dry spell was gonna' kill me, babe,  _Ahhh-"_ Of course he didn't really mean that, but right now his boner was probably visible from the fucking moon, so it might as well be true.

Ichigo grabbed him through his underwear, squeezing just right, hard enough to draw out a loud needy noise from him. Renji bit his knuckles when he heard a broom hit the ceiling from the floor below them. Luckily, there was another gay couple living in that room, so they were usually understanding. Maybe they had company over today and didn't want any noise whatsoever. Usually he and Ichigo just had to try not to make it sound like someone was being murdered.

"Wait, so do we flip a coin then? We didn't finish the game." Usually they just had a playful wrestle to decide who got to pick what position they would do it in, but they were both too eager to do that tonight. Ichigo blinked at him, before getting up and scrambling to his wallet, flipping something. Renji heard the coin hit the kitchen tile as he palmed the hard bulge through his boxer-shorts. At this point he really didn't care who did the fucking; he just wanted to feel some warm skin, a beating heart, and Ichigo's loving kiss. _  
_

"Wait, what's what? You have to say which is which."

Ichigo groaned, head sagging back onto his shoulders. He picked up the coin, standing up straight again with a thoughtful expression. "Heads, you get head and I get tail. Tails, you get tail, bla bla bla,"

Renji smiled widely, pulling at his hard-on. "That sounds real good."

Ichigo flipped the coin, catching it and smacking it backwards onto his arm. "Hm, hm, hmmmm. My ass had better not be sore tomorrow."

"You're not gonna' remember your  _name_  tomorrow." Renji grabbed him by the waist and threw him over his shoulder, hiking up his pants as he carried him down the hall to their bedroom.

Ichigo laughed as he was thrown down onto the bed and pounced on. He had on that sunny smile of his and Renji just  _loved_ it. "Mm, you smell so good," Renji said breathily as he sucked on Ichigo's pulse point, teasing with his teeth, causing the smaller man to moan and try to worm out of his clothes.

Ichigo loved having Renji above him like this, hair hanging down, broad muscular chest and shoulders splayed out over him. Though he'd never admit it, he liked that Renji was a bit bigger than he was, that he fit perfectly in his strong arms.

And  _damn,_  those tattoos.

"Lemme' do that," Renji said huskily, sitting Ichigo up so he could strip him down, but Ichigo just pushed him onto his back, straddling him again. He took his shirt off really slowly, swaying his body, enjoying the reverent hands on his thighs and sides. "Oh fuck,  _don't._ " Renji seriously was gonna' make a mess in his pants if Ichigo was gonna' striptease on top of him.

"Holy fuck," Ichigo mumbled with a grin, looking down at Renji's crotch, which had literally jumped beneath him. "I felt something."

"You're too hot for your own good," Renji mumbled. "I'm tellin' you, you little minx,  _I_ wanna' do it." Renji grabbed Ichigo's forearms and rolled him onto his back, and they wrestled for a little bit, laughing and pulling hair gently. "Gotcha'!"

Ichigo let himself be pinned, smiling at Renji and curling his legs up over his lover's back to make Renji lay down on him. Renji held Ichigo's arms down and kissed him slowly, tongue caressing the inside of his mouth. He could taste popcorn and strawberries, and it was driving him nuts. He pressed his hips down over Ichigo's, enjoying the whimper he received as they ground into each other, desperate for some friction.

He kissed and sucked his way down Ichigo's chest, taking his sweet time until he made it down past Ichigo's bellybutton. Then he looked up with a grin, teasing Ichigo by sliding his fingers around the waistband of his pants.

Renji cringed when he moved his hands up his lover's sides, distinctly feeling ribs - he'd lost a lot of muscle mass. Of course he still loved Ichigo and how he looked, but he couldn't deny that Ichigo had gotten really skinny and wasn't that muscled anymore because of how much the orange-head's stress literally ate at him. Besides that, Renji knew that he had let his own appearance slip a little by eating too much junk food.

Luckily the school year was almost over, and then he'd fatten Ichigo up on take-out again. They had used to go to the gym together all the time in high school; Renji missed things like that a lot.

After slowly unbuttoning Ichigo's jeans and sliding the zipper down, he yanked them down and off his legs; then he dragged Ichigo's briefs down with his teeth, smiling roguishly. Ichigo covered his eyes with a hand and let out a breathy moan as his face turned red.

Renji pushed Ichigo's legs back under the knees and left a hickey or two on his thighs. "Last time we're wearing a condom, I swear to god," Renji mumbled, trying to sound braver about the subject than he felt. "I know I've been makin' excuses for years, but... I'm ready ta' go get checked with ya', okay? I'll always be just for you... I wanna' do this for you, so we can really be together... Cause' I love you... Okay?" Ichigo didn't uncover his eyes, but his lips pulled upward into that brilliant smile.

After quickly running to the bathroom to grab lube and a stray condom, Renji realized that that huge box he'd got Ikkaku to buy could just go back to the store. The prospect of making love without a rubber was really exciting to Renji, and he almost felt like a virgin again, in a good way.

Ichigo eventually called for him when he'd fooled around for too long in the bathroom, fantasizing about how good it would feel to be with Ichigo that way. Renji came back to Ichigo and jumped on the bed, tossing his underwear behind him, getting them hooked on the ceiling fan as usual. He pressed his chest to Ichigo's, large body hulking over him as he took his face in his hands and kissed him.

Ichigo sighed sweetly, holding him around the neck, body arching up when Renji's hands ran down his sides. They broke away and Renji looked into his eyes for a few seconds, rubbing his cheek with a thumb. Ichigo tried to move the curtain of red hair out of the way, smiling up at him with that free unreserved innocence.

The smile quickly turned into a shocked moan when Renji moved down and licked a trail up his erection, taking it in his mouth without hesitation. Renji didn't normally give blowjobs, because Ichigo was still embarrassed to watch him even after all these years. This was the same reason Renji hardly ever got head himself, because Ichigo was really humiliated to be looked at while he was doing it - Renji suspected it had something to do with Ichigo forgetting that they were gay sometimes. They just worked so well together that it seemed like Ichigo would forget that what they had between them was supposed to be wrong, and doing something that intimate seemed to remind Ichigo that he should feel shame.

Ichigo usually told Renji to cut it out and quit being so vulgar, but he seemed really eager tonight, and didn't say anything when Renji sucked on him with an obscene noise, making eye contact.

Renji got more practice at this than Ichigo, and he'd gotten pretty good at it. Ichigo half-sat up, moaning loudly and snaring his fingers in Renji's hair as he felt his nose brush his abdomen, head hitting the back of Renji's throat.

He flopped backwards, panting as Renji started twisting his head, timing his hand with a swirl of his tongue. His other hand held Ichigo's hips down, humming to tease him as he scraped his teeth lightly along the pulsating shaft. He smiled when Ichigo's legs twitched and his toes curled.

"Hh... ha... aa- _aah_...  _nn._ " Ichigo looked down with a rosy flush that was slowly starting to spread. He held the back of Renji's head with one hand, the other halfway in his own mouth to shut himself up. It wasn't really working, and Renji flicked his eyes up to Ichigo's, sucking hard, going all the way down and swallowing, nearly choking himself in the process. "Ooh-ohh, hahhhh," Ichigo started to breathe hard, tilting his head back as Renji started to rub his saliva-coated thumb over his perineum and further down to poke inside of him and massage his rim.

Renji always seemed to know the  _exact_  moment when enough was enough, because just as he was about to come, Renji pinned his hips down on both sides and withdrew with a hungry groan, licking his lips. Ichigo sat up and grabbed his face, kissing him passionately, sighing happily as Renji lifted his legs and nudged himself in-between them. He wrapped his arms under Ichigo's back and pulled him to his body, laying him down.

Ichigo bit his neck and worked his way up to his ear, licking along the shell and teasing with his teeth. Renji moaned, eyes fluttering back as he staggered, arms nearly unable to hold him up above his lover's body. He could feel Ichigo's hand sliding down between them to get himself ready. Renji pulled back so he could watch. He knew Ichigo hated it when he watched him do stuff like that, but he just looked  _so_  delicious when he did it.

Ichigo blushed, growling at him and covering his own face again as Renji lay down on his stomach, presumably to watch closer. "Do you have to-  _Ahh, fuck._ "

Renji stuck in two lube-coated fingers, along with his tongue, pressing his cheek into Ichigo's thigh. Ichigo's hand went slack and his stomach tightened, erection twitching. Ichigo didn't normally let him do this either, complaining that it wasn't sanitary; Renji knew that the real reason was that Ichigo was aware of how loud he got when he did this.

"Now, right now," Ichigo moaned, turning over, pressing his chest to the mattress, rear in the air. Renji groaned at the view, squeezing his pert butt for a couple seconds, resisting the urge to lean in and bite him.

"No, no, I wanna' look atcha'," Renji said, turning Ichigo back over onto his back. "Let's do it like this." He tore open the condom with his teeth, sliding the plastic over his length with a sigh as he got closer to Ichigo. He put one hand next to his face to hold himself up. He coated the outside of the condom with a liberal amount of lube, so much that it was dripping. He knew that the latex really hurt Ichigo a lot, more than the stubborn idiot would admit.

"Ready?"

"Ready," Ichigo said, holding his own legs open. Renji got closer, hulking over him as he lined himself up with one hand, moaning as he slipped the head in.

"Ah, fuck... Oh fucking-  _Ah_ , Why are you so damn big?!" Ichigo shouted, gritting his teeth as Renji slid all the way in. He was tighter than usual, and Renji looked down with concern.

"Is it really that bad?... I shoulda' known, we haven't done it in a while..." He sat still, feeling the heartbeat pounding through his cock match up with the pulsating of Ichigo's passage. It was so tight that it was actually hurting  _him_  a little.

"This hurts worse than the first time," Ichigo panted, head falling back. Renji jolted in shock. Ichigo's first time had been a _disaster_ , because it had been  _Renji's_  first time too. "Ow... ow, ow, ow...  _ow!"_  Ichigo said louder, hissing in pain, eyes glittering with moisture.

"Oh fuck, what should I do? Did I tear anything? You're not bleeding, are you?" He  _really_  didn't want to hear Ichigo beg him to take it out, but he didn't wanna' hurt him either.

"I don't think so... Just... Just wait," Ichigo said tiredly, snaking a hand down to his own erection after licking his palm. After about a minute and a half, Renji sighed in relief, as Ichigo's muscles no longer were trying to crush the hell out of him.

Ichigo's legs hooked around his waist, and his fingers dug into Renji's ass, pulling him forward. Renji moaned, leaning down to kiss him, twining his tongue with his lover's.

"Y-you moron, Ahhh," Ichigo gasped, gritting his teeth at the persistent but lessened pain of the stretching, as Renji moved slowly inside him, rolling his hips leisurely. He grabbed Ichigo's hands and laced their fingers together, kissing him on his face.

"I love you... I know I've been upsettin' you lately, and... things have been real difficult..." Ichigo mumbled something like 'tell me about it', groaning as the large girth moving inside him started to draw pleasure along with the aching. "-And I'm sorry, I really am. But I love you, alright? Just remember that, we'll get through this. I promise we'll make it."

"Let's not talk about this now," Ichigo said as calmly as he could with a dick inside him. "I have a name to forget."

"You freaking dork," Renji grinned, lifting Ichigo's hips up so he could speed up, moving deeper. "Ah fuck, it's way too tight, do you want me ta' stop? This can't feel good ta' you."

"Just go slower, it still hurts," Ichigo gasped in pain. Renji changed angles to try to find a more comfortable spot, rolling his hips slow and deep. Immediately there was an intense heat radiating from Ichigo's body as he relaxed all at once, tingling all over. "Ohh, that's- Yeah...  _Nnnh."_

He could tell right when he hit Ichigo's sweet spot, because his whole body would shudder and spasm from the pleasure each time he thrust. " _Ah_ , Oh my god," Ichigo panted, moaning loudly. "Harder, just a little harder - _Ahhh._ " He grit his teeth, screwing his eyes shut, before his body twitched at the intense euphoria caused by the deep pounding of Renji's hips.

When he regained ability to speak, he slid his hand to the back of Renji's head, pulling him down to kiss him. "How could I ever leave ya'... What're you scared about, you big idiot?"

Renji didn't answer, horrified that his throat was going tight with emotion, because suddenly the thought of losing this was far too much for him to handle. If this was the last time they'd ever make love, how could he go on? He had  _nothing_  without Ichigo. He had no family, no home to go back to – Ichigo had given him everything that this unwanted stray dog had never had. Love, and a home, and a  _chance,_ and a caring family with two beautiful girls and a dopey father. What would he do if he was right about losing Ichigo soon?

Renji grit his teeth, rolling his hips more slowly and passionately, giving Ichigo shivers at the long deep contact to his prostate. He looked so damn beautiful right now, splayed out beneath him with that look on his face; my fucking  _god,_  Renji loved him. Leaning down, he kissed Ichigo with everything he had, pulling out so he could lay Ichigo on his side and press himself behind him.

"You comfy?" Ichigo nodded a couple of times, out of breath and flushed in the face from exertion. "Ah, geez, I'm sticking to the sheets," Renji snickered a little, peeling them off his sweaty back.

Renji could practically hear Ichigo's heartbeat, strong and aroused, running through his whole body. He kissed his way up Ichigo's arm, tasting salt, ending at his knuckles as he wrapped his tattooed arm around Ichigo's chest.

"Love you, Ichigo," he mumbled, tipping his forehead onto Ichigo's sweaty hair, enjoying the thick heated smell, mixed with a little bit of fruity-mint conditioner. It smelled like Ichigo's pillow; one of those  _home_  smells. "Very much I love you." He rubbed his thumb over Ichigo's stomach, listening to the sound of his breathing and the pounding drum of his own heart for a few moments.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment, lacing his fingers with Renji's big hand. "I love you," he whispered as Renji kissed the back of his neck, pulling them skin to skin. Renji's heart melted – Ichigo hardly ever said it straight like that, and that made it really special, to hear it said like a secret.

Renji nudged Ichigo's top leg up, getting into position behind him. He broke their handhold for a moment to rub some more lube on the plastic of the condom and to stroke Ichigo with the oil a couple of times, just to enjoy the noises he made.

He slipped back inside slowly, enjoying the new angle and the way that Ichigo fit so nicely against him, in his arms. "Mmm, I missed this… You feel so good this close," he whispered in Ichigo's ear, moving down to suck on his neck, relishing the salty taste of Ichigo's sweat-pinpricked skin.

"Aahh, ah- aaa _aaah_ ," Ichigo grit his teeth at the shivery sensation, rolling his hips back to force Renji in deeper, heat pouring from his arousal. " _Ahnn_ , Renji."

Ichigo laughed a little breathlessly, feeling Renji twitch inside of him at the sound of his name – it had to be insanely arousing, because Renji moaned a little, growling at him with a laugh. "I'm so damn lucky," he whispered, rolling his hips slowly, eventually speeding up as Ichigo began to pant and whine, jacking himself off in desperation to let some of the pressure out.

"C'mon, more, I need more." Renji held Ichigo's leg in the air, enjoying his boyfriend's loud moaning as a smacking sound filled the room. "More," Ichigo begged, back sticking to Renji's sweaty chest. Renji licked his shoulder, biting a little; he knotted his fingers tightly in Ichigo's hair, pulling at the sensitive scalp as he thrust harder to meet Ichigo's desire. Ichigo began shivering violently, going slack as he lay there and took it, "Renji, ohhhh."

"Nnn-hhhh." Renji bit his lip, screwing his eyes shut. He was a bit embarrassed that his stamina had regressed over that sex-drought, because he was already about to come, as much as he wished that they could go all night.

He thrust sharply to fit his need, going hard enough to make Ichigo make a strangled whimpering noise. "Clench up," he whispered, gasping when his orgasm hit as soon as Ichigo did what he asked. Renji's toes curled as he came, holding Ichigo's hips onto his, the condom becoming unpleasantly wet and sticky. He moaned loudly as Ichigo pulled his hair just the way he liked it, leaving him shaky in the knees.

Panting, he pulled out and peeled the messy condom off, chucking it in the trashcan. Ichigo lay waiting for him, moaning with a laugh when Renji turned him onto his stomach and squeezed his ass, licking around his sore entrance with his tongue as he stuck his fingers in, curling them slightly. He wasn't as good at finding the prostate like Ichigo was, being a doctor's son, but he figured he was getting it when Ichigo twitched, moaning into the mattress. Ichigo pushed his hips up so he could reach his aching hard-on.

Renji made an obscene noise, laughing lowly, sticking his tongue in deep with a powerful movement. Ichigo shuddered and moaned, especially when Renji dug his fingertips into his fleshy thighs.

"Turn over." Ichigo flopped onto his back, hardly any energy left.

Renji pulled his hair back with one hand, twisting the fingers inside of Ichigo as he deep-throated him, sucking hard one last time. "Ahh, god," Ichigo gasped, digging his nails into his boyfriend's scalp."Renji," he moaned as he came.

He blushed, moaning and shivering as Renji swallowed his bitter-tasting cum, maintaining eye-contact through his orgasm. Ichigo went limp, panting on the sweaty sheets. Renji crawled to him on shaking legs, picking him up and carrying him to the shower.

They sat on the floor in the water, and Ichigo fell asleep against Renji's chest, head tucked into the hollow under Renji's chin. Renji washed him gently, not wanting to disturb him and that peaceful look he had on his face.

Renji smiled when he carried Ichigo back to bed, and the orange-head cuddled up to him in his sleep.

This was what made all the stress and shouting worth it. This was what he couldn't bear to lose. This happiness – he wanted this to never end between them. He'd like his life to stay this way forever – him and Ichigo here together, as a team, as a family. Maybe someday Ichigo would like to move into a real house with him. Maybe Ichigo would still be with him in ten years, but probably not. At least Renji could dream that things would last that long.

Ichigo adjusted his head on his chest, mumbling quietly.

Renji smiled at the cheesy thought that had suddenly popped into his head, knowing Ichigo would kick his ass if he sang that Beatle's song about strawberries near him. That was another thing that was off-limits when it came to insults. Ichigo had heard every fruit pun in the book, and Renji knew not to upset him.

 _'That's what heaven would be like',_  he thought tiredly, petting Ichigo's wet hair clumsily as his eyes began to droop. The two of them lying in a strawberry patch out in the open air with a big blue sky, eating sweet sun-warmed fruit until their teeth were red.

Hopefully their vacation would fix all the trouble they'd been suffering through. They'd never kissed on a rollercoaster before. But that might result in red teeth too - _bloody_  teeth - so maybe Renji wouldn't try that.

He grinned as he fell asleep, feeling warm all over.

* * *

Yumichika awoke suddenly in the night, sitting bolt upright as he heard a sound of smashing glass from outside Ikkaku's room.

He listened hard for any footsteps or slamming doors, but his ears were met with suppressing suffocating silence. His heart pounded wildly as he clutched Haruki as tightly as he dared. That had definitely happened in  _their kitchen._

He started to get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, becoming extremely frightened, wondering if the bedroom had a lock on the door. Peeking up over the edge of Ikkaku's bed, he squinted, trying to divine if it could've been Ikkaku up and about at three a.m. breaking shit in the dark.

But no, Ikkaku was still there in bed, sleeping peacefully, with a hand up his shirt and mouth agape. Yumichika got up quietly, letting Haruki hide under the bed while he slowly put his weight on the mattress. Creeping in next to Ikkaku, he nudged him a little, trying to rouse him gently.

"Ikkaku," he hissed, rubbing his finger up and down the bridge of his nose, gently flicking his eyelashes. Ikkaku twitched and jerked awake with a grunt, wiping his eyes.

"Hm? Whatsa' matter," Ikkaku asked sleepily, not fully lucid, "Ya' cold? Here sweethear', thurs' plenty a' room, dunnbe' shy," he mumbled in a thick street accent, holding up the blankets for Yumichika to get under, tightening an arm around the smaller man's waist like a python trying to choke its prey.

"Ikkaku, someone's in the house," Yumichika whispered urgently, shaking him, hands trembling. Ikkaku's eyes opened wide.

"What?"

"I heard something shatter," Yumichika tried to explain, not wanting Ikkaku to look at him with that shocked slightly disbelieving look. "Glass breaking..."

"It could've been the neighbors. Some'a' them work night-shifts."

"No, it was close by." Ikkaku sat up, listening to the dead silence for a full thirty seconds before he got up.

"You stay right here," he whispered, going to his closet, pulling out a long case of polished black wood, which he set on the bed. Yumichika thought maybe it was a shot-gun, but when it was opened, it revealed a sword. Who the hell had swords these days? And what good would that do against a robber that might have a pistol?

Ikkaku took it in hand and padded silently to the door, opening it without a sound. He looked out, listening to the quiet, before he shut it again and turned to look at Yumichika with a somber expression. "I mean it, you stay in here," he whispered, making sure Yumichika understood before sliding the door open. Yumichika sat on the bed, watching him with wide eyes as he crept down the hallway in a battle-ready manner.

After a full three minutes alone in the dark, Ikkaku came back in and put his sword away. "There's no one. The window's open, but no one coulda' come in cuz' we're three floors up. An' the door's locked too. But you're right about a glass bein' broke. It probably just fell from the cabinet. Maybe one'a'tha' neighbor's slammed the door, and it fell by itself." Ikkaku climbed back over the bed with a yawn.

Suddenly there came a loud crashing sound and some frantic screaming, causing Yumichika to 'eep' and cling to Ikkaku's chest, freezing solid.

"Tha' hell'zat?" Ikkaku asked aloud, getting up  _again_  and listening, before padding down the hallway, hopping over the covered-couch and going to the front door. "Freakin' again?" Yumichika followed silently, to watch.

After listening a few more seconds, Ikkaku opened the door, "Hey, what tha' hell'r'ya' doin'?"

Yumichika could see a woman with smeared makeup and her dress hanging off her body – presumably  _she_  was the person who'd been screaming. A man had his hand in a fist around her forearm, and her purse was on the ground.

"Ay', she  _sed'_  she got mugged, she's nah' cheatin', you idiot. Just leave 'er alone," Ikkaku shouted much too loudly, still half asleep. He probably wasn't waking up anyone, due to the fact that the screaming had most likely woken them up first.

"Hey, mind your own business man, we're walkin' 'ere."

"Yer' screamin' yer' heads off here in fronta' my door, it  _is_  my business. This'z my neighbor gettin' harassed by tha' sorry likesa' you while she's sloshed. Who'z'gunna' water my plants if ya' kill 'er, you dick?"

"You wanna' fight?"

"I  _wanna'_  fuckin' sleep," Ikkaku sneered, getting in the guy's face, cracking his knuckles with dark eyes, "So you  _go_ , er' I'm callin' tha' police on yer' ass for disrupting the sleep of everyone in the goddamn building. Yumi', why' don'tcha' go call 'em," he said in the same tone, without turning around, which made Yumichika have to double-take if he was actually speaking to him.

"Hey, nah, nah, f'get this." The guy backed off and left, and the girl scrambled away, fumbling to get her keys out to get inside her apartment.

"G'night, Carly. You should make a police report in the morning, if you need a witness, just call, er' knock," Ikkaku said sleepily, scratching the back of his neck.

"Thank you, Ikkaku," she said hurriedly, shaking all over. Yumichika looked at her with sleepy eyes, offering a small smile. Ikkaku he kicked the door shut and walked back past Yumichika into the kitchen to sweep up the glass.

"Fuck, third time's the charm, huh?" he grouched to himself.

Yumichika blinked. Ikkaku was right – he'd gotten into some sort of public altercation three days in a row now. It was pick-on-Madarame week or something. Maybe he was just a magnet for those kinds of things, because Ikkaku wasn't really one to keep his head down and ignore it when things were going on in front of his face. He was one to thrive within conflict.

Yumichika's heart slowed as Ikkaku squatted on the tile and chucked the pieces into the trash can, shutting the cabinet door. "This happens often?"

"Very often. Usually I don't have to threaten him. Go on back to bed, sweetheart." Yumichika crept back down the hallway, sitting on the floor in the dark for a few minutes as he listened to Ikkaku alternate between cussing and singing sleepily as he cleaned up the glass with a broom.

When he came back in the bedroom, he shut the door with a yawn, and got back under the covers, looking over the edge of the bed when he realized Yumichika wasn't on the mattress with him. "Whatcha' doin' down there," he said with a yawn. "Ya' scared? Ya' look pale," he mumbled, settling down with a sleepy moan of release, sinking into the bed.

Yumichika didn't respond, because he didn't want to admit how much that all had frightened him. Everything was scarier at night. "You can sleep up here, don't be shy," Ikkaku whispered, sounding more like his awake self, fluffing his pillow and getting comfortable. "Sorry for getting so loud. I didn't scare ya' did I? I didn't mean to, babe, I just wanted ta' scare that jerk away. Come here, come next ta' me." He yawned again, gesturing for him to get in bed with him.

Ikkaku was treating it like it wasn't a big deal to get in bed with him, so maybe it  _wasn't_ really that big of a deal. Maybe that was something like holding hands that people did together – he didn't know. But then again, Ikkaku had admitted that he didn't date, so  _he_  probably didn't know either. If Ikkaku didn't think it was a huge scandalous thing, then maybe it wasn't, just for that reason. Yumichika had wanted to try something a little different anyways.

Yumichika nodded hesitantly, lying down under the blankets straight as a board, stiffly pressing his face to the mattress. "Here, don't lay so far away. You'll be cold. C'mere."

He scootched in a little bit, apparently enough so that Ikkaku could reach him, because he grabbed his arm and pulled him across the bed to lie next to him in a heated place of mattress and blankets. "There, that's better," Ikkaku sighed, withdrawing and keeping his hands to himself.

For some reason, that made him feel a little safer, so Yumichika wormed in just a little closer and hesitantly curled his fingers around a portion of Ikkaku's t-shirt. Kaa would never sleep in a bed with him. He'd either be out late, go sleep somewhere else after they'd have sex, or just plain sleep in a separate bed. The closest they'd come would be falling asleep watching television, but  _never_  in bed... This was sort of nice.

After that silent invitation of approaching Ikkaku, a muscled arm wormed around his back and pulled him in, gently stroking his hair. He must have been shaking, because Ikkaku whispered some reassuring words. "I could hear ya' havin' nightmares earlier… I won't let anything happen, okay?… I won't let him come near ya'… Won't let nobody hurt ya'… Nothing ta' worry about, babe…" he whispered sleepily.

Yumichika relaxed. Even if someone  _had_  broken in, Ikkaku could take care of him. If Kaa really was after him, Ikkaku would protect him. There was nothing to worry about, except maybe liking this embrace a lot more than he should.

When Kaa held him, there was always some motivation behind it – Ikkaku just wanted to hold him for the sake if it, and that was a little thrilling to Yumichika. This was really nice; so warm.

He could feel Ikkaku's face press into his hair, not in a kiss, but in a tightly pressed hug of some kind. Ikkaku's strong chest slowly started to even out in breathing, "G'night, sweets,"

"Good night," Yumichika closed his eyes, sighing peacefully.

* * *

Ichigo woke up with his head on a muscular torso, and with a hand running absently through his hair. He swallowed, blinked, and smiled a tiny bit as he looked up and saw Renji reading a textbook with his reading glasses on and his hair down.

There was soft music playing, and Renji flipped a page quietly, sitting naked on top of the blankets. Ichigo couldn't so much _hear_  Renji humming, as he could  _feel_  it, through his big chest vibrating against his face.

He smiled, blinking sleepily, dozing for a few minutes before putting his arm around Renji's waist and snuggling closer. "Mornin', gorgeous."

Renji coughed awkwardly, looking down with a strained smile. Ichigo smiled. The big lug always teased him when terms of affection came out on accident – besides loving to tease him, it was because Renji didn't know how to take compliments from him. "I didn't see ya' were awake."

"Don't lemme' bother you, keep workin'," Ichigo settled in next to him, forehead pressed to his side as he trailed his fingers soothingly over Renji's stomach tattoos. "Want me ta' make you breakfast?"

"Uh," Renji said, already caught back up in studying. "Yeah, that's real sweet, babe." Ichigo tried to get up, but the moment he did, he found that he had to sit back down.

"Owww," he moaned pitifully, scrabbling at his lower back, flopping back onto Renji, who gave him and his pathetic face a kiss.

"Sorry, Ichigo."

Ichigo just groaned and stood up shakily, shuffling to the kitchen whilst trying to compensate for his limp. Renji still noticed, even though Ichigo was trying to hide it.

Ichigo made him some cereal with fruit in it, ass-naked. "You're the best, baby... Feed me the first bite, Mee-do-chan."

Ichigo scowled at him, but conceded to lift the spoon to his mouth, threatening him with bodily harm if he ever  _dared_  set foot in a maid café. Renji growled at him, grinning widely after taking a bite.

"Don't study now, it's so early," Ichigo whined, trying to pull him out of bed to the shower. "Who's gonna' wash my back?"

"It's ten," Renji said blandly, looking at the clock.

"Much too early," Ichigo yawned. Oh yeah. Night school. His lover was turning nocturnal right before his eyes. "C'mon, you totally owe me. I think you really broke my ass this tim-"

"Alright, okay, I'm goin'." Renji got up with an audible creak from his back, stretching his legs out. "This is gonna' be the first vacation we can't have sex on, this  _blows._ "

"It's our first vacation,  _period_ , you dolt. And no way are we sneaking sex anywhere near our friends, so don't even get the idea in your head. Just because we're not with my family doesn't mean you have a chance of getting action. We're going to relax and have fun."

"I'm sure the hotel has a pool."

"No pool-sex, Renji."

"No, I meant we could sneak in the-"

"No locker-room sex, Renji."

"No, I  _meant_  the-"

 _"No shower-sex, Renji,"_ Ichigo raised his voice, shouting in Renji's ear.

"Aw, c'mon, ya' act like I'm such a pervert," Renji pouted. Ichigo grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the bathroom.

" _This_  shower, however..." Renji grinned and nabbed him by his naked waist, pulling him back into his chest.

"Gimme' a kiss," he demanded, worming Ichigo around so he could fully enjoy the skin-on-skin feeling. Ichigo tilted his head up to meet Renji's lips. "Can't we mess around just a  _little_  bit?"

"Right now, yeah, but not on vacation. They'll never let us live it down if we're caught."

"We never get caught," Renji whined.

" _We've gotten caught!"_  Ichigo shouted with a blush. Renji tried to pout, but the memory of the incident had him fighting a smile off his face. "Wipe that smirk off your face, or I'm locking you out of here."

"Aw babe, c'mon."

The tension diffused immediately, as it always did when it came to their non-serious arguing. After all, Renji didn't really mean it when he said he wanted to do it on their vacation; he was just trying to tease Ichigo a little because he felt bad about hurting him last night.

Ichigo started brushing his teeth, ignoring him, so Renji took the opportunity to comb the ends of his hair while pinning Ichigo against the sink with his naked body.

Ichigo stared at him flatly through the mirror, probably upset about the thing wedged between his butt-cheeks, but he didn't say anything because Renji wasn't groping him or anything; he just sighed whilst rolling his eyes nearly out of his head.

Renji kissed the back of his neck, smiling softly as he traced a lock of his own hair over Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo spat in the sink, trying to push Renji back with his foot, but only succeeding in getting trapped in a hug. Oh, Renji loved this, this feeling of soft warm skin touching him from head to toes. "Hey, Ichigooo," he said in a lilting shit-eating tone.

"If you say anything about the sun, sunshine, or the 'you are my sunshine' song, I will rip something vital off of you."

"Well, fuck, Kaminari-sama," Renji snickered, snatching his own toothbrush as Ichigo turned on the shower water, sitting on the toilet lid with his arm outstretched to test the temperature.

"Hey, you know I'm just kidding, right?" Ichigo looked at him with a flat face, hiding concern. Renji smiled back.

"Che', yeah. No feelings hurt or nothin'."

"Mmng, Yeah," Ichigo mumbled, "but I know some stuff gets ta' ya', an' ya' don't speak up… Mn, Just, forget it," he said, not liking the sappy sound of where that thread of thought was going.

"Someone's sentimental this morning," he said while brushing his teeth. Ichigo threw a bar of soap at him and hit him in the leg, causing him to laugh enough that he almost choked on toothpaste froth.

"Just get in here so I can  _clean_ you." Renji's eyes popped and he nearly tripped over himself as he shoved his toothbrush and comb in the sink, jumping in their 'L' shaped shower to grab that slippery, soapy body.

* * *

Ikkaku yawned, rolling out of bed when he saw that Yumichika had already gotten up, probably to save them from any awkwardness of 'the morning after'. He could already imagine it.

' _What happened last night? Did we fuck?'_ Yumichika would ask.

' _Well I remember snuggling a lot._

' _Oh hell no, I'd better not get fucking pregnant, I'll sue the hell out of you-'_

' _I know you and Ichigo forget that we're all gay sometimes, but just a reminder, we're both men fucking men,'_

' _What the hell, your blankets don't match your pillowcases._ Sacrilege!'

' _This is fucking ridiculous, one of us should be making bacon and toast, like in the movies.'_

' _What are you thinking about this scenario for anyways? You haven't even kissed me yet. This isn't even accurate, there's no way I swear this much in real life. By the way, where the hell am I?'_

' _Oh yeah-'_ Ikkaku looked up as his imagined Yumichika began to sound more and more like himself. Where  _was_ the pretty boy?

He heard a screech from the bathroom.  _'The hell is that?'_  he thought, scratching his stomach through his t-shirt-pajamas, moving over there and knocking on the door.

"What the hell, Yumichika?" he shouted through the door, hearing the shower running. "Did you fall in the toilet or something? Shark in the bathtub?"

"I forgot  _all_ my beauty products! How could I forget!? I can't go outside like this, this is a  _tragedy!_ "

Ikkaku frowned for a minute, failing to see what was causing the tragedy he spoke of. Maybe he'd better check on him in case he'd hit his head and was just talking blabber-nonsense due to delirium. "Are you decent?"

"No! Did you even hear me? I'm a  _disaster._ "

"I mean, do you have clothes on?"

"Yes," Yumichika said sarcastically. "They do little for my face though. I'm literally going to die, oh my god, how could I forget?!"

"What the hell is the matter? Open the door, what are you doing?!" Ikkaku shouted, smiling crookedly. This was kind of funny to listen to.

"Weeping hysterically."

"Open the door," Ikkaku said exasperatedly, deciding to just crack it open when Yumichika kept refusing, because his face was too ugly to be seen. "I'm coming in," he warned him, giving him a chance to grab a towel if he had been lying about having clothes on.

"No!" Yumichika tried to shove the door, but Ikkaku wormed his arm into the gap, even though he was getting crushed. "Get out! You can't see me!"

Ikkaku stuck his foot in at the bottom and pushed the door open steadily to avoid slamming Yumichika into the wall. "I'm sure you look fi- Oh my God," he did a gasp, making a horrified face, halfway-genuinely shocked, halfway-just trying to tease him.

Yumichika apparently bought it, because he dropped to his knees in embarrassment, moaning in misery. His hair was a little messy and there were some purple circles under his eyes from waking up in the night, but there seriously wasn't a flaw on his face anywhere. In fact, his skin was glowing more than usual, and his eyes were brighter.

Now that Ikkaku was scrutinizing him for even the smallest blackhead, he noticed how big and glowing Yumichika's eyes were. Violet; what a nice color, and with such long eyelashes. His skin was an opaque cream color, and his hair was shiny but messy, sticking up in odd places, part out of line.

"You look so fucking cute," Ikkaku said with a scrunched up face, as if he was horrified at how adorable his new boyfriend was.

"Shut your lying mouth, you imbecile! How could you let me leave my apartment without  _anything?!_  This is your fault!" Yumichika punched his ankle, wailing in distress. "You don't even have any conditioner. Or any combs!"

"Do I have to say why, you dope?" Ikkaku pointed to his head. "The hell, do you think I comb the carpet?" He glanced down at the crappy beige carpeting in the hallway.

Yumichika just whined into his knees until Ikkaku made him stand up and look at him. "Stop putting your hands over your face." Yumichika began stomping his feet like he was throwing a tantrum, whine-screaming as he clenched his hands over his face. "What's the matter with you, you idiot?" Ikkaku started laughing and tried to hug him, which made Yumichika go stiff from confusion.

"You're so fucking stupid," Ikkaku said with a happy sigh.

"Why are you smiling then?" Yumichika asked curiously, cautiously looking up. Holy  _fuck_ , was he beautiful.

"Cause' it's fucking… I don't know," Ikkaku didn't know how to explain the surge of affection he felt. He couldn't just be like bam, 'it's cause I love you and your fucking whining, you stupid prissy fucker'.

"Look, can't you wash your hair with bodywash? That's supposed ta' be like soap, isn't it? That's in there, see?" Ikkaku nudged the shower curtain aside, showing him the bottle.

"Soap isn't the same as shampoo. Besides, I don't want to smell like  _you,"_ Yumichika said with that snobby attitude that he loved so much.

"What, are you tellin' me I smell?" Ikkaku cautiously tested his armpit – he just sort of smelled like paint mostly.

"No, I just… Hm. It's just something I've always avoided in relationships."

"Smelling like your boyfriend? What, did they try to rub their armpits on you or something? C'mere," he joked, lifting his arm up and towing Yumichika closer by the arm.

"No, you're probably sweaty," Yumichika laughed, shoving him away.

"Hey, only my feet sweat. That's why I don't wear socks. If I did, I'd have people moving away from me at the gym. So what's that about not wanting ta' use my soap? Ya' don't wanna' smell like yer' squeeze? C'mon, squeeze me, life handed you a lemon."

"Stupid," Yumichika mumbled with this dumb-ass grin on his face, almost forgetting about his problem of having none of his beauty products. It was strange. He felt really pretty all of a sudden, even with a naked face and fucked-up hair; Ikkaku was looking at him with glowing eyes, like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

So different, so very different from Kaa, who would only look at himself in the mirror, who only saw himself and his own beauty and never Yumichika's. Kaa looked through him, while Ikkaku  _saw_  him, saw  _into_  him.

Yumichika looked down at his toes, smiling, curling his messy hair behind his ear. "No… it's like… Hm… I liked to swap pillowcases when they're on trips, and… wear their sweaters and stuff, occasionally. It's supposed to be…"

"Special, I get it. An' you're probably better off with your own smell anyway," Ikkaku said. "Well look, comb your hair with your fingers, and brush your- Wait did you even forget your toothbrush?"

Yumichika nodded with a grimace. "I was still a little messed up from yesterday when I was packing; Scatter-brained from too many crises at once. But wow, I can't  _believe_  I didn't remember. If you tell Renji and Ichigo about this, they'll probably be shocked enough to stop talking for a little while."

"Pfft," Ikkaku covered his mouth, starting to laugh, turning around. Yumichika smiled, biting at his lips, trying to look serious. "Okay, look, I have to get ready ta' go ta' my neice's baptism, blu-blah."

"Yes?"

"So, I gotta' shower and get dressed n' shit, so, if you wanna' drive yerself' back ta' yer' house, to tha' store, to getchyer' stuff, go ahead. And then if ya' have time left over, ya' can buzz over ta' the church-place if ya' want. Kenpachi'll like you I think. I'll write down the address."

"Kenpachi?"

"My neice's… well… he's not her  _dad_ , but he takes care a' her. He's tha' one who taught me ta' swordfight. Anyway, he's only taking her to get baptized because the church has this program for the needy – and she an' Kenpachi  _are_  needy - but they'll only help you if you're a church member, or something. But anyway, it should be funny, so you should stop by. You can leave yer' cat here, I don't mind if she scratches shit up, since I'm remodeling anyway."

"Alright. Sounds good, you can have the shower then," Yumichika said mournfully, looking in the mirror, trying to fix his hair with an exasperated sigh. "You know, if I'd had it my way, we would've known each other a lot longer before all of this kind of stuff. No seeing the other's house or family for a long time, and  _definitely_  not seeing each other first thing in the morning, my goodness, what would my parents say?"

"You said that already. We're not  _complete_  strangers. We've got all the same friends."

Yumichika smiled as Ikkaku absently took off his shirt and grabbed his toothbrush, intending to brush his teeth while in the shower to save time. "I've known Renji even longer than Ichigo has. We were next-door neighbors and we went to high school together."

"No, you couldn't have," Ikkaku said, just as convinced as Yumichika was that he  _had_. "You couldn't have, cause  _I_  went ta' high school with them."

"What?" Yumichika turned around and looked at him. "Are you telling me that we somehow missed each other for four years of high school and three years of college, with six mutual friends?"

"Hey, I always been lucky. Just isn't always good luck. Still that's a fucking crazy string of coincidences. But you didn't live next door to him," he added. "You couldn't have, cause' he never lived in a house."

"I lived next to their orphanage. He and Rukia were both there,"

"Oh, I see." Ikkaku started taking his pajama pants off, forgetting what he was doing until Yumichika beat him with a towel.

"You could at  _least_  tell me to leave, you, you-"

"Hey, I didn't think you were gonna' look-"

"Oh, fine excuse."

"Ah hush, you prissy vain-ass-"

" _That's_ hitting below the belt!  _You_ eat like a barbarian on the brink of starvation that had both of his hands cut off!"

Ikkaku, at that point, just grabbed him and noogied him on the head, playing like he was going to drag him under the stream of water going in the shower. "Heh- Where've you been, you perfect piece of shit."

"Ditto, you uncultured lout."

Ikkaku held him by the forearms. "If I asked if I could kiss you, what would you say?"

Yumichika looked back at him with a suddenly shocked expression, stunned by the quick change of subject. Then he looked back at him for a couple of seconds, before smiling. "I'd say to brush your teeth."

"Ah, alright, alright." Ikkaku waved him off, grinning. "Ya' better get out of here before you go blind from seein' my ass."

"I didn't go blind from seeing the sun on your head."

"OH, YOU ARE GONNA' GET IT."

Yumichika just laughed and raced out of the bathroom before Ikkaku could grab him. What was this feeling – This free happiness, without even a  _hint_  of something dark underneath, nothing lurking or waiting to come ruin everything. He could _trust,_ because he was finally getting the hard, cold, beautiful truth _._

He didn't even care that he hadn't combed his hair or used mouthwash. He didn't care that he didn't have any concealer or razors or  _soap_ ; he felt really beautiful all of a sudden, like he could go to the store as is, completely care-free. He didn't have to impress Kaa anymore, or constantly reach for his approval.

Everything was out where it could be plainly seen.

This just felt so good. It felt like freedom.


	12. Chapter 12

" _Look_  at it, this is what'cha' paid ta' find out."

"No, no, I don't believe it," Renji moaned, head in his hands, crumpling to the floor. He could feel people shaking his shoulders and trying to pull him up, but he just flopped over, forehead touching the carpet. He punched the ground in despair, unable to close his eyes to those horrible pictures. "No, It's not true," he cried, hiccupping, hands fumbling over the full-color prints of Ichigo and that... that- No, it couldn't  _be._ Ichigo couldn't have done this, he couldn't have done this to him.

"C'mon, you'll find someone else, man."

"Here, take this." The guys were trying to make him take a shot glass, handing him tissues and cigarettes. None of it made him feel better.

"I don't believe it," Renji said again, blubbering through his fingers like he'd lost everything. His hands shook as he flicked through the pictures faster and faster.

"No, not Ichigo, no, this is impossible, I don't believe it," he began to get more hysterical, voice spiraling higher. "It can't be, it just can't be _, Ichigo's my boyfriend, it's impossible,"_  he bawled, choking on his own cries, seeing Ichigo with that other man, pictures taken at such high speed that he could see the guy's thrusts and Ichigo's moans as he flipped through them. No, how could this be, Ichigo couldn't have done this, why, why, why, what had he done wrong?

"Here, drink this." Renji didn't look up but took the shot glass, moaning and sniffling to himself.

"Someone musta' made im' do it," he said miserably, knocking back the shot, coughing and choking when the fumes hit him. That had been  _really_  strong. Immediately, warmth spread through his gut, and he felt a little light-headed from crying.

He had to go find Ichigo. He had to go beg him to come back; Ichigo couldn't leave him for that man, whoever he was. Maybe that was just drunk-talk, but things weren't gonna' be over until he said so. It wasn't over, it just couldn't be!

"Don't keep in denial! Ya' seen it with yer' own eyes, man. Ya'll find someone new. A good-lookin' guy like you? The girls'll be breakin' yer' door down."

His eyes snapped open, head jerking up. "Girls? What girls?!" Renji staggered to his feet, pictures in hand, grabbing the guy's collar and getting in his face. "Ichigo's the only one for me, you'll see! I'm sure we can get past this! I just gotta' know why, and then I can fix it!"

"Nah, man, nah, leave it alone. He's gone."

 _"I said I can fix it!_ "

Renji clutched the incriminating photographs, intending to chuck them into the nearest river. He pushed past the faceless people out into the hallway, shoulders shuddering as he covered his eyes, still weeping.

"Oh, Ichigo, please tell me it's not true," he cried to himself, locking himself in the bathroom, ripping up and flushing the pictures down one by one. "Why? How could you do this, why would you do this to me? What have I done so wrong to drive you to this? Why wasn't I good enough?"

He started to hear moaning, so he wiped his face and opened the stall, peeking around it towards the sinks. Ichigo was there on his hands and knees, moaning with that guy doing something to him that he really shoudn't be doing, and  _ouch, Renji's heart-_

"GAH!" Renji awoke in a clammy sweat, face wet with tears and snot, chest heaving. After a few disillusioned seconds of shuddery weeping and gasping, he began to calm down, hearing Ichigo somewhere out in the front room.

There was music playing softly from the radio on the nightstand, and Renji rolled over, putting his face in his hands, pressing his hips down into the mattress. He felt sick, getting hard over seeing Ichigo with some faceless dream homewrecker, even if it wasn't something he could control.

He gave a dry sob, sniffling, snaking his hand down into his boxers to squeeze the hell out of his crotch, trying to kill his erection.

' _I want to lay my head down... come closer, come closer-'_

Renji's face screwed up, and he bit his lips. They'd made love to this song before,  _fuck._ He'd never felt such intense heart-pain before. Where was Ichigo? It had only been a dream, so he couldn't really be gone. He must be here somewhere.

' _Why didn't you stay a while... To say goodbye, my friend... I want to lay my head down, come closer-'_

Renji grit his teeth against the pain of his tight grip but didn't lessen it even a mite - Oh yes, Ichigo had told him to take a nap for a little while before getting back to studying. He'd kissed his cheek, which he seldom did, and tucked him in kindly, which he did even more seldom.

Renji eased back against the mattress, cheek flush against it as he wiped his face with his wrist, sniveling miserably. That dream had really shaken him up. Of  _course_  it was a dream. Ichigo wouldn't leave him, right? Ichigo would never be disloyal to him. He was the only man Ichigo would ever love, right? Everything was just fine.

Renji needed to toughen up – He couldn't fall to pieces if something of the sort really  _did_  happen. He couldn't become a wreck; he needed to deal with this even if he didn't want to.

But how could he? He'd have  _nothing_. That was a really scary thing to think about.

No more long nights of laughing and wrestling during sex, no more epic board-games, no more shouting and fighting over the wheel when they didn't know the directions - no more kissing or linking their pinkies together under tables in public. No more comforting shoulder punches, no more playful insults, no more bickering, and no more both of them pretending not to be scared when they watched horror movies.

No more  _us_ , no more  _ours_. It would just be Renji, pathetic and alone like a dog, like a  _stray dog._

His lip quivered a little, and he rolled over sharply with a growl, whacking himself in the gut a couple of times to make himself stop with his pathetic crying. He tried to make himself feel better by the fact that he couldn't control if he started to cry in his sleep; he wasn't  _really_  a wimp, he was just worked up.

_'It's just a dream, Damnit! It's not fucking real!'_

_'-trying not to remember our most precious of times, remem-'_

But there was still that ominous 'what if'. Yes,  _what if?_  Because if it  _can_  go wrong, it  _will,_ and he needed to think of some plan, if not for getting Ichigo back, for how to survive without putting himself out of his misery.

How would it be like? Where would he live, what would he do all day? Who would fill that space that was always taken up next to him? Walking down the street, in movie theaters, the shotgun of his car, the other half of his bed, the other half of his heart. That place was specially made for Ichigo, and if it was left empty, he'd be crippled every place in his life. Ichigo wasn't just his lover, he was his best friend, and they hadn't been unable to see each other every day since middle school.

' _Please tell me, do I leave... a void of any kind-'_ Renji slammed his hand down on the radio, grabbing the cord and ripping it out of the wall.

He'd have to sleep in an empty bed, he'd have to listen to every song that had some special meaning to them all by himself. All of his friends were Ichigo's friends too, which meant that even if Ichigo wasn't physically present, he probably would be mentioned often – Renji would have nowhere to go to forget about his problems, he'd have nothing that wouldn't remind him of what he'd lost.

Oh, he'd been so stupid in high school, so young, lonely, and dumb. He'd been  _scared,_  too shy for far too long. He'd taken such a long time to open up to the boy he was so head over heels for. How he'd wanted to hold Ichigo's hand, take him to parties, and do dorky stuff to make him blush, like picking him a flower even if he'd get yelled at for something so stupid and sappy.

But he'd let the opportunities pass by for far too long. He'd taken a long time to gather his courage, months and months that he'd taken for granted, thinking that he'd always have more time, another chance to ask. He'd spent it looking hopefully to the future rather than carpe-ing the fuck out of the diem and asking Ichigo right then.

All that time he'd  _wasted_. He should've spent every minute treasuring that time he got – he hadn't realized at the time that all of this, the friendship and the bond they had between them, could disappear at any moment, and that all he was doing was renting some time out of Ichigo's life, that it wasn't permanent or even semi-permanent. Ichigo was one person in a world of billions. Their chances were minimal, and Renji hadn't appreciated the magnitude of that at the time.

But he knew now, how their relationship could turn to sand in his fingers, and nothing he could do could keep it from slipping through the cracks.

He worked two jobs while Ichigo worked one, he filled out every scholarship and financial aid form that he could for their student loans, he did everything he could to get this degree so he could really take care of Ichigo if he had to - no longer would he be the poor nobody street urchin. He'd become a real man, responsible,  _dependable._ He'd finally have some money, some stability, maybe even a home for Ichigo.

But Ichigo didn't  _need_  that. Ichigo had a family, Ichigo had friends and he was becoming a doctor. What Renji had to offer wasn't enough, and the only thing that he really had to give Ichigo was himself, and 'himself' was ruining things half the time.

So all he had now was precious,  _precious_  time. It was all just sand running through a timer, and he didn't know when it would run dry and empty. So he would try, oh how he would try to be better, because this was his only hope. Ichigo was the light in the distance, and he couldn't let it start to flicker in the cold wind.

He'd thought that he'd learned his lesson long ago when they were getting over the 'college bump' that young relationships go through, but here he was  _again,_  realizing how much time he'd taken for granted, let slip without enjoying, and it made him sick.

This  _thing_  that they were getting ready to do, that he'd put off for such a long time,  _this_  was the problem: going to the clinic. When he'd been younger he'd never wanted to go and check his status, because he'd sworn he'd never be with anybody in the first place. He'd thought that he'd never love that deeply, that he'd never have to risk poisoning his sweetheart.

But he'd met Ichigo and things had changed. He'd wanted so bad to be close to him, to love him each and every intimate way, so he did, still in denial over what he possibly could be carrying, and that maybe he'd  _never_  be able to love Ichigo all the way and give him his possibly tainted body without a rubber. He'd still had that mindset of always having another chance, another time to do it, another time they'd go to bed together.

That luxury was something he couldn't afford anymore. He couldn't keep telling himself that he'd have time, because he really might not.

He should've gone to the clinic  _years_  ago, but he was too terrified and in denial of what had happened to him as a child to just face it. Back at the orphanage, there were a lot of things that shouldn't have happened, and he was sickened just thinking that he might have some disease because of those sick pedophiles.

He'd let his pride, his ego and his selfish fears get in the way of everything for too long. He was finally realizing that if he didn't do it now, he might never get a chance to really make love with his everything. His everything could turn to nothing in a split second, and he couldn't just wait and hope that it never would.

This wasn't some stupid diet where he'd still have his body if he put it off until next week. If he put this off, Ichigo really might disappear before he knew, and then he would've missed out.

He'd never get a chance to fix things, he'd never get to see that special smile that Ichigo never showed to anyone else. He'd lose all the memories, all the good times they'd had, all the future years he was always dreaming of in the blink of an eye, and all those things he'd taken for granted would be things of the past, only delusions and day dreams.

He didn't have the option of going cold-turkey, either, which might make the pain hurt less - it wouldn't be a clean cut, because Ichigo had all the same friends as he did, so he wouldn't even have the mercy of not having to see Ichigo with someone new or constantly hear about him from the others. It would be a serrated knife doused in lemon juice, shredding his flesh on the way out of his spine.

Losing Ichigo would be bad enough; His heart would probably never recover that. Seeing Ichigo with someone else? Just the thought of it was akin to dying.

Renji peeled himself off of the pillow he'd been shamefully weeping into. What a pitiful pathetic mess he'd turned into. He knew that it was mostly just because he was sleep-deprived and stressed out from finals week, but he still was a little embarrassed, even though there weren't any witnesses.

He had to admit that after that outburst of tense thoughts and pitiful shuddery weeping, he felt a lot better, less devoid of emotion. He'd been keeping everything under covers for far too long, and he hated it. It boiled under his skin until it became too much to bear, and now finally the stress and fear was leaking out. He really did feel a lot better after that.

He crept to the bathroom to wash his face and blow his nose before Ichigo could come and catch him looking so fucked up. He couldn't let him know, couldn't let him see, couldn't let him worry. Ichigo hated it when he got all paranoid and doubtful, and Renji didn't want to cause him any more upset. He knew it was ridiculous. He didn't need Ichigo to tell him that. He  _knew_  it was ridiculous, but he couldn't help but be scared anyway. There was no reason to start a fight over this.

They seldom fought... Well, they seldom  _really_  fought, where Ichigo would shout so much that he'd go blue in the face - The shouting wasn't the bad part; that was normal between them, resulting from Ichigo's unnatural amounts of pessimism and stress and Renji's equally hot temper.

The really serious fights were when Ichigo would get furious enough to start crying angry tears as he shouted, and leave, slamming the door without a goodbye. Renji would stay up all night waiting for him to come home, but in vain. It had only happened twice over all those years and would end with Ichigo coming home and sleeping on the kitchen floor, giving Renji the silent treatment throughout the next day.

Renji couldn't let something like that happen. He knew that the pressure on Ichigo - who always seemed to be carrying the weight of the world - was becoming too much to handle, and that he would explode if he wasn't careful.

Renji sighed, rubbing at his face. This was driving him nuts, so nuts that he would start to forget what he was doing when he was studying or when he worked, which was not really safe when you're a chauffeur.

Ichigo was going a little nutsy too, from night school and worrying about bills not getting paid, their car being in the shop, Yumichika getting stalked, and organizing their vacation. The poor thing was starting to have delusions and nightmares about some clone of himself who told him to do bad things.

Maybe they both needed a psychiatrist. Too bad they were both too stubborn and too broke to afford one.

Renji scrubbed his face with a cold washcloth, taking special care to get rid of the red rings under his raw eyes. He put a loose braid in his hair and rubbed some water on his arms and the back of his neck to cool down.

After a heavy sigh, he flopped down onto the bathmat, face pressed to the cool floor tiles, not caring about germs because Ichigo wasn't there to yell at him about them.

He smiled a little, getting choked up again as he thought back to how good he'd had it in high school. Those were the days. Floating on air, walking around with a dorky smile, so insanely in love that he didn't even  _care_ if Ichigo would never be his, the kind of love where you just enjoy being near them even if they could never be yours.

The memories were things that hurt, but in a sweet kind of way, like how when you looked at old pictures of good times.

He remembered when Ichigo had accidentally hit him in the face with a book in the science lab on the day they were doing blood typing. Of course, he'd broken his nose before at the orphanage, so he'd known what to do. He'd casually snapped it back into place to Ichigo's horror, and then blood started gushing everywhere, causing Ichigo to freak out and drag him to the nurse.

Then there were days when they'd ride home together on the train with Yumichika, parting at the station, Ichigo one way, the two of them the other. It had taken months for Ichigo to realize that Renji didn't have a home - when he'd asked if he could come over to study, Renji had to explain that he had no family and lived in an orphanage. That had prompted Ichigo to invite him over nearly every day, giving him the family he lacked, understanding how it was with no mother.

Those were the days; the days when they would kick the asses of anyone who picked fights with them, the days when they'd argue for hours until the teacher threw chalk at them and told them to get out - they'd just leave school, laughing over their stupid bickering. They'd been so young and with so much time ahead of them, so many dreams.

Renji smiled a little, one particular time standing out. He'd just gotten his license and being a little older, had offered to drive Ichigo to a dentist appointment. Little had he known that Ichigo had to get his wisdom teeth out and had been high as hell on the car ride back. ' _You're kinda cute,'_ he'd said woozily, trying to hug Renji while he drove, ending up choking himself with his seat belt.

' _You're hammered, don't say weird shit like that to me,'_ he'd replied. Ichigo had then let it slip in his questionable state of mind, that he liked him, but not to tell Renji because it was a secret.

' _I always pick fights so he won't know. He'll totally never talk to me again if he figures out that I like him. He'll call me faggot and hit me, probably,'_ Ichigo had said sleepily, cotton in his mouth, looking like a dork. _'I don't feel like I'm gay, but I just really like 'im. Like... ya' know,_   _like-like him. Don't tell,'_ he said again in paranoia, before conking out, hitting his head on the dashboard.

Even with that green light, Renji had been too chicken to ask him out for quite some time, still thinking that maybe Ichigo had just been in a strange frame of mind, not knowing what he was saying.

His life had never been better. He had a fucking carrot-head, shouting, hard-punching, sarcastic angel for a boyfriend. Suddenly, he had a life goal, dreams for the future, a  _family_ , somebody who believed in him. He became so much more than the stray dog that he'd been made to be.

Why would God give him an angel and take it away? It seemed so senselessly cruel. It wasn't fair that so much of his life depended on this one person.

Who had stayed up with him when he'd had stomach flu even before they'd gotten together? Who had taught him calligraphy with Yumichika so he could impress Rukia's new brother? Who had shown him that he was good enough to go to college and escape his impoverished life? Who had  _loved_  him?

Renji sighed, letting the tightness of his throat overtake him, heart aching horribly. He gave up on being hard-shelled and just let the pain thrive, knowing that it would go away soon if he just let himself feel it for awhile. Being strong wasn't about not crying; he was strong if he could deal with all of this.

Then came a knock on the door. "Renji? Are you okay? You ready to go?"

"Just one minute," he answered in a raspy voice.

He could see the shadow under the crack of the door, where Ichigo's feet were. He shifted his weight, remaining quiet for a moment, before answering, "Are you throwing up?"

"No."

"Wait... Are you crying? You're  _crying_ , aren't you."

" _No,"_ he answered too quickly, half-sitting up to try and keep the door shut with his foot.

Ichigo opened the door, peering around it. "What'sa' matter, Red?"

Renji flopped back down. He came and sat near Renji, but not too near, putting a hand on his leg. Renji nearly lost it again. He looked  _so_  beautiful. As much as he loved that endearing scowl, Ichigo looked so much younger when he didn't have those crinkles between his eyebrows. Whenever Ichigo's face went soft like that, his heart just melted and poured out all its problems. But no, he couldn't do that now. He couldn't tell Ichigo. He'd worry.

"Can ya' just lay here with me for a while," he begged in a whisper, not wanting Ichigo to hear his voice crack. He sighed and staring at the ceiling, wallowing in misery. Ichigo stared at him for a moment before complying wordlessly, settling on his back, resting the back of his head on Renji's arm.

Ichigo didn't say anything to him, sending him silent comfort and support without making him talk about whatever was bothering him; it was just another reason Renji loved him so much. Ichigo lay there quietly, letting Renji pull himself together for a couple minutes, holding his hand.

Renji sighed, finally getting a handle on his emotions, holding Ichigo closer. He loved the warmth and closeness, how he could see the pores on Ichigo's face and each eyelash, those big brown eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Ichigo finally asked, quietly. "We don't have to go if you're not."

A wave of relief washed over him. Ichigo thought he was upset over  _that._  He'd managed to come out clean once again. "No, I have to. I've made you wait too long."

"This isn't about me," Ichigo said sharply, getting up and looking him in the eyes, pulling on his hair a little bit. "This is about _you_  and what happened to  _you_. I don't want you to do this so we can have normal sex, I want this because I don't want to see you go through your life in fear and denial."

His strong tone faltered a little, "You torture yourself with this and you don't deserve it, because none of it was your fault. Don't you know that?"

Renji didn't speak, looking back at him, corners of his mouth tight. Ichigo grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly. "You were a  _kid!"_ he shouted, eyes angry and pained. "You were just a  _kid_ , don't you see? You'd better stop blaming yourself... or I'll... I'll knock your teeth in!"

Renji just half-smiled at his boyfriend's guilt and insult-ridden attempt at helping. It had worked a little. Ichigo groaned, shoving him when he thought Renji was still being self-deprecating.

"I'm just scared," Renji admitted, not meeting Ichigo's eyes. "It's... It's just hard, okay?" After a few shameful seconds, Ichigo grabbed his hand and squeezed it, bringing it to his forehead.

"You fucking idiot. I can't buy you a toy airplane like some kid. What am I supposed ta' do?"

Renji was silent, watching Ichigo's face contort, gripping his fingers tightly. "I'm here," he said, sounding angry, but Renji knew it was just because he didn't want to start falling apart. Insults and anger often corresponded with what Ichigo considered inappropriate emotions - such as, when they had been younger, and Renji would do something sweet, Ichigo would cuss him out, all the while blushing, secretly liking it. Likewise, was it when Ichigo was trying to be caring towards him, masking his guilt with anger and swearwords.

"Don't," Renji said, suddenly not wanting what he had always considered a cute trait in Ichigo. Right now, he wanted what was _real._  He didn't want to be entrenched in this denial right now.

"What," Ichigo said without looking at him, still holding his hand to his forehead. Renji grabbed him by the collar, sitting up and dragging Ichigo towards him, like he was a thug he was about to punch.

"Don't go under your shell. You hide from everyone, but don't hide from me," he growled, nabbing his jaw and forcing him to look at him. "I want it all, you hear me?"

"All of what? What do you want," Ichigo said wearily, grimacing, not attempting to escape Renji's challenge. "You want reassurance, is that it? Are a bunch of B.S. words from me really gonna' help you feel better?"

Renji released him, sighing. "I… I just don't know what to do. What if I've got somethin' and I can never… What if I can't…" He put his head in his hands.

Ichigo put a hand on his shoulder, looking a little choked up himself - because when Ichigo got choked up, he looked ready to commit a complex murder with only a rusty crowbar, some wooden planks, and a mongoose. That's why the worst fights were when Ichigo cried; Ichigo had to get fucking furious before he let loose.

"Renji."

He was met with silence and stillness, but he took that to mean that he was listening. The soft tone of Ichigo's voice really surprised Renji; Ichigo always did that when he wanted him to listen. It was more effective than shouting. Maybe Ichigo really was gonna' try to make him feel better with some words; he sounded like he was making an effort to be compassionate, which was what Renji needed at the moment.

"Have you ever heard of kintsukuroi?"

Renji wracked his mind. He was Japanese, just like all his friends, but had been orphaned and had grown up in America, so his heritage was a little tainted.

"It has to do with gold," he settled.

Ichigo took Renji's hands away from his face and gently took his head, pressing it to his chest like some child needing comfort. He knew it was exactly what comforted Renji the most - the closeness, the warmth, and the heartbeat, the tight embrace and the stroking to his face and hair.

Renji sighed a little, sinking into Ichigo's skinny chest. Fuck, he loved him.

"Imagine a broken piece of pottery. A really old one like anthropologists dig up and display in museums, with the Egyptian pictures on the side." Renji thought of a clay vase, sepia colored, with dark brown painted details, shattering on the pavement into big chunky pieces. "You imagining it?" He nodded against Ichigo's chest, braided hair skewing all over.

"Instead of throwing it away, kintsukuroi is when you fix the vase, but not with glue."

"With gold?" Renji questioned. Ichigo nodded, not looking down at him, rubbing the top of his head.

"They use gold or silver lacquer, and repair the pieces. It gets all put together like before, but the cracks glow with gold. The idea is that the piece is more beautiful now because it was broken. Kinda' like you," Ichigo forced himself to say it without any harshness or insults.

Renji's heart dropped, really letting that hit him full speed. He squeezed Ichigo really tightly, pressing his face into his chest as Ichigo stroked his hair. "I know you think that I'm disgusted by what happened... but that's not it at all... Part of what I like about you is how strong you are, bearing through so much. The cracks are golden, okay? You don't have to worry about what I'll think of you, even if you  _do_  got somethin'. It's not like you asked to get an infection, you were a  _child._ "

"What if it's something that can't be cured?" Renji asked with trepidation, not sure that he wanted the answer to that. If he had HIV or something, then he and Ichigo would never be able to have a life together.

"Then nothin'," Ichigo said adamantly.

"But what if I have AIDS?" Renji insisted.

"You don't have AIDS, Renji," Ichigo said flatly.

"But what if I do?!" Renji insisted again, a little hysterically.

"Then  _nothin'_ , I said. If you have AIDS, then we'll both have AIDS, together" Ichigo said back, petting his head to make him be quiet. "And we'll shine like treasure."

"That's so sappy," Renji said in an awed voice, looking up at Ichigo with his mouth agape, heart squeezing with the same happiness he'd had so long ago. Ichigo harrumphed, turning a little red. "I love you," he said pitifully, clinging onto Ichigo, who was obviously resisting the urge to shove his face away.

"I know," Ichigo grunted. "You act so stupid when you're scared." Then Ichigo looked down and kissed his forehead roughly, to keep his manliness intact. "It's like you say, we'll make it, you stupid fuck." Renji took his hand and stood up. "Now let's go. You're strong, brave, and handsome... Mostly handsome."

"Well, geez. Now I feel perfectly confident," Renji said sarcastically, pulling on Ichigo's ear and then slinging an arm around his shoulder.

He wasn't taking a single second for granted anymore. He couldn't stay under the veil of denial; Ichigo's time was precious and might be revoked at any time. As long as he had it, he was going to cherish it.

Like treasure.

* * *

"Hey, Yumichika?"

Yumichika looked up from his laptop. "Yes?" he answered the muffled voice coming from the shower.

"I'm in a rush, can ya' get my clothes? I just need a dress shirt, some black pants, and a black tie."

"Alright," Yumichika said with an amused smile. Ikkaku had been in such a rush that he had forgotten to grab some clothes to change into. At least he had realized before he'd gotten out.

"Thanks so much, babe."

He got up, leaving his laptop open, creeping into Ikkaku's room, going straight to the closet. After a quick scan, he realized that there were only unopened boxes here too, along with linens, Ikkaku's sword case, and empty hangers. Giving up, he went to the dresser next to the bed, opening the top drawer.

Promptly, he jumped and slammed the drawer shut again.  _All_  of Ikkaku's underwear were red. After a moment of indecision, he slowly opened it again to observe the magazine he'd seen, surely it was dirty- did he want to know?  _Yes_ , he did, even if snooping was wrong.

Yumichika took out the rolled-up catalog, even though he felt uneasy about invading Ikkaku's privacy. On the cover were some different steel weapons and pieces of art. A quick flip-through told him that the magazine was on metal-ware and other things for an 'international gifts' store. He opened it to a page that was dog-eared, and saw a sword sheath and other metal-care items that were circled many times in pen.

He smiled a little. At least it wasn't what he'd thought it would be. Maybe Ikkaku really wasn't too good to be true. Maybe he really wasn't a pervert. Yumichika wondered why Ikkaku would roll it up and hide it if it wasn't something dirty. Strange man.

Yumichika picked out a pair of Ikkaku's underpants, assuming that Ikkaku had been too embarrassed to ask him to grab some.

Opening the next drawer with more caution, he pulled out a badly folded white button-down, and a pair of black dress pants, folding up the red boxers and sliding them inside the pants. The tie was harder to find, but he eventually found one in the closet in one of the boxes.

"I have the clothes, Ikkaku," he called through the bathroom door.

"Okay, just set them on the sink."

Yumichika pursed his lips, before cracking the door open just wide enough that he could fit his arm through and set the clothes on top of a folded towel. He didn't know what was wrong with him, it wasn't like there wasn't a shower curtain. Besides, he'd long been a master of seduction, and rarely became embarrassed. It just felt strange for some reason.

"I'm going to go pretty soon, okay? So I can make it in time," Yumichika said with a smile, thinking that maybe it would be okay to really trust someone like this, someone so obliviously naive.

"Oh okay, don't rush though, it's okay if you don't come."

Yumichika smiled. Ikkaku was always so sweet to him. "Alright." He closed the door and went back to his laptop, typing away at the chat bar as he put some socks on and got ready to go. After he fed Haruki, he got a jacket, shouted a goodbye to Ikkaku, and trotted down the multiple staircases to get his car.

He briefly looked over Ikkaku's motorcycle, getting close to it to observe the polished metal and the helmet with the red stripe on the side. It might be fun to ride behind Ikkaku and hug his back really tight, but it wouldn't be fun to be afraid of dying. He sighed, getting into his car, pulling out with a wave to the guy at the toll-booth.

He turned the radio to the cheeriest station he could find and started dancing around in his seat every time he hit a stop-light. He even threw a few mints and some change out the window at a couple of homeless kids who were smiling at his weird display of happiness.

After a few minutes of driving in circles around the supermarket where he worked, he decided to go to the big one that was farther away. It felt weird to shop where he worked - he'd spent enough time in that place, thank you very much.

He texted Ikkaku a couple of times, asking if he liked watermelon because he was going to buy one - when he didn't receive an answer, he assumed it was because he was driving that death-bike, which was for the best. If he ever texted while on that thing, Yumichika would wring his stupid neck. C'mon, Ikkaku, phones are expensive, and so is your spine if you break it.

Yumichika hummed as he picked out a melon, hefting it into his cart. He assumed that Ikkaku wasn't a very picky eater, what with the way he scarfed down food like a starving man, so he didn't bother asking what Ikkaku liked - he probably liked basically everything.

He got some orange juice, a jar of pickles, and a box of cereal, which Ikkaku had none of. After that, he looked through the small stationary aisles and picked out a couple of crafts to pass the time at Ikkaku's house. Finally, he made his way to the cosmetics, getting a jar of vitamins, a comb, and a deodorant stick. He started milling around then, testing a couple of products on his wrist just for fun.

He eyed himself in the tiny mirrors on the shelves, wearing a wine-colored t-shirt and jeans. He wondered if that was nice enough for Ikkaku's neice's baptism; after all, Ikkaku had dressed up for it, and he didn't seem like the type to do that often.

"Uhm... Hey," came a voice from behind him. Yumichika blinked for a moment, going still as he recognized the voice. Then he just rolled his eyes, not turning around.

"Why do you keep following me, Kaa," he said more than asked, tone flat.

"Hey, it's probably an accident," Kaa mumbled, keeping his distance. "I just wanted ta'... Wha-... Woah."

Yumichika didn't turn to look at him, still rubbing the concealer sample on his wrist. It was just a touch too dark. Even though it was the summer season, Yumichika didn't plan on tanning. He wanted to keep his iridescent glow, and he was paranoid of skin cancer, besides. He shrugged, testing another lighter shade.

"You look... really pretty." Kaa said quietly. "Wait, did something happen to you? Your hair's messed up." He swooped in closer to scrutinize Yumichika's face. Yumichika scowled, compulsively checking his hair in the mirror even though he hadn't cared a moment before. "Did you get chased? How come you're not wearing makeup?"

Yumichika looked up at him finally, doing a double take. Kaa was a  _mess._ His hair was hanging in his eyes and there were big purple circles on his face, coloring a lack of sleep. His cheeks were sunken in and his skin looked yellowed. "You're not looking so great yourself, what the hell happened to  _you?_  You look like you slept on a park bench."

Kaa blinked, pursing his lips. Yumichika sighed, shaking his head. "What do you want, I told you it was over."

"Yeah, but you didn't mean it. You didn't  _mean_  that, Yumichika," Kaa said somewhat desperately.

"I mean it," Yumichika said flatly with a dead-pan expression. "I can assure you that I am very serious."

"C'mon, can't we talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"What's he got that I don't got?" Kaa asked pitifully, looming over him. Yumichika glanced to his right discreetly, searching for an exit if desperate measures were called for. "I know what you're doin'. You're tryin' ta' make me suffer, right? Well, it's workin', okay? What do ya' want, I'll buy ya' anything, pick a house, pick a  _country_ , damnit."

Yumichika just gave a snobby little sniff, closing his eyes and turning his head away. Kaa took him by the shoulders, and Yumichika was surprised by the gentleness, enough that he dropped his diva act and looked back at Kaa as he continued ranting.

"What is it that he's got? Is it cause' he's Asian too? We can move back to yer' country so you can be near yer' family. I'll learn Japanese, we'll be happy-"

"My family disowned me," Yumichika said flatly, sure that he'd mentioned that before.

Kaa blinked, mouth agape, before he barreled on, "I meant your sister, I know how you love her... I could shave off my hair, is that it?"

"Don't make me sing 'I will survive' to you. You're not helping," Yumichika said miserably, turning away. He'd been trying not to think about Kaa. He'd wanted a clean break with Ikkaku, a fresh start, a new life, a new  _chance,_ but he still had these wretched feelings, these hangups; he couldn't deny that he loved Kaa despite everything. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he loved Kaa, but that didn't mean that he didn't hate him too.

"How about helping me for a change? I'm not made of stone." Kaa really looked completely pathetic and lost, and it was tearing at Yumichika's insides. Kaa had never looked like this when he'd tried to leave before. Yumichika really felt bad for him. Oh, how he wished he could go back, how he wished things were different. "Do you know how long it's been since we've last made love? Since you let me kiss you?" Yumichika stopped him there, shoving him away, pointing in his face.

"That right there  _proves_  to me that you care nothing for me  _or_  my safety. You don't know what kind of shit you've picked up from those people. If I have sex with you, I'll be having sex with who knows what hoodrat! You don't care about me, you don't care about how I feel, all you care about is yourself and your freedom, Kaa. It's like you're the only person who exists, like there's no room for anyone else but you in your world! Seriously, how did I find the one person on this earth who's more selfish than me?! You can't have your cake and eat it, you're not allowed to have me but still do whoever else you want, that's _not_  fair."

Kaa's face scrunched up, as if he was having a hard time accepting the consequences to his own actions. It always seemed to confuse him when he didn't have anyone to blame but himself. "C'mon, Yum-yum, don't do this to me. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid ta' even touch you, you're so mad about the other people. When I asked, you said you were fine with having an open relationship. You know how hard it is for me to settle down, I just needed some time. Is it ever gonna' be the same again? I'm ready to just be for you, I promise, things can be okay again-"

Yumichika tried to say something, but Kaa stopped him, looking at him with pleading eyes. "No, listen, okay? I put my hand in the cookie jar, I had my fingers in the pie, I  _admit_  it, but that's the past, and we can live with it and deal with it."

"Fine," Yumichika snapped, scowling when he saw that other shoppers were beginning to peek at them and move away in a hurry. "Let's deal with it then, but we're not talking about pies, Kaa. You can't just compare breaking my trust with putting your finger in a pie. You're trying to fix things the way you want to, but it doesn't work that way, and I'm having a hard time dealing with this, don't you get it?"

Kaa shook his head wildly. "No, no, Yumichika, no, I didn't do it to hurt you, I can fix this-"

"Maybe you don't get how serious fidelity is to me, is that it? Don't you understand how much I sacrificed? I stuck my neck out for you, and I let you gallivant around thinking it would make you happy and that you'd come back to me when you were done. But I know better now, because you weren't going to come back, no matter what you say. If I hadn't put my foot down, you never would've stopped."

"No, no, I can fix this, I promise, I can fix this-"

"Stop saying that, I'm sick of you saying that! You can't  _fix_  this okay?! You can't fix  _anything._ " Kaa looked completely devastated, absolutely stricken, and it was tearing Yumichika up because he knew that Kaa wasn't faking. His voice got quiet and strained then, trying to make Kaa understand.

"Don't you get it? I can't waste any more time waiting for you to regret your decisions."

Kaa let out a hurt breath, grabbing the front of his chest like he'd been shot. Yumichika didn't back down, heart jerking horribly.

"I'm not going to be  _young_  forever, that's the one thing I'll never get back; Even if my heart heals, and everything else goes away, I'll never get back all this time I've wasted waiting for you. I could've spent those years being  _happy_ instead of  _waiting_ to be happy."

"Please, I'll do anything, one more chance."

"I just can't waste any more time, Nicholas, I'm sorry," Yumichika said sadly.

"I can fix it, it was the others that upset you, right? That's what upset ya', right?" Kaa grew desperate, clutching at him. "There was no meaning, there was no love, I didn't care, there was nothing, I swear. I can't even remember what they looked like, or their last names-"

"That makes it worse. Is that how cheap you consider sex to be?..." Yumichika shook his head, sighing, letting Kaa clasp his hands. "Every time you touch me... I can't help but feel that you're not having sex with me because you love me, but because..." He shook his head more, heart breaking. "You just want... because you're just trying to get off-"

"No, no, that's not true..." Yumichika's face screwed up and he sniffled, struggling to keep it in and keep from making more of a scene. He hated being a spectacle to people, and he knew that Kaa hated it even more, that he was getting really antsy. He was surprised that Kaa was saying all this in a semi-public area, what with how insanely against public displays he was. He must really be desperate to get him back.

" _No_ , wait, please don't." Kaa shook his head wildly, backing off a little bit; He'd always had a horrible time when Yumichika cried. That was the one thing that would break Kaa, was Yumichika's tears. Over the phone, he'd been able to deal with it, but in person he was crippled.

"No, stop," he held him, and Yumichika selfishly allowed it, trying desperately to suck the moisture back in. No more crying over this jerk. "Yumichika," he sighed, trying to gather himself, "You want the... sappy stuff, don't you? Like how... Well... I don't know, I just-"

"I know you have a hard time with me being a man, but how do you think I feel? The person I love can't even  _look me in the eye_  when he's making love to me, and he can't bear to be near me afterwards. You won't admit anything to anyone, you won't even touch me or kiss me in private. You made me feel so ashamed for so long-"

"I'm sorry," Kaa blurted out, forcing the words past his tongue, and that's how Yumichika knew that he was being honest. Kaa hated to say things like this out loud; it was taking serious balls for him to come here and say all this to him.

"I... I  _love_ \- Frick... I've hurt you terribly, I know," Kaa said breathlessly, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "I'm _sorry..._  I'll be patient, I'll be nice to you and stuff, I won't deny us in front of other people, I'll even kiss you in front of my friends... I'll even go celibate for you, we don't have to do it, and I won't see anyone else, c'mon... you know all the times we had... Things can be good... I... Yumichika, I love you," Kaa forced out awkwardly, stroking Yumichika's hair with hesitance. Yumichika's throat got tight - this was a really hard decision, and his heart was breaking because he knew that he couldn't go back as much as he wanted to.

But what if Kaa had finally learned his lesson? Maybe... just maybe... maybe it wouldn't be that bad boyfriend cycle where he would leave and Kaa would come crawling after him and be super nice for a little while just to get him back, and then go right back to his bad behavior... Maybe Kaa really would make a change for him, maybe it had all been a misunderstanding.

"I really do miss you when I'm away from you - nobody else is the same... That's how I know I must... love you," he sighed, holding Yumichika tight. "I'm really sorry for everything. I see that you're hurt now... and that  _I..._  hurt you. I can fix it," he whispered, struggling with the empathy that all this took.

Yumichika let his forehead roll onto Kaa's shoulder. How much he wanted to believe that they could have a life together; maybe they could've if things had been fixed sooner, but it wasn't the same now.

"It's too late, Nicholas. It's just much too late." Yumichika pulled away, making the hardest choice of his life, knowing that this had changed the balance of his future. "Maybe someday things can work out... someday... we can keep in touch... I don't want you out of my life, but... If you care about me at all, could you please leave me alone for a while?"

"Okay..." Kaa conceded, to Yumichika's surprise. "But can I kiss you one time? Just one time," he begged, which surprised Yumichika even more. Kaa didn't like to kiss him, and the fact that they were in public made it even more out of the ordinary. Yumichika supposed that it couldn't hurt if it would get Kaa to leave, so he nodded, and stood stock still as Kaa leaned in and held his face, kissing him with shaking lips.

Oh, it had been so long since he'd been kissed - not counting yesterday - and Yumichika couldn't help but kiss back just a little, some part of him breaking inside and falling down among the pieces of his heart.

"G'bye," Kaa whispered, giving a bitter half-smile, fingers lingering on his face. "Don't worry, I won't give up on ya'. I'll fix it somehow. I'll fix it." And then he turned, looking completely miserable with his out of the ordinary messed-up appearance, and wandered away, looking back a couple of times.

Yumichika only wished that that would be the last time he'd have to see Kaa walking away from him.

* * *

Renji was going nuts. He'd bitten his nails down to the nub and some of his fingers were bleeding a little. He couldn't keep still, and his leg was jittering as he sat in the chair next to Ichigo, who was on the little doctor's cushion-counter, paper crinkling under his legs.

Well that had been completely embarrassing - the awkward questions had been bad enough. He'd let Ichigo answer everything, because Ichigo was better at keeping a straight face about these things. But there was a physical exam, and samples had to be taken. Besides that, the doctor was male and obviously had a little issue with the fact that they were together.

It was all completely mortifiying, but if everything came back fine then it would all be worth it.

A female nurse came in. "I'm so sorry, but I'll be taking care of you two now."

Ichigo's mouth tightened, along with his fists. "Thank you, miss," he said flatly, completely fed up with that jerk doctor's snide little comments.

She took a deep calming breath, walking over to them. "Alright, you can both sit on the table, just relax. I'm not going to make you undergo an exam again. I'm just going to take your blood pressure again and ask a few questions." She gave a little smile, biting her lips, "Sir, I hope you can relax, otherwise the numbers will be skewed."

Renji looked up at her, half-smiling, leaning his head back against the wall. "Okay, do him first then." Ichigo snaked his hand behind his back, curling his pinkie around one of Renji's fingers. Renji looked up at him, but Ichigo was staring stoically at the far wall while the nurse took his blood pressure, acting like nothing was up. Ichigo hadn't done that in a long time, almost since their high school days.

"Alright." She wrote down a couple of numbers. "I'm going to ask you some questions. I know the doctor already asked these things, but he didn't write them down." She rolled her eyes. "He's always getting into law suits over stuff like this. I don't know  _why_  he went into this field if he's not comfortable with these things."

"It's a guy thing," Renji said with a raspy voice, trying to calm himself down as she wrapped the band around his bicep with difficulty. It was almost too big for the velcro.

"And maybe a homophobe thing as well. But really, I just want to tell you both not to mind me, we're completely confidential here. No need to worry." Renji nodded.

"Alrightie." She smiled, using her pen to mark which question she was on. "As you probably know, male homosexual sex poses the highest risk of infection and HIV in particular, so I'm going to have to ask a few extra questions. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the two of you are in a sexual relationship-"

Renji put his head in his hands, moaning lowly; he was  _so_  sick of blushing. Ichigo shoved him. "We're almost done, just suck it up..." Ichigo started laughing lowly, "This is so stupid, it's actually kind of funny."

"Good to know you're having a good time!" Renji shouted through his fingers.

"Excuse me," the nurse said while giggling. "We'll be quick, be sure to answer honestly, and remember, nothing you could say will shock me. Your samples are already in the lab, so if you test negative, you might receive your results before we're done."

"Okay, shoot," Renji said miserably, praying really hard.

"When was the last time you had intercourse?"

"Last night," Ichigo said flatly, without blinking. Renji sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. At least the nurse had the kindness not to look at them when she asked the questions.

"Have either of you ever had unprotected sex with each other or anyone else, man or woman?"

"No."

"Yes," Renji said reluctantly, sickened to think that what happened to him qualified as sex at all and not a crime against humanity.

"Do either of you show symptoms of an STI?"

"No."

"Why do you think you carry an infection?"

Ichigo was silent for a moment, before he looked at Renji, seeming uncomfortable with telling his boyfriend's secrets. The nurse didn't look up, waiting silently.

"Uh... I... when I was little there were some things that went on... that shouldn't have."

"Alright, that's all you need to tell. But there are no symptoms to lead you to believe that there might be something?"

"No," Renji said with relief.

"That's a good sign," she commented, ticking away with her pencil and the screen-pad of her ipad-clipboard. She asked them more about their medical history and their ages and heights.

"Hey, Renji," Ichigo said with a small thoughtful frown on his face.

"Hm?"

"When's the last time we went dancing? Like at a nightclub?" Renji stroked his chin, thinking hard, pinkie still curled around Ichigo's.

"I think it was before Ikkaku, Hisagi, and I got our tattoos... Damn, that's right when we graduated."

"I don't think we've gone to the beach in a while either," Ichigo mused, "or camping."

"Well we don't go with your family anymore," Renji pointed out. "Wait, we used to have a date night too, what happened to that?" He began to get nostalgic; he missed those high school days a lot; everything had been easier.

"Hm... Reality happened," Ichigo said pessimistically, "but we've only got one more week until summer vacation, and then we're out of the badlands. Then things can go back to normal."

"Until then, we can just dance in the living room."

"Alright, fine, but don't expect me to stand on your toes or something."

"Can't wait 'till exams are over. I thought we weren't gonna' make it," Renji admitted. Ichigo punched him in the arm.

"Stupid! You're always the one who says that we'll make it, now how'm I supposed to believe it if  _you_  don't even believe it?!"

"What, would you rather I say that we're about to catch spontaneous fire from stress?"

"I'd  _rather_  you say nothing than  _lie_ ," Ichigo said sarcastically. "Things have been hard lately, but we're at the top of the hill almost."

"I hope things aren't hard right _now_ ," the nurse commented flatly with a straight face. Renji's head snapped up incredulously.

"Did you just-" He looked at Ichigo for a minute, before busting out laughing. "Oh my god, don't with the jokes, that was so bad - and it's not professional."

"I know, but it breaks the tension. You have no idea how awkward things get having to tell people that their partner has caught something from scrounging the streets. Don't get me started on paternity tests."

"Aiiii, Ichigo, why'd you wanna' be a doctor again?" Renji asked with a grin. Ichigo rolled his eyes, smiling a little.

"I'm not gonna' be  _that_  kind of doctor, you dork."

"Alright, that's all. We're all done," the nurse said. "Work is slow today, so if you guys want, you can just wait in here for your results. They might take as long as half-an-hour."

"That's okay, we'll wait," Renji said bravely, feeling a lot better after that break in tension. Ichigo didn't try to argue with him, so he took it to mean that it was okay.

"Alright, I'll just leave you two alone," she smiled and closed the door softly.

"This is it," Renji said, dread filling him again. He took both of Ichigo's hands. "This is really it," he repeated breathily.

"Calm down, you stupid fuck. I'm not gonna' leave you if you're positive for something," Ichigo snapped, not into sappy love confessions when they were in public, even if no one was around.

Renji wanted to believe that, he really wanted to believe that, but he knew that part of Ichigo didn't fully realize what that meant. If it literally happened, Ichigo might view things differently, and change his mind. He might think that maybe he'd cheated on him and was trying to blame the disease on something else. Renji clutched at his fingers, biting his lip for a few minutes.

Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. "But what if it's AIDS?"

"Guh!" Ichigo said loudly, making his hands into claws to show his frustration. " _Shut up_ , you don't have  _AIDS_ , Renji! You're being paranoid!"

" _No,_ " Renji hollered back, getting steamed that Ichigo wasn't taking this seriously, or worse, he was trying to make a problem go away by denying it. He was being a hypocrite of course, because he couldn't even  _think_ the word 'molested' or 'raped', because somehow that made it more real.

But things didn't  _work_  that way; that dream he'd had had really fucked him up, and it was pissing him off that Ichigo was doing the denial thing too, "You have to take this seriously, you're just saying that to make yourself feel better! Saying that I don't have it doesn't make the possibility go away, Ichigo! You  _know_  I might have something, so shut your lying mouth!" He grumbled to himself for a little bit, crossing his arms and pouting in the corner, feeling miserable and misunderstood and  _alone_.

What did Ichigo know anyways?  _H_ _e_  didn't have an STD floating over his head. He didn't know what it was like. Stupid orange-juice-haired asshole.

After almost five minutes Ichigo's voice came quietly from behind him, "If you've got AIDS, you've had it for a long time, and that means that I've been in love with the AIDS-infected-Renji. You're not gonna' turn into a zombie in my eyes if someone tells you you've got it, cause if you've got it, you already had it. You don't suddenly have it once you're made aware of it. You're still the same person, whether we know your status or not, okay? We won't have to be any more cautious than we've already been. I'm not gonna' treat you like you're contagious. Now give me a kiss, you sacka' hammers."

"Don't steal my joke material," Renji grouched, not responding to Ichigo's hands pulling him around. He was a little less angry now; that had been really nice of Ichigo to say. Part of him had been afraid that Ichigo wouldn't want to kiss him anymore.

"You suck when you're scared," Ichigo whispered, nosing at Renji's face, trying to get him to turn his chin up for a kiss. Renji's jaw softened - Ichigo didn't do this stuff outside of their home, period. He really wanted to make him feel better, didn't he?

He gave a shaky sigh, frowning miserably. "I don't want things to change," he said brokenly, wrapping his big hands around Ichigo's wrists. How he wished things could to back to how good they'd been. Ichigo wouldn't have so many bones sticking out, he'd have less frown lines, and Renji would be more hopeful for their future lives.

Ichigo's breath ghosted over his lips, and he let the small space between them linger for a while, knowing Renji enjoyed the suspense. He let Renji link his fingers between his, closing the gap, squirming over into his lap. After a few warm slow kisses, Ichigo pulled back a few millimeters, looking at Renji's long eyelashes: black, but lighter red at the very tips, just like his hair.

"Hey," he whispered against Renji's mouth. Renji's eyes fluttered open in tandem with a small humming noise. "Let's play hangman like we used to do in my dad's office."

Renji grinned and hugged him really tight, always happy to have Ichigo in his lap. "I can't believe you remember that. I thought only I remembered stupid shit like that."

"Hey, c'mon, I remember stuff too. I think about those days a lot." Renji smiled, putting his head on Ichigo's shoulder, letting him squirm further into his lap, trying to get comfortable. "Yeah, you used to put your feet up on his desk while I would talk to the customers, and you'd think I couldn't see," Ichigo said wistfully, a nostalgic glint in his eye.

"Aw,  _what_? You knew? Why didn't you deck me like you said you were gonna'?"

"Cause' you looked hot doin' it," Ichigo kissed him a couple more times, smiling. Renji's heart swelled. Love was supposed to fade with time, but damn did he still feel the spark anyways. "Still worried?"

"A little," Renji admitted, getting up and grabbing the chalk out of the little cup holder near the magazine-rack in the corner. "My turn first."

Ichigo stared at him for a little while. "You're really scared, aren't you?" Renji's shoulders sagged with a giant groan.

"Uggggh, I thought I was supposed to forget about it, Ichigo."

"I just realized you forgot to wear a bandanna... Wow." Ichigo pursed his lips. Renji cringed, immediately raising a hand to cover his forehead when he realized.

"Aw, damnit," he whined, looking distinctly uncomfortable as if he was considering using a sock as a bandanna.

"I actually feel kind of bad now. I didn't think you were  _that_  worried."

"I must look really pathetic if you're feeling guilty," Renji mumbled miserably, hand rising to his forehead compulsively every few seconds.

"No, you look good," Ichigo said quietly. "It's nice." Then Ichigo's tone changed back. "Now think of a word."

"Does it have to be in English?"

"Hmmm... Yeah."

"Alright, it'll be something you hate."

"Horoscopes."

"Damn, I didn't even write it yet, how'd you do that?!"

Ichigo just grinned. The golden days could come back. Really soon, and then they'd be happy again, and the smiles would return. They just had to trust that good things would come, and they would.


	13. Chapter 13

Yumichika pulled up to the church building, which was correct according to the address Ikkaku had given him, along with the gps in his phone. When he saw Ikkaku's motorbike, he knew that he had indeed come to the right place. He parked next to it, locked his car, and jogged to the building, hoping he hadn't missed everything.

He'd brought a camera, a little corsage, and a chocolate egg for Ikkaku's niece, even if she very well might be a baby and unable to appreciate the itchy thing – he didn't know how old she was, so as far as he knew, she could be anywhere from zero to ten.

He'd brought the camera because he didn't think Ikkaku had half a mind to bring such a thing, and a phone camera just didn't cut it. Furthermore, if he'd assumed correctly about the girl's caretaker from what he'd heard from Ikkaku, this Kenpachi-character probably didn't bring one either. What little girl didn't want any baby pictures?

He'd gotten the chocolate because, well... You can almost never go wrong with kids and candy.

As he cautiously entered, slipping into a pew in the very back of the nearly vacant church, he saw Ikkaku up on the altar with crossed arms, next to a giant of a man and a little baby probably about one and a half who was screeching at the top of her lungs, blubbering and wet.

Yumichika assumed that it was either after mass or other people had just left because of the child's noisy tantrum. Yumichika smiled; he liked her a little already.

He quietly padded up the aisle to sit closer to the front, avoiding the couple other people who were in the building trying to pray their rosaries without breaking their concentration. Ikkaku grinned at him and gave a little wave, ignoring Kenpachi who was desperately trying to keep a hold on the wriggling child. Yumichika noticed that she wasn't wearing the white clothes that were supposed to go with such an event and that the priest had wrinkled his nose in distaste at her worn yellow sundress as he struggled to put oil on the child's forehead, avoiding her flailing hands. Or perhaps he was just concerned about going deaf.

They lit a couple of candles and signed a couple of papers, and then it was over. Yachiru stopped crying almost immediately as Kenpachi set her on the ground. She crawled down the carpeted steps, and he just let out a 'pssh' and followed her.

Yumichika started laughing, seeing how harassed and exhausted the big tough guy looked. He covered his mouth with a hand, giggling behind it as the girl grabbed the edge of one pew, trying to stand. " _Hey_ , laughing boy!" Yumichika jolted, grimacing at him, but did not shrink back, which the man seemed to be surprised about.

"What," he snapped back in response to Kenpachi's attitude.

"These people don't like your types in this kinda' plac-" Ikkaku punched Kenpachi between the shoulders, swearing loudly even though they were in church.

"I said  _be nice!_ " he shouted, voice echoing through the building. Yumichika hid a smile as he saw the priest roll his eyes and put out the candles around the room.

"Okay," Yumichika said, even if he wasn't the one Ikkaku was talking to. It worked like a charm, because Kenpachi immediately looked uncomfortable and almost guilty. Ikkaku picked Yachiru up off the ground, looking around, not knowing where to put her. Kenpachi crossed his arms adamantly, stubbornly refusing to carry her anymore.

Eventually, as Yumichika stood up, ready to leave with them, Ikkaku thrust her into his arms. "Here, hold her, I gotta' go talk to the social worker." This presumably was the reason Ikkaku had dressed up.

Kenpachi raised his eyebrows, and Yumichika remembered Ikkaku saying something about Yachiru hating strangers. Yumichika at least knew how to hold a baby correctly, and she didn't immediately start screaming, which was a good sign.

"Why are  _you_  talking to the social worker?" Yumichika asked as he balanced Yachiru's weight on his side, eyeing Kenpachi. If he was honest, the man didn't look quite fit to be looking after children. It was no wonder the little girl was a brat who screeched like a howler monkey.

"He'll just fuck things up. You don't know what I gotta' put up with from these two," Ikkaku said in exasperation, saying that he'd be back in a minute.

Yumichika sat back down, bracing his feet on the pew in front of him so the little girl could fit in his lap and face him. The baby stared at him, nearly beginning to wail again. She stopped abruptly when Yumichika adjusted her in his lap and brought out the shiny foil-covered chocolate egg. Her eyes went big and round, and she reached for it, expertly taking off the aluminum and sticking it in her mouth, chewing enthusiastically.

Yumichika gave a little laugh when she flopped tiredly onto the front of his shirt, damp head on his chest. All that screaming had to be exhausting. Kenpachi looked extremely impressed when Yachiru closed her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly, finger in her mouth.

"Hello, Kenpachi-san, I'm Yumichika." Yumichika smiled sunnily, trying to make a good first impression even though the insufferable man had insulted him deeply within the first twenty seconds of meeting him.

"Yer' Ikkaku's…" he trailed off, looking at Yachiru in irritation that she'd given him such trouble but hadn't ripped off Yumichika's head. "Ya' don't know what I gotta' go through ta' get her ta' go ta' sleep…"

"Really?" Yumichika looked down at her again, standing up and adjusting her so her head rested on his shoulder. She coughed a couple of times before settling down again. "Do you want her back?"

"Nah… you kin'…" Kenpachi trailed off, staring at him awkwardly. "Sorry... Fer' what I said." Yumichika just rolled his eyes with a smile.

"I've had much  _much_  worse, trust me," he said a little sadly, bouncing on the balls of his feet a little bit to rock her. "Here, take a picture of her, and we'll have captured lightning in a bottle."

Kenpachi looked at him for a minute before actually laughing, taking the camera and fiddling with it until he figured out how to work it. After taking two pictures, Yumichika turned to see that Ikkaku was staring at him, gaping and pointing in disbelief.

"You-…. What the-... How-" He looked at Kenpachi, and they shared a significant stare for a few seconds before looking back at Yumichika.

"He stays," Kenpachi said heartily. "And now I need an aspirin."

"She has got quite the pair of lungs," Yumichika agreed, picking up the little corsage and handing it to Kenpachi. "But she's cute, so we won't throw her to the wolves just yet." Kenpachi stared at his hand for a moment before he took the little flower arrangement hesitantly. "Just give it to her when you get home."

"Uh… thanks."

Yumichika just smiled, holding out the baby to him. Kenpachi took her, holding her similarly. She awoke but began sucking on her thumb, eyes sleepy. "Can we leave?" Zaraki asked Ikkaku, not eager to know what the social worker had said about him _this_  time.

"Yeah, let's go." Ikkaku looked between the two of them excitedly, pleased that Kenpachi had liked Yumichika. He was right: Yumichika was definitely a keeper.

* * *

Renji thought that he'd never been as scared as he was now. This was absolutely nerve-wracking.

After a couple rounds of hangman, the nurse finally came back in with an indiscernible look on her face. Renji didn't know if that was a good sign. She opened the file she was carrying, flicking her eyes up to each of them for a split second before launching into reading the report with a lot of doctor jargon that Renji didn't understand.

All Renji understood were their names and birthdays and a bunch of different diseases. He didn't hear the words 'positive' or 'negative', so he just squirmed anxiously, trying to listen even though his nerves were making him skittish and unfocused.

Ichigo smiled when she read Renji's name, so he sat there, hardly daring to breathe, promising God that he'd do him as many solids as he wanted if he could just pass this test. Ichigo started smiling wider and wider, nudging him, giving him a glance.

Renji didn't know what was so significant that he should be happy about and thought that Ichigo was just teasing him about his nerves. But then the nurse said 'congratulations', and Renji felt relief flood through him like a tidal wave.

"I passed? Did I pass?" he asked, sounding a bit dazed even to his own ears. Ichigo grinned and gave him a rough kiss on the cheek right in front of the nurse, and Renji nearly fainted. He'd passed, everything was okay, everything could go back to normal.  _He'd made it._

"Oh, thank god," he sighed, rubbing his eyes as he began to swoon. Ichigo held his arm to keep him from falling over.

"I  _told_  you that you didn't have anything," Ichigo said, still smiling like the sun as he put on his coat and shook his deliriously happy boyfriend out of his stupor.

"I'm so happy for you both. Have a wonderful day." The nurse smiled, opening the door so that they could go. "And a wonderful  _night_ ," she called after them. Renji started to laugh, still stunned and floating on air as Ichigo turned with a blush, giving her the evil eye.

Renji took Ichigo's hand, still shaking a little from all the adrenaline, taking in air like he'd been deprived for years. "Let's go eat," he suggested, and Ichigo nodded as they walked across the street, coming into a small restaurant.

Ichigo sat down across from him in a booth with nice green leather seats, letting Renji hold his hands even though there were some other people eyeing them. "Man, I'm so happy," Renji whispered, wiping his face, trying to calm down.

"I wouldn't have left you," Ichigo said lowly, not looking at him. "I wouldnta'… I know you think I would, but I wouldn't."

"Maybe not right away," Renji said a little sadly, leaning onto the table as the waiter came to serve them, eyeing them cautiously as if homosexuality was an airborne contagion.

He was quiet for a few seconds, face heating as Renji and Ichigo just stared back at him. "… Uh, what'll ya' have," he said not unkindly, settling as he rationalized that they weren't going to bite him.

Renji hadn't looked in the menu yet, so he jumped a little and opened it up. "Oh, let's see… A cheeseburger, a chicken burger, an omelet... And water. Anythin' ta' add, koi?" he asked Ichigo, who was still eyeing the waiter with a scowl.

Ichigo startled at the pet name and glared at him even though the young waiter obviously didn't understand what had been said. "No… ah'…" Ichigo sighed. "Nothin', I guess."

"Alright, I'll be right out with that," the guy mumbled, happy to get away.

"You sure you don't want anything? We can still call him back."

"Nah... I'm not really hungry."

Since neither of them liked having a conversation every single night about what they were going to have for dinner, they traded off every other night on who was responsible for getting dinner/making it, etc. Renji was more likely to order pizza or make something easy like macaroni or rice, while Ichigo would make something nice ahead of time before he left for night school.

Ichigo leaned his elbows on the table, hands on the sides of his face. "You'll wanna' go all night, wontcha'," he asked miserably, startling Renji that he was talking about such things in public.

"Well… at least  _part_  of the night... I know you're sore, but... I thought we should celebrate me bein' clean," he answered cautiously, wondering if Ichigo just didn't want to do it on a school night, or if it was something more serious. "I want you ta'…" Here he widened his eyes significantly, indicating that he wanted to return the favor of the previous night.

Renji began reminiscing about when they had been young. They'd park in empty lots or on the side of the freeway and kiss in the back seat, sometimes putting down all the seats and making love when it got too rainy to drive safely. He really missed just kissing Ichigo sometimes. It seemed like these days, kissing always preceded sex, as if he couldn't just kiss Ichigo anymore for the sake of it. Oh, how he loved that mouth, that smile, and that  _tongue._

He smiled to himself, thinking about the first time he'd let Ichigo-

Renji blinked at Ichigo's face. ' _He's not happy... Why is he unhappy?'_  Ichigo just frowned pitifully, scratching at invisible dirt on the tabletop.

"Am I… out of shape?" Ichigo asked vulnerably, nearly whispering. Renji just stared at him. Of all the things to suddenly worry about, he was worried about  _that?_  "I know I'm not like how I used to look... Do you think I've let myself go?" Ichigo couldn't meet his eyes.

"Oh, shut up." Renji kicked him under the table. "You're not out of shape. You're just gettin' way too skinny." He didn't like how self-conscious Ichigo sounded. Ichigo didn't get self-conscious, period. "Fer' the record, I still think you look great, and I'm not just saying that. You just need ta' eat a little more."

Ichigo sighed. "I guess I just don't have any appetite."

"It's cause yer' worryin' too much." Renji took his hand and pecked it, taking out his cellphone when it starting ringing. "When the waiter comes back order something to eat, blossom," he teased. Ichigo kicked him under the table, snatching his hands back before Renji could grab them and further embarrass him in front of these strangers. "Hello?"

Luckily, Ichigo backed off from getting him back for that little nickname, letting him talk on the phone without an issue. He tried to remember the menu; maybe Renji would let him eat one of his sandwiches.

"Oh hey, Hisagi-Senpai." Renji sat back in the booth, putting his elbow up on the side when he saw that no one was sitting behind them to bump into. "Oh? What's the matter, man?" Immediately, he could see Ichigo perk his ears. He was always looking for something to get wound up about.

_" _I'_ ll give you a hint. Ichigo hates it."_

"Hm… Authority? Fortune telling?" Ichigo's face began to sour as Renji rattled off the list as Hisagi said no to each one. "Feng shui. Palm reading. Banjos. People who sneeze into their hands instead of their elbows. Uhhh... Psychics? Kick-a-ginger-day…" By that point, Ichigo was bristling like a porcupine, nearly hissing at him.

" _It has to do with our trip."_

"Oh? What's wrong with it?" Renji asked, sipping water that the waiter had brought. Ichigo began to stack the coffee creamers, eyeing Renji in distaste.

" _These guys tried to repossess Kira's RV."_

"Seriously? Repo men?" Ichigo narrowed his eyebrows and snorted.

" _Yeah, I think they got the wrong address or something, because Kira paid for it in full years ago."_

"Why did you wanna' tell me this?"

" _It's funny_."

Renji rolled his eyes, talking for a little bit longer before ending the call. "So, Ichigo."

"So," Ichigo said back, eyeing him as he twanged his fork. He picked up his water that the waiter brought, sipping from it.

He teased Ichigo with something really lewd about how hard he wanted him to do what and where in his out-loud voice. Ichigo nearly spat out his water in shock, cheeks going red, kicking him really hard under the table.

"You are gonna' get it later!" Ichigo shouted, glaring at him.

"That's just what I wanted to hear."

* * *

"C'mon, just for a little bit?" Ikkaku begged, dragging Yumichika towards his motorcycle. Yumichika watched Kenpachi leave the parking lot with Yachiru, wondering why he wasn't driving home… Did he not have a car? Ikkaku had  _said_  that they were needy, but surely they weren't homeless.

"No!"

"Why ya' so scared a' my bike, sweets?" Ikkaku asked, putting his helmet on. When Yumichika didn't answer, he poked him, driving a response from him.

" _Kaa_  had a motorcycle, okay?"

Ikkaku didn't know what to say for a moment, then apologized. Yumichika insisted it was fine, conceding that  _alright_ , he would let him take him for a ride some other time.

"Why not now?"

"Because, who's going to drive my car back?" Yumichika questioned sarcastically.

"Oh," Ikkaku said dumbly, getting on his motorcycle, revving the engine as he tucked the tail of his tie inside his shirt. "Don't run me over."

"I'll try," Yumichika rolled his eyes, soon enough watching Ikkaku closely as they drove home. Ikkaku didn't seem as reckless as Kaa – he didn't drive between lanes at least – and he drove at a reasonable speed.

When they got back into Ikkaku's parking garage, Yumichika smiled as Ikkaku took off his bike helmet, dress shirt all disheveled. He did look better next to that bike, as Ikkaku had earlier said.

"You know, I used to have a jet ski. I'd ride it to work at this island restaurant that only boats could reach, in Florida."

"Oh yeah? Why'dja' stop?"

"I needed money, so I sold it," Yumichika said, smiling sadly as he followed Ikkaku back to his apartment. Haruki came to the door when they opened it, meowing at them as if she wondered whether they had any food to give her.

"What's the matter," Ikkaku asked levelly. Yumichika looked up. He hadn't even asked 'are you okay?' He'd simply known that there was something on his mind. Yumichika decided not to lie.

"I saw Kaa earlier." Ikkaku's eyes darkened.

"Did he hurt you?" Yumichika shook his head. "You saw him, or he followed you again?" Yumichika grimaced and Ikkaku groaned, knowing the answer.

"I don't like how he talks to you..." Ikkaku grumbled. "He tries ta' intimidate you cuz' he's bigger... He deliberately scared you yesterday... What is it with him, anyway?"

"He…" Yumichika sighed, growing glum, sitting back down where his still-open laptop and scrapbooking supplies were. "He has a very warped sense of reality… I don't think he really grasps things that don't revolve around him. I think he's more confused than anything…"

"What's so confusing about 'get lost'?" Ikkaku snapped as he pulled off his tie, chucking it at the wall halfheartedly. Yumichika watched it flop pathetically to the floor.

"He has a hard time with cause and effect… He argues with policemen, he…. He wasn't always like this. I meant it when I said we were happy for quite some time. He was sweeter, still against public displays, but... he was sweeter. He used to go to hospitals and tell jokes to little kids… Since his sister died… I think it changed him. You know how I said he thinks everything has to do with him? Maybe he's guilty now for the first time in his life, thinking he had something to do with her dying… and he can't deal with it."

"That's not an excuse to treat you badly, though, don't you see that?" Ikkaku said roughly, taking a powerade from the fridge and gulping it down.

Yumichika was quiet for a while, typing something into a chat bar. "Yes… I know. It's just so hard when I've been with him so long."

Ikkaku nodded, coming to sit near him but not near enough that he could read Yumichika's conversation, wanting to give him privacy. "Look, I'm not the boss of you. I'm really not trying to sound controlling. I'm not some jerk who's gonna' tell ya' who ya' can and can't see... I just don't want something to happen to you, alright?..." When Yumichika nodded, he continued, "What did he want?"

"To apologize," Yumichika said quietly. "I know he's sorry… and that he's lonely… but I just don't think I can forgive him again." Ikkaku put a hand on his shoulder for comfort, not wanting to say anything to hurt Yumichika worse.

He'd see the way Yumichika would grow quiet and still and sad sometimes, obviously thinking about Kaa and everything he was losing – he'd always try to bring him out of it, and it would work, but he'd be left with a lingering feeling of doubt.

What if what he had to offer wasn't enough?

"If you were thinking about going back to him, you'd tell me, right?" Ikkaku asked quietly. Yumichika nodded, saying guiltily that he had been thinking about it a little.

"But I know that I can't… I've just… spent too much time waiting for him to start feeling sorry, and… I…" Yumichika seemed to want to say something else, but sighed. "I don't know. Can we change the subject? I don't want you getting the wrong idea. I'm very happy with you, Ikkaku. I'd never be so ungrateful as to take advantage of you. You've been so kind." He snaked a finger around one of Ikkaku's, and Ikkaku smiled a little.

"I'm gonna' paint some more," Ikkaku mumbled, ruffling Yumichika's hair.

"Is it okay if I scavenge for food?" Yumichika asked. "I'll make you something," he offered.

"Okay, thanks baby," Ikkaku said, walking to his bedroom so he could put on something he felt okay about ruining. "That's real nice a' ya'." Yumichika beamed at the appreciation.

Ikkaku painted for about an hour, wolfing down a sandwich and some juice that Yumichika had made and put on a plate for him. He walked to the hardware store to get some more blue tape and clean paper to put on the carpet to block it from drips, and when he came back there was violin music blasting and Yumichika was nowhere to be seen.

Ikkaku went to Yumichika's computer to turn the music down a little, exchanged the dirty paint-block paper for new, and retaped everything as well as he could. He heard Yumichika somewhere in the house and turned his head to see Yumichika in a t-shirt and knee-length pants, dancing around to the music.

Ikkaku smiled but didn't comment, not wanting to embarrass him at all in case he didn't want to be seen, but he still watched out of the corner of his eye. Yumichika danced  _good_. Well enough that it could've been choreographed.

He minded his own business for a while, trying to ignore the way Yumichika was prancing around him, humming cheerily.

"Hmmm, Ikkaku." Yumichika crept up behind him and tapped the back of his head, squirming up to him and putting his chin on his shoulder. Ikkaku looked at him with a smile. "What would you be in another life?"

"A pirate," Ikkaku said without asking why Yumichika had asked him that.

"Any particular pirate?"

"Hm… Roronoa Zoro. I think his santoryuu is really cool." Ikkaku grinned. "Say, your dancing looks a little bit like sword-fighting."

"My sister and I used to fence," Yumichika elaborated, turning his music down, settling down with his picture scraps and stickers once again.

Ikkaku crawled over to him, not worried about painting at that moment in particular. Yumichika showed him a couple of pictures of him and their friends, telling a couple stories.

"Hey, what's that one?" Ikkaku asked, pointing to one underneath the coffee table. Yumichika brought it out where he could see it, and Ikkaku's eyes immediately widened. "Is that you?"

"Yes, me and Rangiku went cosplaying like this after this was taken. So many people stopped us to take pictures that we decided it was too good to pass up." It was Rangiku and Yumichika in Halloween costumes as Jessie and James from Team Rocket, with Ichigo's little sisters as a Pikachu and a Meowth. Yumichika had a rose in hand and was giving that sarcastic smile typical of James' face. Rangiku was hugging him around the neck and grinning for whoever was taking the picture.

"Wow… you look just like him."

"I can get the voice perfect too," Yumichika commented. "It's scary." Ikkaku looked at the picture some more, a little jealous of Rangiku. Her costume was really good too, except her hair hadn't been styled into the point that Jessie had, which was probably impossible anyways.

A few more hours passed, with Yumichika humming away happily, snipping his pictures and construction paper just how he wanted it, before sticking them down with double-sided tape squares. He'd write a couple of lines and then maybe talk to Ikkaku for a while as he painted. If this was domestic bliss, Ikkaku liked it a lot.

Eventually, when it neared eight o' clock, Yumichika made some macaroni and some popcorn and put on his pajamas. Ikkaku took a shower to try to get the paint smell off his skin, and he put on a white t-shirt and some sweatpants, dragging Yumichika's little TV and some blankets out into the front room so they could watch something.

"Wow, you've got nice feet," Ikkaku commented. Yumichika froze in putting the tape in the TV, turning around to look at him. Ikkaku startled, realizing what he had said and how weird it was. "I mean… like... I dunno', forget I said that."

He pulled his blanket over his head, flopping onto the carpet in embarrassment, letting out a long groan. Yumichika laughed a little as Ikkaku peeked out at him. "Ooh dear, my reputation will be ruined." The 'size' joke flew right over Ikkaku's naïve shiny head. "And look at yours," he scoffed a little, and Ikkaku pulled one of his feet up to his face to look at it to try to see what Yumichika meant.

"How do you even find socks that fit?" Yumichika asked airily, putting in the tape and starting to rewind it.

"I don't like socks. They make my feet sweat." Ikkaku was quiet for a moment when Yumichika made a noise that sounded like he understood.

"You told me that already."

"Did I? Wow, look. Your hands are really small compared to mine." Yumichika held up a hand in comparison to Ikkaku's, and his fingers were almost an inch shorter. Ikkaku then stuck out his foot, and Yumichika rolled his eyes and put his own sole against Ikkaku's, petting his cat when she came and lay down next to them. "Wow… Your feet are so small."

"They're not small, yours are just big," Yumichika said slyly, giving him a coy-James expression. "You know what big feet means."

"What?" Ikkaku asked blankly, innuendo not sinking in immediately.

"Big shoes," Yumichika quipped, turning away when the movie was finally done rewinding.

It took Ikkaku another moment, before he started laughing, thinking about using that one on Kira. "Oh, that's funny-"

Yumichika flashed him a look, raising his eyebrows. "Am I going to be disappointed?" Ikkaku's eyes widened and immediately he started stuttering, face red.

"I… I mean, maybe… I dunno'-" Yumichika took pity on him and handed him the popcorn bowl, cuddling up next to him with a smile.

"I'm only joking," Yumichika sighed, and Ikkaku slowly relaxed, still a little pink in the face, holding his legs awkwardly, perhaps to hide something. "You're lucky you're so much fun to tease."

"I'm lucky, period."

Yumichika just laughed lowly, settling his head on Ikkaku's shoulder.

They watched 'Sleeping Beauty', which Ikkaku had never seen before. Apparently Yumichika liked a lot of kids movies, especially those with beautiful landscapes or painted scenery, like 'Bambi'. "You probably don't like princess movies, but I like the dragon," he commented, snuggling closer to him; Ikkaku sighed in contentment, holding him.

"Did the prince's voice actor die halfway through the movie or something? He didn't talk for the whole second half." Yumichika stopped short of talking, before saying that that had never occurred to him before and that he wondered that too.

Soon enough, Yumichika decided that he was tired and should go to sleep so he could be fresh for work tomorrow. Ikkaku agreed, following behind him as he brushed his teeth and combed his hair. He didn't say anything when he saw Haruki had curled up in his bed. The cat still wouldn't let him pet it, but at least it wasn't openly hostile or anything.

Yumichika began to settle on the floor, but Ikkaku snatched him and hauled him to the mattress. "No, no, it's too soon, it's too soon," Yumichika protested, squealing when Ikkaku threw him over his shoulder and flopped him onto the bed.

"Okay, you've protested enough." Ikkaku gently pinned him down, and Yumichika squirmed, still trying to crawl out, but Ikkaku lied down and didn't let him get up. "You can tell 'em that I made ya'."

"No, I can't sleep here. The angels are watching," Yumichika protested. Ikkaku just laughed, turning out his bedside light.

"Go ta' sleep, ya' nut." Yumichika gave a frustrated little sigh, but the glow of the digital clock let Ikkaku see his smile.

* * *

Renji closed his laptop, frustrated that he hadn't been able to beat Ichigo's latest high score on 3D Space Cadet Pinball. They'd been trading scores for years, and obviously it was getting very difficult to top each other.

Ichigo crawled into bed next to him, grinning smugly when Renji pouted at losing. He loved this man so damn much that it wasn't even funny. Renji was perfect, even with that cute little pudge that he was getting on his stomach, just enough so that he was soft to lay on. Of course, he didn't tell Renji this, lest he begin fretting over getting fat and doing sit-ups like crazy.

It probably was the same reason Renji hadn't told him that he needed to go to the gym – Ichigo  _knew_  that he was looking more and more like a skeleton as time went by; he didn't need Renji to inform him of it, and Renji must know that, just as Ichigo knew that he shouldn't tell Renji of this.

Besides, Ichigo loved how he looked now too. Sometimes too much muscle was just plain uncomfortable, and it made Renji that much nicer to lie on top of at night now that he had that thin layer of soft skin instead of a literal washboard under his cheek.

Ichigo kissed his neck and Renji eagerly turned out the light, beckoning Ichigo into his arms. Renji was excited. This would be just like their first time – except with less awkwardness and pain. He was getting the same butterflies and rushes of delirious love that were supposed to have faded years ago.

Though Renji would never admit it aloud, he liked it when Ichigo dominated him – he'd spent so long being afraid to give up control because of how helpless he had felt as a child being taken advantage of, but now,  _now_ with wonderful Ichigo it felt so good to give in and let him take control.

He knew it was probably weird, because he'd always been a little bigger than Ichigo, who'd always been on the skinny side. He knew it was weird to be a big man and to let someone else hold him down and do what they wanted, but he really liked being at Ichigo's mercy. There was something about it that was appealing to him. He loved the attention and getting held and getting so much pleasure that he was shaking and letting out soft noises, nothing like the strong man he normally was. He liked to know that Ichigo loved him.

He loved the teeth and the gentle sucking mouth on his neck, he loved the hands holding his wrists down to the bed, he loved the chest hulking over him with such power, and he loved knowing that only Ichigo would ever do this to him and that only he would ever have Ichigo this way, this perfect way.

He let out a shuddery breath as Ichigo kicked the sheets down to give their already heated skin some air. Ichigo pinned his arms to the bed, biting his ear and kissing down his neck to the juncture between his shoulder and collarbone.

"I thought I'd lost ya'," Renji whispered breathily as Ichigo bit one of his nipples, pinching the other gently and rolling it between his fingers, causing him to moan lowly. "I really thought I'd lost ya'." Ichigo trailed his fingers down Renji's abdominal tattoos, digging his nails in once he got to his hips Then he pulled his underwear down, telling him to turn over.

Renji moaned and shuddered and twitched as Ichigo prepared him, pressing their bodies together and kissing all the way up his spine. His chest and stomach clenched, relishing in the pleasure and the tongue and the fingers all over him, leaving him burning and ready to finally  _really_  have Ichigo as his. It would probably feel so right, so natural to do it this way without a plastic barrier.

Ichigo mentioned that he should take those condoms back to the store, and Renji nodded, moaning as he felt Ichigo press his hips down on him. He could feel his lover's arousal through the fabric, the heat and the pulsating and the insistence. He twitched in excitement, feeling like a virgin again, having so much to learn, so much to discover and enjoy, like he was a fresh being without any knotches in his belt. He wondered how it would feel, how close he would feel to Ichigo when it happened.

Just thinking about it got his heartbeat going, and he started feeling that deep urge to be held down and fucked. Eventually Ichigo decided that he was ready and slicked himself up, pressing his body over him, entering him slowly. Renji immediately moaned at the heat and the sensation. It was so much different, so unlike anything he'd ever felt. The slide was so much easier, and the feeling was indescribable. He breathed hard, moaning as he tried to relax and let Ichigo sink all the way in.

He gasped and grit his teeth when Ichigo's hips hit his. The pain was hardly noticable, hardly there, leaving him free to enjoy having Ichigo so close to him like this, so connected to his being. He could feel Ichigo's heartbeat and the intense heat keenly, little sensations running through him as his sensitive nerves were stimulated.

He whimpered and grit his teeth when Ichigo moved, causing a stab of pain to shoot through him, but still, he relished in the feeling of fullness and completion, especially the smooth slippery feeling of the heated skin. He was getting even harder at the way Ichigo's arousal remained stationary on his prostate, so deep that he felt like they had become one, merging their souls.

Ichigo lay there atop him, kissing his neck, holding him until the pain lessened, until he began to relax and completely enjoy Ichigo inside him. Ugh, he could feel his own heartbeat inside there, practically begging for his brains to be fucked out. Ichigo rolled his hips deeply, and Renji could already tell that this would feel like one of  _those_  nights, one of those nights where the pleasure was never ending, where he'd come more than once, begging, sweaty, never getting enough of Ichigo filling him, reaching a void within him that none had ever touched.

"I told you," Ichigo said raggedly, pulling out and turning Renji's limp, quivering body over, entering him again. He held down Renji's arms, snaking his hands up to lock their fingers together. "I told you there was nothing, you big baby," he repeated hoarsely, and Renji suddenly realized that Ichigo really had been worried that he'd been wrong. Ichigo had been afraid that they really would've had no future, that everything would've ended.

Renji moaned Ichigo's name, swearing that he loved him and would never stop, begging him to go deeper, to give him more. He wanted to be closer, so close that he'd forget about the outside world, where the only thing that existed was the two of them like this.

Ichigo snared his fingers in Renji's hair, thrusting harder, enough that a smacking sound filled the room. Renji moaned in pleasure, eyes slipping closed, mouth open as Ichigo pulled his head back so he could bite at his neck and leave hickeys all over him.

He loved the nails running down his sides, he loved the caresses on his tattoos, and he loved the sucking mouth and the little breathy noises of pleasure Ichigo made as he held up his legs. He loved the deep, slow rhythm and the bolts of warmth shooting through him as Ichigo thrust into him. He loved Ichigo and his face and his voice and his warmth, and his spirit most of all.

Renji didn't know if you could fall in love with the same person more than once, but right now he didn't care because he was free-falling regardless, and he didn't want a parachute. He loved Ichigo all over again, feeling him this way, meeting his eyes and holding his hands. It was just like the first time but so much better. God, he loved him and his kisses and his bright hair, his yelling and his  _fighting_  and the way he held him like this.

Renji begged for Ichigo to hold him, body weak and shaking from the continuous pleasure. Ichigo wrapped his skinny but strong arms around him, kissing him slowly as he thrust deeply, hitting his prostate with long full contact, leaving Renji breathless and whispering his name.

"I love you, okay? I love you," Ichigo whispered onto his lips, holding his face as Renji locked his legs around his back. He nodded, out of breath, enjoying the way they were making love, feeling that all of it was worth it if he got to do this even one time. It was so warm and so close. He could feel Ichigo's heartbeat and the slick of skin pounding into him. It was so much better than he'd ever imagined it would be.

Ichigo pulled out and grabbed him by the hips, dragging him to the edge of the bed, sticking a pillow under his lower back. Ichigo stood behind him, holding down his arms, looking down at his sweaty, disheveled lover with warm eyes. "I love how you look like this," Ichigo mumbled, entering him again, running hands along his tattoos.

Renji moaned loudly, head lolling back into his mess of loose hair. How he loved it when Ichigo did this to him, bent him and all the power under his tattooed skin to his will.

He clenched his hands into fists where Ichigo had him pinned, begging for more as the new angle sent so much pleasure through him that he could hardly handle it. "Ichigo," he gasped as Ichigo kissed and licked his collar bone, snaking his hand down to grab his arousal, fingering the tribal tattoos. "Harder," Renji begged, panting, wanting to be unable to feel his hips in the morning.

Ichigo did not disappoint, grabbing him by the ankles and pushing his legs back, thrusting harder and faster, their skin sticking together, making a loud slapping noise every time they met. Renji moaned, eyes swimming dazedly as Ichigo fucked him hard, sending him into sensory overload.

After about thirty seconds, Ichigo slowed down, pulling out to give himself a break. He sat there next to Renji, panting heavily and leaning down to kiss him. Renji grabbed the back of his neck, lacing his fingers through his hair as Ichigo crawled on top of him, moving him around to lay on his back under him.

"C'mon, more, Ichigo, please," Renji begged.

"I'm gonna' bust, I need a break," Ichigo said breathlessly, sitting back for a minute. Renji whined in displeasure, eventually resorting to fisting a hand around his erection, pumping it and moaning exaggeratedly until Ichigo came back over to him. "Fine, you asked for it," Ichigo grinned. Renji laughed a little, kissing him clumsily as Ichigo leaned over him with his eyes closed, thrusting back in with a shuddery moan.

Ichigo met his eyes, holding his hips still so he could focus on thrusting hard, going deep even though his strokes were faster now. Renji locked in a gaze with him, tensing up as he came all over his stomach, body clenching up around Ichigo's arousal. He moaned, eyes fluttering as his vision went dark for a moment. Ichigo growled, mumbling about his 'look' as he thrust faster into him, giving him aftershocks too intense for him to bear. Renji shuddered helplessly, moaning weakly as Ichigo panted and groaned with his approaching orgasm.

Still getting small jolts of pleasure through him with Ichigo's thrusts, Renji clamped down with the last of his strength, and Ichigo staggered, nearly flopping onto him as he gave a loud moan and came deep inside him. Renji made a noise of surprise, still getting euphoric waves rushing through him as he felt Ichigo's cum.

Wow... Oh wow, that felt... It was so warm… and the way Ichigo twitched within him, and the way Ichigo couldn't hold himself up anymore, eyes dilated with pleasure as he tried to kiss him – Renji just loved it. He felt very complete and he didn't even mind the warm trail leaking out of him when Ichigo pulled out and sat down next to him in exhaust.

He just lay there, limp and thoroughly satisfied, weakly moving an arm to Ichigo's back, which Ichigo lay down on, gasping for air next to him.

"I want a turn," Ichigo said a little jealously, with a content smile on his face as his chest rose and fell, glistening with sweat. "You never make noise like that," he commented as Renji struggled to sit up to kiss him, completely boneless from getting fucked that good.

Renji laughed a little, kissing Ichigo all over his face, surprised to feel the moisture in his eyes just trial down his sweaty cheeks. "I love you," he mumbled, kissing Ichigo's mouth, slipping his tongue inside, saying it again with a muffled voice. Ichigo's arms encircled his neck and they kissed for a few minutes, Ichigo petting his tangled hair.

"Want a shower, hun?" Renji mumbled, kissing Ichigo's forehead, and then his nose and his eyelids. Ichigo thought for a moment but shook his head.

"Let's just stay like this… for a little while," he said, breath still irregular, catching Renji's lips again. Renji was about to protest that he'd ruin the sheets if he stayed like this, with Ichigo's cum inside him, but Ichigo looked like he didn't care how much new sheets would cost. Ichigo got up and opened a window for a nighttime breeze to cool their feverish skin - he looked like he'd say 'screw the sheets' if he mentioned it, so Renji just smiled and lay his head down on his cool pillow, letting Ichigo get close to him, hooking a leg over his hip when close wasn't close enough.

"Night, Renji," Ichigo said sleepily, kissing him one last time. "Love you…" he sighed, sinking into the mattress, saying more on his next breath, "A real lot."

Renji kissed his head, arm around Ichigo's back, holding him as close as possible, hoping that there would never be such a serious threat to their relationship such as AIDS ever again. This just couldn't end.

He loved Ichigo and he didn't care what anyone said about the spark fading with time. He still wanted to take Ichigo on dates and on vacations and fucking shoe shopping; he wanted to do nice things for him and spoil him and bake him cookies. Renji loved him, and he couldn't imagine his own future without Ichigo in it.

"Are you happy?" Renji asked quietly, kissing his face to keep him from falling asleep yet. Ichigo's eyes fluttered open again, face so close to his that Renji could feel his lashes on his cheek. "Are you happy with me, baby? I know things are tough right now, but... aren't you happy?"

"Yeah," he said back, trailing his fingers on Renji's back. "I know I get pissed a lot n' shout… but, I'm happy. I love havin' a life with you… you're my best friend," Ichigo went into a whisper, eyes closing again. "M' happy…"

"Good," Renji said back, petting him a little. "Night, Ichigo."

"G'night."


	14. Chapter 14

"Time ta' get up," Ikkaku grumbled, pulling himself out of bed. He looked over at Yumichika, wiping crust from his eyes. "Hey," he insisted, still getting no response.

After blinking a few times, he smiled. Yumichika had ended up curled in a ball, face pressed against the mattress with his rear in the air. Ikkaku shook him, and Yumichika just flopped onto his side with a sleepy moan.

"C'mon, time fer' work, babe." Yumichika sat up and mumbled a good morning, yawned, and then froze mid-yawn as if he had come across some horrible revelation.

"What?" Ikkaku stared back at Yumichika's shocked and horrified face.

"You saw me without makeup on!" Yumichika shrieked, running out into the hall, as if he had forgotten that Ikkaku had seen him like that yesterday too. Maybe he thought it was somehow different if he saw him before he woke up as opposed to what happened yesterday.

"Oh, you're full of baloney," Ikkaku grumbled, hitting him with a pillow and heading to the kitchen for some fruit. "I got class today, so I'm gonna' be home about... Three," he mumbled half to himself, half to the piece of watermelon he was eating.

Yumichika poked his head out of the bathroom, covering his face with his hands. "What was that?"

Ikkaku just grimaced; he had known for ages that he would fall for a complete dork, and it looked like he had indeed. "I'm comin' back from school at three today. N' stop that, you're too pretty ta' be whinin' like that." Yumichika threw a towel at him as he started brushing his teeth. "Hey, I might fool around at the park to study for awhile, so if I'm not back by three, don't worry."

"Yes, alright. When do you think I should go back home?" Yumichika asked. "I don't want to wear out my welcome."

"Well... You don't... You don't  _have_  ta' go," Ikkaku said awkwardly, stuffing his face to mask the bitterness he felt. "I mean, it gets lonely now that I don't live with Red n' Redder... so... I like havin' ya'."

Yumichika peeped his head out again, toothbrush in his mouth. He withdrew it to speak some more. "Ikkaku, you know as well as I do that it's inappropriate. We met on Friday, and I'm still tangled up in the loose ends of my last relationship. It's just inappropriate."

Ikkaku scowled, chucking his watermelon rind in the trash. "Yeah, but... c'mon, why should it matter so much? It's not like gossip'll matter, I don't got any friends."

"That's rich, seeing as you're going on vacation with six of them." Yumichika rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but none'a' them'll be weird over you bein' here! You know all of them!"

"Do you think  _I_  don't have friends who gossip? You heard me and Rangiku yesterday. My friends are rumor-mongering harpies."

"They probably won't even figure it out!"

Yumichika looked at him. "Ikkaku," he said warningly to get him to listen.

Ikkaku sighed, knowing Yumichika was right. "... I still wish you'd stay," he said begrudgingly.

"I don't get why," Yumichika mumbled, withdrawing back into the bathroom. "Besides, Ikkaku, I can hardly afford rent on my salary now. I can't let that money just go to waste."

"Alright, alright," Ikkaku conceded. "Maybe you could think about it? We could be roommates and you could live here?"

"You and I both know that it doesn't count as roommates if the roommates are dating," Yumichika said skeptically, hands on his hips, looking out at him again.

"C'mon, please?" Ikkaku asked. "At least think about it?" He stuck out his lower lip, and Yumichika answered that puppy eyes didn't work on him. "Pleaaaase? I'll clean out the storage room, and you can sleep in there if you want. We'll get you your own bed."

Yumichika seemed to consider it then. It wasn't as if they had a physical relationship at this point, and Ikkaku hadn't made any move to push him towards kissing him or doing him favors, which was very comforting. He hadn't even made  _jokes_  about it. That made it a lot easier to imagine.

Maybe if things had progressed further between them, he would have given an adamant no, but seeing as things were so innocent still, they could slide by as roommates for a while.

And Kaa wouldn't find him. Bonus points.

"Hmm. We'll see." Ikkaku grinned crazily at his small victory. It seemed that insanity had once again beaten out rationality.

They got ready for work and school, and Yumichika by that point was made up and gorgeous like usual, and they went their separate ways at the parking garage. Ikkaku walked to school and Yumichika drove to work, wondering how his life had settled into something so perfectly  _wonderfully_  peaceful.

No more nights of heartache and wondering, no more drunk phone calls, no more hearing rumors about what his 'lover-but-not-really' had done with so and so, no more bailing him out of jail at three in the morning.

Ikkaku wanted him to move in with him after two days of knowing him, and if Yumichika didn't know better, he'd say Ikkaku had become way too emotionally invested. The  _look_ in the man's eyes when he looked at him was just... oh, he just melted. There was so much care and concern and  _love_ , dare he say it.

Somehow Ikkaku, despite his violent nature and aspirations to become a fighter, tasted so much sweeter than Kaa, the man who was perfect at everything. Ikkaku's roughness contrasted sharply with how naive he was when it came to these things. Yumichika had never met a man that approached romance like Ikkaku did, and the best thing about it was that Ikkaku wasn't even  _aware_  of how innocent things were and how sweet it was.

Ikkaku just enjoyed his presence that much, and that was immensely appealing to Yumichika. Ikkaku didn't even have to put in effort to be nice to him or treat him well. He just  _did_  it like breathing.

'I'm not doing nice things to get on your good side, I'm doing nice things because you  _deserve_ it.  _Obviously_ you're just as beautiful without makeup on,  _of course_  I should carry your stuff while you're in the bathroom, there's  _no way_  you're sleeping on the floor if you're my guest,  _Yes_  I want to hold your hand just because. Hug me, watch movies with me, be my sweetheart, let me carry you on my back, let me pick you flowers and buy you ice cream, _you're the best thing ever, you're my favorite everything.'_

Ikkaku acted like he was a five-year-old with his first crush, who he'd share crayons with, catch frogs for, and chase to try to kiss. It's like it had never even crossed Ikkaku's mind that he'd be great to have sex with - he just enjoyed his company that much.

Yumichika really really liked it.

Somehow, what they had now was almost normal, just like how he'd imagined his life turning out when he'd been little, dreaming of prince charming or something. Meeting a nice man, with 2.5 children and picket fences and a golden retriever and shit like that. Normal stuff. The thing was, normal stuff in Yumichika's life had become abnormal, and he was struggling to keep up with how happy he had become in such a short period of time.

Perhaps that was just Ikkaku's crazy grin seeping into his bones and warming him. He really was crazy; that was the only explanation. Ikkaku was crazy, and honest, and  _perfect_ , and oh, Yumichika just liked it so much that he didn't even feel like he had to be cautious or guarded. Of course, there was that little voice in the back of his mind telling him not to trust completely, but most of the time it was drowned out.

This just wasn't normal, was it?

He supposed again that he felt like trying something a little different, a little crazy. Maybe his life would finally start looking up again.

Maybe he'd finally found his calling, his place or something; Maybe it was just like Ikkaku had said. He just had this 'feeling' that this was what he was supposed to do, and that he, Yumichika, was who he was supposed to be with.

Maybe it was so crazy that it was true. Maybe Ikkaku was right.

Stranger things have happened.

* * *

Renji dragged himself through the door, throwing his backpack on the ground and flopped gratefully onto the couch with a tired moan of ecstasy at the soft pillows. Damn, finals week was  _killer._ He swore he was burning twice the amount of normal calories just from how stressed out he was.

His nocturnal lover opened the bathroom door to peek out and make sure that it was he who had entered the house and not some burglar or nosy salesman. His hair was sleep-ruffled and he had a toothbrush in his mouth.

Seeing Renji's spiky hair and his shoulders sticking out over the back of the couch, Ichigo rinsed out his mouth and shuffled out into the hall, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Renji made a little noise as Ichigo came and curled his still sleep-soft body up next to him. "Ya' tired, Red?" he asked softly, putting his head in the crook of Renji's neck. "Ya' look tired."

"Yeah." Renji gave a sigh and sunk into the couch, leaning his head back, completely exhausted. "Ya' sleep good?" Ichigo nodded in response, moving to lay his head in Renji's lap, still bleary-eyed. Their romp last night had thrown off his sleep schedule.

Renji leaned down tiredly to kiss him, and Ichigo gave a peaceful little sound as Renji snuck his fingers through his wild hair. "Mm." When Renji pulled back, Ichigo curled a finger for him to give him another.

After a few moments, Ichigo crawled into Renji's lap and put his arms around his shoulders, kissing him for a little while. Renji put his hands on Ichigo's hips and back, rubbing up and along his spine, smiling. There was something very endearing about pajama-clad Ichigo and with sex hair and innocent sleepy eyes.

"Morning handsome," he mumbled onto Ichigo's lips, not moving to grope him, just enjoying kissing him for a little bit. Eventually Ichigo withdrew and pecked his cheek, getting up to make some cereal.

"It's not morning. It's three," he commented with one last yawn, even though he knew that Renji had meant since he'd just woken up. "Man, I gotta' study my ass off."

"Don't study it  _all_  the way off," Renji said in mock dismay, and Ichigo gave him the finger. "Aw c'mon, don't stress too hard, baby, you'll go bald like Ikkaku." Ichigo looked at him from the kitchen, holding a bowl.

"He didn't go bald from stressing out, you stupid idiot. That doesn't happen to people our age." Renji rolled his eyes, before closing them, resting on the couch for a little longer.

Ichigo was quiet for a while, letting his cereal swill around as he ashamedly looked at Renji. "You're angry right?..."

"I am?" Renji asked curiously, looking at Ichigo, who looked guilty. Oh, Renji could remember that last night Ichigo had lain on his hair, and he had yelled at him that it hurt, and Ichigo punched him in the mouth because he had accidentally kneed him in the groin.

"Yeah... I  _hit_  you." Ichigo turned away, biting his lips with a sigh. Renji looked at him. They hit and shoved each other a lot when they bickered, but that was okay because they were just kidding. For Ichigo to be upset about it, it must've been serious, or he must at least think that Renji had taken it seriously. "I... Didn't mean it."

"Hey, I'm not angry, alright?" Renji looked over the edge of the couch at him. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry, though..." Ichigo sighed. "I didn't mean ta' hit ya' so hard. I don't know why I did that... Is your face okay?"

"I'm not angry, I said. I'm fine, nothin' broke." Renji pointed to his bruised lip, which was the only remaining evidence.

"Okay, okay, enough whining, I'm done whining," Ichigo promised with a sheepish grin. Renji smiled back, being patient because he knew that finals were really tearing Ichigo apart. "Whaddya' want fer' dinner?"

"It's your day. I don't get ta' pick," Renji said adamantly. Ichigo sighed, opening the fridge, still having fucked up hair and sheep pajamas on.

Renji lie down across the sofa, toeing off his sandals and undoing his ponytail. He put an arm over his eyes as his overlong legs hung over the armrest.

"Want me ta' go get the car from the shop later?" Renji asked wearily, "I don't want you goin' ta' school on the subway at night." Ichigo gave an annoyed groan at what he perceived as controlling behavior, even if he knew Renji was right about it being dangerous.

"Yes, that would be nice," Ichigo answered tightly. "While you're at it, you can take those condoms back to the store and get your sixty bucks back. Take back that fan too, it's a piece of crap."

Renji cracked a smile, not moving his forearm from where it was blocking the light from his eyes. "Kay'," he said in reply, feeling so tired and lame that he didn't even feel like summoning the energy to go grab a blanket. "Ya' said ya' were jealous last night. When we gonna' fit in givin' you a turn?"

Ichigo was quiet for a moment, and Renji listened for a reply, half-hoping Ichigo would put it off so he could rest. He was feeling too worn out to even make love to his boyfriend, and that was pretty pathetic.

"Well, it'll be too early in the morning by the time I come back from school. I'm not waking you up; you need your rest for finals. And I don't really feel like it now, do you?"

"Nah, not really," Renji sighed, "M' worn out, I don't even feel like movin' my mouth ta' talk," he mumbled. Ichigo gave a snort and answered back saying that he was considering letting them fool around on their vacation, even though he had been adamant about doing the opposite.

"Knew ya'd change yer' mind. Ya' can't resist these guns," Renji said, peeking a hand over the edge of the sofa with a duck face.

"Oh yeah right," Ichigo said sarcastically. "Truth or dare: What's your favorite thing about Renji?" Ichigo gave a mock hum of thought. "Hmmm, definitely his guns and not his big dopey face. Or his stupid way of stacking the dishes. Or his tight ass. Or his tattoos, Or his blankity-blank inches long-"

"Alright, alright, shut up," Renji laughed. "C'mere an' kiss me some."

"I thought you didn't want ta' do it," Ichigo said in confusion, settling on making macaroni and cheese, with potato chips. Renji liked to eat it like salsa, which Ichigo often complained about, but secretly thought was cute and unique. It was one of those things that was just  _Renji._

"I said I wanna' kiss ya'," Renji said again. "Can't I kiss ya' without ya' gettin' suspicious?"

"Well, you usually escalate things." Ichigo raised his eyebrows and peeked over the edge of the couch in intrigue and curious interest.

"I wanna' kiss ya', I said," Renji said stubbornly, demanding that Ichigo come cuddle him so they could kiss for a while. Truth be told, Ichigo missed things like that; They'd used to do that all the time in high school and for a few years after.

"Your wish is my command."

* * *

Ikkaku's phone rang almost the exact moment he left his last class. He let it ring until he exited the building, putting it to his ear. He didn't have caller-ID, so he hoped Yumichika was calling him on his break or something. "Hello?"

"Ika-ku?" said an unfamiliar voice. Ikkaku scowled, immediately stopping the guy.

"Dude. It's I- _kah_ -ku."

"Oh, right, right, sorry," said the voice nervously, and Ikkaku wondered how the guy almost knew his name. It probably wasn't someone he knew, because the guy had obviously never heard his name spoken aloud before, or he wouldn't have messed it up.

"I just wanted ta' talk ta' ya'. I can pay ya' if ya' answer my questions." Ikkaku frowned a little, not hanging up immediately as he crossed the street. The park was about a mile away, and there was a nice shady tree that people liked to study under.

"Mhm," he answered flatly, not sure where this guy was going with this.

"I just wanted ta' know, is Yumichika paying ya' ta' go along with his scheme ta' get back at me?"

Ikkaku pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it incredulously. "What? Dude, how did you get my number?" This fucker was relentless. To everyone else in the world, a punch to the nose was a huge 'fuck off'. Maybe this guy couldn't read between the lines or something.

"Not important-" he said hurriedly, talking over him. "Answer me-" he demanded, then cut himself off, trying to sound more polite. "Uh, please."

"What,  _no,_ he's not paying me. There's no scheme, man." For a moment, it sounded as if Kaa was thinking 'joke's on you then, cause 'Yummy's' pranking ya', but then Ikkaku got the feeling that he was considering the possibility of him being  _right_ about there being no scheme.

"Huh... That can't be," Kaa said in disbelief, going quiet for a few minutes. Ikkaku didn't hang up, because the guy hadn't insulted him yet or been rude, so he thought he'd listen to see what the guy's motives were.

"Maybe it's just more elaborate than I thought. Yummy always was really clever," he mumbled as if he was trying to piece things together.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes, crossing another street. He used a calm voice, really trying to get this guy to understand. "Dude,  _listen to me_. He  _left_  you. There's no scheme."

Kaa was quiet for a full thirty seconds. Ikkaku thought he'd hung up. "Oh... he's trying to make me feel guilty and do some nice things for him, an' ask him back?"

"Oh my God, you're not getting the point," Ikkaku said in exasperation, not feeling angry for some reason. He was actually starting to feel a little sorry for him. Yumichika was right about this guy's process of thought being warped. "He's not trying to trick you into feeling jealous or into begging him back. He  _left_ you, he's  _gone._ He's with me now. This has  _nothing_  to do with you."

Kaa took a breath like he was going to say 'oh', but then he exhaled, humming in confusion. "I don't understand."

"What don't you get? He broke up with you. That's it." Kaa seemed unable to accept that there wasn't some deeper meaning or plot or scheme or something, and that it somehow lead back to something to do with him and messing with his mind.

Ikkaku began to get frustrated and angry that he couldn't take no for an answer, and Kaa became apologetic and almost meek. "Hey, woah, woah, woah, no need ta' shout, just calm down a little." Ikkaku just sighed, glad that the park was finally in sight, way down at the end of the street. "How's he lookin'?"

" _What?_ "

"Woah, woah now, I mean how's he looking? Was he sad or somethin' last time ya' saw him? Is he eating?"

"Yeah, he eats just fine," Ikkaku said in confusion.

"He's not smokin', is he? Sometimes when he'd get upset, he'd smoke a cigarette."

" _What_ , you seriously drive him to smoking?" he said incredulously.

"Well, at least it's not drinking-" Ikkaku was overcome with the urge to punch him again.

"No, I didn't see him smoke," he said through gritted teeth. Eventually Kaa got done with his questions and said an awkward bye just as Ikkaku made it into the park.

"Geez," Ikkaku groaned. He had a feeling that this wasn't over, fuck.

* * *

"Did you guy's break up or something?" Yumichika asked flatly as Renji stood in front of him with a blush. "Why would you need a refund on-  _Hh!"_

Renji startled, jerking back from the counter, looking even more embarrassed as Yumichika squealed and congratulated him on finally going to get checked.

" _Not so loud!"_  he shouted, and Yumichika rolled his eyes, commenting on his celebration hickeys. Renji just whined, putting his head in his hands.

"Alright, alright, I'm done teasing you," Yumichika laughed, before he sneezed.

* * *

Ikkaku settled down under the nice tree, pleased that there weren't any other college students there, hogging it. He listened to the classical music playing over the loudspeakers set up in the lamposts lining the sidewalks of the large park.

He tried to ignore some idiot who was speaking bad japanese out loud to themselves like a crazy person as he recognized the next song that came on.

He studied for about ten minutes, recognizing a couple trashy pop songs that they played for people that were supposedly jogging on the biking path.

"That makes me..." He hummed a little, laying on his back, book propped up on his knees. "Lucky..."

The wind blew, and he wondered what Yumichika was doing, if he was perhaps getting harassed by some more grocery store thugs, or whether he was scanning really creepy items for questionable looking middle aged men. He smiled a little, imagining Yumichika calling security after checking out duct tape, garbage bags, and wire cutters.

"God, I'm lucky, so much luckier than I ever thought I'd be, cause' what I have-" He stopped, not remembering any more of the words. He put his book over his face, exhaling, wanting to just go home and share in more of that domestic bliss Yumichika and he had going. He really liked the dynamic they shared - it sort of reminded him of Ichigo and Renji's relationship, which he'd always been a little jealous of.

Not that he wanted to date either of them - he just meant that he'd wished for someone to love like that.

He heard that crappy guy trying to speak japanese start singing to the bridge of the song, and  _damn_  he should sing professionally instead of studying to be a translator.

"With your patience... when I'm blinding mad... And your passion for me, when I'm  _really, really bad-"_ Ikkaku picked the book off his face, suddenly recognizing the voice he had heard not half-an-hour ago on the phone.

"And your eyes... ta-"

"The fuck!" Ikkaku chucked his book down, seriously pissed, peeking over the bushes near him. "What the fuck is wrong with you! You are such a  _creep!"_

Kaa looked at him in alarm, nearly falling off his bench, and Ikkaku had to admit that he looked really pathetic compared to the last time he'd seen him. He looked homeless, like he'd been sleeping out here on this bench - nothing like the glamarous, sarcastic, confident, ladies man he'd met a couple of days ago.

What the hell had happened to him? It looked like something had crawled out his ass and bit him. "Why the hell do you keep popping up like this?!"

"What the hell," Kaa gasped in alarm, panting from being scared like that. "What are  _you_  doing here?"

Ikkaku just sighed in exasperation, head flopping back on his shoulders. At least it might have been a real coincidence this time, instead of that stupid half-assed explanation Kaa always gave for being in the right place at the right time. "Wow. You really just can't tell when you're not wanted, can ya'?"

"Maybe," the guy said woefully, crawling back onto the bench without brushing himself off. He looked really glum and depressed, like he'd finally realized the consequences of what his glamorous selfish lifestyle had wrought: the loss of Yumichika. "Maybe I just don't care anymore."

"Wait, what are you doing here?" Ikkaku asked in confusion. This section of the park was the unofficial glen that only the hipster college students came to to study and do drugs and the like. "The fuck? You go to  _college?_ "

"Pssh," Kaa said, as if that were ridiculous. "No."

"Then what's this textbook for?" Ikkaku tried to pick it back up, but Kaa snatched it and shoved it down his shirt.

"Nothing!"

"Yeah, okay." Ikkaku rolled his eyes, sitting down in the grass. "You are the stupidest fuck I've ever met."

Kaa frowned, staying quiet for a little while, before he took out his wallet and threw it at him. "Take what ya' like, I said I'd pay ya'."

"Oh." Part of Ikkaku didn't want this guy's stupid money, but holy shit, he literally only had hundreds in his wallet.

"Too modest?" Kaa took out a bunch of the bills and threw them at Ikkaku. He flopped back against the bench miserably. "It's just too late, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Ikkaku said hesitantly, touching the guy's knee. "I... Look... Ya' gotta' take no for an answer. If ya' really cared about him, you'd want him to be happy no matter what, right?"

"Right," Kaa said immediately. "I don't want ta' hurt him anymore, I really want to be better."

"Then you need to put his happiness before yours. You've gotta' let go," Ikkaku said solemnly, meeting the guy's eyes dead on.

Kaa looked back at him for almost a full half-minute. Then he sighed, drilling his knuckles into one eyesocket, frowning sadly. "Maybe... Maybe you're right... Maybe you're right... Damn, but this hurts."

"I know, man. I know, but love hurts sometimes... and so does the truth, but ya' still gotta' face it."

"Okay... Sage advice... Thanks... I'm... Sorry I kept trying ta' piss you off to goad you into hitting me so Yumichika would see that you're worse than I am... I... I'll leave you guys alone, promise."

"Thanks."

* * *

Ikkaku was sure that Kaa had finally backed off, so he wasn't pissed or even surprised when he got another call when he and Yumichika were sitting on his bed, using it like a couch, watching movies on Yumichika's laptop.

"Yeah?"

"Hey... Um, it's Kaa. Hi, Ikkaku," the guy said awkwardly, as if he knew how obsessive and stalker-ish he was getting.

"What," Ikkaku cut right to the chase, at least satisfied that the guy had said his name right this time. If Kaa was really going to leave them alone, then this would all be worth it. He didn't want to have to worry about Yumichika's safety whenever he wasn't with him.

"Hey, I'm sorry for calling here, I swear I won't bother you again."

"Okay, okay, it's fine. What do you need?"

"Is Yumichika there?" Kaa asked a little uneasily, and Ikkaku heard some footsteps and a car honking in the distance. Had the guy literally been roaming the streets? He was obviously loaded, so maybe he was just miserable instead of poor and homeless.

"Yeah, he's right here," Ikkaku said, making no move to hand the phone to Yumichika, and there was no way he ever would. Yumichika looked up at the mention of his name, giving an embarrassed sigh, putting his head in his hands. He was really sick of all of this, and he was afraid that it would ruin his chances with Ikkaku.

Ikkaku mumbled that he would take care of it. Yumichika nodded with a sigh, covering his ears so he wouldn't be tempted to listen.

"What? He's in your  _house?"_

"Yeah," Ikkaku said simply and flatly, daring Kaa to get upset.

"Hm... well alright..." Kaa seemed to realize that he didn't own Yumichika like a vase or a lamp, which was a step in the right direction. "So... How is he? Does he still look okay? Can you smell him?" Ikkaku gave an incredulous face, pulling the phone away from his ear to look at it.

"No, no, no, I mean, I meant if you can smell if he's smoked. I don't want him ta' be smoking cause' a' m-" Kaa cut himself off, struggling to  _not_  make things relate back to himself. "Because it's bad for 'im."

"He hasn't been, he's perfectly fine. He came with me to my neice's baptism today. He's just taking a nap," he lied, not wanting Kaa to ask him if he could talk to him. Yumichika was having a tough enough time not going back to this guy. The last thing he needed was for Kaa to have an ace in the hole to get Yumichika back. "He's tired from last night."

"Last night... There's no way he slept with you," Kaa called bull shit.

"What the hell? I didn't mean that, somebody was breaking shit in the middle of the night, so we got woken up."

"Ah... I see. How's he look? Is he happy?"

"Yeah." Ikkaku side-slitted his eyes, smiling a little as Yumichika kept watching his show. "Yeah, he looks happy."

"Good, that's good... Okay, I'm gonna' go, sorry for botherin' ya', man. Thanks a lot."

"Okay, bye."

"Really. Thanks."

"Bye," Ikkaku said again, prompting him to hang up. Kaa did after breathing awkwardly, wanting to say something more, but changing his mind. Ikkaku shut his phone, immediately turning to Yumichika. All of this mess had got him thinking about life, and he didn't want to have any regrets.

"Let's go to the club, babe." Yumichika looked at him in shock, but it was  _pleased_ shock.

"What?  _Now?_ "

"Yes. Right now," Ikkaku said, tugging his arm to try to get him to get up. He grinned, practically able to see the gears turning in Yumichika's confused head.

Yumichika frowned at him skeptically. "Who parties on a Monday?"

"Exactly," Ikkaku said. "There won't be a crowd this way, and I can dance with you without having my butt touching six other peoples, yuck-"

Yumichika just stared at him for a while, before getting up and running out into the front room. Ikkaku thought maybe he'd run away to cry or something, but as he followed him, he saw that Yumichika was on his ass on the ground, pulling on his boots and his jacket.

* * *

"Put it on."

"No."

" _Put it on!"_

"I said  _no!_  I'll look stupid," Yumichika said irately, shying away from the bike helmet Ikkaku kept trying to pop onto his head.

"You'll look even stupider with your brain splattered all over the pavement, now  _put it on_ _!_ "

* * *

Yumichika smiled, head on Ikkaku's shoulder, slow dancing in a dark and deserted corner, happiness flashing from one moment to the next. It was all just this warm and fuzzy blur, and not the kind you'd get from a date-rape drug, which he knew all too well.

One moment he'd been listening to Ikkaku calmly deal with his desperate ex, even convincing him to leave them alone without resorting to shouting or death threats, the next moment he was warm and secure, hugging Ikkaku's back on his Harley, the next they were dancing and holding each other in a club that was still rather empty because of how early it was. It was only eight p.m. so far. All the girls there were still sober and were clothed properly.

The music was loud and less rowdy since there weren't many people there yet, but it was still heavy, pounding their ribcages with each beat.

Ikkaku held him around the waist while Yumichika held him in turn around the shoulders. Ikkaku tipped his forehead down onto his as they swayed from side to side, smiling. "Are you happy, Yumichika?"

"Yes," Yumichika whispered into his ear.

Ikkaku blinked a couple of times, before smiling in a self-deprecating way, club strobe lights playing over his face. "Can I give you a kiss?"

Yumichika looked at him, a little taken aback, before he inched forward to meet Ikkaku halfway, loving the way Ikkaku held his face in his large strong hands.

Ikkaku's lips were softer and warmer than he'd expected; it was so nice, even though Ikkaku was really clumsy - Yumichika hadn't gotten kisses like this from Kaa, who had only given him invasive kisses with lots of tongue or biting.

Ikkaku tilted his head to the other side, awkwardly kissing him a couple more times, still rocking them to the music. Ikkaku kept his mouth open a little too wide and he moved just a  _little_  too jerkily and he didn't seem to know quite how to kiss the right way, but Yumichika just loved it. Yumichika gave a happy sigh, melting a little when Ikkaku's shaky breath hit his face and their noses bumped. Ikkaku felt around with his mouth some more, kissing him like he had no idea how. He gave a sigh, kissing Yumichika's face, near the temple, then on his cheekbone.

"I'm in love with you. Is that okay?"

Yumichika backed away from him then, looking at him incredulously. "What? Wh- No, you aren't, we don't even-"

"Look," Ikkaku said seriously. "A mom doesn't have ta' wait a year before she loves her baby, cause' she knows that it's special the second it's born. Maybe I just know what I want as soon as it see it."

"What you're feeling is infatuation," Yumichika said in exasperation, knowing that it was wrong to be melting into Ikkaku's arms, wrong to let this delusional idiot kiss him all over his face and shoulders, knowing it was wrong to want so badly to return Ikkaku's feelings.

"No," Ikkaku said, looking in his eyes. "No, I'm supposed to be here... I know it... I just know it." Ikkaku began smiling like a maniac, kissing the crown of his head as the music switched to something with a faster beat, like Yumichika's pounding heart.

"You really are crazy," Yumichika said breathlessly with wonder-filled eyes as Ikkaku took his hands to dance with him like he'd been born to hold him in his arms.

"Crazy for you." As much as Yumichika wanted to slap him senseless for that corny joke, part of him just melted, and he couldn't bring himself to do anything but stand on Ikkaku's feet and kiss him again as Ikkaku made a surprised noise.

"Boy, am I lucky tonight," Ikkaku whispered with a little laugh against Yumichika's lips, wrapping his arms around him and spinning him in a circle.


	15. Chapter 15

Ikkaku woke up early, smiling in the sunbeam that was hitting his half of the bed. After he stretched, yawned, and nearly flung Haruki off the bed on accident, he settled back down to watch Yumichika for a little while.

Damn, he was beautiful, even asleep like this without that smile on his face or his snarky voice. Ikkaku reached out across the bed and pulled the blankets up over Yumichika, petting his hair a little. He gave a breathy sigh, thanking his lucky stars for the millionth time.

Then it came back to him in a guilty sort of dread. He'd  _kissed_  Yumichika last night. Oh god, why had he done that? Yumichika had even  _told_  him that he didn't feel comfortable living with him or sleeping next to him. By kissing him, he might've just put the nail in the coffin for Yumichika to move back to his own apartment.

But besides that... Oh, it had been so nice. Ikkaku sighed happily, a little smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He knew that he had probably messed up terribly, because he didn't know how to kiss, but it had just been wonderful, having Yumichika's face in his hands, his sweet-smelling hair through his fingers, and that soft warm mouth on his own.

He couldn't believe Yumichika had actually let him do that, especially given how much he knew he'd messed up, knocking their faces together and not knowing exactly how to move his mouth. Something about how it felt, that little 'chu' noise, that warm puff of breath, and the closeness made Ikkaku want to do it again and again.

The sun beam had by then worked its way across the bed and had finally fallen onto Yumichika's face, setting him aglow. Ikkaku wondered if Yumichika would ever let him do that again, because something about it made him love Yumichika even more.

He knew that this feeling had to be love. There was no mistaking it, and he knew that perhaps it was a little naive to tell Yumichika something like that so soon, but he didn't think that it was something he should have to hide. Wouldn't Yumichika want to hear that he loved him?

He hadn't reacted too well last night, but he had seemed to accept it. Ikkaku had seen the look in his eyes. He had been guarded when he'd first heard it, but then part of Yumichika started believing him with a sort of quiet joy.

Hopefully Ikkaku hadn't ruined everything. He didn't want Yumichika to move away. He had to get Yumichika to trust him, _fully_.

After about ten minutes, Yumichika rolled onto his back. After another few minutes, Yumichika's eyes suddenly opened. It freaked Ikkaku out, because Yumichika didn't look shocked or frightened, and hadn't awoken in a panic. His eyes were just blank like that, opening so fast even though he'd seemed to be in a dead-sleep. Yumichika suddenly sat up, looked at Ikkaku, and nearly burst into tears.

"Oh, oh, Ikkaku," he said, sounding afraid and ashamed. Ikkaku sat up, looking back at him. Maybe he'd given Yumichika a nightmare from advancing on him last night. Maybe it had been too soon and he'd scared him.

"What, what's the matter?"

"I did a bad thing," Yumichika said in shame, eyes sad as he hugged his own body with shaking arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm bad, I've done something bad."

"What, what's the matter? What did you do?"

Yumichika didn't want to tell him and fretted for a few minutes before Ikkaku finally got it out of him. "Just tell me."

"I think... I think Kaa and I had sex," Yumichika moaned miserably, fisting his hands in the blankets. Ikkaku just stared back at him, heart having dropped. No, it couldn't be possible. When would Yumichika have had time yesterday? Yumichika had been at work, and the only times he could have snuck away, Ikkaku had been with Kaa or had been talking with him on the phone, so it couldn't have been. But...

Maybe it had been the day before, right before Yumichika had come to see Yachiru. Maybe Yumichika really  _had_ gone back to Kaa and slept with him.

"I'm sorry, can you say that again please?" Ikkaku asked hollowly. It just couldn't be, it just couldn't be true,  _please_  don't let it be true.

"I'm sorry, I had to, I-"

" _Had to?_ " Ikkaku got upset, shouting at Yumichika, heart completely broken. "You didn't  _have to,_  you could have said  _no!"_

"No, no, I had to, I  _did_  say no," Yumichika said, beginning to sniffle. "Maybe he didn't hear me- he pushed my face into the bed." Yumichika clutched at the sides of his head, rocking back and forth a little, seeming delirious. Maybe he'd missed taking some kind of medication, or maybe he was still in the grips of his bad dream or something.

"Wait..." Ikkaku's anger disappeared and he crawled towards Yumichika. "Did he... rape you? He  _raped_  you." His own words horrified him, just trying to imagine Yumichika crying and begging for Kaa to take it out and let him go as he held him down and made him do it. And he had felt  _sorry_  for that bastard... The floor had just fallen away from under Ikkaku. No...  _no,_ had he allowed Kaa to hurt Yumichika like that? He had promised to protect him. Yumichika had been- No, this just couldn't be right.

Yumichika began to nod, tears prickling in his eyes as he said that he thought that Kaa did make him. Ikkaku immediately changed his earlier demeanor of betrayal and became sympathetic and attentive. He held him tightly and started to pet his hair, shushing him. "What happened? Tell me what happened," he said, trying to be reassuring and to curb his anger for now. As furious as he was, he didn't want to scare Yumichika any further.

"You're going to be angry, you're going to be so angry," Yumichika said over and over, shaking a little. Ikkaku held him closer, kissing the top of his head. Yumichika nearly jumped out of his skin, beginning to kick his legs until Ikkaku let him go. "I..." Yumichika hiccuped, seeming to grow more lucid. "We went home from a party after I... No wait... Maybe it was... I think it was after I met his mom, and he took me into his room and... and I started to like it- and-" he began to weep with shuddery breaths. "And I liked it, and I wanted him to keep going- I let him do it, I'm  _filthy-"_

"What? You-" Ikkaku suddenly realized that Yumichika wasn't all there right now, so he grabbed Yumichika around the middle and hauled him into the bathroom, sticking his head under the sink, turning on the cold water.

Yumichika immediately began coughing and freaking out, pushing Ikkaku off him as he tried to get the water out of his nose and eyes. Ikkaku stared at him for awhile until Yumichika separated his hair with a somber look on his face. "I'm so sorry," Yumichika said. "I didn't mean to get like that... I... I'm sorry. It must've just been a bad dream, but it feels sort of like a memory."

Ikkaku was bewildered by this. "I'm making you some pancakes," he announced, and took Yumichika into the kitchen, sitting him on the counter. Yumichika gave a little sigh, not even concerned with his sopping tangled hair, apologizing again quietly.

"Don't apologize... Do you think it's real?" Ikkaku asked as he took out a mixing bowl and a frying pan.

"I'm not sure. I'm just not sure," Yumichika said, still a little dazed, hair dripping into his lap. "I don't think it's real... It can't be real, because I'm not sure what happened to lead up to it. I'm sorry I scared you. I hope that didn't really happen. I didn't mean to cheat."

"You didn't cheat, don't say that," Ikkaku said lowly.

"But what if it was just a few days ago? What if it really happened and I let him do it? I started to-"

Ikkaku slammed the pan down on the stove, turning around to face Yumichika, "I don't  _care_  if you started liking it, I don't care if it was real or not, I don't  _care when it happened, okay?_ _"_ Ikkaku tried to calm himself down. He always got way too pissed when topics like this came up, because to him, this was truly the worst crime in the entire world, barring rape against a child.

He took Yumichika's hands and kissed them, crouching down to hug Yumichika around the middle and bury his face in his stomach, talking into it.

"Look, I'm sorry for shouting, okay? I just... I don't care if you started liking it, alright? If it really happened, then you didn't ask him to do that to you. You still aren't in the wrong, no matter what you say. I love you."

Yumichika's heart gave a little flutter and he still didn't feel okay about replying, but Ikkaku didn't even seem to care if he returned the feelings yet, as if he just wanted to let Yumichika know how he felt.

"I love you," Ikkaku repeated. "Even if it did happen, I'm still not angry with you. You're not at fault. You are  _not_  at fault." Ikkaku held his hands tightly. "I want you to listen to me now, okay?" Ikkaku rubbed his hands with his thumbs, looking him in the eyes.

Yumichika nodded. "It doesn't matter whether it was real or not, what you said or what you did, okay? It doesn't matter because it's never going to happen again. I promise you."

Yumichika nodded a little.

"Hey," Ikkaku said, something occurring to him. "Do you think maybe it's possible that he might have drugged you in the past? You said that you and he went to clubs and parties a lot. That would explain why you're not sure about it really happening."

Yumichika was silent for twenty seconds, staring blankly into space. "Maybe," he whispered, before sniffing and shrugging his shoulders. "I'll never know, and I suppose that's okay." Ikkaku leaned in to kiss his cheek gently, whispering a declaration of his love again.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," he said lowly, rubbing Yumichika's shoulder. "If you ever feel unsafe anywhere, just call me and I'll drop everything and come get you."

Yumichika nodded, eyes still a little red, mumbling that he was sick of crying as he wrung out his dripping hair over the sink. "I'm sorry to be a bother." Ikkaku covered his mouth.

"No. No more about this, we're changing the subject." Yumichika brightened considerably, telling him good morning and that he had fun last night dancing. "Heh, yeah, I like to dance. Especially when Ichigo's not getting on my case about how stupid I look."

"You don't look stupid when you dance," Yumichika said blankly, not understanding.

"Che', that's not the dance he's talking about. It's different. Tsuki-tsuki."

"Huh?"

"It's a luck-luck dance. For luck. Cause' I'm lucky."

"Ah, I see," Yumichika said, trying not to smile.

"Eh, don't pretend like you don't think it's dumb too," Ikkaku grinned back, tickling Yumichika's bare foot. Yumichika squealed, kicking him away.

"Hey, do you feel okay about me kissing you?" Ikkaku asked gently, opening some cupboards to get out pancake ingredients. "I mean... I didn't mean ta'... ta' push you towards it or anything. I know you said things were moving too fast and that you didn't want a physical relationship so soon... Ya' just gotta' tell me, an' I'll stop okay? I won't be mad. I love you, I don't need any of that stuff, okay? So I hope that you can trust me."

Yumichika swung his legs for a while. "I guess if things are innocent then they're okay... I just... don't want to have to worry about things like that. Do you know what I mean? That's the whole reason why it's not okay for me to live here... but if it's... if it's still... I don't know, it makes it different."

"Hey, you don't have to worry. That kinda' thing literally didn't even occur to me when I asked you to stay." Ikkaku said, mixing some eggs and milk and butter. "I'm not a pervert. I'm an asshole sure, and I have sweaty feet, but I am  _no_  pervert. Your virtue is safe." Yumichika snorted, coming up behind him and hugging him around the middle with a sigh.

"I'm so glad I met you," Yumichika said dreamily, wet hair tickling Ikkaku's back. "I'm trying really hard to trust you, okay?"

"I know you're trying. I wish it wasn't so hard though, cause' I love you. I'm not like him. I promise I'll never be like him."

"Yes but, you can't just say it. You have to show it for it to be real."

"Ah, I see... Is that a challenge?"

"Yes," Yumichika said, trying not to smile, tickling Ikkaku a little. "I'm trying... I'm willing to put in the time." Ikkaku smiled to himself, pulling one arm up to let Yumichika sneak around his side. Ikkaku tried to lean down and kiss him but Yumichika angled his face away, so Ikkaku just decided to kiss his hair.

"Mwah. Now what kind of pancakes do you like?"

"Hm?" Yumichika looked up to him, half petting his soft old-t-shirt that Ikkaku had used for pajamas. "What do you mean?"

"Do you like fruit in them, or chocolate, or what?"

"Oh. Hm..." Yumichika tipped his head to the side, resting it on Ikkaku's chest for awhile, letting Ikkaku hold him. "Strawberry." Ikkaku grinned, pulling back, leaning down and pecked Yumichika's nose.

"Okay, go get ready for work, my sweet." He ushered Yumichika back out into the hall, laughing when Yumichika swatted him. "Oh, an' sorry my kissing's so bad. I know it's bad, ya' don't gotta' tell me." Yumichika just shook his head, rolling his eyes, replying that he'd have lots of time to work on it.

* * *

It occurred to Renji that he might be a sleep-talker when he awoke saying something. Nothing like that had ever happened to him before. Maybe it had been going on for years but Ichigo hadn't told him to pull some prank. "Get these fucking muffins off of me."

What the hell, he didn't even remember dreaming about muffins. He probably hadn't said the word muffin in months, so what was that doing floating around inside his head?

"Babe?" He looked around the bed, searching for his living dakimakura. "Babe?" he called again when he didn't see Ichigo in bed with him. He peeked under the covers, finding Ichigo curled up in a ball. Oh no.

That only ever happened for one reason. Ichigo was having a nightmare. Renji stuck his arm into the 'donut-hole' of Ichigo's curled up gut and dragged him up out from underneath the sheets. "Baby, wake up." He kissed his cheek, crestfallen when Ichigo winced away from his touch and twitched in his sleep. Renji shook him a little. "Wake up, c'mon."

"Shrss," Ichigo murmured, blinking a little, "-saki."

Ichigo suddenly jolted, scrambling up with a surprised shout. He almost flopped over from how quickly he'd stood up on the wobbly mattress. Then he looked at Renji, head snapping around. "Where's my dad?! I want my dad!" he said loudly, looking at Renji with wild eyes.

Renji grabbed Ichigo and pulled him down so he wouldn't crack his head on the ceiling. "I want my dad," Ichigo said a little brokenly as Renji pulled him into a hug, holding him as he trembled and calmed down.

"What happened this time?"

Ichigo muttered something about horses and kings and that creepy demon with white skin. "He said I'm not strong enough... I'm not strong enough, is it because I'm losing control of everything? Maybe I'm not ready to handle all this... I mean, we're behind on our bills and what if I fail my exams? What if he's right and I can't handle this? He said... if I don't stay strong he's gonna' get me and hurt everyone I care about. What if I go mad?"

"You're  _not_  gonna' go mad," Renji said loudly, making Ichigo look at him. "And he's  _not_  gonna' get you. All this stress is getting to your head. He's  _not real,_  okay? I promise nothing's gonna' happen. You're just stressed out."

"You think so?" Ichigo asked, going boneless and sinking into Renji's arms, letting someone else be the strong one for once. "I hope so... I just... Sometimes I feel like I... I'm... Maybe I... I dunno'..."

"C'mon rosebud," Renji mumbled, crawling out of bed and dragging Ichigo to the shower. Ichigo kept telling him about his dream with that worried face, scowl still gone this early in the morning. Renji undressed him as Ichigo talked, kissing his worried lips every once in a while, not liking how unsure and lost Ichigo looked.

"You're  _not_  schizophrenic, Ichigo. It's just a bad dream. We  _do_  watch a lot of scary movies. I'm sure it's nothing." Renji pulled Ichigo's shirt over his head and turned on the shower water. "It's alright, okay?" Ichigo seemed a little embarrassed then that he'd freaked out so much, but he didn't say anything because Renji didn't tease him. Renji never teased him when he knew it would really bother him.

He let Renji hug him, and as much as he loved the feeling of skin on skin during sex, it felt a lot better now, like this. They weren't all sweaty and panting for one. The skin was soft and warm, and Ichigo could feel Renji's powerful heartbeat rumbling through him. "M'kay, get in there," Renji said, swatting Ichigo's butt once to shoo him into their L-shaped shower. There were glass doors, so he could clearly see Ichigo sit down on the floor with a sigh as he waited for him to finish combing his hair and join him.

Renji held the ends of his hair up in front of his eyes, combing the tangles out as quick as he could. Eventually he barged into the shower, stepping around the sitting Ichigo so he could stand behind him. Ichigo eventually got up and stuck his head under the water, rubbing soap under his armpits.

"Ya' want something for breakfast?" Ichigo asked tiredly. He technically wasn't even supposed to be up this early. Renji was secretly pleased, because he usually didn't really get to talk to Ichigo until after his classes, in the afternoon when Ichigo would finally wake up.

"Maybe some toast," Renji mumbled, kissing Ichigo's shoulder as he tipped Ichigo's head back and put some shampoo in his hair, lathering it up and rubbing his scalp with his fingers.

Ichigo gave a pleased sigh, leaning back into his warm body, liking it when Renji kissed the back of his neck and ran his hands up his slippery chest, holding him in his big arms.

Ichigo quickly rinsed the soap out of his hair, moving out of the way so Renji could wash his own, because Renji took way longer with his hair than he did.

Ichigo still had no idea how on earth Renji could use so much conditioner, but apparently he needed it or his hair would become impossible, and Ichigo  _really_  didn't want Renji to cut his hair short. He liked watching Renji move anyhow, especially with all those rippling muscles in his back and that tattooed  _butt_.

Ichigo pinched him, causing Renji to glance over his shoulder with a half-smile. "Do you remember that time in high school when Kira got stuck in a window and Hisagi thought it was me and he pinched Kira's ass on accident cause' he thought it would freak me out?"

Ichigo started laughing, putting a little conditioner in his own hair, soaping the rest of his body up. "Oh yeah, Shuuhei was so red in the face for the rest of the day. Poor Kira. Kira didn't even come to school for like a week, right?"

"Haha, oh yeah." Renji grinned, washing his hair out, letting it stick to his arms and chest as he combed it through with his fingers. Ichigo smiled, calling him a dork as he tried to part the wet strands to kiss him once.

"Mm," Renji hummed, smiling as he opened the shower door and stood on the mat, leaning in to wring his hair out onto the shower floor. Then he had to try to reach the towel closet without dripping on the bathroom floor too much. He ruffled his hair dry, handing Ichigo his toothbrush so he could brush while in the shower.

"Hmm, We still need to call Yumichika and invite him with us," Renji said, still toweling off his hair as he got out some dental floss for himself. "It's been forever since all of us have hung out. It's kinda' lonely without him."

"Yeah... I feel bad for not inviting him in the first place. Hey, uh... Guess who I ran into yesterday?"

"Momo?"

"No. Uh... He's got blue hair-" Renji looked up at him with a sarcastic and angry look.

" _That_  bastard? Really?"

The thing with Grimmjow was that Renji straight-up  _hated_ him. A couple of years back, Grimmjow had been Ichigo's college room-mate and had made it his personal mission to annoy the shit out of Ichigo and make his life hell.

Grimmjow was a freakishly competitive person, but it seemed to be geared specifically towards Ichigo. The reason Renji hated the guy so much was that despite all the shit he'd put Ichigo through, Renji knew that Ichigo had a tiny crush on Grimmjow no matter how much Ichigo tried to deny it. Renji knew that Grimmjow was competition, and he hated him for it.

It had happened nearly every day for months. The first time was the worst though.

Ichigo had gone from being an irritable person to a fucking  _bear,_  and Renji didn't like to think that that frustration was  _sexual frustration._

The thing with Grimmjow, was that things were fine the first time he and Ichigo met. But then he'd gone and gotten that  _thing_. That  _thing_  being his personal interest in Ichigo. Grimmjow obviously liked Ichigo and wanted to prove that he was better than him. His approach to accomplishing this, was to annoy Ichigo and provoke him into a fight.

That day, Ichigo had come back from classes, entering their two-person dorm and yelled at Grimmjow to turn his music down.

Grimmjow then decided to be an asshole and turn the music  _up_ , coming into his room and asking him what he'd said. After loudly telling a pointless story about his friends, Loudmouth, Pinkie, Sharkbait, and the Gothtastic-shortie, Ichigo really started to get pissed.

Grimmjow was loud. Like  _shorting out street lights loud._  So Ichigo would get that twitchie eye he always got when he was angry and started yelling, and then Grimmjow decided to start yelling too. Then Ichigo made the terrible mistake of shoving Grimmjow, and before he knew it, he was tearing ass out to his car, driving the fuck out of there while Grimmjow chased him.

Renji's direct confrontations with Jaegerjaques never went well, so Ichigo eventually told him to let him deal with it on his own.

The weeks got worse, because Ichigo's mood turned really fucking sour. He basically stabbed people with his eyes and snapped over every little thing, threatening to back over people with his car for minor offenses like coughing too loudly.

Renji eventually convinced Ichigo to get an apartment with him and ditch his room mate, but Renji always had that paranoid feeling that if Grimmjow really got it in him to be competition, he'd have a fighting chance, because Renji knew there was something about that guy that Ichigo liked, and it  _pissed_  him off.

Ichigo's words brought him back to earth. "Hey, don't worry." Ichigo was fully aware of his protective jealousy when it came to Grimmjow, so he tried to put him at ease. "It was actually pretty okay."

" _Pretty okay?"_  Renji repeated angrily, looking at Ichigo sharply to let him know he was on thin ice.

"You don't gotta' be jealous, I freaking sleep next to  _you_  at night."

Renji was then quick to blow off what Ichigo said, "Psh, Jealous? No way, not me. I am not jealous. Not at all. Ever. Not jealous."

Ichigo mumbled something about him being lucky that he's so hot when he's possessive. "Nothing bad happened. He was actually kind of happy to see me."

"Who wouldn't be," Renji said with a sigh, knowing when he was beat. He went to grab some clothes, putting them on on his way back to the bathroom. He put Ichigo's bathrobe on the sink with his rumpled up pajamas, which he'd gathered up from the floor. "Okay, c'mon, fanta pants, you're jacking up the water bill."

Ichigo grimaced, retorting with 'Ranga'.

"Firecrotch."

" _Ranga!"_ Ichigo loudly said again defensively.

"You already fucking said 'ranga'," Renji said with a laugh, watching Ichigo smile that special smile as he dried off, turning off the shower water.

Ichigo sighed, sinking back down into uncertainty. "I just... I feel like I'm falling apart. Do you think I'm... Maybe... I'm always able to do so much and help everyone and take care of us, but... I feel like I'm gonna'...  _break,_  or something."

"Anyone's who's going to find his way in the world starts by admitting they're fucking lost. You just need  _a_ break," Renji said, slinging an arm around Ichigo's wet shoulders, kissing his cheek where Ichigo could watch in the mirror. "And maybe a Toblerone."

"It's  _Kit-kat's,_ you idiot," Ichigo griped, grabbing him gently by his hair to pull him in for a long, close-mouthed kiss. "Mm," he sighed into Renji's lips, talking against his mouth, knowing Renji liked it when he did that. "Do you know what happened to those handcuffs? I think they're lost."

"Oh? Haven't seen them in a long time. Why?"

"For when you give me a turn," Ichigo said with a grin, pleased with the way Renji's eyes got really round, smile spreading over his face. Then he stopped, telling Ichigo again that he really didn't feel like it and that he was still tired.

"I know, but for later. After our vacation," Ichigo said with a grin, kissing Renji's chin. "You'll come home from work and... fall asleep on the couch," he fantasized, and Renji smiled, hugging him close while he listened, "And you'll be really fucking cute because you only snore when you're on the couch... And I'll come out and rub your back for a while and then take you into bed, and let you chain me up and have your sweet way with me."

"Mm," Renji grinned, kissing Ichigo's neck, biting a little. "Sounds real good."

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"When you come home later before we study, do you wanna' make a cake or something? We could read a book or somethin' if you... if you want," Ichigo said with a little flush on his cheeks. Renji looked at him for a moment, heart flipping over. He  _loved_ stupid inane stuff like that, because they hardly ever got to spend time together like that anymore. All of those little things like fighting over the TV remote or brushing each other's hair before bed had been disappearing, and Renji really missed it.

"Yeah," he said, looking into Ichigo's brown eyes. He  _loved_  those eyes; beautiful, deep, and so vibrant. "I'd like that. You can read me Dragon Rider. Again," he said, right when Ichigo said it flatly.

"Yes, again," Renji clarified as Ichigo rolled his eyes, trying hard not to smile.

"Alright. It's a deal if you rub my feet."

"I have to rub your putrid feet?"

"Oh, don't act like it's that nasty, my feet don't even sweat. It's not like I'm Ikkaku."

"Oh gross, I was only kidding."

"I know." Ichigo pecked Renji's nose and told him to get a move on or he would be too late for that toast before school.

* * *

"Well, I don't wanna' be stuck in a bus with a ton of gay guys, that's just nasty."

"I don't see what your problem is," Rangiku said with a dangerous tone. "It's not like any of them would want  _you_  anyway." Yumichika knew well enough to remain silent as she confronted her current boyfriend-conquest-whatever you call one of Rangiku's man-friends.

"My problem is  _faggots."_  Rangiku slapped him. "Che', you hit like a girl." Rangiku punched him so hard that a tooth came out. "Ooh-hoh," he moaned in pain, getting up off the ground.

"Why thank you," she replied daintily, checking her nails and flouncing away after Yumichika.

Eventually, they'd made it through a bunch of stores, and miraculously Yumichika kept himself from spending too much. "Maybe you should get Gin to come," Yumichika said absently, knowing that the others certainly wouldn't like the man to come along. Rangiku had had this on again off again relationship with Gin for years, and everyone hated him for being a creep and for constantly leaving her with no explanation.

"Maybe I should hogtie him and make him come," she said with a smile. Yumichika looked at her for a while, before smiling sadly.

"How do you... deal with it?" he asked. "How do you stay so positive and not feel empty? You still have it in you to go out and date other people, doesn't it just  _ache?_ " He didn't understand how she remained so strong; he hadn't been able to do the same with Kaa. His feelings still remained and it still hurt. It still haunted him at night, and he still remembered the happy times. He wondered how on earth Rangiku's heart couldn't be completely broken.

"Let me tell you something," she said in a serious tone that was much different from her normal cheerfulness. She seemed to realize that her advice was really important to Yumichika, who was trying to deal with the hurt over his breakup. She led Yumichika to a set of chairs inside the big indoor mall they were inside. "Listen very closely," she said, eyes reserved and almost sad. Yumichika listened hard, because he really wanted to have her advice on how to deal with the pain.

"Imagine a wild animal coming into your backyard every day and eating out of your hand," Yumichika imagined a deer or a fox coming and nibbling on his fingers. "It lets you pet it, and you love it so much," Rangiku said with a smile.

"But every night it goes back into the woods and leaves you all alone... One day you decide you want it with you forever, all the time, so you tie it up to your porch... It's going to try to escape, and it  _will_  break free... But do you think it'll ever come back to your yard and let you pet it again?" Rangiku was very somber, looking off into the distance. "No. You can't cage an alley cat that loves to roam." She seemed to grow nearly tearful then, and Yumichika realized that he'd never seen Rangiku cry in all his years of knowing her.

He touched her hand, not wanting her to continue if it was upsetting her this much to talk about. "It'll lose that free spirit that you loved so much about it. That's why," Rangiku said, looking at Yumichika. "I know that whatever he's doing must be important to him, and he wouldn't be the man I love if I asked him to change. Maybe one day he'll see how much it hurts and he'll come back. Maybe. He does come back sometimes," she whispered with a smile, telling Yumichika to be strong about Kaa and that he'd done the right thing in letting him go.

"Things always turn out like they should."

"Maybe you're right."

* * *

Renji came back from classes feeling awake, unlike yesterday. He found a note from Ichigo on the table reading  _'I'm out shopping, I'll be back in a couple hours to see you. Watch the house please.'_

Renji left another note, secretly relieved that Ichigo was busy too. He hadn't wanted to burst Ichigo's bubble and tell him that they couldn't spend time together right away.  _'I'm at Ikkaku's fixing an outlet and helping him move shit. Call me when you get back and I'll come home. -Love you.'_

Renji had been really soul-searchy today, so he was glad when Ikkaku turned his music up loud while they worked, because it gave him an opportunity to reminisce to himself for a while.

While in class that day, he'd been thinking about that time he and Ichigo had had when they were fresh out of high school, having sex in a public bathroom. Now that they were older and less frantic for sexual pleasure there was no way they would ever do that again, and Renji looked back on the memory with a smile, shaking his head.

Ichigo gave a pleasured sigh, eyes closed. Renji shouted back at him, glad that the bathroom was empty. "Don't just sigh! You came inside a' me, you idiot!"

Ichigo pulled out, dragging the condom with him. "They'll hear us if you don't shut your big mouth," he complained, peeling the condom off, dangling it from his finger, not knowing what to do with it as Renji hiked up his pants with an exasperated sigh.

"You-" Renji turned around to punch him.

"Shhh, be quiet," Ichigo said loudly with a bland expression, covering his mouth.

" _You're_  the loud one, you premature-ejaculator." Ichigo's mouth opened, offended.

"What the hell,  _you_  came too. Why the hell do you think they call it a quickie?"

"Ugh, I'm gonna' get you for this." And Renji did get him for it the next night by using his foot to rub Ichigo's crotch while they were at dinner with Ichigo's family.

Then he remembered another time when he'd been out playing in the rain -  _yes_ , he plays in the rain like every respectable adult should. He'd gotten extremely sick, but the puddle-jumping had been well worth it. Despite everything Ichigo said about not taking care of Renji if he got sick, Ichigo took  _really_  good care of him, which was why some part of Renji enjoyed being ill.

Ichigo would become very docile and attentive if he was actually sick, and would often stay home with him if he could to take care of him. He'd even sometimes feed him and sit on the floor near him while he watched TV on the couch, being sick and lame and sniffly. Ichigo was the closest thing he had to a real family member, and he just loved the attention, even if he was far too old for that stuff.

Renji laughed, shaking his head as he stood up, brushing plaster bits off of his greasy work-tanktop. Ikkaku turned the music off.

Renji sighed, wiping his brow, taking off his tool belt. He sat down on the floor for a while by the coffee table Ikkaku had dragged out. It had Yumichika's laptop on it - Renji recognized it because of the stickers on the cover. Then he noticed the album.

"Oh hey." He grinned. "Yumichika used to work on this all the time back when he lived with Ichigo an' me..." He opened the book up before Ikkaku could stop him. Part of him didn't feel right about opening it and looking through it, because it felt akin to a diary, but Ikkaku supposed that it wasn't the same thing.

"Oh, I remember this," Renji said, pointing at the page. Ikkaku hesitantly got close, sipping a beer. There was an old picture with ripped corners where a child was standing, drinking grape juice with their hair hanging down. "That was before his dad..."

"That's Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked in curiosity. "I didn't know he used to have long hair."

"Oh yeah, he had it for a long time. Well... It was long like that in grade school, and then he cut it shorter in middle school, like to his shoulders. That was before his dad decided that Yumichika was too old to act in a way that wasn't... manly, I guess."

Ikkaku could see where this was going. He watched Renji flip through the early pages of the album, pointing out certain pictures with little stories. "Even though Yumichika cut it shorter like that, his dad still didn't... he got fed up with his... ya' know, Yumichika's  _attitude_ and the way he is, and he..." Renji sighed, shaking his head, pointing out a picture of little Yumichika putting a flower in a beautiful woman's braided hair, and then there was a subsequent picture of the woman braiding pieces of Yumichika's hair to give him a little braid on each side of his face that connected in the back, the rest of his hair hanging down.

"Him and his mom were really close, and she even delayed his dad for a few years... but eventually he decided it was enough and... Yumichika told me that he came and just held him down on his bed and cut it. He didn't come to school for a week... The way he told me about it, I could tell that it really traumatized him or something, because he doesn't let anyone else cut his hair anymore." Ikkaku frowned, a little angry about it.

"What happened? With his family, I mean." He didn't want to ask Yumichika if Yumichika wasn't ready to tell him.

"Uhh, at some point his dad gave his mom an ultimatum. Either she would disown Yumichika with his dad, or he would divorce her... She still had Yumichika's younger brother to think about, so she did what she had to do."

Ikkaku's eyes went wide. "She really disowned him, wow..."

"Yumichika understands... She still sends him Christmas presents and stuff. Sometimes Ichigo'll invite me an' him over for holidays to his house... Ichigo knows how it hurts... ta' lose something... I mean, at least I never had it in the first place, so I can't miss it," Renji said a little bitterly, "but Yumichika had to go through having everything crumbling over his head."

"That's just..."

"It might be why he was so happy to be with Kaa. He really wanted someone to care, and at the time Yumichika equated beauty with kindness..."

"I see." Ikkaku had wondered why on earth Yumichika had ever liked Kaa anyways.

"His dad's wrong though. About Yumichika not being tough, I mean. Have you seen him? He's skinny as hell and he can still drink me under the table. He's like  _Rangiku-level at drinking._ " _  
_

"Oh wow."

"And he can hit really freaking hard when he gets mad," Renji said with a laugh.

"Heh, I was wondering if it was gonna' be tasteless for me to ask him to armwrestle."

"Nah, he'll be up for it."

* * *

Ichigo was gathering up his books, filing out of the podium-seating style classroom, staring in the direction of the shouting that everyone else heard. When he finally made it through the door, he pushed through the crowd, trying to see what was going on.

"I don't know what the hell your problem is, are you the fucking  _hall monitor_  or something? I'm just picking up my friend from class, leave me alone!" _  
_

"You're causing a scene, just get out of here!"

"Screw you! Ichigo, Hey,  _Ichigo, are you over there?! Get over here, I know you can hear me!"_

Ichigo's eyes narrowed, fucking mortified. "What the hell is he doing here," he muttered to himself as everyone stared at him, murmuring amongst themselves.

Suddenly, Renji stopped shouting, leaving the other guy there bewildered at being ignored, "There you are. I waited forever, and this dipshit kept telling me I couldn't use the drinking fountain!"

" _You can't use a drinking fountain for that!"_

"I don't even know what the hell you're talking about!" Renji retorted, getting up in the guy's face just as much as the guy was in his.

One of Ichigo's friends that had come from high school just side-whispered at him, "What the hell is your cousin here for?"

"That's not my cousin," Ichigo said, eyes wide and shocked. "What are you  _doing_  here, Renji?!" he asked loudly, feeling people's curious stares.

"I came ta' pick ya' up, now let's go, I'm hungry," he said eagerly, ignoring the confused glances of everyone, who didn't know what the heck was going on between Ichigo and this guy who might be an older brother or a friend or something. Renji just towed him along by the wrist, slinging a arm around his shoulder, waving at the staring dopes.

"You're hungry? Why are you here? Did you get bored or something?"

"Yup, yup, yup."

"Well, okay, Ducky-Bigmouth."

"Oh, hush up and buy me a soda."

Ichigo got a lot of questions at school the next day.


	16. Chapter 16

The week flew by for Yumichika, and he finally understood the meaning of that saying about time flying when having fun. Living with Ikkaku was really one of his dreams coming true. Back when he'd lived with Kaa, he'd hardly see the man, who was always out and about getting into shenanigans. It had been more like sharing a room with a college roommate who had night classes. This though, this was probably what people called domestic bliss, or even the 'honeymoon' stage, and that was  _completely_ different than what he'd experienced, which was more like cohabitation.

Of course, Ikkaku and he were still busy a lot, so obviously they couldn't spend all their time together. Ikkaku was always out, going to babysit Yachiru, going to sword-fighting practice, teaching kids judo, and working in a factory loading packages into semis, not to mention going to his exams. Even with him keeping himself so busy all the time, Ikkaku made effort to spend time with him, which was more than Kaa had ever given him.

Yumichika realized that the idiot often went without lunch, and since he had fewer things to do than Ikkaku, he started making him little snacks and packed lunches with enough sandwiches to tempt the man into taking a break in the middle of his work day. Not to mention that Yumichika wanted to let Ikkaku know that he was grateful for how nice he had been, taking him him in and helping him through his break-up.

Yumichika truly felt appreciated when Ikkaku came home and thanked him for vacuuming, cooking dinner, and picking junk up around the house. After all, Yumichika didn't go to school, having already gotten his requirements out of the way for what he wanted to do. He'd been rather disappointed since his first real opportunity at  _really_  and truly becoming a character in a film with a speaking role had been ruined, and he hadn't tried again, knowing that he'd never get another shot like that. His college years had been wasted. Anyways, that left him with some free time to make crafts and collectibles and resell them over the internet, and after his shortened hours at the store, he would watch the house for them, do laundry, and walk around the town until Ikkaku came home.

Yumichika no longer put up a fight about sharing Ikkaku's bed, but he did always get snotty and cold about it when Ikkaku teased him, using the proper amount of resistance even though he did like sleeping next to Ikkaku at night. He hadn't gotten held or snuggled for a long time after all, and it was nice to be treated so sweet, even if it wasn't appropriate given that their relationship was still so new. Besides, Ikkaku was a good bedmate who only snored if he laid on his back. The only problem Yumichika had faced so far was having to shove Ikkaku's arms off him when he moved in his sleep and hit him in the face. Yumichika didn't care.

Even if this whole arrangement that they had going was weird and wrong, Yumichika let himself be selfish and allowed it to continue. It was nice to let Ikkaku love him, even if it was ridiculous.

The best thing was that Kaa had finally left them alone. Yumichika hadn't heard from him or seen him in a straight week, and it was helping him to keep from thinking about their breakup and becoming sad. Having Ikkaku pay attention to him and talk to him all the time was enough to keep his mind off it. Ikkaku knew that it got him depressed, so he always kept them busy, eager to make Yumichika happy with little compliments and awkwardly-nice gestures. It was a comfort to know that Ikkaku wasn't going to let him stew in the dark all alone, spiraling in his own gloom. No, Ikkaku would sit with him and let him talk about if he wanted, and would brush his hair if he didn't.

Later in the day on Wednesday, Ikkaku was working out in the living room, earbuds in, and Yumichika just lazed around on the couch, moping a little. They'd finally finished with painting the walls and the molding and everything, so all that was left was to let the paint set for a few days, and then they could uncover all the furniture and move it back, or better yet, get some new stuff that they could share, if Yumichika decided to stay. At least that's what Ikkaku was hoping.

"Tell me what all the sighing's about, babe," Ikkaku said calmly, not making it a request or a demand, just putting it out there in the open for Yumichika to take if he chose. He glanced over to Yumichika but didn't make eye contact in case he was bummed and wanted to be left alone. He stood there doing bicep curls, waiting for a reply as he paused his mp3 player. Yumichika just looked back at him, melodramatically laid, wrist on his forehead in a theatrical gesture of woe. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he moped, looking to Ikkaku for sympathy.

"Ya' wanna' talk about it? I'll listen," Ikkaku offered.

"I guess I'm just concerned about the future," Yumichika replied glumly, picking at his nails to give himself something to do that didn't involve meeting Ikkaku's eyes.

Ikkaku looked back at him for a full three seconds, taking a wild stab at what might be the problem. Yumichika wasn't doing that thing that he did when sad about Kaa, where he would stare off into space, out the window, or into the mirror, so Ikkaku assumed this was something other than 'boy-trouble'. Yumichika was squirming a little and feeling sorry for himself, wanting to do something but being unable to. It gave Ikkaku the sense of someone who wanted to be told that life was passing them by. So he took a drink from his water bottle, speaking. "Call."

"Hm?"

"Your agent, or the film-people. Call 'em."

Yumichika looked at him, deeply conflicted, stomach swimming about in murky twisted circles. Surely Ikkaku must realize that things like that were a one in a million chance that was gone if you didn't leap before looking. Modeling, acting, everything like that, it was a business that doesn't care and doesn't mind. They move on, because there's always another prettier younger face to choose from.

"It's over. I was fired. All that time I spent in the theater troupe in high school, taking drama classes in college, and racking up student loans, it's all wasted. My chance is gone. I can't go back, they won't-"

"Those are all excuses, and you know it," Ikkaku said firmly, but not meanly. Then he gave Yumichika a warning look when he tried to protest. "Call them, Yumichika," Ikkaku said flatly, with a stubborn look on his face. Yumichika pouted sourly, crossing his arms. Ikkaku rolled his eyes. So he'd told Yumichika what was what, and now the poor guy just had to accept it on his own. It was his dream, after all. Ikkaku really wanted the best for him and hoped that things would pan out.

"Good luck," he said with a smile, coming over to his sulking boyfriend and pecking him on the cheek before he went to take a shower and get ready to go.

When Ikkaku left for one of his night exams, Yumichika called, pouting the whole time as if this was his own idea and not Ikkaku's. The stupid bald idiot. This was all his fault. He was stupid and a big jerk, bossing him around. Yumichika was calling because he  _wanted_  to. Okay, he couldn't even fool himself.

He clutched the phone as he listened to it ring, stomach tightening up. He didn't want to make a fool of himself now that he'd failed. They wouldn't take him back, of course they wouldn't. He was a loser, stupid, ugly. He was older now, and his qualifications were out of date. He'd never be fit for the big screen or even crappy sitcoms, despite his stunning grades and the recommendations from many producers who had seen him perform back when he was young and crazy, back when his dream had been real.

He broke out in a sweat, biting his lip. He was a complete failure, a washed-up loser who had no chance, but here he was, hoping despite the impossible odds. This time, Yumichika wasn't alone, no. He had a lucky charm now, one that would kick the odds in the ass until they were  _even._

Of course, he didn't reach anyone, like he had expected, but he left messages for a few different people. In the morning when he checked his phone, he was excited to realize that his old agency had called back about a new opportunity to get rehired, not for the same movie of course, but for something else that the same director was working on. The man had said that Yumichika had a lot of promise and had been so disappointed when he was forced to cut him out and recast his part because of a particular incident. Yumichika found out that he was going to go in for a trial basis next month, with the chance of following his dream once again. The guy was going to send his lines and a description of his role through the mail, so that he could practice.

After hearing that, he'd shrieked at the top of his lungs and did a little dance, jumping onto Ikkaku's bed like a trampoline. He stomped all over the place as he cheered to himself, stepping on Ikkaku a few times. Even though Ikkaku was a complete grouch in the morning, especially after getting trampled, he was truly happy for him when he congratulated and hugged him, telling him that he had known he could do it.

Ikkaku took him out to eat on Thursday night to celebrate his new chance to reach his dream. After that, they'd remembered about their trip the next morning, realizing that they didn't have their suitcases ready. The time had really flown by and caught them unawares.

After another excursion to Yumichika's apartment to empty out the fridge before any food rotted, opening the windows to air everything out, Yumichika gathered some more things to take over to Ikkaku's house, making his living arrangements slightly more permanent. Besides, he needed different clothes and everything he would need to bring on their vacation tomorrow. He was excited when everyone had invited him to come along, not even minding that he had to fork some cash to help ease the collective financial burden. He hadn't hung out with them in a long time because of a certain someone, and the price was completely worth it.

Lastly, they dropped Haruki off at a friend's house, which belonged to another extremely handsome man that Yumichika knew. Ikkaku watched suspiciously as they handed over Yumichika's pet, who immediately went inside to go sniff at the other cats roaming around. Perhaps Yumichika had forgotten to mention this guy, whoever he was, when he'd been telling him about how Haruki was temperamental and hated strangers.

Yumichika explained that this had been his dorm-mate when he'd first started college, and Ikkaku assumed they'd had a little love affair or something, or maybe that was just how it seemed because of that attitude Yumichika always had and that tone in his voice. Yumichika crawled his fingers up the man's chest, winking and pecking him on the cheek, but Ikkaku didn't mind, knowing that it was just Yumichika being himself. Besides, there was another dude in there sprawled out on the couch watching TV who was eyeing them just as suspiciously.

It was harmless flirtation after all, which was in Yumichika's nature to do, and Ikkaku loved Yumichika. He didn't want him to change something that was part of his personality. It was nothing serious, nothing that was a threat, and Ikkaku didn't get jealous, knowing that he overdid it at times. Yumichika was going home with  _him_ after all.

Ikkaku was so glad that their relationship had been accepted so smoothly, even though it hardly counted as official since it was still so early on. Either way, it was nice to not have to introduce Yumichika to their friends; it kept a lot of awkwardness from happening, and it made things a little better when it came to being strangers. It was easier to become more invested and trusting if there were already roots and common factors planted all over. It was like a safety net almost.

Yumichika was so excited about everything that he could hardly get to sleep that night, babbling on until Ikkaku bluntly told him to give it a rest. He eventually resorted to putting a pillow over his head to try to block out the voice, even though he loved hearing him talk. He was dead tired after his night exam the day before; Yumichika had woken him up that morning with his little episode, after all.

When Yumichika kept talking aimlessly for more than ten minutes, he sat up and put a pillow over  _Yumichika's_ head. "Go to sleep."

Yumichika got him back of course, nearly causing him to fall out of bed when he felt fingers tickling his armpits. "That's what you get," Yumichika said snobbily.

Ikkaku just clobbered him with a pillow to shut him up. Yumichika couldn't let that go either, hitting him back with the other pillow. "Oh, you're askin' for it." They chased each other around the bed and wrestled for a while until they tired each other out and fell asleep tangled up on top of the blankets.

Ikkaku felt that he had hardly closed his eyes when he was bothered again, this time by a much more grating noise than Yumichika's melodious voice. No, this was someone yelling, irritated, banging on their door.

"Hey!…  _Hey!"_

Ikkaku groaned groggily in response to the noise, wiping spit off the side of his face. Yumichika mumbled from somewhere nearby, still tangled up with him like the idiots they were.

"Hey, get up." Yumichika just mumbled 'no' and clung on to him, not opening his eyes. "Someone's knocking, get up, stupid." Yumichika opened one eye and glared up at him, not moving, obviously needing some coffee. It seemed his attitude needed beauty rest more than his face did, and Ikkaku knew why when he saw that light wasn't peeking out from underneath the curtains yet. It must have been insanely early.

Ikkaku sighed and got up, Yumichika still clinging on and getting dragged with him when he stubbornly refused to give in. "Will you let go already?!"

"No."

Ikkaku sighed. "You're such a fucking brat." A few seconds passed and Yumichika still didn't let go of him, weighing him down in a silent hissy fit of not wanting to go answer the door. "Ugh, fine."

Yumichika grinned and climbed onto his back, and Ikkaku carried him to the front door. He was lucky Yumichika couldn't see his smile, because the little snob would never take him seriously again. He yawned, hitching Yumichika up a little, holding him under his thighs on each side, letting him cross his legs in front of his stomach and his arms in front of his neck. Opening the door, he was ready to scare the hell out of the landlord, or the mailman, or whoever the fuck was up at four freaking thirty.

"What do you w- Oh."

"Yeah,  _oh,_ " Ichigo retorted crankily, throwing his hands in the air. Ikkaku gave a long-suffering sigh, already anticipating the tirade that was obviously coming. Renji stood there looking the most awake out of the four of them, and he was  _definitely_ more alert and level-headed than his poor boyfriend who had obviously had his sleep schedule completely fucked up in the past few days. Honestly, Ikkaku didn't feel any guilt whatsoever about mentally comparing Kurosaki to a zombie. He looked awful. He'd never seen someone have such big dark circles under their eyes.

Ichigo continued on, making Ikkaku glance at Renji for a moment, wondering if they should just hogtie him until they were in Ohio. Yumichika just stared, holding Ikkaku around the neck, settling his chin on his shoulder. "You guys were supposed to be ready by the time we got here. What the hell?! Now we're gonna' be lat-" Renji put his hand over Ichigo's mouth as Ikkaku muttered something about jinxing it.

"Go back to the car, babe," Renji said calmly, not making any room for an argument.

Ichigo, rather than looking ready to murder Renji, actually looked quite exasperated and almost helpless, dare one say it. It was obvious that he'd been frayed down to the nerves. He  _definitely_  needed this break. "But-"

"Go back to the car, _"_ he repeated, pointing at the stairs. "No worrying allowed from you, now get going." Ichigo pouted and crossed his arms, stomping his way down the six flights of steps. "Geez'..." Renji rubbed a hand over his forehead and then down the rest of his face, starting to look tired. "He's really stressed out, if you can't tell. He didn't get any sleep because he's so used to being awake at all hours of the night, n' now his body's givin' out on 'im… Can you guys hurry up please, because if he blows his stack, I'm probably gonna' lose a limb."

Ikkaku snorted, adjusting Yumichika where he was clinging onto his back like a wallaby. He felt kind of bad for Ichigo, because he was always the one who had a lid on things more than anyone else, but it seemed that he'd just taken on too much of a burden all at once and it was finally starting to show. Hopefully Renji would do something nice for him and get him to sleep most of the way there, because he didn't want Ichigo to have some sort of episode or nervous breakdown.

"Oh, we're ready," Yumichika piped up, much more bubbly now that he'd made himself wake up a little more. "We're all packed, we can go right now."

"In your pajamas?"

"Yes," Yumichika said before Ikkaku could say anything else. He climbed down from Ikkaku's back and pranced back to their bedroom. Renji's eyes snapped open wide and he gave Ikkaku a side glance. Ikkaku just went red and put a hand over his eyes, saying that it wasn't what it looked like, even though he knew that nobody would believe that.

"You're right. I  _don't_  believe that."

"I'd better not be hearing what I think I'm hearing, Renji," Yumichika sing-songed from down the hall.

"Fine, I believe it, but only cause Senpai's such a huge blushing dork," Renji called back, ignoring the finger Ikkaku was shoving in his face.

"Just help us grab our stuff," Ikkaku grumbled as Renji glanced between the two of them with narrowed eyes. Yumichika came back cheerily, not caring about his disheveled appearance. He was excited. He hadn't been on vacation in ages and hadn't been with his friends even longer than that.

After watching him drag their bags out into the hall, Renji finally moved, helping Yumichika heft the heavy cases over the couch blocking the way, piling them up outside. Ikkaku got the house in order, locking cupboards and turning off the AC. He left the rent in an envelope just inside the door, making sure that they hadn't forgotten anything.

Ichigo was pleasantly surprised that they hadn't taken nearly as long as he had anticipated. They were all glad to see that he looked a lot better now that he'd taken a breather, seeming to have realized that maybe he was overreacting. When they made it to the car with everything, Renji let them get in the back seats and wedged their luggage in on top of them. It was a tight fit, not to mention all of Renji and Ichigo's stuff which was already in there, but neither of them cared. Yumichika grinned uncontrollably and wriggled a hand into Ikkaku's. Renji argued with Ichigo for a little while, although it was much more gentle and subdued than usual, but he was still firm in shoving him to the other end of the front seat bench.

" _I'm_  driving," he said adamantly. Ichigo gave Renji such a look that Ikkaku and Yumichika just stared, not daring to say a word. Renji didn't back down, shutting the door, turning on the car. "I know the directions, so just lemme' take care of this," Renji said. "Alright?" Ichigo seemed to go through a great struggle, but then exhaled carefully, sinking into his seat. He became much more agreeable then and was actually quite chatty.

"I can't wait to go swimming," Yumichika said, to Ikkaku's surprise. Now that he was thinking things through, he realized just what that might entail: seeing Yumichika in a bathing suit. That got him quite eager to get going. He'd probably be super fun to play Marco-Polo with.

Renji hummed while he drove, holding Ichigo's hand every once in a while when there were long bits of straight road. It was still dark, and there weren't many people out driving so early, so there wasn't any traffic or mad scrambles to find maps to confirm directions.

Yumichika somehow managed to get something out of one of his bags, fixing his face in a little mirror. Ikkaku watched in half-interest, rather fascinated with how careful Yumichika was and how graceful his fingers were. The annoying thing was that Yumichika kept angling the mirror so that it caught the gleam of the headlights behind them, hitting him right in the face.

"Hey, put that away!"

"Don't shout in my ear, Ikkaku."

"You're flashing a light right in my eye, cut it out!"

"Ugh, you guys," Ichigo whined, trying to block out the noise. Renji was quick to shut them up, knowing that it would be a long day that everyone needed to be rested for.

"Just be quiet, all of you, we're almost there," Renji griped, pulling into a lot, paying a toll at a little window, telling the man that the car was going to be left there all weekend. He pulled up alongside a few of their friends' cars, seeing Iba leaning up against the side of one, and Hisagi inside his own with his headphones in. Rangiku was laid out in the back of her car, seeming to be sleeping. Kira hadn't gotten there yet, as was evident by the absence of their humongous camper.

Before Ichigo could get bothered by this, Renji turned to glance back at Ikkaku and Yumichika, assuring them all, probably mostly for Ichigo's sake. "Alright, he won't be more than a few minutes. Izuru's always on time." That was true enough. Kira Izuru was probably the most responsible out of all of them.

Hisagi got out of the car when they parked, telling them all that Kira was still working, doing a couple of early hours before they'd get on the road. Ichigo seemed slightly unsettled by this perceived delay, but Kira didn't take more than a few minutes, just as Renji had said. He was impossible to miss with his huge RV, which was also towing along Hisagi and Kira's shared silver van. He was still in his UPS uniform, and he looked perky somehow. Hopefully he wouldn't burn out too early in the day.

After Kira parked at the gas station next door to fill up the RV and to use the bathroom, everyone piled their stuff in, finding a place to sit, some on the floor, some on the couches, and some on the bottom bunks of the beds.

Ichigo began scrounging the pickup-truck to make sure that they hadn't forgotten anything necessary, taking a mental run down of everything in their house. Had they left the gas on, any faucets? Had he locked the door? What if his plants didn't survive the weekend?

"Enough a yer' games! Get in the wagon, we're leavin', Dandelion!" Ichigo gave Renji the finger, but took his hand to get a leg up into the camper-van. After about ten more minutes of making sure everything was in order, Kira finally came back with a huge cup of coffee and slammed the door to the car. Double-checking to make sure that everyone was inside, they got on the road, and Ichigo fell asleep for about a half an hour, to Renji's relief.

The moment Renji shifted position, however, Ichigo snapped awake again, this time paranoid about missing something. When the initial excitement of starting the trip died down, everyone settled in to do some various activities during the drive, or to simply sleep a while and rest up so that they could enjoy the amusement park later in the day.

Hisagi was up front with Kira, glancing up to him every few seconds as he looked over the maps, making sure that they'd agreed on a route so that there wouldn't be any trouble with getting lost. He was counting down the exits on the freeway probably enough to make any normal person lose their mind. Ikkaku could admit that sometimes Hisagi was more of a nut about that stuff than Ichigo. Luckily, Kira was in possession of super-human patience, and just smiled, chattering back to Hisagi, who eventually put the maps away when Kira assured him that everything would be fine.

If he needed any help, he would ask after all, as Kira wasn't afraid to ask for directions, unlike some people. Shuuhei began editing newspaper articles, balancing a clipboard on his knee. As the minutes crawled by, he contorted in his seat, eventually working on the floor near Kira's feet, mumbling to himself, sometimes sticking his pencil in his mouth. Yumichika had to admit that it was cute how Shuuhei stuck out his tongue when he was writing. Ikkaku was just glad that he wasn't playing that wretched guitar of his.

Iba was playing a handheld game, drinking a beer, because it was five o' clock, after all. Renji was watching Schoolhouse Rock tapes on Yumichika's little box TV, completely enthralled even at his age, as he'd never seen them before. Ichigo was fidgeting close by, still on the verge of konking out and sleeping enough to be thought of as a hibernating bear or a comatose hospital patient.

Ikkaku and Yumichika were huddling over something and talking quietly, seeming to be playing with pick-up sticks in an insanely competitive manner. Rangiku was splayed out miserably on the bottom bunk of the bed that was closest to everyone, not having spoken to anyone. Everyone just left her alone, letting her sleep under her blanket.

"Just relax, babe. It's gonna' be a long day today."

Ichigo didn't seem to know what to do with himself now that all his stressful distractions were gone, finding it difficult to enjoy watching King George the third get a bucket thrown over his head, even though Renji was laughing into his hands loudly enough to make Rangiku whine in annoyance. Ichigo somehow snagged one of Hisagi's stray maps after the guy had finished with his articles. As soon as Renji noticed, he snatched it away and threatened to hurl it out the window.

"What the hell?!"

"It's not your problem, Ichigo. Let someone else handle it."

Luckily, Hisagi nabbed it back before the thing could actually make it out the window, glaring at them, then rolling his eyes.

"Quit looking for things to stress out over and relax already. Relax… Please."

"Alright, I'm trying," Ichigo sighed, letting Renji sit behind him and rub his back a little while watching the grammar tape. By the time they'd gotten to the part about the kid and the turtle getting scared by a bear, Ichigo had gone boneless and flopped back against Renji's chest, dozing a little. At least that was until Ikkaku practically speared him in the foot with one of the colored kebob sticks he and Yumichika had been playing with.

"Watch it!" Renji snapped in irritation, right into Ichigo's ear. Ichigo cringed, but didn't let it bother him, allowing his heavy eyelids to close and for Renji's strong arms to hold him like a warm blanket. Renji was right, screw getting pissed. It wasn't his problem; Renji would take care of it and get them to shut up. He didn't have to do anything. He could finally sleep. It wasn't selfish. He deserved this break. "Dude, that's not how you play it."

Ikkaku just glared at Yumichika, who was laughing smugly as if he had won some demented version of the game. Ichigo took a nap for a while, feeling much better after sleeping for an hour or so. By that point, Yumichika had gotten out one of his ancient plug-in TV games that had taped wires and a joystick and everything.

Of course, no one could beat Yumichika's score at Bosconian. Renji came the closest, playing the game for nearly forty minutes before all his little spaceships finally died. He and Yumichika had used to play the game together after all, so he'd had the most practice. When the controller got passed to Ichigo, he played Galaga a few times, letting his worries fade away. Besides that, Renji was rubbing his scalp and pulling on his hair so nicely, sending relaxing tingles all the way down his neck.

Yumichika peeped over at Rangiku, who hadn't been her normal bubbly self. "What's the matter, dear? Are you alright?" Rangiku just moaned miserably, asking for Yumichika to bring her purse over to her. Yumichika knew what was wrong right away. They must have planned the trip at a very bad time. Poor girl. It was no wonder that she didn't even want to move. Hopefully it wouldn't be so bad that she wouldn't be able to go swimming with them.

"Does anyone have any chocolate?" Yumichika asked around. Hisagi gave up some for a good cause, letting Rangiku eat some of it even though she was nauseous and grey in the face. Yumichika lay on the mattress and rubbed her back a little, letting her borrow some pain pills.

When they stopped at a rest stop, Rangiku opted to use that bathroom instead of the one in the truck, taking almost twenty minutes to come back.

As they waited for her, everyone got out of the camper and walked around the rest stop, which was next door to a campground. Ichigo and Renji sat down at a picnic table, watching their friends wander around. Yumichika was reading a magazine inside, and they watched as Ikkaku snuck up on him and surprised him, causing Yumichika to whack him in the arm.

"Do you ever think about… how long this is gonna' last?" Renji asked, growing serious. He wanted to hold Ichigo's hand, but they all were much more docile in public, not letting outsiders know just what their relationships were. They probably appeared to be a big group of frat-house roommates going on a trip together, and that was the way they wanted to keep it.

"Sometimes," Ichigo answered, considerably less tired now that things had settled down. Renji looked back into his eyes, heart compressing as he made himself get into the sticky topic that he'd been brooding and obsessing over for months.

"I mean… how long are we gonna' be happy like this… If all of this will just fade away into nothing… and… I wonder a lot whether things are going to go back to normal, from how difficult they've been lately… This past year was a lot of stress on you, and… I… I just wonder sometimes if… I don't know, forget it."

"I know what you mean." Ichigo looked back at him for a moment, watching Iba smoke and lean up against a snack machine, getting something for Rangiku for when she came out of the bathroom. Hisagi and Kira were inside the building, looking at travel brochures and other stuff. There was something nice about watching how smooth things always were between them. They were always smiling, calm, peaceful together, and sometimes Ichigo grew jealous, wishing that things could be the same between him and Renji, even though he loved their easy arguing. Things had just been so hard lately, even with the relief of having it all over with now that they were on summer break.

"I… Going back to my nightmares, I… I think about whether it's all gonna' make me snap and that… I'll break… this," he mumbled.

"Hey," Renji muttered, trying to make Ichigo look up at him. Ichigo did, looking heartbroken and lost. "I love you, alright? I know I say it a lot, but it's because I know sometimes you're just hearing it and not actually listening. Just try and believe that I really love you. Even the parts of you that you think I couldn't possibly like, I love those too. We've gone through enough crap that there isn't really anything left that could make me want to end all this. Your nightmares'll go away once you get a chance to calm down for a few weeks…"

Ichigo nodded uncertainly, meeting Renji's eyes hesitantly.

"I'm happy, alright? Even if you're not happy,  _I_  am… I'm happy like this, and I don't… I don't want… this to end. As far as I can see into the future, I want you to be there still in my life."

"Gimme' a kiss," Ichigo said flatly, not even regarding the fact that he hated even  _insinuating_  that they were lovers in public. Renji leaned in swiftly and pecked him once on the lips before anyone had a chance to notice. Then they got up and went inside to take a look around.

Ikkaku grinned, watching them pass by as he sat on a cement bench near some potted plants. Yumichika was next to him, still reading his magazine, humming a little and sitting just a  _little_  closer than necessary, legs crossed and bouncing away to the music playing over the intercom. It was air-conditioned and it smelled nice, and the music reminded him of an elevator. Ikkaku grinned, looking around at their friends. He felt like he finally had what he'd been so jealous of for so long.

"Hey. Are you taking this seriously?"

"Hm? No, I never take you seriously. You're stupid," Yumichika said absently, teasing him as he kept reading whatever he was so interested in. Ikkaku had suspected it was something ridiculous like  _Cosmopolitan_ , but it appeared to be an article about supernovas.

"Oh, shut up," Ikkaku griped, pinching Yumichika's arm. "C'mon, listen," he whined.

"What do you want?" Yumichika asked lightly, looking up to him. Ikkaku couldn't help but smile, overcome with a desire to hug the hell out of Yumichika. He didn't have to watch Renji and Ichigo argue together and watch each other's backs, or see Kira and Hisagi huddled together making plans and getting each other coffee. This was finally  _his,_ and Yumichika had given him that.

"… I know it's only been a few days and everything, but…" Ikkaku looked up and gestured to Renji and Ichigo. Renji was standing close to him, holding out a pamphlet and pointing something out. Ichigo was reading it and talking back to him, glancing up at his lover's face with a grin.

"I… I want something like that… I always have… like some lonely loser," Ikkaku muttered heatedly, looking into Yumichika's eyes. "I mean… this all happened so fast, and I don't wanna' be a creep or anything… but… I just wanna' tell ya' that this isn't casual dating for me… I want… I just," he tried to explain, sighing.

Yumichika looked back at him for a moment, before smiling. "You are a gem, Madarame Ikkaku, you really are," he mumbled, turning back to his magazine with a teasing smile. Ikkaku grinned. Yumichika put one of his arms behind his back and held out a pinkie. Ikkaku took it with his own, grinning even wider, probably looking like an idiot to passersby.

"You're saying you want to pursue this long-term," Yumichika said after a moment, looking up, dropping his aloof façade. "That's what you're saying."

Ikkaku looked back at him, noticing how closely their faces were placed. With all these people around, he didn't dare try to kiss Yumichika, but oh, he wanted to. "Yeah… I said that I love you… I'm not gonna' take it back or say that I didn't mean it, cause' that'd be a lie… I… I told you that I haven't dated… I never wanted to date, because I have such a hard time bein' nice ta' people. Even my own family can hardly stand me… but… All that time I was alone, I guess… when I was watching what my friends had, the jealousy and the… envy just made me store up all of this… feeling, and now… I have so much to give, an'… I want to do so much for you… love you to death, spoil you. That's why I just wanted to say it. I don't want to wait until it's too late, or mislead you or something."

Ikkaku bit his lips, dropping the gaze. "I mean… part of me wants to love ya' so bad…"

"I hope you don't mean that you took the first thing that came along and gave you a chance. Just because I was there, you…" Yumichika trailed off when Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

"No way, you idiot. Try an' remember the look on my face when we first met. I probably looked stupefied. You're a perfect piece of shit, you fucking moron, and I love it. I love  _you._ "

"How romantic," Yumichika raised his eyebrows at his rough way of going about things, holding back laughter as he curled his finger tighter through Ikkaku's. He went back to reading his National Geographic magazine, ignoring Ikkaku's crazy smile and sparkling eyes. It was sappy, but somehow, it didn't really remind him of any movie he'd ever seen or of a love book he'd ever read. He could still have the mystery and suspense of his old club-hopping on-the-edge life with Kaa, but with the security and commitment that Ikkaku was eager to give. It was a perfect balance.

Ikkaku settled in near him so perfectly, and just picked up where Yumichika's eyes were following on the page, finally getting into the smooth companionship that he'd admired so much from Izuru and Shuuhei. It was nice to finally have his dream right in the palm of his hands, glowing, finally ready to lead him out of the dark forest of uncertainty that life had grown around him. He finally got why everybody went so stupid from love. It felt so great.

"Okay, c'mon guys, we're leavin'," Hisagi called from somewhere. Yumichika looked up, seeing Rangiku finally coming out of the bathroom and walking back over to the glass door of the building. Everyone in their party got up and followed them outside, piling back in the van.

Yumichika saw how grey and clammy Rangiku was and assumed that she'd thrown up. He gave her some mint gum to calm her stomach, but she seemed to be feeling much better already, finally getting more peppy and chatty, babbling to everyone about how much of a loser the guy she'd intended to bring was. Yumichika agreed that the guy had an ugly personality  _and_  an ugly face.

Even though they'd been driving for a few hours, having only stopped a couple times to eat and get gas, it was only about nine o' clock so far, and Yumichika asked Hisagi to check how much longer they would have to wait. After learning that they'd probably be there at about eleven, everybody pooled their share of the money, dividing it up to pay for the fixed costs of their hotel rooms, the amusement park tickets, their meals, and other things like groceries and gas. The bits left over were divided evenly again for anything extra like snacks or gift shop crap or any of the other fun things that the water park had. Considering how much it would've cost if they'd gone individually, their stay would be relatively affordable.

Ichigo was less concerned about money now since there was one more of them coming along. The guy Rangiku had been planning to bring would have been a freeloader after all, since he wasn't part of their circle of friends, and Yumichika was a paying companion. Besides that, Yumichika was sensible like he, Kira, and Hisagi were, and it would be nice to have another person on his side to keep the more rambunctious of their friends in control. After all, this wasn't a frat house and they didn't want to end up getting in brawls or gambling or something. There needed to be a few of them sober and sensible enough to keep them from losing crap and forgetting their room numbers or something.

They had just started to get into playing Truth or Dare when they crossed the Ohio State boundary.

"Okay, you guys, just be quiet, we'll play that later. We're nearly there," Hisagi called back, still sitting up in the front with Izuru. Yumichika gave a little cheer, cuddled up on the bed with Rangiku and Ikkaku, watching 'The Black Cauldron' on his little TV. He abandoned them in favor of crawling over to a window to look out at the huge billboards that they were passing by, which were advertising vacation hot spots. It only took a few more minutes for them to pull up to the waterpark, which was a big tan building with red words on the side. There were waterslides popping out of the building, and as they pulled in, they passed by a large pond filled with ducks and other birds, which was there to make the place look more attractive.

"Holy shit, it's big," Renji said, who was thoroughly impressed, as he'd probably gone on the least vacations of all of them, being from an orphanage.

"That's what she said," Ichigo mumbled.

"Can it!" Ichigo just laughed as he was cuffed over the head.

"It  _is_  supposed to be the biggest indoor water park in the country," Yumichika informed Renji, face close up to the glass, grin wide and excited.

"Oh wow," Renji said, nose pressed to the glass now as well. Yumichika smiled wider. He loved to swim; he couldn't wait, even though he knew they would only be sleeping here tonight, spending the day at the amusement park next door.

They pulled up in front of the front doors, getting in line behind a white pick-up truck. The valets looked intimidated, but Kira just threw them into park and told everyone to get their rears in gear and unload everything, even if it wasn't their own stuff.

It took them about three minutes, since everyone was glad to finally get out of the confined space. Kira went out to the big parking lot, rather than the ones close-by to the hotel space. A few bellhops lent them some luggage racks on rolly wheels. Hisagi and Iba went inside to get them checked in, and everyone sat around in the lobby with their luggage waiting for Kira to come back.

It was really tempting to try to slip away, since the lobby was connected to a bunch of little areas, including a candy shop, a gift shop, the buffet area, the hallway leading to the hotel rooms, and a staircase that led down to the arcade area, the outside resort, and the indoor waterpark. Not to mention that there was a little section in the lobby that had a baby tiger and a zookeeper helping people with taking pictures. The tribal decorations and animal figures were interesting, and if Yumichika stood on his tiptoes, he could see across the hectic lobby towards a large glass window wall which showed a bird's eye view of the indoor part of the waterpark. It was so big that he couldn't see the back wall from this angle.

Izuru had seen fit to run all the way back across the parking lot and the bridge over the duck pond, not wanting to keep everyone waiting. He dragged himself inside to tell everyone what the plan was. He took over with watching the luggage, panting, telling everyone that had been waiting there to go get his van and drive over to the nearby Walmart and get some snacks and swimming supplies.

He gave them the keys to his silver van, being careful to keep the ones for the RV, calling Rangiku over to go with them. Iba decided to stay there with Kira, knowing that he and Hisagi alone wouldn't be able to get all the luggage upstairs. From there, they would take all their stuff to their double suite, and then would call them to tell them their room numbers so that they could find each other again.

Everyone got back outside, walking down the steps near an artificial waterfall, going onto the bridge over the beautiful pond that was complete with two fountains and a horde of swimming birds. By that point, no one was cranky or sleep-deprived anymore, too pumped up to be anything but cheery and excited as they went across the sunny parking lot.

Renji was glad they had found something else to do, because checking into hotels was usually a stressful matter, and this was yet another way he could keep Ichigo away from stuff that he didn't need right now. Hisagi and Kira were the ones who had the patience to wait in lines with noisy families. Besides, their room might not even be finished being cleaned by the time they checked in.

The RV was easy to find, since it took up two parking spaces and needed to be parked pretty much at the back of the big lot. It was a long walk, but nobody minded being able to burn off some energy. Besides, the weather was gorgeous, with the perfect amount of sun and cooling wind, not too bright or overwhelmingly hot. Renji unhitched the van and nominated himself as the driver, letting everyone get inside and buckle up before he asked Ichigo to get out a map on his phone so they could find the Walmart.

He pulled back out onto the long stretch of straight road, continuing on in the direction they'd been driving on the way towards the hotel. "Okay, Kira said it's just along this road, so everybody be on the lookout, alright? Ichigo, can you look up some nearby restaurants? With all of us here, the buffet'll get pretty expensive, so we're only gonna' go the couple times that our coupons'll cover."

"Alright." This was a better way to let Ichigo help, since it was less stress, but still enough to make Ichigo feel like he was contributing. The poor guy hated feeling useless.

They passed a strip mall that had a 'Rainbow Buffet', a 'Texas Roadhouse', and Yumichika pointed out a 'Sonic'. Of course, there were all the normal fast-food places, as well, but they didn't really want to eat at a place like that for dinner. Ikkaku mentioned that most hotels had an in-room menu, and would bring pizza up if you called for it.

When they found the Walmart, barely in time for Renji to still be able to make the turn, they pulled in and parked in the closest spot to the entrance that they could find. Then they all got out and stretched in the sun, going into the store and separating into different groups. Ikkaku and Rangiku were in charge of the food, which admittedly probably wasn't the best idea, given their reputation for eating tons of junk food. Renji and Yumichika were looking for extra things like towels, sun lotion, goggles, and special waterproof bags that they could seal their phones and cameras inside of. Ichigo flitted between them, making sure that everything would fit the budget of the money they'd allotted for this purpose.

Yumichika and Renji took the carts up to the register while Rangiku went to get some last minute hygienic supplies. When she came back, Ichigo made the purchase, and Ikkaku went to get the car ready so that they could load everything in straight away.

When they got out there, Ikkaku was waiting, steamed and with his arms crossed. He had a black eye. Renji just grimaced, not surprised. Yumichika gasped, going over to him in concern.

"Oh my goodness, what happened to you?"

"I got in some traffic," Ikkaku said bluntly, not elaborating further, still looking pissed.

"Traffic gave you a black eye?" Renji asked skeptically.

"No, I got in a fight." Ichigo shared a look with Renji, raising an eyebrow. Yumichika asked them what they were going on about, not wanting to be left out of the loop.

"He fights a lot, doesn't he? You guys don't look very surprised." Rangiku snorted, loading groceries into the car. "Why is he always fighting?"

"He's just irritable. He can't help it," Renji said oh-so-helpfully, saying it like it was something Yumichika had to get used to, because it wasn't going to change any time soon. Yumichika gave an understanding hum, nodding his head with an 'I see' expression.

"Ikkaku, darling, have you ever heard of conflict avoidance?" Yumichika asked sweetly, and a bit patronizingly, causing Renji and Ichigo to practically choke. Rangiku openly laughed. Ikkaku just groaned, telling them to get their shit in the car.

"Who's got the sweetest disposition?" Renji sing-songed. Ikkaku eyed him as if to say 'you'd-better-not', but he kept going, getting Ichigo to join in once he caught on to what he was teasing him with. "One guess, guess who,"

"Who never never starts an argument, who never shows a bit of temperament?" Ichigo sang back, trying not to laugh, just glad that Renji was using this on Ikkaku and not him. It pissed him off when Renji held this over his head, because it fit him too, not just Madarame.

"I'm going to bury you both alive," Ikkaku said flatly, eyes narrowed. Yumichika just burst into giggles, catching on.

"Who's never wrong, but always right?" Rangiku piped up from somewhere in the back of the car, arranging the groceries so that the easily crushed stuff like bread and chips were on top.

Yumichika teased Ikkaku and pulled on his ear, "Who'd never  _dream_  of starting a fight?"

"Oh god, not you too."

"Who gets stuuuck with all the bad luck? No one… but this stupid fuck," Ichigo finished, high-fiving Renji.

"Okay, you've had your fun, now get in, you bunch of assholes." Yumichika and Renji just stared each other, looking back at Ikkaku and putting on sunglasses in almost perfect sync. "You guys are such trolls." They started snickering, and Ikkaku couldn't help but laugh too. "God, get me some new friends."

After they got back to the resort, they all lugged their plastic bags across the parking lot and through the lobby. It took them a minute to figure out the right way to go, eventually going down a hallway past the large glass window wall that they could see the humongous indoor waterpark through. There were slides and play areas for children, a zip-line-ride, a wave pool, a few different shops that were selling fruity alcoholic drinks, an indoor/outdoor hot-tub, and a little 'Dippin' Dots' stand. There was so many things to do that they couldn't even see it all through the window. The back wall was visible in the far distance, and Yumichika was already breathtaken by the amount of detail and care that had gone into the paint. The next day would probably be spent gaping, wondering how on earth someone had done such a perfect job, and on such a large scale. He couldn't wait to see it closer up.

Yumichika smiled, looking at how many different kinds of people there were in this place. There were nice families on vacation, wedding parties, little girls with cute little beaded braids and pink bathing suits that looked perfect against their chocolate skin, and beautiful Arab women who were wearing head-coverings and black clothing that covered them up completely. There were little babies toddling around in life jackets and parents carting their kids around, foreign tourists glued to their cameras, not to mention lots of girls in bikinis and young boys racing to get in line quicker than their friends.

He loved the atmosphere of places like this, like airports or concerts, all with so many people mutually enjoying the same things. It was so nice just to breathe in the energy of the place, and it reminded him of when he'd been younger, climbing up into cherry trees on his aunt's farm, sitting up there and listening to the hum of bumblebees swarming throughout the orchard. It sounded like raw happiness. It made him feel very zen, to be someplace like this.

Their room was reportedly on the fourth floor, so they all piled into a free elevator, practically unable to fit because of all the crap they were carrying. Yumichika was shoved up against the button panel, but still managed to hit the glowing 'four' button without dropping his grocery bags. After a short silent ride up the floors, they all got out with a lurch, parting through a large dark-skinned family who were excitedly chattering and holding swimming toys, pool noodles, and little surfboards.

By that point, their arms were ready to fall off, but their room was nearly on the very end of the long hallway. They must've passed at least a few hundred rooms before they made it to room '4250'. Renji knocked by kicking on the door, unable to do anything while holding onto his bags. Hisagi opened the door and let them pile their stuff in the center of the room.

Kira and Iba were in the room next door, which was connected by a door between the two suites. One of them had two large beds, and the other only had one, but they all would still fit, presuming that the couches turned into beds.

Kira and Hisagi had moved all their luggage together as best as they could recognize whose was whose, putting Renji and Ichigo's stuff on one bed and Yumichika and Ikkaku's on the other, Rangiku's on the couch, and Iba's and their own in the smaller room.

They all got the food out of the grocery bags and put the perishables in the little mini-fridges, and then took a little rest to gather whatever they wanted to bring to Cedar Point from their suitcases. A few of them changed into their swimming trunks, keeping a shirt on top, and Rangiku put on her yellow one-piece under her t-shirt and jean-shorts in the bathroom. Ikkaku changed into his stripey red trunks, waiting for Yumichika to come out of the other bathroom so they could get going.

"Hey, don't wear that stupid thing," Ichigo griped when Renji adjusted his tacky headband while looking in the mirror. For some reason, their rooms had that typical hotel feature of having a sink outside the bathroom instead of inside, and as such, there was a large mirror on top of the sink, which was right next to the door. Rangiku edged her way in, fixing her lip gloss next to Renji.

Renji looked at Ichigo through the mirror but didn't pause in tying the fruit-printed cloth over his tattoos. He put on his sunglasses and got a bag that was easier to carry, putting his stuff inside, looking through Ichigo's suitcases too.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, okay?"

"That doesn't make me wrong." Renji just rolled his eyes, putting a bottle of suntan lotion, their wallets, their room-keys, their phones, and their camera in the bag, handing it to Ichigo, who liked to be the one to hold onto their stuff. Even after all these years, Renji smiled a little when Ichigo checked his own hair in the mirror, their stuff over his shoulder.

_Their stuff._

He freaking loved that they had a life together, and he loved when that thrill of happiness ran down his neck at times like this. He fondly leaned in and nuzzled Ichigo's cheek, but was shoved away adamantly. After a moment of silence, he weasled on over even closer with a mischievous grin.

"Get away from me with that."

"With what, my face?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, whoops, am I still doing it?"

"You know you're doing it, stop smirking!"

"Hey, pipe down," Rangiku whined, who had a headache. She took another Midol, apparently forgetting her troubles quickly, because she squealed when Yumichika came out of the bathroom. "Oh, I can't wait to go on the rollercoasters!" Yumichika grinned excitedly too; he'd forgotten how much he loved to spend time with his friends, especially Rangiku, who he had used to see horror movies with all the time. They would both cling to each other and scream, flinging popcorn in the air at the scary parts. She would be perfect to go on a roller coaster with.

Ikkaku's eyes were bugging out of his head as he looked Yumichika up and down. He wasn't wearing a Speedo or anything, but his boarding shorts were probably more appropriately named  _swim-shorts_ , because they ended at the middle of his thigh instead of at his knee. They were dark blue, and Yumichika was also wearing a swimming shirt that doubled as a normal t-shirt. It was black with a skull on it that was made up of a bunch of tiny x's. Apparently, Yumichika didn't like to tan. The pretty picture was complete with reflective shades and pink bubblegum. Fuck, it just made Ikkaku fall in love with him all over again. What a complete brat. Un-fucking-real. Should Yumichika ever ditch his film career, he could give Kaa a run for his money working for Calvin Klein.

Nah, screw that, it would eat up too much of Yumichika's time, and Ikkaku didn't want to relinquish his claim on that, not now that Yumichika was in his life just like how Renji was in Ichigo's. He didn't want to go back to not being able to see him every day, even though he'd literally only had to live that way for one day so far.

"Ikkaku, are you ready?" Yumichika asked, wondering why he was just standing there, not realizing he was in the middle of a mental monologue.

"Oh, uh… yeah, I'm ready," he said quickly, grinning and slinging an arm over his shoulder. They were just waiting on Kira now, who was trying to dig his swimming suit out of his bag, without rumpling all of Shuuhei's folded clothes. It was weird, because as far as Ikkaku knew, Izuru couldn't swim.

"For the love of pineapples," Renji muttered, too jittery to wait any longer. He'd never been on a roller coaster before and he was rearing to go. That was another of those things that he'd always wanted to do as a kid, but hadn't been able to. Ichigo would never admit it, but he loved that enthusiasm of his.

"C'mon, Yumi, Let's go wait in the car," Renji called, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out into the hall with him, swiping him from Ikkaku. They took off pretty quickly, chattering to each other like they had always used to. They'd been really close friends when they were younger, so it was nice for them to get to catch up now that Kaa wasn't coming between them.

Ikkaku let them go, grinning to himself as he took the opportunity to discreetly open a pack of Oreos and eat some, putting the sticker back into place. It looked like someone had already had that idea, because a couple were already missing.

Ichigo waited around for Hisagi and Kira in the room, and Ikkaku wandered around the lobby for a while with Iba and Rangiku, looking at the baby tiger until they saw the rest of the stragglers make it downstairs with them.

The ride to Cedar Point was exceedingly short, because Kalahari Resort was basically next door to the amusement park. Since there weren't enough seats in Kira's van, they were all packed in pretty tight, some of them sitting on the floor in the aisle.

Waiting for a parking space and getting tickets had been difficult, as there was a long line, not to mention that the park was busiest at the time they'd arrived, which was about one o' clock. Ichigo stood with Hisagi as they got the tickets, watching Renji, Yumichika, and Rangiku chatter excitedly to each other. Iba, Ikkaku, and Kira were still parking the car, obviously not finding a spot very close to the entrance.

The sun was beating down, setting Renji's hair aglow. His boyfriend had on dark blue swimming trunks and a white t-shirt, holding their bag over his shoulder and grinning at Yumichika, dark shades hiding his eyes.

Ichigo was struck dumb suddenly, growing nostalgic and fond as he looked at that gorgeous smile, that loud hair color and his musclebound frame, appreciating just how lucky he was to have Renji. The guy was good-looking, smart, funny, and had been exceedingly patient with him lately. There was no reason for him to be jealous of anyone else, no, not while he had Renji in his life. Renji was a great guy. He'd gotten really lucky. Ichigo smiled a little, a wave of affection rolling through him, not even minding that Renji always turned heads for a lot of different reasons in places like this. Not only were there interested lusty eyes, but also disbelieving and ticked off ones, not to mention suspicion.

Aside from Renji's gorgeous face, the second thing that people noticed besides the hair, were his tattoos. There were always those nay-sayers who would grumble about attention-whores, not knowing about Renji's personal reasons for getting them. It bothered Ichigo when people gave Renji that distasteful sneer, knowing just how sensitive Renji was about his appearance. Seriously, the guy made it a point never to take his hair down outside of their house, and would drive himself absolutely nuts if he didn't have some sort of headband. Renji was  _not_ seeking attention, especially not from park-security, who were probably thinking that where there was smoke, there's fire. Ichigo didn't care, though. If there was a problem, things would diffuse the moment the cops heard Renji's steady voice. He was well-spoken, and respectful at the right moments, not sounding like the delinquent that he looked like.

Ichigo blinked when Renji caught him staring, sending him a questioning glance. "Is there a bug on me?"

"Nah, you just look stupid," Ichigo said back. Even though he couldn't see through Renji's shades, he knew he was rolling his eyes.

Almost immediately after getting the tickets, Rangiku and Yumichika were running off in the other direction, running through turnstiles because there wasn't any line for the ride closest to the entrance for some reason. It seemed it had just been opened after a maintenance check, and they'd been passing by at the right time.

Ikkaku just rolled his eyes, mumbling that they were stealing his luck without thanking him. He chatted with Hisagi about meeting places and how much time they were going to have to themselves. The plan was for everyone to split up and do what they wanted for about an hour, and then they would meet at one of the restaurants for a late lunch.

After about half an hour of walking around with Ichigo, who was finally relaxing and enjoying himself, Renji found himself inside a dark arcade with him, playing South Park pinball and losing spectacularly. Ichigo sat at the bar with his Powerade, rolling side to side on one of the stools as he watched him curse and hammer frantically at the controls. Yumichika showed up again and got into a death match with Renji over a side-by-side Pacman machine that was in mint condition considering its age.

"I've been playing this since you were still losing teeth, you have no chance!"

"Oh come on, you're only like one year older than me, you idiot!"

When Renji looked up, Ichigo was looking extremely shy, since a woman was chatting him up, flirting with him a little. He didn't yell at her to get away though, smiling a little and talking back, probably getting her name wrong even though he was making an effort to be friendly. Renji just grinned, shaking his head. She must be nice if she could drag a smile out of his rock of a boyfriend. After another few games, the three of them left the arcade, going back out into the blazing sun.

Ichigo was fiddling around in his pockets, looking uncomfortable, probably having been handed the girl's number. Renji didn't mention it, knowing that Ichigo probably felt guilty, because the girl had seemed nice. Renji just smiled a little, relaxing as he watched Ichigo fidget as they walked. At this point in their relationship, he knew better than to get jealous or do something stubborn or posessive. He knew how much it bothered Ichigo to suggest anything towards their relationship in public, even in front of their friends to an extent, and of course, he'd never embarrass Ichigo on purpose if it was something really personal like that.

He fucking loved Ichigo and his stupid crankiness and his stupid argumentative attitude. He was a stubborn dumbass who got blushy over the stupidest things, but he loved him, seeing his good points and realizing how rare he was. It made him want to hold his hand even if he'd get beat up for being soft in public. Not by strangers, but by Ichigo himself.

"Oi! Intimacy is difficult at this range," Renji called to Ichigo who was walking on his far side. Ichigo just glared.

"Shove it. You're gonna' get sunburn on your tongue."

"Are you saying I talk too much?"

"Am I?"

"You two, my goodness," Yumichika mumbled, messing around with his camera.

"C'mon, let's go get some eats. We're supposed to be back by now."

They all met up and ate as little as they could, given how hungry they all were. They didn't want to end up puking on any roller coasters. Ikkaku, Iba, and Hisagi were going hardcore, the only ones who wanted to go on the Dragster or the Power Tower, which took you up twenty stories and dropped you straight down. Yumichika and Renji were planning to ditch and go on the Gemini like twenty times in a row since everyone else in the park thought it was lame. There wasn't much of a line, so they fell into a continuous loop of running through the ropes to get up to the entrance over and over.

Rangiku and Kira were off somewhere playing games and taking pictures, Ichigo tagging along with them. Just as things were settling down and he was starting to have fun, he heard something in the distance.

Meanwhile, Renji was whining to Yumichika about being hungry again. Yumichika wouldn't share his money, stubbornly insisting that he had to pay for his own food or they wouldn't have any money left for dinner later. Renji sighed, knowing that Ichigo had taken their stuff back and was on the other side of the park. He shrugged.

"ICHIGO! FEED ME!"

Yumichika turned bright pink and started swatting him to shut him up. "Quit hollering, he can't hear you, you embarrassing idiot!"

"ICHIGOOOO, FEED MEEEE!"

Yumichika put his head in his hands, starting to shake with laughter as Renji continued to yell at the top of his lungs, drawing attention from others. In the distance they could faintly hear, "Be quiet, I'll feed you when you quit complaining!"

Renji started laughing, dragging Yumichika back through the section with the old wooden roller coasters, still deriving a simple boyish pleasure from doing things that he'd been deprived of as a child.

After wandering in circles for a while, just enjoying the nice weather, they rested at some picnic tables, and Yumichika noticed a little kid that couldn't have been more than three, turning in circles and looking scared.

"Are you lost?" he asked the boy when he toddled past their table. The boy's lip wobbled as he nodded.

"I can't find my daddy," he whimpered. Renji 'aw'ed a little, feeling bad. Yumichika coaxed the little guy closer, rubbing his sweaty hair off his forehead. Renji got up to see if he could see any parent looking around for a lost kid.

"How about you stay with us, alright? We'll help you find your daddy."

"I can't find my daddy," the kid repeated, growing tearful.

"Oh, it's okay, we'll find him, I promise," Yumichika said, holding out his pinkie for the little boy to take. He got up, and Renji followed, taking the little boy's other hand. Yumichika was the perfect height, but Renji had to lean down a little to reach the squirt's hand, walking slowly to match the toddler's pace. Eventually he just asked the kid if it was okay to carry him, and hoisted the little guy up to sit on one of his shoulders.

* * *

"Tch, I know that voice. I'd recognize that shouting anywhere," Ichigo heard a low masculine voice say, feeling a hand ruffling through his hair. The embarrassment of screaming back toward Renji out of reflex faded a little as he froze in place. He looked straight ahead, looking back into Kira's shocked eyes with an expression that was no less bewildered.

"Who the-" He whipped around, suddenly seeing a grin and a shock of bright blue hair. He smiled back, giving the guy a hug. "Geez, Can't believe I ran into you again. Haven't seen you in forever. How ya' been? Still an asshole?"

"As always," Grimmjow replied seamlessly, laughing. "What're ya' doin' here? I thought you had a pole up yer' ass. You don't like havin' fun."

Ichigo scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What, I don't seem like the roller-coaster type?"

"Nope, yer'  _my_  type," Grimmjow said confidently, obviously gauging Ichigo's reaction to judge whether or not he was single. Ichigo just glared at him, letting Rangiku and Kira wander off without him. Rangiku was making friends with a guy, complimenting his camera. She wanted to become a professional photographer, not wanting to wash hair and do nails at a salon for the rest of her life. Izuru was always friendly, and was fitting right into their conversation without turning into a third wheel.

"I'm just on vacation with a buncha' my friends. It's not like it was fate that we ran into each other. Just an accident... Ya' dick."

"Tch', save it, Dandelion." Ichigo flipped him off, not liking anyone but Renji to call him that, even though Grimmjow had originally been the one to come up with the name. "Ya' on a road trip?"

"Yeah," Ichigo answered, not letting any tension build, not wanting to get into a real argument. Honestly, it was a little nice to see the jerk. It was easier to like Grimmjow now that he wasn't being forced to share a room with him.

"Mm," Grimmjow acknowledged, brow furrowed, seeming engaged. Ichigo had to admit that Grimmjow was pretty handsome, and he had a lot of traits in common with Renji, like stubbornness, a hot temper, and bravery. Of course, that didn't mean that blue would ever replace red as his favorite color, or person for that matter. He snapped back to reality when Grimmjow grinned with those pearly white teeth. Ichigo wondered if he'd had his canines filed out on purpose, or if they were just that sharp.

"Those are always fun. How's life been?"

"Great," Ichigo said reflexively, caught off guard that he was getting so preoccupied with watching Grimmjow. Had he missed looking at him without realizing it? Grimmjow  _was_  funny and daring, adventurous and...  _really_ attractive. But he was still an asshole, and Ichigo reminded himself of that, even if it seemed like he'd grown up a little. Grimmjow was a stubborn impulsive jerk, and the only reason they were getting along now was because they hadn't seen each other in a long time. Even if Grimmjow was more of an adult now, some things didn't change.

"You're fulla' shit," Grimmjow said bluntly, calling it like he saw it.

"Okay, okay, yeah, it's been hectic and shit. I just got through with night school though, and Renji's close ta' gettin' his degree, so things should perk up soon. At least I hope so."

Grimmjow's face pinched a little at the mention of Renji, but he didn't say anything about it or get unreasonably pissed.

"Che', you sound pretty sure. Here, let's go on that," Grimmjow pointed at a roller coaster that was positively infested with corkscrews. Ichigo, not being one to back out of a challenge from the glow-stick-headed idiot, followed him. They hung out for probably a full twenty minutes until his bag started vibrating, his phone getting a call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?" Renji asked him, sounding breathless. "Oh, oh wait, I can see you, one sec'." A few seconds later, Renji had jogged up to him, not hesitating in sticking his hand right into the bag Ichigo was carrying, digging out a bottled water. "Here, take this." He handed Ichigo a huge handful of pennies, pulling more out of his pockets.

"What, what the fuck," Ichigo started laughing, bewildered, not knowing what the hell to do with them other than dump them into the bottom of the bag.

"They're all over the place, th-" Renji straightened up suddenly, "What the fuck are  _you_  doing here?"

"It's a free country," Grimmjow said back just as rudely, grinning to match Renji's glare. Renji shared a glance with Ichigo, wondering what was going on, but still knowing better than to make an issue. They were in public, he reminded himself. "We're just catchin' up."

"Oh," Renji said lightly, glancing between them. "Havin' fun without me, huh?" Ichigo shook his head, glancing to Grimmjow with a grimace.

"Psh, fun?"

"Aw, c'mon, you're just mad that I was beating you." Renji looked between them warily, not understanding how you could 'beat' someone at a roller coaster. Had they been... doing something else, maybe? Competitive rock, paper, scissors? The world couldn't afford to come to an end  _today_ , could it?

Ichigo saw his concern, but again, didn't make any sort of sign towards it in public, keeping his tone bland, "It hasn't been the same without you... Although it's been eerily similar."

"Hey, I heard that," Grimmjow griped. Renji looked concerned then, a little uncomfortable, hoping Ichigo wouldn't keep hanging out with the guy. He was still a big threat in Renji's eyes, and he didn't want him moving in on what wasn't rightfully his. Of course, he knew better than to say anything, because it wasn't as if he could tell Ichigo no or something. He was pulling an issue out of nowhere, there was nothing wrong with this, anyway. Just college roommates catching up.

"Okay, just wanted ta tell ya', it's almost time to get back to the meeting point so we can all go on the water rides together. Alright? And I wanted ta' let you know that Yumichika found a kid that got lost, so if you see any frantic parents or park security, let them know, alright?"

"Oh my god, that's horrible. Don't let the kid get away. Some freaks might kidnap the poor thing," Ichigo said in concern. "And when you find the parents, make sure to make them prove it." Renji waved him off, letting him know that they could handle it.

"I'm gonna' go take a look around. Don't go cheating on me with this guy," he said so blandly that Ichigo jumped a little. Grimmjow just started laughing, watching Ichigo say a goodbye, sending Renji off to find Kira. "Okay, have fun, I'll see ya' in a little bit." And with that Renji turned and walked off. Ichigo had been expecting at least a slightly pissed remark, or a threat to Grimmjow's life, but that had been... Renji had even told him to have  _fun._  A bit perturbing.

He and Grimmjow talked for a few more minutes, making plans to call each other to catch up further at a different time. Ichigo felt guilt already starting to creep through him, always bothered by problems that had to do with children in some sort of distress. "Hey, man, it's been fun, but I think I should get back and help them out."

"Really? Ya' gotta' go so soon?" Grimmjow said in disappointment.

"Sorry dude, ya' know how guilty I get about shit like this."

"Okay, go, ya' woos. See ya' later," Grimmjow laughed, giving him a wave and a grin. Ichigo smiled back, following after the general direction Renji had headed in.

Hearing a commotion in the distance, he hurried up, knowing with dread that if there was trouble going on, it probably had to do with one of his friends. He came upon an alarmed looking Izuru being chewed out by a guy who was upset and cursing, saying something about ruining the 'family-friendly atmosphere' of the park. Ichigo knew what was going on immediately.

If he admitted it, they were basically a bunch of gay guys all on a trip together, but they were all careful enough not to let anything show in public. Hisagi and Kira must've done something small, like sharing a drink or a jacket, or even something like fixing the other's hair or sitting too close.

Shuuhei was trying to get the guy to back off and leave Izuru alone, and the dude was getting worse, on the verge of violence, upset about the 'sick display'. "What, you're gonna' back down like the twink you are, huh? You're some coward?" Izuru looked near tears, horrified and embarrassed.

"He is not," Hisagi growled.

"I am too, let's go," Kira whispered, tugging on Shuuhei's jacket, begging him to just leave it. It wasn't like Kira  _really_  was a chicken, but avoiding these kinds of situations were always best. Hisagi knew better than to get in a physical altercation, always opting for conflict avoidance, but damn was he pissed. If Kira cried one fucking tear, he was going to have to set the cause on fire, even if it was a human being.

Ichigo felt fury bubbling in his gut, wishing that Renji would get here soon to put an end to this crap, or maybe Ikkaku, who would scare the guy off. Ichigo didn't want any of them to get kicked out of the park, but he didn't want Izuru to keep getting harassed either.

"Huh? You can't fight yer' own battles? Ya' need yer' boyfriend as a shield? Fight back!"

"A warrior doesn't beg for his life, stupid," Hisagi retorted, glaring back, not backing down from standing between Kira and the possibly-drunk man. They were drawing a crowd. Hopefully, security would arrive soon.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Yumichika was there with his bitchy attitude, and they all relaxed, thankful that they'd taken him along, because Yumichika never took shit like that from anyone. It wasn't as if they all weren't fighters, but they all got really antsy and freaked out whenever they got called out like this in public. Yumichika, being the one most comfortable with his lifestyle choice, was the one they could rely on to out-snark their opposition. "Get out of here, no one wants you and your ugly attitude!"

"What the hell, how many fags did they let in this place?"

"Just enough, apparently, now  _back off_."

The guy approached a little, and Ichigo groaned. Of  _course_  a guy like this couldn't just back down now that he had an audience. Yumichika held up his drink threateningly, "Don't make me use this." The man approached another few steps, obviously trying to appear as big and threatening as he could, which to be fair was pretty intimidating, enough to get Yumichika to second-guess himself. Yumichika took a step back to match, taking the top off his drink before the guy could close the distance.

With a blasé expression, Yumichika just looked into his soda cup, shaking it a little to get all the ice to the bottom, and then just tossed the pop all over the guy, completely soaking him and probably half-choking him too.

The little kid clinging onto Yumichika's pant leg started to cry.

"Thomas!" The dude was pissed now, and was eager to shift blame towards someone else. He was shouting towards a security guard, saying that Yumichika had been trying to kidnap his son or something, like some sick gay pedophile. Ichigo's stomach dropped like a rock; Oh shit, the missing kid belonged to  _this guy?_

Yumichika took a step back in horror, hoping that no one would believe something like that, but the guy wouldn't shut up, still saying the most ridiculous shit. Ichigo stretched his fists, feeling tense and nervous, not liking where things were going.

The little boy ran out from under Yumichika towards his dad, still cringing away in case he would get hit on accident while his dad was fighting. The guy was furious, spitting mad, and dripping cherry cola. He took a swing at Yumichika a couple times, heavy blows being dodged, but one landing, clipping his face.

"Ow, holy crap, leave me alone," Yumichika hissed, eyes panicked as he ducked again, backing up as quickly as he could, trying to put some space between them, but not gaining much. Then the guy got him, wet sticky hand fisting in Yumichika's hair. "Aah! Let go!" Yumichika jammed his elbow into his ribs, but the guy didn't let go, dragging Yumichika with him. Ichigo was freaking out by then, picking up a rock off the street, seeing that Hisagi was taking his jacket off and cracking his knuckles, obviously not opting for conflict avoidance anymore.

"What the hell is going on?!" Ikkaku shouted from a distance. Yumichika by then had pried the guy's fist out of his hair, still trying to evade being grabbed again. Of course, he couldn't have anyone saying that he wasn't brave, and sassed the guy further, saying that the kid had been better off alone. He ducked again, wind whipping from the heavy punch he'd dodged.

Renji caught the guy's fist, standing in front of Yumichika, a good three inches taller than the punk. He held an arm out to keep Yumichika back, just in case the guy kept persisting. He glared down his nose, staying quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully so that there would be no way that he was mistaken as the source of the trouble. He was fully aware of what assumptions were made based on his appearance, and he didn't want this to get turned around on him.

"Why don't you just get out of here?" Renji said calmly, crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at him. Of course, the tension diffused quickly, and the guy left after they had a talk with security for a little while, explaining what had been going on. Luckily, they weren't escorted out, although the guy and his son left quickly anyways, probably to find the woman who was unfortunate enough to have married the creep. Yumichika shook his head, suspecting the guy was a drug addict or something from the way his face had been twitching. That poor child.

Ikkaku and Rangiku approached, not knowing what had just happened, but were quickly told and enraged by it. "Every frickin' place we go, I swear," Rangiku said, irked, followed by the man she'd met who was eager to make friends with her. The guy was nice enough to be upset on their behalf, looking towards Yumichika and Kira sympathetically, who were both pretty shaken up. Hisagi was pale and sweating, standing closer to Izuru than necessary.

Ikkaku was looking Yumichika all over, upset and concerned. "Did you get hurt? What happened?"

Kira had gotten over his shock and burst into giggles, watching the drenched idiot leave. "I can't believe you did that." Yumichika grinned, still a little spooked by the whole ordeal.

"He didn't look as ugly covered in soda." Kira couldn't stop laughing then, and he and Yumichika shared a relieved hug. They all relaxed; Yumichika was always the one who wasn't afraid to make a scene or stand up for himself, but of course, he also didn't want to get beat up, so he was glad it was over now.

Ikkaku's eyes grew dark and steely when a bruise began to form on Yumichika's face. Yumichika laughed it off and pointed out that they matched now, because of Ikkaku's black eye, but it didn't lighten the mood enough to make Ikkaku smile.

"I let someone hurt you," he said, dead-serious, expression bordering on what Yumichika could only describe as 'psychotically violent'. "And I let him live."

"Really, Ikkaku, you didn't  _let_  him do anything. It was his own choice. It's not as if you gave him an invitation. You don't have control over other people's idiocy. It doesn't matter, anyways. I'm okay, see?"

Ikkaku sighed, still upset, but conceded to let the issue drop.

"Frickin' lunatic," Ichigo muttered, "Let's go, it's almost time for dinner." They all banded together, heading towards the few water rides, ready to get soaked. Of course, one of them had to stay to keep their stuff from getting ruined, so Ichigo sat there grinning, taking everybody's pocket-change, cellphones, and things that might fall off, like sunglasses and sandals.

When Renji came back, drenched and laughing, arms around Yumichika and Rangiku, Ichigo eyed him and his soaked white t-shirt, suggesting that they go on some last-minute rides and then go back to the hotel.

Of course, they stayed a lot later than they'd planned, stumbling back to the rooms at eleven, after dark, and after Ikkaku and Renji had gotten into an arm wrestling match with a few strangers.

"Boy am I lucky tonight, I'd never hoped for those guys to be so strong."

"I'm glad you're having fun," Yumichika smiled, letting Ikkaku put his arm around him since they were almost back to the room. Hisagi was getting a few pizzas to bring back to them all, and everyone else was still dragging themselves through the lobby so they could get to bed before they just collapsed. They'd been up for almost twenty straight hours. Kira was dead on his feet, having needed Hisagi to carry him across the Cedar Point parking lot.

Yumichika and Ikkaku ended up having to wait, leaning against the wall by their rooms, waiting for someone with a room key to make it down the hallway. Kira or Ichigo would be their best bet, and then maybe they could snag the bathrooms to change out of their damp clothes before everyone else.

Ikkaku tilted his neck, trying to stretch it, having been carrying a backpack around all day. "Here," Yumichika offered, digging his thumbs into Ikkaku's back, causing him to groan and take a step forward, letting him stand behind him and rub his back for a little while.

"Mm, Thanks babe…" Ikkaku mumbled, eyes slipping closed. "I'm glad you came with us. I woulda' missed you."

They watched on as some of the personnel rolling around with cleaning carts were telling each other to get their stuff out of the hallway. Apparently, there weren't many people in bed this early in the night. Yumichika was surprised, but the lobby and arcade level had appeared full and lively, even though the water park had been closed for an hour at this time.

"It would only have been one weekend."

Ikkaku looked at him and smiled softly, eyes sweetly sad with something like nostalgia. Yumichika faltered in what he had said and let Ikkaku stand back next to him.

"A weekend. Psh. Don't say stuff like that."

"I don't know what you mean."

Ikkaku grimaced a little, trying to find the words, lacking them as he often did in times like this. He had a hard time saying nice things, after all. "Time... That's one of those things that people claim to understand... but we don't, not really."

Yumichika found that he was having a hard time meeting Ikkaku's intense gaze. "Time... That's what I want... I don't wanna' have to constantly worry now that I have you that you'll be taken away, that I won't have enough time to spend with you... I want..." Ikkaku's breath ghosted over his face, hand raising up with the intention of touching his cheek. "Do you get it now? How could I not miss you, when I don't have time for sure?... No... I miss you a little every time I blink."

Yumichika was truly speechless, feeling his heart pound faster than ever before. All the things Kaa had romanced him with couldn't compare to this. No, not this or the sparkle in Ikkaku's eyes, the truth in his voice.

_'I miss you every time I blink.'_

It was so sappy that Yumichika himself hardly took it seriously after a moment, but Ikkaku's facial expression didn't change, telling him that he was dead serious and that he needed to pay attention. "Yumichika, I... Things are going by so fast, I know that. It's selfish for me to want to ask for your future. We just met, and... things are moving too quickly for you, and I understand, but... Don't you see, I don't have time and it bothers me, alright? It tears me up to know that I finally found you and that... I..."

"I don't... I don't," Yumichika trailed off, not knowing what to say, trying to arrange his face into a picture that wouldn't reveal that Ikkaku had just pried his heart open alarmingly wide.

"That's why I have to say this so soon... I want you to  _know_  while there's still time for you to know. I'm not gonna' leave it until it's much too late. I won't. I have to tell you, even if you don't feel the same yet... You have to understand why I'm so freakin' weird about you all the time."

Yumichika didn't understand what had brought this on. One moment they'd simply been standing in the quiet, and the next... Ikkaku...

Ikkaku brushed a finger over Yumichika's cheek, and suddenly it clicked. His bruise. That had really bugged Ikkaku into thinking some deep messed up shit, and he was just trying to let it out.

He still wasn't prepared for it when Ikkaku leaned in, closer and closer. Yumichika took a step back, some part of his stomach tightening up and telling him to run,  _fast_ , because that look in Ikkaku's eyes was that of a murderer.

"Stay... with me," Ikkaku whispered, leaning in so closer that Yumichika wasn't even daring to breathe, pulling back minutely. "I'd miss you." Ikkaku didn't kiss him, no, he leaned past him, towards his ear, and suddenly Yumichika felt the arms around him, holding him close, but not tight. "Even so soon after meeting you, I'd miss you if you left... so stay... as long as you can."

In his ear, he heard it then, feeling the warm puff of breath curl over his neck, and the words spread tingles through his whole body. "There's not a thing about you that I don't love... and time's not gonna' change that."

"Hey, sorry, we took so long." Yumichika jumped, heart racing. Truth be told, he was happy they were back, even if he liked where things had been leading. He needed this excuse for space. If he was completely honest, that all had scared him just a tiny bit for one single moment, and he didn't get why.

What was more was that he didn't know if he could bear hearing his own response to Ikkaku's words.

Ichigo, Renji, and Rangiku had made it back then, Iba and Kira dragging themselves along too, opening the doors and letting each other in.

"Ugh, turn off that light," Rangiku complained, going straight to the couch to get her pajamas. Hisagi showed up not long after, letting everyone get some pizza before bed.

Ichigo didn't wait for a bathroom, putting on his pajamas in the corner of the room and getting out his reading glasses so he could study for a while. He had to stay sharp, because some of his next courses were going to be direct continuations of the classes he'd just had.

Renji took his hair down and while waiting for a bathroom to free up, started doing some push ups in the space between the two beds. He let Ichigo sit cross-legged on his back with his book to make it more difficult.

Kira passed out on the floor, requiring Hisagi to shake him awake and shove him in the bathroom that Rangiku had just come out of.

Rangiku stared skeptically at Ichigo, who had been studying for a few minutes, but was getting a glazed look in his eyes as he counted Renji's push ups aloud for him.

"Fifty. Switch to one-armed, twenty on each side, five times."

"Ugh, you got it," Renji whined, buckling a little under Ichigo's weight. That's what he got for eating so much junk food and slacking on staying in shape.

When Ichigo went back to mumbling lists of medical terms, Rangiku piped up, crossing her arms under her breasts. "Maybe if you stare at that piece of paper long enough, people will think you can read."

"Can it, Rangiku," Ichigo retorted. Rangiku just giggled, hands on her hips, wearing a Wonder-Woman nightshirt. Renji looked up, then dropped flat on his face, getting a bloody nose from crunching it against the carpet.

"Get off, get off, I'm bleeding." Ichigo got off him, looking at him in concern, then up to Rangiku, who he realized wasn't wearing a bra. His look turned sour and he kicked Renji a little, who was looking for some tissues. "What? What, no, no, you've got it wrong," Renji laughed nervously. "I swear I'm not a pervert, quit it with that!"

Kira had slapped himself awake, and Iba was drinking yet another beer, getting them to play truth or dare again for a little while, to pass time while they waited for the bathrooms to free up. Yumichika was taking a long time in one, and Hisagi was in the other.

"What's that?" Ikkaku asked flatly, pointing rudely into Renji's face.

"What's what?" Renji retorted stuffily, blowing his nose and turning his tissues red. Ichigo just groaned, rolling his eyes.

" _That_ , you idiot."

"Don't call me that. How am I supposed to guess what you're pointing at?"

"By fucking following the direction."

"Oh, what?" Renji tried to look down at his own face, seeing red in the corners of his vision. "It's blood, you moron, what do you think it is,"

"Oh, boo, would you guys stop fighting. It's late," Kira said sleepily.

"The night's still young," Rangiku yawned. "I'll go first. Ichigo, truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess," Ichigo said, shutting his Medical Terminology workbook in favor of slacking off.

"How would you describe Renji?"

"Renji pisses me off,"

"Oh, come on," Renji whined. The game went on for about ten more minutes until everyone had had a turn in the bathroom. The biggest secrets that came out was that Hisagi admitted that Kira buys horrible Christmas presents.

A few of them had a glass of wine before bed, and then just as they were all getting off to wind down and settle down to sleep, Renji reminded everyone of what they had established earlier. "I hope we all agree that there's no fooling around while we're all livin' so near each other. This trip does  _not_  need to get nasty, so absolutely  _nothing_  that couldn't slip by on daytime television, everyone agree?"

"Yeah, alright,"

"Sounds fine,"

Izuru and Hisagi got in their bed, letting Iba take their couch bed, and they went to sleep pretty quickly, leaving the door open between their rooms so that they could talk in the morning.

Rangiku and Yumichika stayed up for a little longer, and Ikkaku was just standing around, finally realizing that he got a bed instead of a piece of floor. For some reason, he'd expected to get a couch, but it looked like they had intended to have him and Yumichika in the same bed. No big deal, they'd already done that, right? Well, it was kind of different in front of their friends.

Yumichika helped Rangiku set up her couch bed, and they chattered to each other on the white sheets for a while, almost making Ikkaku think they were going to have a little sleep over next to each other.

He glanced over to the corner and saw Ichigo tucked in under the blankets, turned towards the wall. Renji was coming up behind him, pulling the blankets up so that hardly anything but Ichigo's hair was showing as he put an arm around him, settling down. Neither of them squirmed very much, falling asleep pretty quickly as well.

Rangiku began to get tired, and Yumichika got up, padding silently to the sink for a drink of water. Then he came back over to Ikkaku, quickly crawling across the bed and getting under the covers Ikkaku was holding up. His pajamas were loose and soft, a long-sleeved, airy, blue shirt, and a pair of white linen pants with blue pin-striping.

Ikkaku tapped him once, making Yumichika look up. "Hey, you're not upset with me, right? I feel like I... freaked you out."

"Just a little."

Ikkaku shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry... I know I'm too serious... I didn't mean ta' scare you... I know it wasn't just my words scarin' you..."

"I'm not angry. Everything's fine." Yumichika yawned. "I just gave that some thought. What you said about people... Humans are the only ones."

"The only ones what?"

"To be afraid of running out of time. I even said something like that to Kaa about how I didn't have the time to keep waiting for him to regret his mistakes."

"So... It's okay then? For me ta' love you so much?" Ikkaku asked tentatively, keeping his voice down in the quiet room.

"Yes, it's okay," Yumichika said with a smile, causing Ikkaku to grin in relief. He grew eager to cuddle him, opening his arms up for Yumichika to roll right into.

"Night sweetheart," he whispered, pulling the covers up further so that if anyone got up in the night, things would still look innocent if they didn't look at them too closely.

Yumichika lay awake for a while, letting Ikkaku rest his cheek on the top of his hair, allowing Ikkaku's breathing to relax him. After about twenty minutes, he moved a little, resting his head on Ikkaku's shoulder instead of his pillow. Ikkaku was trying to stay awake too, but he couldn't, eventually letting his heavy eyelids overpower him. He relaxed more, body going lax, arm unrolling and spreading out. Yumichika scootched away a little then, resting the back of his head on Ikkaku's arm. He left his hand oustretched, lying on Ikkaku's torso.

The conversation he'd had with Ikkaku earlier was returning to him now. He was thinking about how Renji and Ichigo had told him that Ikkaku had never had any sort of romantic inclinations, and that now, somehow it seemed like he'd stored all of that up. Now that he'd found him, he had so much affection to give, so much motivation and willingness to treat him well. Yumichika knew what Ikkaku meant when he said that he wanted to love him. Ikkaku wanted to be in love with him and have what Renji and Ichigo did, what Kira and Hisagi did. He wanted a real bond, a real life together. It was a little freaky, of course, that Ikkaku seemed border-line obsessed, but part of him selfishly wanted to skate over it as normal. Some part of him maybe sort of liked that this crass idiot felt that he was an exception to his rule of not being nice to people.

And really, that didn't scare him at all. It felt nice to think about. Yumichika smiled, staying awake for another half an hour or so, and just as his eyelids were starting to get heavy, he started hearing noises.

He couldn't see through the dark room, even though he'd been up for a long time. He could hear rustling from inside the room, somebody tossing around and moaning in their sleep. That was when he distinctly heard a sob.

Then he heard a groan that he recognized as belonging to Renji. He heard Renji fumbling around, clicking on his phone screen but leaving it face down so that he didn't blind himself. "Who's makin' noise," he mumbled, sitting up, looking over at Ichigo. Yumichika watched on, able to see Renji sitting up in bed, but nothing more than a wriggling lump as Ichigo, who was blocked by Renji's body. Renji was shaking him then, causing him to moan louder and thrash around.

"Ichigo…  _Ichigo_ … C'mon, you're wakin' everyone up…" He could hear Ichigo wake up, and was a little horrified to hear some soft crying. Renji lay back down, taking him in his arms, pulling the covers back up to give them some privacy. "C'mere… It's okay, just go back to sleep. Everything's okay."

Yumichika knew better than to let anyone know what he had witnessed, but still, it made his heart ache a little. He crept back over to Ikkaku and held him, letting him cuddle up to him in his sleep, even though he was less gentle when he was unconscious. He was being held in what would more appropriately named a body-lock than a hug.

He felt bad that Ichigo was having nightmares. He knew it was probably from stress and staying up for too long. Still, he couldn't help but smile a little, wondering if things would ever be like that between him and Ikkaku, such easy comfort, such care and casual gentleness.

Even though he knew it was ridiculous, he wanted to love Ikkaku back.


	17. Chapter 17

Yumichika awoke with a bad taste in his mouth and with Ikkaku lying on top of him. He took a few moments to calm his pounding heart, realizing that it was still dark in their room, the curtains drawn, just a little bit of light peeking out from beneath them.

With a glance at the clock, he saw that it was six in the morning, and he sighed with relief, glad that he still had plenty of time to lie around and rest. He was dead tired, not to mention emotionally exhausted from the night of colorful dreams he'd had. That whole conversation in the hall with Ikkaku last night had really thrown him for a loop, causing him to have what could qualify as nightmares.

Rationally, he knew that he shouldn't let it get to him so much, because he knew that Ikkaku's intentions had been sweet, but it had come out really creepy, and his eyes had… He knew that Ikkaku had been thinking about the man who had hurt him, but still, it had given him chills to see the cold rage in his face, knowing that Ikkaku was dead serious about wanting to literally kill the guy.

He thought back to Ikkaku's sword.

Maybe he should've been a bit more careful when he'd decided to get close to this man. It wasn't as if he was reconsidering having a relationship with Ikkaku, because he did really like him and wanted what they had to continue and deepen, but… Ikkaku… Was he on the edges of obsession? Or was he just that passionate in his want for something meaningful between them? Was Ikkaku too serious, or was that a good thing? Maybe Yumichika was being paranoid and overthinking it.

Either way, despite his guilt, Yumichika selfishly wanted this to continue. Maybe it was stupid, considering that he'd just gotten out of a bad relationship, but he still… Yumichika  _knew_ that something like that should be a warning sign, but he didn't want to leave.

He wanted to let Ikkaku love him. It was nice to have this time to get to know Ikkaku better, to become close friends and just be around each other like Renji and Ichigo or Kira and Hisagi. He liked having this time to consider his feelings and allow them to grow until he knew exactly what they were. Ikkaku had told him loved him, but wasn't demanding him to say it back; he just wanted to let him know what he felt so that he didn't run out of 'time' or something. There was no hurry, no hurry at all.

Living together, oh boy, that hadn't been a good idea, but he didn't want it to stop. Yumichika had been considering just not saying anything about their living conditions, maybe pretending to forget and just stay living with Ikkaku for the foreseeable future… It was easier for him to imagine all the time, what with the way he'd been able to feel out how things would be.

If Ikkaku stayed as his boyfriend long term, things would be wonderful as far as he could tell. Their dynamic amongst their friends, the way they could spend silent time together without any tension, the way Ikkaku treated him, it just all went so smoothly, so naturally that Yumichika wondered whether the universe had meant things to work out this way.

Still, there was something bugging him, causing him to feel guilty for some reason but he honestly couldn't put a finger on it. Maybe he felt pressure to say something back to Ikkaku every time he professed his love, even though Ikkaku wasn't pushing him to reply. Maybe he was still afraid of Kaa coming back and wrecking everything. Maybe  _he_  was afraid of screwing up. He didn't know if it was still just lingering adrenaline from Ikkaku creeping him out or if it was something else, something hidden. Whatever it was, it was powerful, because he'd apparently tensed up without knowing it, waking Ikkaku a little.

"Mm? Whuza' matter?" Ikkaku mumbled, barely opening his eyes. "C'mere, I'll kiss it."

Yumichika hit him in the face, not finding his dream-talk endearing. "I don't have an 'owie', you moron! You're not kissing anything!"

"Gah!" Renji sat up in irritation, hands in claws. "God, Yumichika, keep it dow-" Renji caught himself, going rigid, frozen in a comical position of having his arms held up. Ichigo moved, moaning sleepily, but after a few silent seconds he gave a breathy sigh and settled back down. "He really needs this sleep, okay? So shh," Renji added quietly, laying back down. Yumichika apologized to him and Rangiku, who was glaring at him pretty viciously.

"Geez…" Ikkaku said, a little cowed, holding his cheek where Yumichika had slapped him. "… Okay, I know I upset you, you don't have to say it. I'm sorry, oka-" Yumichika hit him in the face with a pillow, suddenly upset and infuriated that Ikkaku was making him feel all of this conflicting upsetting shit. Why couldn't things just stay sweet and dreamy like they had been this whole time? Why couldn't he just have things be perfect for once? There had to be something deeper, something twisted, just like Kaa's games.

"I hate you, be quiet," he hissed. Ikkaku looked wounded for one moment, but it was clear that he knew Yumichika was just irrational and cranky. They'd talked about this last night, and Yumichika had thought that he was fine, but it was really bugging him again. Ikkaku suddenly pulled the blankets up over them, all the way over their heads so that their conversation wouldn't bug their friends.

"Okay, what the heck is wrong?" Ikkaku asked, having an idea of what was ticking Yumichika off so bad. Their conversation from last night  _obviously_  wasn't the end of it. Yumichika looked pissed and  _scared_ , and it was freaking Ikkaku out. He must've had another nightmare.

Yumichika sighed then, anger burning out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I know." Ikkaku went quiet and looked back at him for a few moments, letting Yumichika calm himself down. "Ya' wanna' talk about it?"

Yumichika didn't acknowledge what he'd said and just talked right over him. "You scare me."

Ikkaku looked like he'd been kicked in the balls. "I… I didn't…" He shook his head, gaping like a fish. "I said I didn't mean to, I… I wasn't gonna'-"

"No, no, not like that," Yumichika said tersely, "You. You and your stupid words, it's…" Ikkaku was silent, watching him with bated breath. "It scares me, okay?"

"Don't you want to know that I care? You don't want me to say it anymore?

"I do, but… What am I supposed to do?" Yumichika asked exasperatedly, horrified at how much this all was making him get emotional and weepy. "I've… I thought all of this was behind me and that… I… You care so much and so quickly, that…"

"That what?" Ikkaku asked, not understanding why it was a problem for him to love Yumichika so much. Shouldn't Yumichika  _want_  him to care?

"If you really mean what you say… then, there's got to be some horrible catch."

Ikkaku blinked, heart dropping. "No," he said in dull horror, shaking his head. "No,  _no."_

Yumichika was curling up in a ball and Ikkaku tried to reach out, but Yumichika shied away from his touch. He pulled his hand back as if he was burned. "No, Yumichika, no." As much as he wanted to pepper him with terms of affection, he knew he had to keep them in right now. He couldn't say something like that if Yumichika was on the edge of something like this.

"No, I'm… It's not like I'm expecting something from you… or… Do you think I'm gonna' try to get you into bed in exchange for letting you live with me? Or… Cause' none of that's true, there's-"

"Don't say there's no catch, there  _is_ , there always is, there  _must be_. It's too good, it's just too good and I'm not going to fool myself, thinking that it's all fine," Yumichika said vehemently, and Ikkaku could see in his eyes that he was thinking of Kaa. It had been such a long time since Yumichika had been with anyone but Kaa and his twisted crooked schemes and games. Maybe some little part of him missed the convoluted mess that had taken over his life.

"Yumichika… C'mon, look at me." Yumichika reluctantly met his eyes, and Ikkaku held out a hand, giving Yumichika the option of whether or not to take it. After a few hesitant moments, Yumichika tentatively stuck out a hand, not completely bridging the gap between them.

"I promise you… I swear on my katana that there's nothing. There's no motive, no... no trick, or... I really just love you. I'm not trying to get you in bed, or to pressure you into living with me, or into feeling the same way for me… I mean it. All I want is your time and that's it, okay? I want to spend time with you and get to know you better, so that we can be best friends and so you can trust me. I swear… I swear that's all… I'm not smart enough to trick you or something, and I'd kill myself before I'd even consider trying…I promise nothing bad's going to happen."

"But what if it does?" Yumichika flailed helplessly, falling to pieces a little. "I'm  _scared_ , I'm scared of what will happen. Good is always balanced with bad, Ikkaku, and with this much good, there's got to be something unseen that- Look, it's just, I don't deserve you, alright? I'm a bad person, and… This… This isn't..." Ikkaku frowned at him. Yumichika wasn't really making that much sense, and he had a feeling that Yumichika didn't really mean the words coming out of his mouth.

"I know you've been trying hard to move on and start fresh, but… I know that it has to hurt, your past, I mean, and what he did to you… I know it'll take time to come back from that and I understand, alright? That's part of why I feel the way I do. You're strong, and I admire that… You're trying really hard, and I see it, okay? I see it, and I appreciate it. That's all you need to do, is just be here. Nothin' else, I promise that's all."

"Maybe… I could try… I mean… Some part of me wants to hold out to spare my heart if something goes wrong, but trust doesn't work like that, now, does it?" Yumichika said flatly. "I just… I don't want to relive what-"

Ikkaku could see where this was going. Yumichika was somewhat worried that all his relationships were doomed to be, well,  _doomed._  He knew that it was time for some more honesty, the right kind, knowing that if he was going to get Yumichika to trust him, he had to be trustable. "Look, I'm sorry I scared you last night… and maybe I  _am_  getting obsessed with you, but… can you blame me? You're pretty great, and… this is my first time… being in love."

Yumichika half-smiled, still looking lost and tortured, obviously stuck in some panicked circle, reliving past hurts. Ikkaku kept his voice low, not wanting anyone to hear him.

"It's kinda' like preteen kids who've never had their hearts broken, feeling so deep and so hard, with everything they have… That's me: an emotionally pre-pubescent idiot. Seriously, I swear to God, I swear on my lucky dance, on everything important, that what I feel… It's…" Ikkaku looked like the word caused his mouth serious harm as he said it, "innocent." He grimaced, as if his tongue tasted awful now that he'd said that.

Yumichika smiled then, starting to laugh hard enough that he could hardly breathe, tears beginning to run from his eyes. He might not deserve what Kaa had put him through and he might not deserve Ikkaku's kindness either, but that didn't matter. Good things happened to bad people all the time, as well as the reverse, and maybe that was fine. Maybe Ikkaku was right. Maybe he needed to let it go and just trust that things would be all right. Maybe he could be happy this way.

After a few minutes, he realized that he could no longer tell whether he was laughing or crying. Ikkaku was holding him as he let his sorrows die, letting all the emotion fade out of him until he was empty and calm again.

"Yes… I'm sorry, Ikkaku. I don't want to ruin things by being so paranoid… I do believe that you mean it… that you care about me, because you do show it instead of just saying it. I just… I'm sorry… I… I had a bad dream."

Ikkaku hushed him, reassuring him that things could go on as they had with no interference, that their companionship could still be the same, not marred by this little bump in the road.

"It's all okay, alright? All of it."

Yumichika sighed, letting Ikkaku hold him, letting that sink in. All of it was fine, him being scared of being hurt or left, of their being some kind of catch or some bad thing that was coming. It was okay for him to be hurting, for him to accept this comfort, for him to let Ikkaku take care of him. It was fine. Ikkaku's feelings weren't going to change. Ikkaku didn't think he was weak. Ikkaku loved him, and this was all fine. They were going to enjoy their vacation, go home, and have a happy life. That was it. It was all okay, and if some horrible thing did happen, Ikkaku would fix it. He could take the good, take the happiness now, and deal with the bad when it came.

As Ikkaku looked back into his eyes, Yumichika got the distinct sense that if Ikkaku needed to save the world to protect him, he would do so, not for the sake of the world, but for  _his_  sake.  _Him._  Narcissistic, selfish, Ayasegawa Yumichika.

"You can have my time," Yumichika whispered, and Ikkaku's whole frame relaxed, because if Yumichika would give him time, then he had everything. Ikkaku genuinely cared, genuinely wanted to put in the effort to turn their little spontaneous date into something meaningful. Ikkaku had time to  _prove_  that he would stick around and never hurt Yumichika or break his heart.

"For the record, Ikkaku?" Yumichika said inquiringly, wondering if Ikkaku was still awake and not in some deep thought.

"Hm?"

"You're a good man… I really, really like you," Yumichika whispered, almost dead silent, eyes trained on Ikkaku's dark brown ones. Ikkaku's face went soft, and then a smile came onto his face. He didn't say a word, then, just holding Yumichika and stroking his hair, keeping him with him there under their little blanket-cave, lulling them back to sleep with his relaxing breathing.

There was nothing there now besides that lingering feeling of doubt, and even that was fading. What it made way for was pure peace, blissful waves of happiness and relaxation, as if nothing on earth could go wrong. He'd wanted to believe Ikkaku before, and had let himself delude himself into thinking it was real, but now he was really considering it, entertaining the possibility and how wonderful it would be to really have met someone like Ikkaku who was willing to take him and all his flaws and love him unconditionally, no strings attached.

A man like Ikkaku, one that would say something like that and mean it, that kind of person wasn't supposed to exist, but still, he smiled, sinking into dreamlands of samurai warriors and sakura. Maybe Ikkaku really would stick around, but he'd only see that if he gave it time. And he would.

Part of him knew that this crazy idiot really believed what he was saying, and that made it true. The idea of there being no catch, it was just so fantastic that it was beyond all his hopes, but perhaps that was just Ikkaku's crazy luck biting him in the ass.

The thought of luck struck him as odd, as he'd heard Ikkaku say something about a good luck charm to the other guys earlier. Then he smiled uncontrollably, almost sitting straight up in bed as it hit him. It all made sense, why Ikkaku was so drawn to him without knowing why.

Peacocks were lucky.

* * *

 

"Holy shit, what was that noise? Are you okay?" Renji called through the bathroom door, concerned that maybe Ichigo had fallen asleep in the shower and knocked himself out or something.

"I knocked over the bottles, shut up!"

Renji rolled his eyes, retreating back to their bed, fluffing up the pillows and fixing the blankets while he dug his swimsuit and clothes out of their suitcases.

He got his swimming trunks on again and put on a clean shirt, lazing around on their bed for a little while as he waited for everyone to be ready to go down for breakfast.

Twenty minutes later, they were just waiting on Kira, who, like Ichigo, was rather sleep-deprived still. Despite this, neither of them were very cranky, which Renji was grateful for. He wanted Ichigo to at least have some fun while they were here, even if it meant that he'd have to make Ichigo to take a nap later in the day.

The lobby was really crowded even though it was only nine thirty, and they ended up having to wait around with a buzzer so that they'd know when there was room for them to go eat. Izuru and Hisagi curled up on a leather couch that was up the way next to a fake-fire place. Ikkaku and Yumichika hung out in front of the candy store, checking the price of the tiramisu and the Krispy Kreme donuts. Rangiku waited with Iba in front of the buffet, sitting at a wooden table and doing some people-watching. Renji let Ichigo hold the buzzer-thingie and chatted with him a little.

"Ya' hungry? I know you're not really a breakfast person." Renji was surprised when Ichigo looked up to him and grinned like he usually only did in private.

"Are you kidding? Do you see how huge that buffet is? They've got everything, dude!" Ichigo grinned, standing on his tiptoes to try to see over the little bamboo fences. "I don't even know what half of that stuff is. Seriously, who has cuts of steak out during breakfast? This is going to be awesome."

Renji just snickered, trying to sling an arm around his shoulders. Ichigo shrugged him off, still trying to look at the muffins, which were seriously the size of grapefruits.

Ichigo's stomach started talking, and Renji teased him for a little while. After watching numerous families leave the buffet area, the buzzer-coaster Ichigo was holding lit up and started vibrating, which caught him off guard.

"Yo!" Renji called, beckoning everyone over. Rangiku practically had hearts in her eyes as she looked over the desserts, which were right by the entrance. They handed the coaster over to the waitress and showed their coupons, which gave them nearly eighty percent off. Still, it would end up being pretty expensive if they kept coming here, but at the time they were guiltless and barged in, taking up one of the big tables.

Izuru was still a little sleepy, so he volunteered to stay at the table with the waitress and place their drink orders, which was pretty much the one thing you couldn't get by yourself in the buffet line. There were little smoothies and flavored milks, but there wasn't water or soda, so Kira jumped at the excuse to stay behind. He asked Shuuhei to bring him some toast, but from what Renji could see, there wasn't really any toast out. Everything was so nice that they actually didn't have any regular breakfast food like toast and jam. There was cereal and traditional foods like bacon and different kinds of scrambled eggs, but there weren't plain fried eggs or anything. This stuff was  _good._

You could ask for fresh cuts of ham and cooked steak, there were super fancy hash browns, egg mixes, Mexican rice with peppers and sausage, and even some foreign breakfast foods with lo mein in them. Renji got a couple of the nice eggs benedict, and he'd seriously never seen one made as nice. It looked like magazine food. Ichigo took mostly fruit, some turkey bacon, and a cranberry muffin. Rangiku got a ton of different luxury pancakes, taking a few of everything. Yumichika was seriously planning to stuff his face on brioche, which was probably super fattening, but he really didn't care if it tasted as good as it looked.

"Hey, Ichigo, can you carry this?" Renji asked when Ichigo said he was going back to the table. "I'm gonna' scope out the desert table."

"Yeah, fine," Ichigo said, already with some food in his mouth. Apparently, he wasn't going to use that line he used almost every night about dessert being  _after_  dinner, not before breakfast.

Iba kept urging Hisagi to take gravy with his biscuits because that was how they were supposed to be eaten, and Hisagi insisted in turn that gravy was gross, especially if it was grey. Hisagi was a sausage kind of guy, it seemed.

By the time everyone had sat down, Kira was leaning on his hand, about to flop forward and crack his forehead on the table because he was snoozing. Shuuhei shook him awake and gave him a chocolate-milk that was likely spiked with a five-hour energy.

"Wait, wait," Yumichika said, taking a bite of syrup and powdered sugar-soaked pancake out of his mouth. "Aren't you supposed to wait an hour after eating before you swim?"

The table was mostly silent, except for a lot of chewing and good-food noises.

"Who cares," Ichigo piped up, and everyone agreed, because he _was_  the med student amongst them. "This place is probably crawling with lifeguards anyway."

"Hot lifeguards," Rangiku said dreamily, elbowing Yumichika, who joined in her chatter. Ikkaku just snorted, asking if they were going to fake drowning or something. "No way. Flowers don't chase bees. I'm so pretty I don't need to play the game."

"Me too," Yumichika agreed. "Although, sometimes it doesn't work for me," he admitted.

Rangiku pointed to her boobs. "Jealous?" Ikkaku almost spat out his coffee. Yumichika just started laughing, replying that it was because all the hot guys are straight.

"They can be as straight as they want," Rangiku replied, then making comments about how it wasn't illegal for Yumichika to still look at their hot, wet, half-clothed bodies.

"Hey, shut up!" Ikkaku said with red cheeks. "Quit it with your perverted fantasies, I'm trying to eat!"

Rangiku and Yumichika both gave him a look that couldn't properly be described without the phrase, 'oh, you poor thing'.

"I'm just teasing, Ikkaku," Yumichika said after a moment, pinching Ikkaku's arm. "I don't need a lifeguard. If I was drowning, you'd come save me, right?"

"Well, if you're one of those people who freaks out when they're drowning, then you might drag us both d-"

Yumichika made a noise and rolled his eyes. Ikkaku quit his joke halfway through. "Yeah, I would, you jerk, but I'd make fun of you like crazy." Yumichika tuned out their friends' conversations and turned to Ikkaku a little, leaning in to his personal space more than necessary.

"Hmm… Good," Yumichika said with a smile.

Ikkaku started laughing, taking another bite of eggs. Then he started this story about how Yachiru had literally almost drowned him the last time he'd tried to help Kenpachi give her a bath. Apparently, she screamed her head off whenever he tried to comb her hair or put her in the tub.

Yumichika offered to help him babysit, which Ikkaku found immensely appealing. He wouldn't admit it, but he found the fact that Yumichika knew how to hold a baby really attractive. That way he wouldn't have to hold the little she-beast anymore, and you know, people who like kids and animals were a good catch.

When everyone was done eating, Renji got kind of ticked, because apparently he was the only one who'd thought ahead to put on their bathing suit beforehand. He'd been so excited to go swimming right after they ate, but no such luck. So they all went back to the room to change while Renji sat there on one of the beds and pouted loudly.

"You should have shared your plan with everyone else, dipwad."

"Well sorry. I guess I overestimated your guys' intelligence," Renji snapped sarcastically at Ichigo. Ichigo just pinched his nose playfully and Renji swatted him, still pretending to be mad. This ended in Ichigo tackling him, trying to make him admit that he was laughing. "Get your swim suit on!" Renji demanded, tickling Ichigo a little.

"It  _is_ on," Ichigo said, showing him, pointing to his shorts. Renji blinked. It was no wonder they were together if they always had the same plans. Maybe Ichigo just hadn't complained as loudly as him or something.

"You thought of it too? Well why didn't  _you_  say anything, then?"

"Because. It gives our stomachs a chance to settle."

"Dude, you were the one who said who cares if we go swimming after eating."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I ate a  _lot."_ He pointed to his stomach, which had a little bulge under his t-shirt. "Look at this, man. I have a  _roll._ "

"Holy crap,  _one roll?"_ Renji said in mock horror, poking Ichigo's stomach pudge. Ichigo laughed and flopped onto his back, enjoying the cushiness of the bed. Renji stayed sitting there, petting Ichigo's belly a little, glad that Ichigo's mood had seemed to have taken a one-eighty spin from the morning before.

"You havin' fun, Ichigo?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo said back, closing his eyes and just lying there peacefully for a few seconds. A few minutes later, and everyone had gotten in their swim gear, gotten their swim bags together, tracked down loose goggles and flip-flops, and was ready to head out.

Ichigo made doubly sure to make sure everyone had a towel, because his friends had a reputation for stealing his towel and using it, since he was the only one who always remembered. They all moaned that they didn't need to be reminded, but he was sure that one of them was still going to magically have no towel by the time they needed to come back to the room.

He supposed it was okay. Renji guarded their stuff pretty well most of the time, especially since he thought that  _he_  could swipe Ichigo's towel. The big wet jerk.

They went down into the arcade and wormed their way through the kids and flashing games to the back, where they showed their wristbands and went into a little tiled hallway that tunneled into the swim-room.

They were getting super pumped up at the sound of rushing water and kids laughing, and Yumichika was just blown away by the size of the place, which was even more impressive now that they were actually inside. He sort of felt like an ant, actually.

There was a lot of white noise because of the constant splashing and rushing of water, not to mention the echoes in the huge room. People were seriously  _everywhere_ , always walking, passing by, talking, running, and there was no point trying to avoid them or wait for them to move.

"Oh wow," Yumichika said in awe, walking a little slower than his friends, looking around at the walls. The mural was insanely detailed, that of an African savanna with many different animals and desert plants. Every pipe or hanging piece of equipment was painted so perfectly that they fit in with the wall. The amount of planning that had obviously gone into mixing the paint and then actually getting up there on the humongous canvas of the walls and ceilings was just insane to even imagine.

It kept messing with his perception, because protruding pieces of the wall were fixed so that they still fit in with the rest of the picture. It was really loud in here, enough so that you had to constantly raise your voice, but it wasn't overbearing, like it was in a club. He grinned.

"Impressed?" Ikkaku asked, having waited for him, lagging behind.

"Yes," he said honestly.

An hour later, Renji was shaking his head and laughing as he and Hisagi waited for Yumichika and Izuru to get back from one of the rides. After a few more seconds, they saw the two of them clinging to each other and screaming after finally coming out of the dark water-slide on a double-seated inner tube. Neither of them could swim very well, so it was pretty funny to see them fall in the water, still hugging and screaming. The lifeguard just rolled his eyes and towed the two of them to the stairs.

Renji snapped a picture before they had a chance to notice. "Hey, isn't that Ichigo's phone?" Hisagi noted. Renji shrugged.

"What Ichigo doesn't know won't hurt me," he said with a shit-eating grin. Shuuhei just rolled his eyes.

"What was that?" came a sinister voice from behind him.

"Oh shit," Renji said, quickly handing a pissed-Ichigo his phone back. That was what he called instant karma. "Nothing, sweetie pie. Baby. Sugar-bomb who I'd never steal from in a-"

Ichigo shoved Renji a little, not enough to knock him into the pool, but enough to make it clear that he would if it happened again.

Shuuhei just laughed his ass off, stopping when Yumichika and Izuru crawled out of the pool, wet and pale, but apparently, they were having fun even if they were scared. They didn't even wait for them and started off in another direction, totally psyched to get to the other corner of the huge room to try out the board-racing ride, which was pretty much the same as the huge slide at most cheap carnivals, except it had water going down each slide.

"What the fuck, they just left?" Ichigo asked, not really as mad about his phone as he'd pretended, which Renji was glad for. He slipped his phone back into a waterproof bag. Ichigo was considering paying the park so that they could use a locker, because he didn't really want to volunteer to watch everybody's stuff. He wanted to  _play._  It could be like old times between him and Renji. They hadn't really hung out very much at Cedar Point together, but he really did miss the times they'd had in high school where they'd been insanely competitive and always going new places together.

"Hey Renji, Let's go on that one!" Ichigo pointed to a red water slide, that one allowed one person at a time, and said person would be shot down a small tube, sent into a funnel with a hole at the bottom, and then dropped straight into a deep pool.

"No way!" Renji said vehemently. "I'm claustrophobic, man, you know that!… I wonder if anyone's ever gotten stuck in there. That tube's pretty small… What if you got stuck and then the water filled up and drowned you?!"

"Okay, okay, let's not be paranoid, here… Hm… Let's go on that one, then!"

"Okay!"

The two ran off, leaving Hisagi there trying to spot where Yumichika and Izuru had gone. Meanwhile, Ikkaku and Rangiku were running up stairs practically nonstop for two of the one person slides that didn't really have any sort of line, except for other kids who had the same idea as then. The ride went fast enough that there wasn't really any wait, and was pretty much a one person ride in the dark getting tossed from side to side down a water slide and then slid along the ground into some sand.

The only bad part was sliding over places where the plastic was uneven, which hurt on Ikkaku's bare back. Rangiku said she didn't notice anything, saying that she was totally beating him.

"No way, in your dreams!"

After waiting about ten minutes, Renji and Ichigo finally got to go down the slide in an inner-tube that was practically a boat. The tubes had to be hauled up to the tops of the ladders on a mechanical rig that Renji was way too excited about. He was jittering a little bit, and Ichigo took a moment to remind himself that Renji had probably never done most of this stuff before.

"You scared?" Ichigo asked, only half-teasing as they stepped into the small pool at the start-section of the ride. The lifeguard held the tube until they got in, waiting for the light to turn green. Then without warning, he shoved them down.

"Pssh, no way- AAAAH!" Renji freaked out since the tube had spun so that he was going backwards as they went down, which probably gave him the sensation that he was falling. Ichigo just laughed and let his boyfriend grab his arms and scream.

"We're fine, we're fine!" Ichigo tried to comfort him, still laughing a little bit. Renji just kept screaming, alternately laughing and grabbing him harder when they went around a curve. Ichigo had to admit, it was really unnerving to go down a hill backwards, and he even caught himself leaning forward to grab Renji's upper arms to keep himself from flopping backwards. It's not like it wasn't safe, but there was that thrill that they just might be in danger of hurting themselves. They'd probably end up doing this so many times that they'd be purposefully trying to throw each other off the raft, but there was a first time for everything, so neither of them tried to do so yet.

Renji was laughing his ass off now, high off of that little scare as they went around in a huge funnel and slid down the rest of the way. They hopped off the inner tube into the pool and waded to the stairs, getting out. Renji took a moment to catch his breath and tell Ichigo he'd burn all his clothes if he told anyone about how much he'd screamed, but Ichigo had already grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards something else.

"Woah…" Renji watched on as Ichigo dragged him towards a fake beach, which was lined with lawn chairs and towel bags and parents who were taking a break. The pool here had seemed pretty normal earlier, but now Renji could see near-chaotic waves rocking the water, sending kids and inner tubes practically flying. It looked almost like a crappy horror movie, but the screaming was just from people laughing. It looked really fun, actually, and Renji practically tripped onto his face from how much Ichigo was pulling him to hurry up.

"C'mon, c'mon," Ichigo urged, pulling him even more towards the wave pool.

"Okay, geez," Renji laughed, caught off guard by his enthusiasm. He grinned. Maybe things were finally returning to normal between them. Maybe it was back to the good ol' days.

It seriously was as fun as it looked. It looked awkward from a distance because you were squeezed in and jostled against a bunch of strangers, but everybody was having so much fun that it was kind of nice. Every once in a while, a kid that was just swimming instead of floating in an inner tube would grab onto one of their inner tubes so they could take a break and hitchhike, and they just let them, getting splashed and doused with water and nearly flipping over a couple times.

After twenty odd minutes getting practically drowned and squashed between strangers, struggling to hold hands to keep their inner tubes together through the rough waves, Renji and Ichigo seriously could not laugh anymore or their faces would fall off. They stumbled back onto the shallow end of the pool, sitting down and scooting their way back up onto the 'beach'. They chatted for a while and splashed each other and played with other people's kids and babies around the water jets lining the 'shore'. They finally got up to try to make it on a few more water slides before everyone met up again.

"Hey, I think we should move," Renji said.

"What's wrong with our apartment?" Ichigo asked in confusion.

"No, dummy, I meant from this spot," Renji said in exasperation, swatting Ichigo on the head. The water had dried and his hair was sticking up like crazy, even though the water was cleaned with salt instead of chlorine. Ichigo seriously looked like a porcupine.

"Oh. You didn't have ta' call me a dummy."

"Yes, I did."

"So why do we have to move?"

"He's coming this way," Renji pointed to Ikkaku, who had a towel around his neck and looked steamed.

"Oh, he looks pissed," Ichigo mumbled. "He's lost, isn't he?"

Ikkaku made his way up to them and cut to the chase, "I can't find my-"

"Yumichika's that way," Renji said, pointing to where he'd last seen the giggling soaked idiot.

"Oh thanks," Ikkaku said, leaving as quickly as he'd come. Ichigo just laughed a little bit, rubbing his toe. Scraping your feet on the floor of a pool could be a new form of torture. Stubbing your toe was like murder.

"Wanna' go on the zip-line ride?"

"Nah, the line's insane. Besides, you don't even get to sit in the water."

"You don't?" Renji asked in confusion. Ichigo explained that it was a little canoe type thingie that was sped along a metal track through a couple puddles, so it was more like a roller coaster. "Oh."

"Besides, I heard one of the dads say that their kid got whiplash and bonked his forehead. He didn't get seriously hurt, but apparently it really throws you around."

"Hm. Too crazy to do before dark, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. So let's go try-" And on it went for another few hours. It wasn't until they started getting seriously hungry that they began to band together again and think about taking a break. That was when they realized it was literally  _four thirty._

"Huh. Maybe we should take a break then," Iba suggested, completely soaked. He and Hisagi had probably embarrassed themselves about twenty times trying to learn to surf, but who the fuck cared. This was way more fun than anyone had anticipated. It seemed like purely a kid's park, but it was actually really awesome.

They were getting pretty hungry though, so they decided to change back into some clothes and take a break for a few hours to get dinner and wander around. That left them in the changing room, which appeared gross just because of how wet it was, but then again, what could be done?

There wasn't a lot of space, so Ikkaku and Yumichika ended up behind a curtain in one of the changing spots, and Yumichika asked Ikkaku if he could hold up a towel for him so he could get his wet shorts off and at least get some underpants on without any weirdos peeping at them. Of course, Ikkaku could not refuse his sweetie. Ichigo whined like crazy while having to change in a toilet stall. He spent the entire time standing on the toilet seat, refusing to let his feet or clothes touch the floor. Renji told him to shut up, but the moment they traded places, Renji started whining too.

Izuru kept asking around for his lost goggles, and by then Ikkaku was stripping down in the corner and Yumichika was toweling his own torso off while standing in his underwear. After struggling to worm his pants on over his wet legs, he set the towel down on the ground and sat down on it, pulling up his jeans an inch at a time. He didn't really feel weird about them changing together because neither of them was really looking. It was fine, right?

Ikkaku kept asking him if he had this, this, and this, making sure he had all his clothes and hadn't left anything, and even though it irked him a little, it was actually pretty nice of him to care, so Yumichika suffered through it.

Hisagi looked like he'd been caught in a typhoon, because he'd just put a towel on his head, rubbed it around, and then let his hair dry like that, but Izuru didn't say anything about it, so no one else did either. Iba was freaking out because he thought he'd lost his sunglasses, but it turned out they were clipped to his shirt.

Renji stuck his head under a hand-dryer for a few minutes, insisting that Ichigo wait for him. Yumichika did the same – albeit not for as long as Renji – which left his hair moderately dry and a little messy, but Ikkaku really liked it that way.

They spent another few minutes trying to figure out this little machine that you could put your wet swimsuit inside of to dry it. It squeezed out the water and left them warm and dry, like some kind of clothes-microwave. Ikkaku seemed overly-pleased when Yumichika let him share his swim-bag. Yumichika had to tell him to stop trying to hold his hand.

When they all finally got out of there, Rangiku made fun of them, saying that girls were supposed to be the ones who took a long time in the bathroom. She'd apparently been out there for 'like, ten whole minutes'.

They meant to worm their way out of the arcade, but before they could, they passed by the pizza bar that was also downstairs and saw a  _cookie line._

There was a booth with boxes upon boxes of plain, round, sugar cookies that tasted like absolute magic, and they were  _free._

Nearby was a set-up of a few tables with dozens of bowls of frosting, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and other sweet items. Rangiku literally just stared for a second, before mumbling that this place was heaven.

Yumichika liked his cookie plain, and actually went back for another. They were really good, and didn't taste like regular sugar cookies. There seriously had to be some magic in there. Izuru and Hisagi just put on some frosting, while Ikkaku and Renji literally made a point of putting every kind of sprinkle on, even if there was no way that they would all stick to the cookie, but who the fuck cared.

Ichigo's ended up bright pink, with pink frosting, pink sprinkles, pink sugar crystals, and he insisted that it was because the pink ones always tasted better. When Renji made fun of him, he licked Renji's cookie and put it back on the plate, which started an arm-wrestling competition over who had to go back and make another one for Renji.

They all went back to their rooms then and lazed around for a little while, eating some snacks for lunch. They were planning on getting real dinner later that night in the form of pizza from some other place so that it wasn't so insanely expensive.

Rangiku had her hair up in a bun and was doing some Sudoku puzzles and painting her toenails. Yumichika was reading a book to Ikkaku, and Renji and Ichigo were taking a little nap together on top of the blankets. Nobody could tell if they were actually sleeping or just lying there listening.

Hisagi and Kira talked quietly with Iba in the other room, discussing what they thought would be in the new Star Wars movies. After about an hour of cooling down, Hisagi and Ikkaku went out, got three pizzas, and brought them back. Everybody piled in one room in front of the TV, ate chips, and drank soda while watching Wheel of Fortune.

They swam for a few more hours later on, and this time Renji and Ichigo walked around, trying to find the entrance to the lazy river, which snaked around the whole indoor park. They kept seeing bits of it and had seen the exit earlier, but they couldn't find the entrance. It actually took a while since they kept ending up near the first aid section near the employee exit, which definitely was the wrong way. Eventually they found it, and after Renji shoved Ichigo under one of the fountains without warning, they spent the entire time chasing each other on foot and mock-drowning the other by jumping on their back and towing them down into the water. The lifeguards didn't have the heart to stop them as long as they didn't splash anyone else who was just floating along peacefully.

Renji swam underwater silently for a couple minutes, trying to spy an empty inner tube that he could swipe. Ichigo had the same idea it seemed, and they ended up knocking heads and fighting over it. Without warning, Yumichika appeared out of nowhere and snatched it up. They could hear Ikkaku somewhere in the background yelling over something and Yumichika just gave this mischievous grin and told them that they never saw him.

They decided that that was a good time to slip away and ended up going on the last few slides that they hadn't tried out yet, even making their way through the kid's section so they could play with all of the equipment, which was chock full of new ways to dunk each other. Ichigo and another kid started a squirt gun fight and stalked Renji through the playground, dragging him over just in time for the huge bucket at the top of the playset to fill up and dump over everyone.

Renji coughed a couple times, hair coming down in his face, and he spat a little, wiping his eyes. Ichigo looked pathetic with his hair plastered flat to his head, with just one piece sticking up, and Renji didn't know whether to punch him, shove him in the pool, or just kiss him.

Ichigo looked back with this troll-grin and Renji noogied him. This was exactly why he loved the little twerp.

Renji dragged him by the ear a little bit and then took off with him to go back to the wave pool. Those kids ended up following them, wanting to have a splash fight. The parents didn't seem to be wary of them, perhaps thinking they were brothers or something and not lovers, so they let the kids gang up on them and try to put them in headlocks. They failed, of course, and Renji ended up with a couple little boys hanging off of him like koalas. Ichigo just busted out laughing, jumping on him too, which finally knocked him over onto his butt. He made a surprised noise, having sat down hard in the shallow end of the beach, splashing Ichigo in the face.

"You guys stink!" Renji laughed, flopping into the water, trying to get his hair back into a manageable ponytail. Ichigo just laughed uncontrollably, seriously  _giggling_  like he was five, because Renji looked so stupid and dorky. Renji grinned and gave up on his hair, slightly uncomfortable with all these people here. Ichigo's hand accidentally touched his under water, and Renji made to move away, but Ichigo grabbed his hair-tie out of his hand and made him lay back, gathering all his hair under the water and then had him sit up, making a ponytail for him.

"Oh, thanks," Renji said, turning and mock-glaring at the kids. "I'm gonna' get you monkeys, now." They all squealed and stomped away, little feet making big splashes as they tried to get out of range. Ichigo just sat there up to belly button in the water and grinned, watching Renji pick one up under his arm and tickle them.

For some reason, that moment made him really nostalgic and his heart was telling his eyes to take a mental picture of this moment for a sad day, in case Renji ever left his life due to some tragic accident or his own screw up. That familiar tug to his heartstrings was nice to feel from time to time. It was nice to know that his feelings for Renji really hadn't faded at all over the years. Things had been hard for a long time, and shit was difficult, but it didn't have to stay that way. Renji was a good man, and it was nice to appreciate that for a couple seconds, watching Renji hang a kid by his ankle and pretend like he was going to dunk him underwater.

The kid freaked out and grabbed Renji's swimming trunks, and then Renji had a panic attack thinking that the kid was going to pull his shorts down.

Ichigo dunked his head underwater, but only so Renji wouldn't hear him laughing.

* * *

 

Long after dark they were all spending tokens like little kids, getting insanely bloodthirsty over games of fruit ninja or whack-a-mole. Since it was so dark, Ikkaku took a chance and was holding Yumichika's hand even though the pretty boy said that it was distracting him from killing clown zombies on his shooting game.

Yumichika was  _good_ and it was  _hot._

Ikkaku ended up playing it too to try to beat him and impress him, but even though Ikkaku was good at it too, Yumichika's aim was definitely a lot better, so he ended up having a lot more points.

Hisagi was showing some kids how to play DDR the right way, and Kira and Iba were practically screaming at one of those coin-dozer machines, trying really hard to get this mini-ipod to fall. There were probably hundreds of coins piled up and wedged together up at the top of the little ramp of the coin dozer, and it really looked like if they got the coin mower to push some coins out, one of them would knock down a whole ton, but nope, it would just get wedged in the pile with the rest, and it was really aggravating them.

Rangiku was talking with a guy near the ultra-violet mini-golf room, and it looked like they were actually having a serious conversation. Iba eventually went back to the room so he could skype with his girlfriend, Jenny, before she went to her sister's wedding.

Renji and Ichigo had been so insanely competitive on pretty much every game, especially skees-ball, that they had probably a few thousand tickets between them, and they decided to give them to a kid, because they really didn't want any of the prizes. The little girl looked like she was going to have a heart attack, like the best thing in the world had happened to her. Renji actually looked a little spooked, thinking she was going to cry or something, but then she started smiling and said thank you so many times that Renji calmed down and said 'you're welcome'.

They hadn't realized how tired they were, but when they saw the clock they realized that it had been a  _long day._

Ichigo literally fell asleep halfway through putting his pajamas on, butt in the air, face planted flat on their bed. Renji had to move his floppy body around and pull his pants the rest of the way up. Ichigo was  _tired_ , and when he heard him almost-snoring, Renji realized that he was really lucky that Ichigo wasn't insanely cranky right now. Ichigo had only snored that one time when he'd stayed up for a twenty-six hour fundraiser in high school and then had gone to a sleepover.

Renji picked him up and set him on the floor so he could pull the blankets back, and Ichigo was still alarmingly light, but maybe not as much as he had been a week ago. He picked him back up and nearly woke him up. Ichigo made a noise and pulled his knees in, rolling in a ball and grabbing Renji's t-shirt. He wouldn't let go, so Renji just said screw it and got in bed without putting his pjs on. His swim-shorts had dried enough that they wouldn't get the bed wet, and his hair was just damp now, so he figured it was fine.

Ichigo was nice and warm and fit really nice against his torso, so Renji put his arms around him and pulled his own legs up around Ichigo so that they were sleeping in a big balled-up knot. It probably didn't look very comfortable, but Renji only had to give one contented sigh before he fell asleep. It was one of those long days of playing hard that left you completely burnt out, but it felt great all the same.

Yumichika jumped on the bed for a little while, still hyped up that he'd beaten Ikkaku at air hockey. Ikkaku insisted that he'd let him win, but he was pouting so much that Yumichika knew he was lying. Ikkaku just glared and changed his shirt, put on sweatpants, and got in bed.

Yumichika kept making mock-grumpy noises and made fun of Ikkaku's mad-face. Ikkaku eventually laughed and beat him with a pillow. Rangiku told them to pipe down and put a pillow over her head. Hisagi and Kira were both playing DS together in bed, both with their headphones on, leaning against each other.

Yumichika snuggled up on Ikkaku, and they both smelled like swimming pool, but it was sort of a nice mix. The blankets seemed extra soft after being in swim gear all day, and as they finally settled down, they could feel little tugging sensations as if they were still being rocked by waves.

Without thinking, Ikkaku kissed Yumichika's forehead, and Yumichika went still, but allowed it without making a fuss.

"Night, sugar."

Yumichika smiled and let out a happy sigh, scootching closer and sliding his arms under Ikkaku's, trying to find a nice spot to rest his face. Ikkaku's collarbone wasn't very comfortable, so he wormed his way down a little bit, letting Ikkaku run his fingers through his damp hair, playing with it until he fell asleep.

Yumichika lay awake for a little while, enjoying the bumps against his cheek, which actually rocked his head a tiny bit. Ikkaku's chest against his ear sounded like the ocean, and the heartbeat was like a drum. Ikkaku moved in his sleep and fisted a hand in Yumichika's hair, but relaxed almost immediately and started stroking again when Ikkaku woke back up.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Love you'," Ikkaku said simply, closing his eyes again. Yumichika snorted. Maybe the dork had made a pledge to say it every day or something, or maybe that was supposed to be some sort of 'good night' ritual. He didn't care. It was nice to hear.

He almost said ' _I love you too_ ' out of reflex, but he thanked God that he somehow stayed his tongue. He just wasn't ready to give that much, even if Ikkaku was giving the world. So soon after Kaa, even if what he felt was love, he just didn't feel ready to say it, and that was okay, right? Ikkaku accepted it and understood, so it was alright and Yumichika didn't feel guilty.

Still, as he fell asleep, he smiled, thinking of how wonderful it would be when he saw Ikkaku's eyes light up the first time he said it back.


	18. Chapter 18

"Aw dude, you're hogging the blankets again! Give it back."

"No. Don't talk to me," Yumichika said with a death glare so fierce that Ikkaku faltered for a moment. Yep. His beauty sleep was  _definitely_  for his attitude. A second later Ikkaku was back to pulling on the covers, having a veritable tug-of war to get some blankets back.

"I'm going to sew your head to the carpet," Yumichika threatened, kicking Ikkaku away. The brat. Ikkaku was tempted to let him have his way, but he couldn't go to sleep without blankets on, even if it was boiling. He wormed closer to Yumichika so that he'd have more blanket, but Yumichika moved him away with his foot.

"Geez, your feet are like ice! Give it back already!"

"Get away! I know what you're up to."

" _Share!"_

"No!"

"AAAAAH! SHUT UP!" Ichigo shouted, hurling a pillow with deadly accuracy, hitting Ikkaku in the face.

"He was the one who-" Renji clobbered them both with the pillows, hitting them a few more times until they shut up. They both just lay there for a second, and Ikkaku touched his tongue, spitting out a feather.

"Quit talking before I throw your blankets out the window!  _Then_  what'll you do?!" Renji yelled. "If you'd cuddle, then you wouldn't have this problem! Equal blankets, you shits!"

"Dude, if the neighbors give you weird looks in the morning, don't blame me," Ichigo said flatly. Yumichika and Ikkaku just started sticking their tongues out at each other, alternately slapping and pinching until they fell right out of bed. It ended with Renji tying them up in a sheet like some demented sushi roll. They definitely shouldn't have had all those pixie stix earlier.

* * *

 

Saturday was a beautiful day with crystal-clear skies. The sun was shining heavily, which ensured that everyone brought protective shades and high SPF sun block with them. They had pretty much stuck indoors on Friday, but such nice weather drew them to the outdoor pools and other tourist attractions.

For most of the time, Yumichika sat in the shade to protect his skin and read, sipping a drink. Kira was animal crazy, so he was dragging Hisagi to the petting zoo and further on so that they could see the giraffes, which were Kira's favorite animal, besides birds, oddly enough. They'd all expected it to be a fox or something. Hisagi was bearing it all with a brave face, letting Kira drag him, but beneath it, his exasperation was plain.

Ikkaku didn't know how their relationship was so harmonious, because Hisagi had horrible luck with nature. He was always the one who ended up getting bit, drooled on, stuck with poison ivy, bug bites, and wet legs. Camping was always a nightmare and going to the zoo or swimming in a lake was a complete  _joke._ Ikkaku definitely recognized the streak of obvious bad luck and agreed whenever Shuuhei turned up his nose at the idea of going out in the woods or even to the park.

A petting zoo would probably be fine though, and giraffes don't really bite or anything, so Shuuhei agreed to make Kira happy, just hoping that something painful or embarrassing wouldn't happen. Maybe things would be different today.

Renji was in the pool in a volleyball death-match with some other guys their age, and as Ichigo watched from a distance with Iba, he noticed that they were all cheating each other black. He took a moment to appreciate the view of Renji engaged in a childish aggressive activity, soaked and half-naked, but eventually he was dragged into the game too. The lifeguards wouldn't let them play chicken, which sucked, because Renji and Ichigo were  _boss_  at that game, but they still spiked beach balls at each other until they were good and tired. Their new friends decided to go soak in the outdoor hot tubs for a while, but Renji and Ichigo didn't go with them. It was so hot out here, and even in the cool water of the swimming pools, whatever wasn't in the water suffered the sun's heat. At least it was a dry heat instead of humidity.

When Kira and Shuuhei came back from the petting zoo, sure enough, Shuuhei was looking mighty frazzled, but he was smiling, which was always a good sign. Apparently, they had a room where you could go inside and play with hundreds of tiny birds that were hopping around and looking for food that they assumed you had. They would land all over you and tickle you with their little feet and beaks.

Hisagi had gotten bitten a little a couple times, but not enough to damper his mood. As far as he was concerned, if he didn't get shit on, everything was fine.

When they'd gone to see the giraffes, they were disappointed to see that they were in some other area of the large pen. They'd climbed quite a few flights of stairs and had navigated through many a packed area of the zoo to get there, so they pouted and sat at a picnic table for a little while, just enjoying the nice weather. After five minutes, one of the animals came over to the edge of the wire-fence lined room, nosing at the zookeeper's hand, obviously wanting to get at the bucket of carrots that vacationers would have to pay five dollars for just to feed  _one_  to the big thing.

Izuru was just chattering excitedly, putting his hand up to the fence to feel its nose. He kept pointing out its long eyelashes and its pretty spots. The giraffe jammed its head up to the side of the cage,  _really_ trying to get at the carrot bucket, which was on a table just a foot away. The zookeeper explained that no one ever really paid for this attraction, because they knew that it was a ridiculous price. Shuuhei noticed that not many people were even coming up here. It was actually kind of lonely. After talking with the girl for a while, the giraffe looked at the bucket obviously, and all of sudden it stuck its tongue through the bars and actually _grabbed_ the bucket handle, trying to pull it towards its mouth.

"Holy crap," Hisagi said nervously, perfectly glad with his seat across the room. That tongue had to be a foot long at least.

"They're really quite harmless," the zookeeper explained, "Unless you're down near its feet. Even then, they're very gentle animals."

"And so beautiful," Kira said, watching it. He looked back to Shuuhei with that smile that was always hoping that Shuuhei was sharing the moment with him and liking it. Shuuhei didn't want to kill his enthusiasm, so he grinned back. Just as long as Izuru didn't ask to take it home, this was perfectly fine. Shuuhei could admit that it was kind of cute.

They talked for a little longer as she asked them about their trip and whether they were enjoying it and what the occasion was. They explained that they were out with a bunch of their friends, just enjoying their summer. They didn't think she suspected their relationship, but there was something in her smile that made them wonder. She eventually decided to give them a carrot for free, as long as they didn't tell. Nobody was around, so there really wasn't any harm. Izuru gestured wildly for Shuuhei to come over and do it with him.

Hisagi hesitantly came to the edge of the room, looking through the fence with apprehension. He would never admit it, but he got vertigo really badly and was afraid of heights in odd situations. It was stupid because he was fine on roller coasters, but deep swimming pools or other types of open water, ferris-wheels, and fire escapes got him really nervous. When he saw how far away the ground was and just how tall the animal was, he was a little intimidated.

Kira gave him the big carrot and Shuuhei hesitantly held it out, backing the rest of his body as far away from the fence as he could. For one moment, the giraffe just looked at him with its hypnotizing eyes, and then it stuck its tongue out and took the carrot as easily as if it were a hand, chomping it up.

It stayed around, looking for more, and ended up trying to grab the bucket again, and Hisagi ended up with giraffe drool all over him, but he didn't really care. That had been kind of fun. It hadn't even bitten him, sneezed on him, or caused him to break out in hives. Nature wasn't so bad when it wasn't beating him senseless.

"That's stupid. So you're happy you got drooled on?" Ikkaku asked, having listened to Hisagi tell the story in silence thus far.

"No, no, c'mon, it was really cool-"

"Uh, yeah... My baby-niece drools on me sometimes too, and I can guarantee you that it is  _not_  cool."

"Ugh, you're such a hard-ass," Shuuhei shoved him. Ikkaku shoved him back. Kira opted not to interfere and left them alone, going to find Rangiku and Yumichika. Their little argument ended with Hisagi getting dared to go on the zip line, which entailed being shot out  _alone_  in nothing but a mountain-climbing harness along a steel cable that was probably a few hundred yards long. They'd already seen a few people get stuck up there already.

Hisagi looked like he'd rather take a jackhammer up his ass than go up there, but he conceded that he'd go on the rock-wall instead.

That was good enough for Ikkaku. He made sure to nab Yumichika's camera before they went. He didn't want to miss this.

Meanwhile, Renji and Yumichika were waiting in the hot line for the ropes course with Rangiku, who was taking clothes out of Yumichika's day bag and putting them on over her swimsuit while standing in line. She was getting some stares from people, but they were 'you're a weirdo' stares, not 'I want to fuck you' stares. A little girl actually complimented her yellow one-piece, which was the same as her favorite person.

"Yeah? Who's your favorite person?" Rangiku asked, putting her hair up in a ponytail as she buttoned up her jean shorts.

"Big bird!" peeped the little girl. Renji let out a 'pfft', trying not to laugh, ending up spitting on Yumichika a little, which caused Yumichika to yank hard on Renji's still-wet ponytail, which got them into a shoving match. Rangiku told them to quit it before they got kicked out of line.

"We've waited for twenty minutes. We are  _not_  getting kicked out before our turn."

"Renji? Renji!" came a voice, which Renji recognized immediately.

"Over here, man!"

"Oh, hey," Ichigo said, talking to them through a fence. "I'm just gonna' go this way so I can see the baby tiger. They have a little zebra too, but it's sleeping."

"Okay. Take a picture."

"I will," Ichigo replied, staring at his boyfriend, who was trying to wipe his forehead and fix his bandanna. He was  _really_ sweaty. He offered the precious water he'd been selfishly keeping to himself. "Want some? I just spent like five bucks on this stupid thing." He tossed it over the fence to Renji, who didn't drink it. He just pressed the cold plastic onto his forehead and started rubbing it on his chest.

"Oh gross, dude, give it back!" Ichigo complained. Yumichika took it away with a look of disgust, gingerly opening the cap and taking a gulp, before having it swiped back by Renji, who drank more than half of it.

"Thanks, man," Renji said with a cough, tossing the bottle back over to Ichigo, who seemed to regret having shared it. "Here, can you take this stuff? Please?" he asked nicely, bundling all of their stuff together and trying to hand it to Ichigo over the tall fence.

"Okay, but when you're done with this you'd better come find me and take it back."

"Deal."

* * *

 

"Hey."

"Oh hey," Ikkaku said, grinning as Yumichika came up to him, handing him a half-finished ice cream. "Can I eat this, or are you just makin' me hold it?"

"Try it, it's good," Yumichika said nicely, staring at Ikkaku and the weird way he was holding the camera. Ikkaku made some nice conversation with him, asking how the ropes course had been. "Terrifying. Renji started freaking out when we went up to the second level and wouldn't move for like ten minutes. That was really scary. It's higher than it looks."

"You're safe with those clips on, though. There's no way you can fall."

"I know, but it's still a scary feeling," Yumichika said with a sigh as Ikkaku tried again to get the camera around the right way, doing it with one hand because he was trying not to drop Yumichika's ice cream. "You're holding it wrong," Yumichika pointed out, trying to take it.

"No, I'm not. I'm not taking a picture of  _me_ , stupid," Ikkaku scoffed. Yumichika frowned, asking what he  _was_ taking a picture of then. Ikkaku pointed through the fence, up at the rock climbing wall. Yumichika squinted, taking off his cute sunglasses so he could try to see better.

"What am I looking at, exactly?" he asked, not seeing what Ikkaku was trying to show him. A cloud, maybe?

"Look at  _Hisagi,_  dummy," Ikkaku got next to Yumichika so he could point it out in his line of vision. Yumichika let Ikkaku get in his personal space and followed the way he was pointing, starting to laugh.

"Oh my gosh, he looks like he's about to pee himself." Yumichika took the ice cream back, eating a little more of it.

"Pfft, yeah. That's what the camera's for."

"Oh, you're so mean," Yumichika said lightly, starting to laugh again when he heard Hisagi singing 'be not afraid' at the top of his lungs. Kira was trying not to smile, just watching him from a nearby bench, waiting for him to come down. "Oh geez, c'mon, let's go swim," Yumichika said, pulling Ikkaku by the wrist so they could go to the swimming pools. Ikkaku hadn't gotten to swim with him today, so of course he didn't complain.

"Here, I don't want the rest," Yumichika said, handing him the ice cream back. Ikkaku looked at it and then looked back to Yumichika, wondering if he was joking.

"Seriously? Only the  _cone's_  left!"

"I know, that's my favorite part too, but I can never make it through eating the whole thing," Yumichika said miserably. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and said he'd eat the ice cream next time if he'd ask ahead of time. "How sweet."

"Yes, very sweet." Ikkaku leaned in and tried to get a taste of Yumichika's mouth, but Yumichika just gave him an unimpressed look and walked past him. Ikkaku laughed at the faux-coldness and followed behind, a mean grin spreading over his face.

Yumichika started playing with his hair when they got back to his lawn chair, setting his towel and bag down. He made to get out some sun lotion, but before he could, Ikkaku shoved him into the pool. When Yumichika came up, spitting out water and trying to get hair out of his face, Ikkaku started laughing outright, teasing him. He set down his stuff, trying to get the camera again, but Yumichika had grabbed his ankle and made him lose his balance, and before he knew it, he was crashing backwards and underwater, flailing on top of Yumichika like an idiot.

Yumichika pinched him really hard, which made him spit out all his air, forcing him to inhale water on accident. He came up coughing, and Yumichika just wiped water out of his own eyes and slicked his hair back, glaring at him. "You jerk!" Ikkaku shouted, getting a disapproving look from the lifeguard. Yumichika just kept glaring at him, up to his nose in the water.

He tipped his chin up, hopping on his tiptoes so he could breathe. " _You're_ the jerk. You started it. If I'm going down, you're going down with me."

"That's stupid, why should we  _both_ die?" he asked loudly, shoulders poking out of the water. He held out a hand to Yumichika, seeing that he didn't swim very well and was struggling to stay in reach of the air. Yumichika took his arm with force, pulling himself up a little, dragging Ikkaku down an inch in the process. Ikkaku turned a little, offering his back. Yumichika sneered at the offered help.

They were in public, so of course Ikkaku didn't expect Yumichika to let him give him a piggy-back ride. He did like seeing the reaction from Yumichika's wounded pride though. He loved that attitude of his and his sarcastic cruelty.

"Because," Yumichika replied, closing his eyes and raising his eyebrows, nose in the air.

"That's  _petty_ ," Ikkaku pointed out. Yumichika made it very clear that he did not give one single fuck. Ikkaku was sure that Yumichika was going to let go of him even if it meant going back to half-drowning, so he took Yumichika's wrist in hand and towed him closer, putting an arm around his back to hold him up. All of a sudden, he felt Yumichika curl up and put a foot against his side, using him like the side of the pool wall to give himself a boost in the other direction.

" _Tag, you're it_ ," Yumichika said childishly, not actually tagging him, just splashing him in the face and jetting away.

"Oh, you are gonna' get it!"

* * *

 

Everyone partied themselves out, so much so that they were starting to feel like fish. A few of them decided to go back to their rooms early. Ichigo and Renji were still trying to suck every bit of enjoyment out of the water park that they could, and ended up staying out there and in the arcade till' past midnight.

Yumichika, Ikkaku, Hisagi, and Kira had gone back to the hotel room at about five, lying around doing crossword puzzles and the like. Ikkaku sprawled across their bed sideways, head propped up on his hand, remote in the other. He was flicking through a few different game shows, changing the channel whenever they hit a commercial.

Yumichika wasn't really watching, draped over Ikkaku's middle, doing some of Rangiku's Sudoku while she wasn't there. After Ikkaku had watched cartoons for probably an hour, talking out loud about how unbelievably ridiculous Tom and Jerry episodes get, Yumichika told him to mute the TV for a while.

When he asked why, Yumichika held up his phone, and from the look on his face, Ikkaku got a bad feeling in his gut. He started to feel sort of nervous and suspicious when Yumichika took the call into the other suite and closed the door, but Ikkaku didn't dare listen in, simply asking Kira and Hisagi what they thought was the matter.

"Hun? You okay?" he called after about ten minutes. When he didn't receive an answer, he assumed that he was still on the phone, so he left him alone. After twenty more minutes, Ikkaku couldn't stand the curiosity and got up, wandering into the other room, surprised to see that Yumichika looked like he hadn't been on the phone for a while now. Yumichika was on the floor, scrambling through some papers with some headphones on.

Ikkaku pulled one of the earmuffs off to ask what was up, and Yumichika looked in surprise, not having heard him come in. "I have an audition in a few days, and I forgot to practice."

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. If you want an audience, just ask, okay?" Ikkaku said in relief, just glad that it hadn't been Kaa nor something serious like one of Yumichika's relatives dying.

"Alright, thank you," Yumichika said cheerily. Ikkaku grinned and went back to lie on their bed. He hoped that Yumichika would make it. Ikkaku could see the confidence boost that this opportunity had given Yumichika, and he didn't want his dreams to get crushed or something. Hopefully, everything would work out.

On the other hand, if Yumichika was successful… It might mean that he'd move out, maybe even move  _away_. If he started making some money again, he'd be able to get out of the little apartment he'd escaped to when he'd left Kaa, and he'd have more options than ever. He wouldn't need Ikkaku anymore…

Of course, Ikkaku didn't even  _think_  about sabotaging Yumichika, but he knew that his own apartment wouldn't be very appealing once Yumichika could make some more money. Ikkaku wouldn't have any benefits or things to offer in their relationship, and that was a little worrying. He didn't want to be some kind of stepladder for Yumichika to find someone better.

It would be stupid to invite Yumichika to stay in his apartment if he had so many better options out there, and it wasn't as if  _he_  could ask to live with Yumichika. Would that make him seem like a gold-digger? Shoot, he was over-thinking things. They hadn't even come to that bridge yet, so he didn't need to worry about how to cross it.

They'd still only just met. It was too early to think about all this, but somehow Ikkaku couldn't stand the thought of losing Yumichika, even if 'losing' him meant that he couldn't see him every day. They might've just met, but Ikkaku had fallen in love with him too. Maybe he was getting obsessive. Maybe it was wrong to feel this way. It was selfish to want to ruin Yumichika's chances just to keep him with him. That would be  _stifling_  Yumichika, and he didn't want to do that. Maybe he should talk to Renji about this. Maybe he needed to just calm down, because if he started clinging, Yumichika would be chased away.

Ikkaku eventually came to some peace of mind, but still, he held Yumichika a little tighter that night, hoping it wouldn't be the last time he got to do so.

Everyone went to bed pretty early and left on Sunday morning, arriving home at about one o' clock.

Renji and Ichigo drove Ikkaku and Yumichika back to his apartment, and from there, they picked up Yumichika's cat and lazed around on the couch for a while, not unpacking yet.

Ikkaku grinned as Yumichika recited his lines silently over and over, headphones on, eyes closed, lips moving without saying anything aloud. Ikkaku didn't bother him, not wanting to break his flow, but after a couple minutes, he grabbed one of Yumichika's feet, making him turn sideways on the couch so he could lie next to him and fall asleep on his chest.

Yumichika's hands naturally came up to his head and trailed over his scalp. He didn't complain about Ikkaku's weight or anything, so Ikkaku closed his eyes and lay still, trying to pet Haruki, who seemed to be jealous that he was lying in  _her_  human's lap. She hissed at him, so he stopped trying to touch her, but eventually Yumichika made a little noise and she settled on top of them, letting Yumichika scratch around her ears for a little bit.

After a few minutes, Yumichika got uncomfortable and pushed Ikkaku off. Ikkaku grunted and opened his eyes, turning on the TV. Yumichika seemed to feel guilty, seeing that he'd made Ikkaku feel rejected, so he stuck his feet in his lap and rubbed his stomach a little. Ikkaku just laughed and turned on Wipeout, playing with Yumichika's toes.

He didn't dare mention their living arrangements even though it was driving him nuts. He was half-hoping that Yumichika would just forget about it and stay here indefinitely. Maybe he could convince him to move out of his apartment and stay here with him. Hopefully that wouldn't be too forward of him.

He got stuck in an endless loop of 'should I say something' and 'no, don't say anything', sitting there staring blankly at the TV screen, but not taking anything in.

Eventually Yumichika got tired of practicing, or meditating , or whatever he was doing, and he got up, taking off his headset. He let out a swift breath and smiled at Ikkaku. "Let's dance."

"What, right now?"

"Yeah," Yumichika said with a grin, pulling him up.

"Why?"

"Because I'm happy." Looking into Yumichika's eyes, Ikkaku felt this huge wave of 'it's okay' flood over him.

"Heh'. Me too."

* * *

 

"Home again, home again, jiggity jog," Renji mumbled, taking out his keys as Ichigo lugged their stuff up the steps. Neither of them wanted to take more than one trip, so like the stubborn jackasses they were, they'd hauled  _everything_  with them.

"I'm ready ta' crash," Ichigo said with a yawn, messed up from getting up so early.

"Okay. We can sleep for the rest of the day if you want," Renji said lightly, opening the door and helping Ichigo get everything inside. They aired out the apartment and sprayed some air freshener, checking the fridge and the thermostat. Neither of them felt like cooking or going grocery shopping, so Renji decided he'd call for a pizza later. Bacon and pineapple was Ichigo's favorite, and Renji liked ham and mushroom, so they'd get half and half.

Ichigo just gave a sleepy moan and was ready to collapse on the couch, but Renji grabbed his arm before he could. Ichigo glared up at him, upset that the release he'd been waiting for was denied. He'd been halfway through his stress-killing  _flop_ , and Renji had ruined it! "What the fuck?" he asked calmly, causing Renji to laugh.

"Go ta' bed," he said with a grin, unbuttoning his shirt. Ichigo gave him a cranky glare, but Renji said he'd catch up in a minute. "Go get comfy."

"Okay… I want to  _sleep_ ," he informed Renji snippily, pointing at him with that look that told him he'd better not be fucking around or he'd get locked out of their room.

"I know," Renji said, still grinning like an idiot. He'd really had fun on their vacation, and it was weighing nicely on his heart to have finally gotten Ichigo to unwind a little. He felt like doing something nice for the butthead now that he wasn't likely to get kicked in the ass for daring to offer 'help'.

"Well, okay then," Ichigo conceded, letting his crankiness fade away, seeming to have realized that he didn't have a reason to be yelling at Renji.

Renji unpacked their stuff and folded up their clothes, putting them in a laundry basket. After that, he put away their leftover snacks, their swim-gear, and he paid some bills and took care of a couple other things. Even if he didn't mention doing it, Ichigo would  _know_  that he'd taken care of everything when he went back there.

Giving Ichigo a good half an hour alone, he grabbed some oil and shed his shirt, wandering into their bedroom. Ichigo was lying on his stomach on top of the blankets. Perfect.

Putting his weight on the bed, Renji crawled over him and planted a kiss on his shoulder. "Mm?" Ichigo made a sleepy noise, but didn't kick him, which was a good sign. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten to cuddle Ichigo without getting hit in the head at some point. If he got him in a good mood, Ichigo would surely let them snuggle for a while later. Renji started rubbing his back, dragging an involuntary moan from his stressed lover. Ichigo wormed around a little, getting comfortable on his belly, but he let Renji sit on his legs and play around, massaging his shoulders and lower back until he was a pile of mush.

Renji got Ichigo's shirt off all the way and did a couple of long strokes all the way up his spine, ending with a kiss to the back of his neck, and then he tugged Ichigo's pants off, squeezing his butt teasingly. Ichigo made a noise, but sat still, since Renji coupled it with rubbing his back some more, circling his thumbs comfortingly around each individual vertebrae of his spine. Ichigo let out a quiet sigh, stress seeping out of him all at once. He hadn't expected this at all.

Renji didn't usually do nice things for him unless he knew they'd be accepted, so loosening him up during their vacation time and testing to see whether he'd relaxed a little had been a good idea before trying to do this. Ichigo really did appreciate this, not complaining or shying away, walls down enough that he allowed the comfort. He really had missed Renji's touch, but he'd been so tense lately that he'd hardly been able to stand his presence. He acknowledged the fact that until recently, he'd been crankier and maybe meaner than normal to Renji, lashing out more than necessary.

Renji really was a good guy, and he'd been so understanding in these past few weeks, giving Ichigo those little reminders and those tingles that he'd thought he'd forgotten a long time ago. Renji had let him deal with his stress by himself for those months, which he was grateful for, but in this last month especially, Renji had been trying so hard, and Ichigo could see that. Up until last week, it had been a long time since they'd made love, and Ichigo was glad that Renji had made the effort to try to get him to calm down before they went on their trip. It would've been no fun if he'd been worrying the whole time about whether their bills would get paid.

Ichigo made a soft noise as Renji's hands rolled up underneath his shoulder blades, digging through the muscles of his back just hard enough to give Ichigo those soothing tingles. Ugh, he loved this man and his magic hands.

"This okay?" Renji asked lowly.

"Mm… Mhm," Ichigo mumbled, letting Renji rub his thighs, working down his legs. He didn't even think of snapping or pushing Renji away. No, there was no way he was going to act ungrateful. This was really nice of him, and it was getting Ichigo warm deep in his gut. How he loved those strong hands and every muscle he could feel against his back, pressing down over him. The pressure put on his hips started to mount, and it just felt so nice all over that Ichigo couldn't hold in an appreciative moan. After messing around for another twenty minutes, relaxing Ichigo's whole body, Renji ran his oiled fingers up between Ichigo's legs, not surprised when he twitched and gave him a look that wasn't quite a glare.

"Wanna'?" Renji asked, circling his slippery thumb around, pressing teasingly. Ichigo just lay his head back down, pushing his hips up a little. Yes, yes, he did 'wanna', and Renji had better shut up and keep going. Renji grinned, shedding his clothes eagerly. "Oh shoot, one second," he made to get up, but Ichigo reminded him that he didn't need a condom anymore. The look of realization on Renji's face as it dawned on him just made everything that much sweeter. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

Ichigo smiled, now in the mood, letting Renji laze around and spend an obscene amount of time preparing him. Even though he pushed Renji away all too often, he'd be lying if he said he didn't love it when Renji paid attention to him. For once, he lapped it right up, returning to that pleasant glowing mood that he'd felt when they were teenagers that had just fallen in deliriously passionate love.

Ichigo was more vocal than normal to let Renji know that he liked it and that he was grateful for the tender attention that so rarely occurred between them. Renji seemed to want to make up for the last time when he hadn't spent long enough preparing him and had hurt him really badly, and Ichigo sure wasn't complaining if Renji was going to make foreplay this enjoyable. He'd needed a massage for such a long time, and the warm slide of Renji's hands on his shoulders and neck were just as welcome as his tongue and thumbs testing his rear.

Now in a playful mood that he hadn't felt in over a year, Ichigo rolled over onto his back to Renji's obvious surprise, spreading his legs apart eagerly. Renji grinned and pushed him back, knees next to his head. Ichigo hummed in appreciation when Renji gave him a slow lick, eyes flicking to his.

He could feel that Renji had gotten hard, erection jutting against his back as Renji knelt behind him and spread him apart with his fingers. Ichigo hissed and moaned as Renji grabbed his hard-on and sucked on it gratuitously, fingers simultaneously twisting inside him.

Ichigo gave a little laugh, biting his lip and purring lowly as Renji ran his tongue in endless circles, getting him going in all the right ways.

He felt really calm and pleasure-lax, rolling onto his belly, letting Renji get on top of him and slick him up more with that massage oil. He knew that Renji had a thing for dragging things out and teasing all the senses. They'd done things every which way when they were younger, but after knowing each other for so long, Ichigo could definitely say that Renji really came alive when they did things slowly like this, taking hours to share in that intimacy that Renji had lacked. Renji loved to hold him and to lock hands and gaze into his eyes while they did it. He loved to kiss him and whisper to him, and he loved that feeling of their bodies pressing together from head to toe, and Ichigo knew that.

He let Renji set his weigh down on him, back pressed up against Renji's strong chest. Renji's arms came down underneath his, holding them together as Renji's face neared his ear, soft breath tickling his hair. Ichigo loved that thick smell and the weight of Renji's muscular body, and he smiled when Renji whispered some sweet things to him, paying him close attention and stroking his face.

He could feel his lover's erection there in the cleft of his ass, heavy and hot as Renji settled his weight down upon him, kissing his neck and biting his ear. Ichigo hummed in pleasure, pushing his hips up a little, enjoying the heat and the pulsations of Renji's member against his asshole. The teasing got him just as excited.

Renji pulled back and pressed the slippery head of his cock against Ichigo's ass, testing the resistance. He moaned heavily, feeling the heat, just imagining how it would feel to guiltlessly press inside and feel everything without that latex barrier. "Mmm," he groaned, thrusting against Ichigo a few times, just enjoying the slide of skin and the way Ichigo's tight little butt felt against his erection.

He'd been dreaming of this all weekend, seeing Ichigo in his soaked swim-trunks, hugging his body perfectly and sending those sparkling droplets down his legs. Oh, he'd dreamed of them being together like this for years, and now it was finally happening. Only he would ever get to do this. He was the first and only man who would ever be Ichigo's lover, and he wanted to savor every moment, every little noise Ichigo made.

Ichigo gave a moan, spreading his thighs apart further, bucking his hips down into the mattress as Renji's weight lessened on him. He was practically inviting Renji in, so with trepidation and excitement, Renji lined himself up and pressed forward, sinking all the way into Ichigo's relaxed body. The lube made the slide easy, and Renji clenched up his stomach, marveling at the heat and the silky sensation of Ichigo's hot skin. He could feel every heartbeat and muscle inside of Ichigo, fitting so perfectly around him that he wondered why they hadn't been doing it this way all along. Oh, he loved Ichigo so much. Did Ichigo know that? Could he feel that Renji had given him his whole heart, trusting him like no other?

Ichigo was laying there, inner muscles relaxed, but upper body tensed up in shock, and Renji tried to stay still, finding that it was really hard to do so. It felt twice as good without the condom, and the slide was so much easier that he couldn't resist. His pelvis rocked involuntarily, grinding against Ichigo's smaller hips beneath him, desperate for friction to fulfill the urge of this new pleasurable sensation. The slide was so perfect that Renji couldn't stop himself.

Ichigo moaned, not having felt any pain, just amazed at the  _heat_  and how turned on it got him. There wasn't that annoying raw feeling of folds in the condom scraping away at his insides, and there wasn't that awful burning every time the plastic hit a place that wasn't lubricated enough. It was  _silky_  and so warm that it took his breath away. He had no idea how they could both be feeling heat at the same time, but there was some sort of gut instinct for him to push his hips back, trying to tell Renji to get going.

"How is it?" Renji gasped, finally getting a handle on himself enough to talk. He thrust slowly into Ichigo, which was difficult, because it felt so good that he didn't want to pull back for a single moment. He withdrew about an inch before pressing back in, skin tingling so much that all the hair on the backs of his arms was standing straight up.

If this was really what making love was like, then Renji was truly impressed. He could definitely feel the difference. He really felt like they'd merged their souls or something; he felt so connected that he could hardly breathe, hardly look away even for a moment. Oh, he loved Ichigo, he  _loved_  him, and he'd never even think of what it was like to do this with someone else. This was too special to take for granted. He would never leave,  _never_ , not if Ichigo wanted him. If it was possible, he'd say that he'd just fallen for Ichigo again. No, no one could compare, not to this.

Ichigo just moaned in response to his question, biting his lip. Renji lay back down on top of him, spreading Ichigo's legs with his own, rolling his hips against his as he licked Ichigo's neck.

Without that plastic, it felt like Renji was so much deeper inside him than ever before, the natural feeling of his skin setting him ablaze with lust. With every heavy pounding of Renji's hips, Ichigo could feel some deep part of him heating up, begging for more, more,  _now._

Renji backed off a little, kneeling on either side of Ichigo's thighs, looking down to watch their movements. He curled his hips slowly, trying to keep an even rhythm. Ichigo tightened up around him every time he aimed a little better than the others, and just the idea that he could cum inside of Ichigo with no regret made his balls tighten up.

He turned Ichigo over and took his erection in hand, jerking tight and fast in time with his thrusts. If he was going to come this quick, he couldn't have Ichigo teasing him. This was too good, this was far too good for him to last long.

Ichigo moaned, holding his legs back, watching Renji spit into his hand and pump his arousal. Renji leaned down to give him a few kisses, running his thumb over the sensitive head of Ichigo's penis, just in time for him to cum.

Renji thrust deep, eyes screwed shut as he let loose inside of Ichigo, feeling his cock pumping semen into him unabated. It was a pleasant warmth along with the hugging sensation of Ichigo clenching around him, and it didn't immediately feel cold or shameful like it did with a condom. Ichigo stiffened up, holding still as he tried to compare the sensation to anything else he'd ever felt. Renji had cum inside him before, of course, but he hadn't been able to feel it like this, no. He could feel Renji's heart beat and every tensing of his girth as warmth exploded within him, deeper than he thought was possible. Ichigo wasn't entirely sure if he liked it. At first it felt okay, but as the pleasure faded, it became unpleasantly wet. Renji pulled out, seeing a string of cum connecting them even as he moved away.

Ichigo sighed and made a face as he felt the sticky sensation of cum leaking out of him as their sweat dried. Renji just stared at him for a minute, in awe about how good that had been, and then he flopped down next to him, taking his hand. Ichigo scootched closer, settling his head near his side. Renji lay there next to him, smiling with his eyes closed, feeling content and heavy, ready to fall asleep.

"Aah!" he jumped up when he felt Ichigo's mouth on his cock, which was still wet and sensitive from post-orgasm aftershocks. He tried to push Ichigo's head back, but quickly caught himself. Ichigo hardly ever would do this for him, and he'd damn well better let him if Ichigo was offering it. Renji flopped back, whimpering, so sensitive that it was almost painful. Ichigo had mercy on him and gave him a little break in favor of fingering himself and pinching his own nipples, licking his lips.

He loved how Renji felt inside of him without that stupid rubber, and once wasn't enough for right now. Renji was  _not_  going to sleep until they did it for at least another twenty minutes. Renji had gotten him all worked up, so he'd better deliver on it.

Renji lay there watching Ichigo masturbate, already feeling a distant stirring deep in his gut again. He'd gone and gotten Ichigo in the mood, so it wasn't as if he could roll over and go to sleep. That would be messed up. Besides, it was so hot to just watch him, because it was a rare treat. Ichigo still got pretty embarrassed by things like that, but after that rub down Ichigo seemed relaxed enough to put on a show.

When Renji grabbed his ankle and pulled his leg up, blatantly staring at Ichigo's dick and his fingers going inside himself, Renji wasn't surprised when he got kicked in the stomach.

"Ow," Renji complained as Ichigo pounced on him, shoving a pillow in his face in a poor attempt to keep him from watching as he licked his lips in anticipation. He spread Renji's legs apart a little and got in between them, trying to wipe some excess cum off of Renji's still-aching groin. "Easy,  _easy_ ," Renji said as Ichigo gripped him a little too rough, trying to get him hard again.

"C'mon, man, I wanna' fuck so bad," Ichigo whined when Renji explained that he couldn't get it up that fast anymore. "What? Dude, we're not even thirty yet. Are you kidding?"

"Sorry, geez, I still need a few minutes at least!" Renji whined back, trying to get Ichigo on his back so he could finger him. If he could pleasure Ichigo this way for a while, then his groin could get a break. Ichigo explained that fingers just weren't the same, and finally he just slugged Renji in the gut and made him lay back so he could blow him.

He whimpered as Ichigo licked at his sensitive head, pulling and squeezing enough that he started to get hard again. It still sort of ached, but Renji wasn't complaining as Ichigo looked up at him and sucked on his cock obscenely. Oh holy fuck, how long he'd fantasized about this.

Ichigo knew he had him beat, because he had that smug look in his eye. He wasn't  _that_  great at this, but Renji could tell Ichigo was trying his best. The problem Ichigo had with it usually, was that it put a lot of strain on his neck, so he had to go slow and only take as much as he could handle.

Still, Renji had been waiting for this for so long that it felt great. Adding how sensitive and sore he was, Ichigo's tongue sent shivers through him like wildfire. Renji's hand went to the back of his head, fisting in his spiky sweaty hair. Ichigo bobbed his head, swirling his tongue a little, taking his time.

When Ichigo started to get tired, he pulled back and sucked on the tip, pumping the rest in an even rhythm with his hand. After a short break, he started bobbing his head again, going as deep as he could, which as only about halfway. Ichigo's gag reflex was really sensitive, but Renji didn't mind that, letting him play around as much as he wanted. It felt really good, especially when Ichigo would pull back and tease his slit with his tongue.

When Renji was worked up enough, Ichigo got on his lap and leaned forward, letting Renji take control. Renji had always wanted to see Ichigo pin him down like this and ride him like a horny teenager, but Ichigo wasn't that confident in bed, and Renji could vaguely remember him saying that trying to 'ride' Renji didn't feel good, and that it was like trying to tickle himself. It just didn't work, and that was fine, Renji supposed.

Ichigo leaned down and kissed Renji, moaning in enthusiasm when Renji thrust into him, not needing any lubricant because of their previous roll-around. Renji moaned uncomfortably, squirming. The aftershocks were still lingering and he was so sensitive that it almost hurt. It wasn't so bad if he didn't pull back too far, though, so Renji thrust quicker and harder than before, but not enough that it would be considered rough.

Ichigo started laughing a little bit, causing Renji to slow down in confusion. Ichigo just smiled playfully, snaking his arms around Renji's neck and wrapping his legs around him, rolling them over. Renji grinned, catching on, kissing Ichigo's neck, just enjoying the contact between their naked torsos. Ichigo took Renji's hair down, rolling his hips back slowly, clenching teasingly as they kissed.

"Mm," Renji hummed with a smile, holding Ichigo and kissing him all over his face, licking his earlobe. Ichigo moaned, shuddering, giving a small laugh as Renji grinned and kissed his cheek, rocking his hips really slow and deep. Ichigo ran his hands over Renji's back, gripping his muscled arms and pressing his body up against his, sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Renji took one of Ichigo's legs up onto his shoulder and continued thrusting in a deep rhythm, tangling his tongue with Ichigo's as he made love to him. Rivers of sweat ran down his chest and Ichigo's moans vibrated his tongue and tickled his mouth as he ground against him. Ichigo's hands knotted in his hair and pulled just right, sending chills down his back.

Ichigo latched onto him again and let Renji roll them over. He quickly crawled off and got on all fours, letting Renji get behind him and thrust into him again. When Renji wasn't going hard enough for his tastes, Ichigo made his need clear by grabbing Renji's hand and making him grab his hair. Renji laughed and kissed Ichigo's neck, backing up again and pulling on Ichigo's hair, not too hard, but enough that it tugged his body back in time with each thrust of his hips.

He didn't think he'd ever get tired of how natural this felt, which was ironic, considering that they were an anomaly of nature. The slide was so nice, and Ichigo was so receptive to him tonight that he was sure that things were finally going to go back to how they'd been at the peak of their romance.

Ichigo practically begged for it, so Renji went a little faster, pulling back farther each time so that it could satisfy Ichigo's need for that deep contact. There were small slapping sounds coming from their sweaty skin and the creaking of the bed as he thrust into him, Ichigo's ass touching his stomach with every beat of the rhythm.

Renji didn't want to be rough on him when he'd gotten him to lighten up this much, but Ichigo's eyes were rolling back and he was encouraging Renji enough that he selfishly gave in and thrust choppily to fit his own need, cumming inside of Ichigo again. He was sure he'd never get tired of that.

This time the orgasm was so strong and sharp that he pulled back quickly with a cry, holding his crotch protectively. Ichigo looked at him in concern, obviously wanting to go again, but this time he didn't ask for more, simply lying on his back and pumping his erection leisurely, watching Renji all too closely.

They ended up doing it again later on the kitchen floor, and then again in the shower, and by then it was four in the morning and Ichigo had eaten three bags of microwaved popcorn and wouldn't stop kissing him. Renji was extremely sore and couldn't sit down right or lay on his stomach, but Ichigo was practically glowing, attentive and more cuddly than usual. Maybe a thorough bout of intimacy had been just what he'd needed to help his mood.

Renji lay against Ichigo's chest, ear flat against his skin, listening to the pleasant sounds of the ocean and the comforting heartbeat. He loved when Ichigo stroked through his hair and held his head like this. He admitted that he probably had 'daddy' issues or whatever the equivalent of being an abused orphan is, so he could easily see why he enjoyed it so much. Maybe it was messed up to seek that kind of parental attention and that feeling of safety from a lover, but Renji didn't care. Whenever Ichigo was willing to show him that tender display of comfort, Renji lapped it right up guiltlessly, some part of his soul being healed a little more each time.

They'd watched a bad romantic comedy and had brushed each other's hair for a while, and had tired each other out quite thoroughly, sometimes talking, sometimes just sharing in the silence and petting the other's skin. Renji lay awake for a while, leaving Ichigo's heavy arms where they had been draped as Ichigo had fallen asleep.

This past year had been horrible; he admitted it. Their normal fighting had warped into something serious and hurtful, and sometimes Renji could admit that he'd been crueler than was necessary. Ichigo had become a mess or nerves and mean words, and it didn't take much for Renji to wonder whether Ichigo had been considering leaving him in the past few months. That was a scary thought. For a long time it hadn't even occurred to him that they might ever break up, but for the past year, that had been a constant brooding fear.

Renji knew that Ichigo loved him. He  _knew_  that. He could see it in his eyes even when he was tired and angry and calling him horrible names. Even when Ichigo had walked out on him, Renji could see through all the pain and screaming that Ichigo loved him, so he'd held onto the hope that their relationship would survive because of that simple fact. But would his love always be enough?

Somewhere along the line of the past year, the responsibilities had started piling up and the tension had built as the stress mounted. The insults stopped being completely fake, the glares stopped being an act of normalcy, the fighting started to hold a hint of truth, and it hurt,  _God_ , it hurt, but Renji wouldn't leave. He wouldn't even  _think_  of leaving.

Sure, he missed it. He yearned for the days that they had been 'mortal enemies', hitting each other and cursing up a storm, each having that hot temper and the annoyance in their voice, but underneath it, there was a deep genuine friendship. They enjoyed having that kind of relationship with healthy friction. None of that stuff was real. The bickering was something they loved. Whenever they'd actually had serious talks, they'd always been calm and honest. They'd been so in love, even though it was hard to see from the outside. Even those who knew them well sometimes doubted their relationship, and they understood that. They liked the way things were. Being rivals made everything that much more fun.

Renji swallowed, thinking of the first time Ichigo had left him. That had truly been the worst day of his life. It had only happened twice, but Renji had known that it was a huge mistake, that it was something that could tear them apart.

He'd driven himself insane waiting and pacing their apartment, wondering where on earth Ichigo would go, whose arms he might fall into, what he would  _do_ in a fit of rage, what he might do in an attempt to hurt Renji worse than he'd hurt him.

When Ichigo had finally come home, Renji had been terrified. He'd been afraid to even talk to Ichigo, not wanting to ask what he'd done, who he might have… No, he couldn't stand even thinking about it. Even apologizing was out of the question, because he couldn't stand the thought of meeting Ichigo's eyes and seeing guilt reflecting back at him.

He'd given Ichigo his space and alone time, waiting for him to come talk to him first, and when he did, he'd gotten down on his knees and apologized for everything, explaining that no matter what he said, he  _loved_ Ichigo, that Ichigo was his one and only love and that if he left he wouldn't know what to do. Renji had meant it. He still did.

The second time it had happened, Renji had snapped. He'd gotten so fucking scared that he'd gotten pissed, he'd wanted to  _hurt_  Ichigo and make him see how badly it hurt him when he just left like that.

Ichigo had come back and Renji had shouted, he'd  _provoked_  him, he'd exploded over a hickey on Ichigo's neck. Ichigo had shouted right back that  _Renji_ had left that on him, and the fight had progressed. Ichigo had hit, Renji had hit right back, and they'd beat the shit out of each other badly enough that Renji took them to the hospital. They'd left holding hands and everything had been fine afterwards, if you didn't count the stitches or broken bones. They hadn't even mentioned it after, having released all that stress and anger and hurt by taking it out on each other, forgiving each other completely the moment afterwards.

Renji was so glad that all this tension that had built up again lately hadn't exploded like that again. He'd been so sure that Ichigo had reached a breaking point and was going to do something drastic. Renji didn't know if he could handle having to go through that again, having a fight that horrible. He was hoping that things had finally settled, that the energy wouldn't spike and would just drift back into calmer waters. He was hoping that Ichigo would give him those little looks of love again when they were alone, that he'd get his normal scowl and his old attitude back and start slapping him around like he had in high school. Ichigo would go back to the shouting he did when he was feeling good, not the tense mean lash-outs of a wounded animal.

They could be in easy love again, shouting and annoying their friends with their arguing and their constant fist fighting. They could go back to making stupid bets and having thumb-wars over freezer pops, they could wrestle before sex like they always had, they could roughhouse while doing the laundry, and they could begrudgingly get each other Christmas gifts and kiss on New Year's Eve. Everything would be fine.

Renji acknowledged that he might meet someone else sometime in the future, that he might 'straighten' out and try to find a nice girl and have a baby. He knew that Ichigo might do the same thing, not wanting to have to deal with the alternate 'lifestyle' that they were leading. He  _knew_  that. He'd prepared for it. He knew that they wouldn't be together forever and that the love might fade, but... he didn't  _want_ it to.

He didn't want things to be over.

Renji didn't move, looking up as much as he could, reaching a hand up to pet Ichigo's hair. That dumbass. He hadn't combed it since the last time he'd been in the pool, and it was sticking all over from where Renji had fisted his hands in it while they'd made love. Brushing it a while ago hadn't helped, and had only accomplished getting the brush stuck to his head. The dummy hadn't even tried to flatten it down when he'd answered the door half-naked to pay the pizza-delivery guy. That fucking dumbass.

Just thinking about losing that idiot him drove him nuts. Those two nights that he'd thought he was gone, Renji had drank himself sick, but no, Ichigo didn't know that. He'd kept it to himself, and that was fine. Renji didn't regret any of that pain, because things were going to be better now. He'd  _make_  things be better. He'd put in the effort and show Ichigo that he still gets those stupid tingly feelings that he felt when they were kids. Today had been a good start. He didn't want things to end just yet. No, they could be together just a little longer.

He didn't know if this was real storybook love. He didn't know if shouting and cussing at each other was what love was supposed to be, but it had gotten the butterflies going when they'd been young and just starting out together. Maybe it wasn't romantic, but Renji loved it. He only hoped that Ichigo felt the same way.

All he knew was that he couldn't live like this anymore, constantly waiting for Ichigo to either blow up or leave. Things couldn't stay like this or get that bad again, and Renji knew it. He needed to be up front and bring his concerns to Ichigo's attention if they were going to stay together. He'd be firm, but gentle, and explain that he wanted things to work out between them and that he was serious about their relationship. If they were going to survive all this shit that had happened in the past year, they needed to make a change. He'd ask Ichigo to get a house with him and start over fresh.

They'd get a  _house._ Holy shit, Renji was already excited about it. He was going to ask Ichigo to live with him.

Renji grinned, kissing Ichigo's chest, falling asleep on him. They would talk things out like normal people, and everything would be fine. A breaking point could be a good thing, surely. Ichigo had finally gotten out of his funk, and things would be better.

It didn't even occur to him that he might be wrong.


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey, Yumichika?" Ikkaku called, standing up and wiping sweat off his forehead. He'd long since grown tired of working on this apartment, even though he'd only moved in here a little over a month ago. Painting and then having to rewire all that shit had been  _horrible_ , and having Yumichika here was the perfect remedy, like soothing tea. That little shit was the perfect addition to his life, and Ikkaku never wanted to return to the past.

Yumichika always did little things, like folding his clothes and laying them out on the bed, or getting a new air freshener to get rid of the smell of the drywall, or bringing him ice cream in a cup with granola and brown sugar on top just because. Yes, Ikkaku was sick of working on everything, but he felt like keeping it up if he'd get those little rewards and the encouraging proud flash in Yumichika's eyes whenever Ikkaku said 'Look, I finished this, this, and this.' That smile?  _That_  was real motivation.

Maybe that was his masculine energy talking, but he felt more motivated than ever to prove himself and to take care of Yumichika. Whatever he needed, Ikkaku wanted to provide, even if Yumichika could obviously fend for himself. He wanted to give Yumichika a home and that comfort that he so obviously yearned for and had lacked with Kaa. He'd keep going on his dumb apartment, if only for Yumichika's sake.

He'd expected to be tired and cranky by now, but he wasn't, because now he was doing something  _fun._  He and Yumichika had gone to IKEA and had picked out furniture together and coordinated shit like  _married_  people, and it felt so fucking good. Decorating his home had become something he had really enjoyed doing, especially when he got to imagine them sharing the furniture. He hadn't even cared about Yumichika obsessively matching colors and making him carry all the stuff he'd picked with them. He'd let Yumichika lead him around and had checked things off the list, letting him pick out whatever he thought might be a nice touch, because underneath it all, Ikkaku wanted Yumichika to like coming over, or even maybe staying.

Ikkaku was really starting to hope that this would be  _their_ home.

They'd had to haul the really big boxes together up the six flights of steps, but on the whole, they'd gotten everything into the apartment in about an hour. Building it was fine too, and had proceeded well, with Yumichika reading the directions and screwing things in while Ikkaku held the pieces together. Then had come laying out where everything would go, and Ikkaku had endlessly complained when he kept having to move everything, but of course, they were just empty words.

He really didn't care when Yumichika kept making him rearrange things and push the couch around the living room so he could see how it looked, even though he cussed up a storm. Truth be told, he liked it when Yumichika bossed him around, just a little bit. More than ever, Ikkaku loved that the bratty passion had returned to Yumichika's eyes. Maybe Yumichika was finally starting to let go of Kaa and was taking him in instead. The idea was so exciting that he couldn't keep a grin off his face. Yumichika's heart was really  _his_.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"Sorry, what?" came an answer from the bedroom.

"Can ya' bring me a drink or something? It's really muggy in here."

"Okay, just one minute." Ikkaku nodded even though Yumichika obviously couldn't see him doing so, and he put his headphones back on and went through the directions for a bookcase with nice black wood. They'd gotten all of their furniture brought in, and a few things were still in boxes, waiting to be assembled, but he could honestly say that the house was really coming together. It almost looked as nice as Yumichika's apartment, which was really saying something.

It was more than one minute, like Yumichika had said, but Ikkaku could already feel a cooling breeze, and when he looked around, he saw that Yumichika had opened some windows and brought a fan into the room with him.

Ikkaku felt bad when he saw Yumichika's messed-up hair. The poor guy had been fretting nearly all week about his audition last Tuesday. He hadn't received a call back and had been nervously looking for a backup plan, searching through crappy job listings and constantly pulling on his hair. Yumichika wouldn't let him see, but whenever he thought he wasn't looking, Ikkaku could catch him biting his nails.

Yumichika brought him a cup of water and said that he was going to start dinner. Ikkaku didn't turn around, but he was grinning his ass off. Ikkaku was used to being by himself, and sometimes it felt weird to always be wondering about what Yumichika was doing or whether he was having fun, but he was getting used to the little things, like sharing his fridge-space and bed-space. Sharing the couch-space was the most difficult, because Ikkaku was used to laying on the couch instead of sitting, but he made do by putting his feet on the new coffee table.

He sure hoped that Yumichika stayed, because he was liking this 'home-life'. He'd started to notice himself talking out loud sometimes instead of just keeping his thoughts private like normal. It was nice to have someone there. He didn't feel like he had to meditate anymore, feeling like spending time with Yumichika instead, even if they were just watching TV or sorting mail.

By the time Yumichika had finished making some pasta, Ikkaku had set up the bookcase and had moved it where directed. He beamed when Yumichika said that it looked good and complimented him on how quickly he'd gotten that done. It was more like a complex of cubicles, so really, they could put anything in there, like DVDs or vases or shoes. It wasn't like Ikkaku really had that many books, other than those on metal-care and soldering. Haruki hopped up into one of the boxes on the third shelf, hissing at Ikkaku when he tried to get her down. "Pssh," he waved a hand at her and pulled his shirt back on now that he'd cooled down.

Even though they'd picked out a table and chairs, they were still used to eating on the floor, so they sat in front of the couch and coffee table, facing the TV, which had finally been moved back into the front room now that the walls had dried. They'd gotten a nice stand for it that would hold a VCR and a DVD player, along with Yumichika's plug-in TV games, but they hadn't put that together yet, so the TV was on top of some cinder blocks, which Yumichika had insisted had to be clean before they could be put on the vanilla-colored carpet. Ikkaku hadn't done it, of course, just putting some newspaper down before bringing the bricks in the house.

Yumichika folded his legs, socked-feet tucked nicely beneath him, plate in his lap. As soon as Ikkaku lay down on his side next to him, Yumichika snapped his fingers, getting up and going back to the kitchen. He brought Ikkaku a beer and had a glass of red wine for himself, which he set a safe distance away from him on the carpet, not wanting to accidentally kick it over. It probably would have made more sense to put that and their plates on the coffee table, but they didn't want to. Jeopardy was on, and Yumichika had this annoying habit of predicting who would win. He kept saying that the prettiest girl was obviously also the smartest contestant. Ikkaku just listened on, trying some of what Yumichika had made, finding that it tasted pretty good.

"Mm, this is good."

"Thank you. I got some dishware today," Yumichika said lightly, eating some salad. Ikkaku was now shoveling pasta into his mouth, hoping that Yumichika would always be here to cook for him. Having a boyfriend was so awesome. He seriously didn't see any downside. Why hadn't he wanted to date before? Who knows. It was probably just him being stupid again.

"Oh yeah?" Yumichika didn't seem to like the way he ate, but he wasn't saying anything, so he assumed it was mostly fine. He at least made an effort not to talk while he was chewing. Ikkaku looked back to the TV. The pretty smart girl had just beaten a double jeopardy and was currently winning. It seemed like Yumichika had been right.

"Yes, they're actually from the dollar store, but they look quite nice," Yumichika said with a sigh. "I'll get you some nicer ones if…" He trailed off with another sigh, seeming disappointed and tense. Suddenly, Ikkaku realized that this was no longer about what they'd just been speaking of, and he turned the volume down a little, looking up at his boyfriend's face, propping himself up on both elbows. Yumichika was sinking back into his worry that he wouldn't get a call-back. He'd just wanted to buy him some nicer plates if he got the job and had some extra income, but that had dragged him back into his emotional morass.

"Ya' still worried about that thing?" Ikkaku asked, not wanting to prod Yumichika's wounds if he didn't want to talk about it.

"Yes," Yumichika fretted, wringing his hands, taking his phone out and setting it on the carpet. "I'm sick of staring at this stupid thing." He pouted a little, stabbing a cucumber more viciously than necessary. Ikkaku knew how he felt. He had used to feel restless a lot when he was younger, especially whenever he'd been around Kenpachi, but of course, he wasn't going to bring that up. Haruki hopped down from the shelf and meowed, pawing at Ikkaku's plate. He stuck out a finger to her, trying to touch her little paw, but she withdrew immediately. Then he tried to give her a piece of chicken, which she sniffed at, but denied, probably because it was from him. Ikkaku shrugged and stuck it in his mouth. Yumichika frowned and made a miserable noise. Ikkaku looked up in concern, adjusting himself on his side, propping his head up on his hand.

"Aw, don't be sad, okay? Even if this doesn't work out, it doesn't mean your dreams are stupid. You'll just have to keep trying."

"You're right," Yumichika said, gathering confidence, finally starting to eat normally, taking a sip of his wine. Ikkaku grinned, moving closer to him, tickling his back a little with his foot. "Oh, shoo," Yumichika said snootily, poking him with his fork. Ikkaku gave a laugh, and as Yumichika went back to eating, he found that he couldn't stand the idea that he might not be able to eat dinner with Yumichika for every night after this. His smile faded quickly and stopped Yumichika when he tried to turn the volume back up.

"So, I was, uh…" Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck even though he wasn't itchy. He wanted to broach the subject of their living arrangements, but wasn't sure how. What if Yumichika said no? Would he leave tomorrow? Maybe he should just stay quiet and hope that Yumichika would forget.

"Oh my god," Yumichika said lowly, staring at his phone, which had started vibrating. Ikkaku's heart began pounding as Yumichika stood up and went a little ways away into the kitchen. Ikkaku did his best not to eavesdrop, but he couldn't tell much from what he heard. Yumichika's answers and his facial expression revealed nothing.

After about five minutes, he heard Yumichika hang up and release a slow breath. Ikkaku's heart sunk. He hoped Yumichika wouldn't get depressed over this. He wouldn't be able to bear it if Yumichika sunk back into the hopeless state.

"Ack!" Ikkaku shouted as Yumichika tackled him and pinned him to the floor on his back. "What the fu-Mm!" Yumichika was gripping his face hard in both hands and holy shit, Yumichika was  _kissing_  him.

"Mwah," Yumichika said with a grin, backing off and standing up, dancing in a little circle. "They want me! They narrowed it down to three people, and I'm still a possibility, isn't that great?" Ikkaku just lay on his back, staring dead above him at the ceiling, slightly dazed. "Ikkaku?"

"Huh?" he said, head swimming.

"Isn't that great?" Yumichika repeated, nudging him with his foot as if he were a dead animal.

"What?" Ikkaku looked at him then, shaking himself a little, resisting the urge to touch his own mouth. Holy crap, Yumichika really had his heart in his fist, didn't he. He was doomed, that was it; Ikkaku was a complete goner. "Oh yeah, that's awesome, babe," he said with a lazy grin, still laying there in bliss. Yumichika hummed cheerily, eating some more as Ikkaku sat up and came back over to him.

"We should celebrate," Yumichika said, getting up and walking to the kitchen doorway. Ikkaku took a sip of beer, still reeling from that kiss. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad for Yumichika's dreams to pan out. He might not leave. He might just kiss him some more each he succeeded, and that was the opposite of a bad thing. Ikkaku grinned, taking another gulp of beer. "Let's get naked."

"Pfft!" Ikkaku spat out his beer, face going red as he whipped around to look at Yumichika, who was grinning as plain as day, obviously enjoying his embarrassment. " _What?"_

Yumichika swiftly opened the fridge and showed him a drink carton, and what was on the label? ' _Naked.'_  Holy crap, that stuff was so expensive, but so good. When had Yumichika gotten that? Was he really going to share? More importantly, Yumichika was a fucking tease.

"Oh, you jerk," Ikkaku said with a laugh, knowing that Yumichika had purposefully done that to mess with him. Yumichika shook the bottle, pouring out some of it for both of them. Ikkaku picked up their plates from the floor and brought them to the counter, slinging an arm around Yumichika's shoulder, giving him a noogie for congratulations.

He was happy for Yumichika, really he was, even if he was a little apprehensive now, wondering if Yumichika was going to leave. Ikkaku knew that he should ask  _now_ before Yumichika's future was secured, and maybe he could trap him here, but no, that would be a shitty thing to do. It wouldn't really be  _so_  bad if Yumichika moved away, right? They could still talk on the phone and visit each other; Ikkaku could still take him on lots of dates, right? Somehow, there was still that little seed of fear starting to grow, and Ikkaku felt like coming up with some dumb excuses so that Yumichika might stay, even if it meant resorting to  _lying_.

Maybe this was why people got so crazy over money. When someone possesses a treasure, they immediately begin to fear what could take it away. He didn't  _want_  Yumichika to leave, but it wasn't as if he wanted Yumichika's dreams to fail either. No, that would be hypocritical. He'd been enjoying Yumichika's smiles every time he'd gotten part of the house done and had let it bolster his pride earlier, and now Ikkaku had to do the same thing: be proud of Yumichika's accomplishments to encourage him.

He had to support him or he'd just be a bad person with a black heart.

Yumichika seemed very excited, chattering to him about what they'd said and when he was heading in for the next audition, and Ikkaku listened with a grin, snuggling with him on the sofa. No, he wouldn't stifle Yumichika. He loved seeing the light in his eyes too much to even think about it.

The more Yumichika talked about his plans, the more Ikkaku noticed that he kept saying ' _we'_. The doubt in his heart began to lift as it dawned on him that Yumichika was including him in his future plans and his  _dreams._  Yumichika wasn't leaving him behind to pursue this; Yumichika wanted him there to see him succeed. They could both be proud of each other and be the stupid cocky shits that they were. It made sense that the universe had brought them together. Ikkaku grinned, deciding that he would ask Yumichika to stay after all.

The moment he opened his mouth to do so however, his own phone rang.

"Hello?" Yumichika sat there next to him, still smiling cheerily, but as he watched Ikkaku's expression fall, the mood darkened, and all the hope was sucked out of the room. "I… I see… Okay… Yes… Thank you… Yes, goodbye."

Yumichika watched Ikkaku flop back on the couch, hand over his face in silence for a few moments. "What… What's the matter?" Yumichika asked with trepidation. Ikkaku looked at him, heart heavy and cold. No… There was no way he could ask Yumichika to stay here now. He'd just tie him down and ruin his chance to get away and pursue his dreams. Hell, he couldn't even pursue his _own_  dreams anymore.

"I… I think I…" Ikkaku got up from the couch, putting on his coat solemnly. Yumichika looked alarmed and sympathetic, not understanding what had happened or why he was leaving. "I need to go take a walk," Ikkaku said lowly. He had to do some serious thinking and reevaluate his priorities.

"Ikkaku, what happened?" Yumichika asked, walking up to him. Ikkaku turned away.

"Zaraki got himself into some trouble, and… well, the point is… Yachiru's being signed over to me."

Yumichika gasped softly, bringing a hand to his mouth. "Oh," he said, eyebrows tugging down. "Are you… Are you going to be okay?" Yumichika was tight with nervous tension once again, and Ikkaku could see on his face that he was thinking about leaving, perhaps not wanting to barge in on him if he was going to be taking care of a child now.

"I… Just… I'll be back later. There's something I've gotta' do." Ikkaku went into the back room and unboxed his katana, swiftly leaving the house. Yumichika sat down heavily on the couch, staring at the closed door, the atmosphere having gone cold.

He'd known that it was safe for him to move back home. Kaa had sworn to leave him alone for a while, and he had, and Yumichika knew that he could go back home… but he hadn't  _wanted_  to, not just yet. He had been thinking about what his new career opportunity would bring: enough money that he could take all the furniture he'd saved and move to a nicer apartment, maybe ask Ikkaku to stay… but now…

No, he couldn't interfere. Everything had changed.

Yumichika sighed, getting up and changing into his pajamas. It was just past eight, and he assumed that Ikkaku was out to spend one of his last nights as a free man. That might entail barhopping, brothels, street-fights… or something much darker that had to do with that sword. Yumichika had never asked about it, but now he wondered. He hoped Ikkaku would keep his head and not do something hasty that could make their situation worse.

Yumichika got into his floor-bed, snuggling Haruki, suddenly feeling a horrible urge in his chest to  _weep._ When Ikkaku came back, Yumichika would tell him that he was going home in the morning. That was the right thing to do. He had to let Ikkaku focus on the change he'd have to make for that baby girl. He wondered if it would be selfish if he still asked to see Ikkaku when he had other engagements due to the child. Of course, Yumichika didn't put blame on the little girl; none of this was her fault, but all the same, this made for quite a sticky situation.

Nothing would be the same, would it? Any plans that they had would now have to change to make accommodations for a baby, and as far as Yumichika could see, it would be far easier if Ikkaku could simply focus on her and not worry about him anymore. Yumichika was a grown man and he should be taking care of himself, not looking to Ikkaku for reassurance, right? It was  _good_ that this had happened now, before he could really get attached to Ikkaku for the long term. It was good that this had happened so early on, before they had made a serious commitment that would have to be broken. This was all for the best, for him to leave, but why did it hurt so badly?

More than ever, his heart felt lost. He'd thought that he'd finally found a place in life now that he had a man that did everything that Kaa never had, but… what was going to happen now?

* * *

Meanwhile, Ikkaku was walking down the street, the light just barely beginning to dim. Those long summer days were nearly at their peak. His sword was concealed down one leg of his jeans and he was hurrying to the riverside, not meeting anyone along the way. There was a gazebo and a park there, and no one was ever around. Walking took him almost an hour, and by then, he hadn't thought of any sort of solution. He just didn't know what to do.

It wasn't as if he could get out of this. Seeing that he was unfit to take care of her now, Kenpachi's wish had been to sign Yachiru over to him so that she wouldn't become a ward of the state. If she had, they never would've seen each other again. Now Zaraki was going away to get some money for her future and Ikkaku was left with the bag… Well, it wasn't the kid's fault. It wasn't like he could take his anger out on her, but still, part of him was upset that he'd have to concern himself with a baby. He'd have to put everything on hold to take care of her. He wasn't ready to give up his freedom, but he didn't have a choice.

His dreams were all for naught. All that time he'd spent slaving over his katana to come closer to his goals had all been for nothing. He'd never get his chance to make a name for himself more than he already had, he'd never get to proceed further than this, and he'd never have an excuse to do irresponsible things for the sake of his dream ever again. He had to be a big brother or a parent, for lack of a better word, and he couldn't be out doing anything that wasn't to Yachiru's benefit. Part of him didn't want to put Hozukimaru to rest just yet, but he didn't know if he'd be able to hold in the lie when he faced Yumichika again.

Ikkaku gave a sigh and flopped down in the grass, staring out at the water. It was at the tail end of dusk by now, but that was what he wanted: darkness. He could see a few rare fireflies in the distance, but all he did was cross his legs and close his eyes, running the blade through his hands. He hadn't meditated in ages, and Hozukimaru craved blood.

He had already decided months before he'd met Yumichika that his life was going to be normal, so he'd gotten several different jobs, packing boxes into semis, giving kendo lessons at a nearby dojo, and a few other odd jobs that involved manual labor, putting his dream on hold for the time being. He'd been pleased with his decision when Yumichika had walked into his life, and had assumed that he'd subconsciously prepared for what the universe was bringing. It was time for him to settle down and make room in his heart for another person, and he'd been okay with that, but now that there was this matter with Yachiru… It was no longer his  _choice_  to put his dreams on the backburner. It wasn't just his dreams of becoming a master swordsman either; it was  _Yumichika_. Yumichika could no longer be his priority because of this baby.

Hozukimaru seemed to sing, absorbing all his tense energy. Ikkaku pressed his thumb against the sharp edge of the blade, not hard enough to cut, but enough to hold it still. It felt as though it were vibrating like a tuning fork, and he squeezed it, hoping to quench the lust he felt for that addictive tension release that came with... No, he didn't need a fight right now; he needed to calm his energy and focus only on his breath, so he could escape to that special place inside him where all the answers of life lay.

He really needed some guidance about now. He was going to be a father.

* * *

Renji steeled himself. He'd never had a good opening to bring up what he'd been thinking about. The past week had been pretty okay. Stress had started to compile on Ichigo again, but he was handling it a lot better now that Renji had gotten him to relax last Monday. It almost seemed like it was the  _normal_  stress that Ichigo had naturally carried before, but still, Renji had a feeling that things weren't over. The calm almost made Renji want to change his mind and let things go on as they were… but there was still that niggling doubt that made him think that he shouldn't let this slide.

He should just come out and  _say_  it, shouldn't he? They needed to have this talk, even if things were going back to normal. It would be a tough discussion. Renji anticipated that Ichigo might be hurt when he voiced his concerns; he expected that Ichigo might be offended or even feel attacked, but Renji would be honest and respectful about it, and then he'd end with asking Ichigo to get a house with him. It would be the perfect way to lift the mood. It wasn't as if Ichigo would say no, right? Of course, there was the problem with money, but Renji had been offered a paid internship that would help him through the rest of his schooling, and that would help considerably. All of that put together – their talk, his new job, and the end of that stressful semester – would bring them back to the golden glow of their youth.

Still, Renji felt pretty nervous, although he couldn't see why. Ichigo wasn't likely to snap at him now that he'd gotten a lid on things.

Gathering his resolve, Renji wandered out into the kitchen, looking for Ichigo, who had been balancing their checkbook and talking with Inoue on the phone. When Renji's eyes fell on his lover, his gut clenched in anticipation. This was that fabled 'moment of truth'. His stomach promptly dropped with he heard Ichigo's sigh.

He was just hanging up the phone, shoulders tense, and then Renji watched silently as he bent forward where he was sitting at the table and fisted his hands in his hair. If he didn't know better, he'd say that Ichigo looked upset and overwhelmed enough that it was bordering on emotional distress. Ichigo obviously hadn't noticed him enter the room, or he wouldn't have shown such a strong reaction. Renji's brows crinkled in sympathy. What was the matter?

It probably hadn't been Inoue to make him this upset, so who had he been talking to then? Renji had gotten a call earlier from their elderly landlady about some vandals lurking around the building, and he'd gone to scare them off, and in the process, he'd noticed that Ichigo's car wasn't in its normal place, where it had sat for almost a year with a boot on it. It was just plain gone. Shoot, maybe Ichigo had gotten some bad news about it? Ichigo  _loved_  that car.

Renji cringed. Maybe now wasn't the best time to bring up the problems he was seeing between them, but he couldn't keep putting it off, could he? He'd already stalled for a week, and he was worried that things were just going to go back to how they'd been. Ichigo was getting that tense sharp edge to his voice again and his brow was constantly tight with frustration, although it wasn't nearly as bad as before. Well, there was no time like the present.

Renji walked up behind Ichigo and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to push as much comfort and empathy into it as he could. Ichigo didn't respond, breathing slowing down a little bit. Renji was glad that Ichigo hadn't lashed out at him at least, and sat down opposite him. "Ichigo?"

Ichigo didn't move, eyes on the tabletop, red and weary. His arms were still up and gripping both sides of his head, elbows on the table, body hunched over. His face was angled down, so maybe he thought Renji couldn't see how upset he was, but all the same, Ichigo didn't move. Renji almost wondered if he'd even heard him, but Ichigo answered after another second and a half. "Yeah?"

His voice crackled a little, tight and ready to break. Renji swallowed. Something had happened. Maybe his car had gotten towed, maybe his paycheck had gotten lost in the mail, or maybe he was stressing over the report card that hadn't yet come. Was it just too much for him to handle right now? Was he just feeling wiped out?

No. Something had  _definitely_ happened. He could see it in the nervous flickering of Ichigo's eyes, the furious twitch of his lip and those tight fists. Ichigo was just fed up and angry at the world, perhaps irritated at his own inability to keep it all in his control. Renji really felt for the poor guy. He knew that Ichigo wanted to take care of them and that he tried so hard, but lately he'd just been a  _wreck_  and Renji had only refrained from saying it to keep from hurting Ichigo's pride. He just wished that Ichigo wouldn't try to take all of this on by himself, but he got why he did. They were alike in their stubbornness and their need to do things themselves.

"I… Are you…" Renji was starting to doubt himself, but still forged ahead, seeing that the moisture was fading from Ichigo's eyes as he blinked it away before it could turn into real tears. What replaced them was rapidly growing irritation and anger. Ichigo was a lidded boiling pot of water and he needed to let the bubbles out, probably burning whoever was nearest to him in the process, even if it wasn't their fault. Renji needed to tread carefully or Ichigo was going to lash out. Renji suddenly realized that for all this time, Ichigo had needed an outlet, something to hit, something to scream into. He hadn't let out that tension in so long, and he was going to explode soon. All Renji had done by calming him down earlier was to delay the detonation for a while.

Ichigo gave a shaky sigh and exhaled slowly, trying to deal with his anger, just laying his torso down on top of the table, face first. Renji gently took his hands and rubbed them with his thumbs, and Ichigo immediately relaxed and rolled his head to the side a little, eyebrows pushing together in frustration. Renji was glad that Ichigo hadn't struck out at him for daring to touch him while he was upset, so he cautiously pet his hair too, seeing that it was helping him calm down a little. He'd been so sure that Ichigo was going to clobber him, so it was nice to see him accepting the comfort.

"You know I love you, right?" Renji asked tentatively, hoping Ichigo would keep that in mind while they talked this through. Ichigo sniffed, sitting up and nodding, not making eye contact. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, but Renji didn't let that deter him. "Well, we have to talk about somethin' serious."

Ichigo's eyes finally went up to him and Renji could see that he needed to vent, to let some of the steam escape the pot. "You wanna' talk serious?" Ichigo's voice told him of a coming storm, and Renji braced himself, growing defensive. "I can't believe I _listened_  to you!" Ichigo threw his hands in the air, shaking his head. Renji didn't know what he was being blamed for yet, and listened, raising an eyebrow. "You're so damn irresponsible. We needed that money for something else!"

Renji didn't know how things had gotten off track so quickly, but he couldn't keep his reply to himself, braving the insults admirably. "No, we didn't," he said calmly, trying to reign Ichigo back in, somehow still getting pulled off topic. "We needed a vacation. I thought we talked about this."

"Yeah, we talked about it!" Ichigo got up and ran frustrated hands through his hair, walking in a circle. "And what did I say, I told you that we were gonna' regret it if something came up. I swear you're out of your fucking mind sometimes. We're barely getting by! The dumbest fucking thing we could've done was to blow all our money slacking off." That was going a bit too far, sparking some anger inside of Renji. He tried to keep in mind that Ichigo didn't know about his new job opportunity and that everything was going to be fine. Little did he know that Ichigo's car really had been stolen and that had been the straw breaking the camel's back.

"Why would you ever think that was a good idea, you're so  _stupid!"_ Ichigo shouted, causing Renji to grit his teeth and clench his fists. That wasn't fair. They'd talked this out months ago and had  _agreed_  that they could handle this. Even if there really was some unforeseen expense that was presumably the thing that was bugging Ichigo so bad, Renji could pay for it later with his new job, but of course, Ichigo didn't know that.

"That was really fucking rude," Renji said bluntly, still trying to keep his temper in check, because if he didn't, Ichigo would just get more out of control. "Quit badmouthing me, already. Can't you just listen to me, you jackass?" he said angrily, voice rising, and boy, that was a mistake, because Ichigo was going to just shout right back.

Renji shook his head and grabbed Ichigo's upper arms, refusing to let go even though Ichigo was trying to shove him away. Renji growled in frustration, putting on that tone that told Ichigo that he was desperate for him to listen. "I'm trying to talk to you, this is  _serious._  Our relationship can't stay like this anymore," he said in exasperation, heart already breaking because he knew that this wasn't going the way he'd planned.

Ichigo had that manic glint in his eye that told him he was really distressed and  _pissed_  and that Renji had just crossed the line.

Ichigo's gut clenched up, a tight ball of furious energy, and when Renji went to keep speaking, telling him everything that had been going wrong, Ichigo knew, oh he  _knew_  that this was Renji's attempt at breaking up with him. Renji had finally reached the breaking point and was telling him that their relationship couldn't stay like  _this_  anymore, meaning that he'd had enough of this shit and was ending it. Renji was seriously breaking up with him,  _today_. Why today? He'd been trying so hard, couldn't Renji see that?

"You're not-" Ichigo tried to cut him off, some fire rising up through his chest, ready to be spat so he could hurt Renji before he hurt him. Renji was about to break his heart, and Ichigo was gonna' kill him before he'd get the chance, the bastard. "You listen good-"

Renji cut him off, waving a hand to shut him up. "No,  _y_ _ou_  listen _,"_ Renji shouted, pointing in his face. Ichigo growled and slapped his hand out of his personal space, shoving him hard. Renji was just inches away from kicking the shit out of Ichigo, the little brat. "You're always in charge and bossing me around, Ichigo. I can't  _take_  it, okay? Would you fucking listen to me for just one second?"

Ichigo blinked, face softening up for a moment in hurt, before he scowled sourly, bitterness taking over. He could hear in Renji's voice that he didn't think he was strong enough. Renji thought he couldn't handle it, that he was weak.

Renji was raving then, knotting his hands in his hair and shouting to try to get out some of this hurt. "You're so wound up all the time, it's like you think everything that comes out of my mouth is complete garbage!"

"Maybe I do." Ichigo said the words, knowing how mean they were, and he could see how much they hurt Renji, but he didn't care. If Renji was going to leave him, then he should just go already. If Renji was going to toss him out, Ichigo was going to get him back. He wasn't going to be the one left and lonely. No, he wouldn't break… he  _wouldn't._

Renji scowled back, turning away, growling, just as Ichigo had known he would. "Just like that. Right there. It's like you hate me," Renji went on, glaring at him, trying to grab him. Ichigo hit him in the chest, shoving him. Renji finally retaliated and pushed him right back, so hard that he almost fell.

"You get so fucking sour that you can't even function right! You look at me and parta' you wants ta' kill me…" Renji's chest shuddered with rage, eyes growing dark, and then Ichigo saw his face break, anger leaving to reveal sadness.

No, Renji was trying to break up with him but be  _nice_  about it. He was pitying him. He felt  _bad_  for him. Ichigo snarled.

Renji tried to take his hands, pleading with him, and for a moment Ichigo felt like apologizing. "You've gotta' listen to me _sometimes._ You can't  _live_  like this," Renji said, anger gone from his voice, leaving behind only desperation. "You're gonna' start losing your hair. You're wasting away," he said helplessly, running a hand over the back of Ichigo's neck, trying to make him look at him. Ichigo didn't meet his eyes, moving his face away bitterly, because he couldn't bear to think that Renji was right. "You can hardly take care of yourself anymore. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, okay? Don't you get that I'm saying these things because I care about you?"

Ichigo hissed at him, feeling like he'd just been kicked while he was down. Renji was  _doubting_  his strength. He was  _pitying_  him. Oh, he'd  _kill_  him.

Renji was speaking to him in that gentle voice, but all Ichigo felt when he looked at him was pure hatred. "You need to relax sometimes, Ichigo… Worrying about money and our safety all the time, trying to take care of everything all by yourself… it's… it's okay to need help," Renji said softly, running a hand over Ichigo's cheek. Ichigo had calmed down a bit now and was looking back into his eyes, listening, heart twisting horribly, pride stinging like a knife was slicing through it.

"You need to learn to let things go… We'll get by without that money, I promise. Just let it go," Renji repeated, trying to calm them down from their fight, beckoning him into an embrace. Ichigo didn't hug back, letting Renji hold him and pet his hair for a moment. He didn't move, mouth pressing into Renji's shoulder for a moment before they broke away. "You have to let go or it's gonna' go by itself… you have to let go," Renji said softly, leaning down an inch to meet his eyes, which were still shining with pity and sympathy.

And at that moment, all Ichigo heard him saying was 'let  _me_  go.'

"You know what?" Ichigo said calmly.

"What?" Renji asked with a little smile, thinking that Ichigo had finally heard him.

"Go fuck yourself," Ichigo said, glaring into Renji's eyes bitterly. Renji's face fell, quickly morphing back into one of exasperation and irritation.

"What did I just  _say-"_

Ichigo lashed out then, punching him in the face without holding back even a mite. "Just  _fuck off_  so you don't have to listen to me anymore if you're so much better on your own!  _Fuck off!_ " Renji doubled over, touching his upper cheek, blood on his fingers. He looked up at Ichigo darkly, teeth gritted, fists balling up, ready to hit him back, ready to make him pay for that.

Ichigo welcomed it, wanting Renji to start something so he could feel no guilt when they started beating each other up. Renji didn't hit back. He just stood there looking at him in disbelief, sparking just a candle's flame of guilt within the bonfire of Ichigo's rage. "Just  _leave!"_  Ichigo shouted, shoving Renji some more. Renji still did nothing.

"Fine, fine, I'm going," Renji said darkly, and Ichigo's face fell. To his utter surprise, Renji hadn't taken the bait and had actually backed down. The guilt was starting to grow, but the anger still was drowning it out. "I'll be at the bar." Renji passed by him and opened the door, looking back at him with a glare. This wasn't what Ichigo had expected by way of a reaction, but that didn't douse his anger just yet.

"I don't  _care_  where you'll be! Just go there and  _stay_  there!" Ichigo yelled, not even turning to look at him, not wanting him to have the satisfaction. He braced himself for an angry retort, but all that met his ears was empty air. A moment later, his breath left him, because he heard the door shut.

He turned around and saw what he'd dreaded: an empty room and a closed door. For a moment he couldn't even breathe, fear starting to compile and multiply, giving him the sudden urge to yank the door back open and go get Renji before he left and did something awful, something that would tear them apart forever.

But no, that couldn't be, because what Ichigo had said had already done just that.

When he thought back on his rash angry words, Ichigo's throat tightened up, and all of a sudden, all of the fury built up inside him and started to come out of his eyes. Renji had really left. He'd gone too far and Renji had really left him.

Ichigo sat down at the table, stunned as he covered his mouth with a shaking hand. After a few silent seconds, Ichigo's face screwed up and he started to weep bitterly, looking at the empty place across from him.

* * *

Ikkaku sighed, hands in his pockets as he walked the dark streets at night. It was probably past midnight now, and a pleasant chill was blowing through his clothes. The sunset was lighting up the sky a nice orangish color.

It wasn't any easier than before, but he knew that he couldn't be a hypocrite now. He wouldn't be like Kaa and selfishly try to trap Yumichika with him. Ikkaku was having a kid, and he wouldn't tie Yumichika down to that, even if it hurt to see him leave. He wasn't any closer to an answer, but he had resigned himself to what he would do for now.

He'd let Yumichika go.

He let out a slow breath, and even though he hadn't done it yet, it already hurt so bad. It was a melancholic bittersweet feeling that stabbed him over and over as he imagined that life he'd dreamed of them having not so long ago. All his plans had changed in a split second when he'd heard of his new responsibility. Sure, it wasn't to go into immediate effect, but sooner or later, Ikkaku would have to take Yachiru and then that would be the end of his relationship with Yumichika.

He just hoped Yumichika would follow his dream and  _live_. He really wanted all the best for him.

Ikkaku swallowed hard, rounding a corner and passing the deli that they'd gone to on their second date. The windows were dark, but Ikkaku could still practically see them in there like it was yesterday. It seemed that so much had changed in such a short time. Maybe this was why people said having a heart was so terrible. He sighed, hearing a distant humming noise that seemed to be vibrating through the ground.

For some reason, that golden sunset was growing nearer, just visible over the tops of the buildings as he passed by. Now that he thought about it, the sun had already gone down a few hours ago. As he rounded the final corner, facing his apartment building a few blocks away, his breath left him all at once. His heart stopped dead and he almost fell to his knees.

The twenty-story building was alit with a hellish sort of light, clouds billowing above it like some horrible thunderstorm. The fire escape was cold and empty, but the air around the sides of the building was waving from the intense heat.

His whole apartment complex had caught fire.


	20. Chapter 20

Ichigo paced back and forth, heart twisting with worry. He'd already thrown a mega-tantrum and wrecked the living room, and now he was fixing it up, trying to talk sense to himself.

Renji would come back. Renji  _loved_  him. Ichigo was secure in that knowledge and had never doubted it before, but now there was this horrible little voice in the back of his mind saying ' _no, you're wrong,'_  because Renji had never walked out on him before. This  _was_  serious. The seed had been planted and there was nothing he could do now. He'd ruined everything. He'd been wrong to blindly trust that Renji would always put up with him no matter what he did. Everyone has a limit, and Renji had clearly reached his.

Renji had actually left the house after a fight, and now there was nothing stopping him from getting drunk, finding the nearest available person, and having some gratifying 'I'm-pissed-at-my-ex' sex. It wasn't as if it would be hard for Renji to find someone else. What if he started questioning their whole relationship? What if he  _moved out?_

Ichigo put the couch cushions back in order and flipped the TV back over, sniffling to himself as he picked up a framed picture of the two of them. The glass was cracked, so Ichigo took it to the garbage and shook out all the broken pieces, taping the picture to the inside of the frame. He laid it face down on the coffee table, not wanting to look at it right now, but equally unwilling to rip it up or throw it away either.

The worry was driving him mad. Renji had said he'd been going to the bar, and there were  _people_  there. He'd probably driven Renji right into someone else's arms. That was it. It was over, wasn't it? Renji had gone and was probably going to do something awful that neither of them would be able to fix tomorrow. They were really splitting up, weren't they. Oh, this hurt so bad.

Ichigo had calmed down from his screaming fit, but his lip was still wobbling as he moped around. He'd gotten to the point where he'd nearly broken a window in his anger, and that had been when the tears came, all the fury and despair that had built up over the past year just pouring out along with this horrible pain. All he could do now was lie on the couch, sick with the knowledge that Renji was cheating on him, probably right now.

But could he really blame the guy?

Ichigo wanted to stay mad. He  _tried_  to, because if he stayed angry he wouldn't feel guilty and he wouldn't have to take the blame. He didn't want to be the one at fault, but he knew he was, so all he could do was lay there and stare at the ceiling. Renji had struggled through months of him being so horrible and now Ichigo had finally pushed him over the edge. He shouldn't have blown up like that. He was supposed to be able to handle this stuff, but he'd let it all get out of control, and now look at what his incompetence had wrought.

Their arguing had morphed slowly over the past year, changing from that of their familiar insults and slaps into something bitter and mean, and Ichigo had usually been the instigator. There was no loophole for him to utilize, and even though his mind kept desperately searching for one, his heart told him the cold hard truth: He was at fault, and the only thing he could do now would be to admit his wrong and try to apologize.

They'd fought, Ichigo had lashed out, and that was the end of things. Renji had straight up  _left,_ and he hadn't even taken his phone with him; Ichigo had found this out when he'd tried to call him to tell him to come back home. No, there was no going back. It was much too late for take-backs, and all he could do was wait here alone and fret.

The way he saw it, there were four possibilities: Renji would come back sober and try to apologize first, he would come back drunk and with lipstick marks on his neck, or he would come back with a buzz, get a suitcase, and pack up his stuff. The last possibility was that Renji wouldn't come back at all.

Ichigo punched the couch cushion, screaming, a sob fighting its way out of his throat. Fuck, he'd never thought that Renji would actually  _go_. He wished he hadn't said any of those horrible things. It hadn't been Renji's fault about his car or his crazy work schedule or the stress of medical school, but all of the tension had been taken out on him just the same. Ichigo sorely wished he hadn't snapped like that.

If only he could explain why he'd gotten so upset, why everything was so hard lately. If only he could apologize and take back all of that shit he'd said. He'd only meant it at the time out of anger, surely Renji could understand that? If only he could say how sorry he was and erase everything he'd said, if only he could change those words into something nicer that would heal Renji's heart, then maybe things wouldn't seem so bleak.

Ichigo knew that he'd hurt Renji too badly for a simple 'sorry' to fix things this time. Renji had been screwed up as a child, and being genuinely hurt by the one closest to him had surely driven him to the brink. He'd  _hit_  Renji…  _in the face._  That wasn't the normal rough-housing that went on between them. Ichigo had straight up  _hit_ him and had told him to get out and that he didn't care if he came back or not.

Ichigo hadn't wanted him to leave. Why hadn't Renji known that?

He knew there was no way for someone to always know what he meant all the time if his words didn't match up with his feelings. What was poor Renji supposed to do when he was bullying him like that? No, Ichigo was supposed to be strong, and look what he'd done trying to prove that he was tough. Ichigo wasn't tough at all; he was a wreck, just like Renji had said, and now he'd wrecked their relationship like the wreck he was.

He was supposed to be Superman. He'd  _been_  Superman. He'd always been able to handle everything and take care of everyone. That had been his oath after his mother's death, and he'd failed, oh, how he'd failed. He'd struggled to keep everything from falling apart, and by so doing, he'd ensured that everything  _would._ He was just falling off and Renji had only been trying to catch him.

Ichigo sat on the couch, trying to stay awake. He didn't want to be asleep when Renji came back, because Renji might get his stuff and leave without waking him. He had to try to stay up so he could apologize, but Ichigo couldn't do it, eventually crying himself to sleep, slumped over on the couch.

He couldn't bear the thought of Renji being out there, irreversibly wounding what was left of their relationship, but he didn't think he could bear seeing him come back to pack up his things either.

Oh, if only he could take all of that back. If only Renji would take  _him_  back.

* * *

Ikkaku blinked in horror, legs wobbling. The building was on fire, and even from this distance, the heat was  _scorching_. The sound alone was unbelievable, and the horrible hellish glare coming from inside told him that the entire building would likely burn to the ground. His home was on fire and Yumichika was in there, probably sleeping.

Ignoring his first instinct to run towards the building, Ikkaku took out his phone with shaking fingers. He was already hearing sirens in the distance, but he didn't think he could handle being the only one on the scene when the police and fire department arrived, so he stood there and waited. He called nine-one-one and hoped that they would hurry, because he didn't know what to do. What on earth could he do? This wasn't a residential area where he could just swipe someone's garden hose out of their front lawn, and he didn't know if he was brave enough to try going inside the smoldering lobby. It crossed his mind to try calling Yumichika, but if all the smoke alarms and sirens hadn't woken him up, his phone's ringtone probably wouldn't either. Maybe he'd been trapped somewhere. Maybe he was a deep sleeper. Maybe he'd already suffocated.

Ikkaku barely contained a scream at the injustice of it. This couldn't happen now, not  _now_  that Yumichika had finally gotten back on the path of what he'd wanted most. Yumichika was going to die with his dreams still in his eyes. Ikkaku was never going to be able to say 'I'm sorry I left you alone tonight', or 'I love you', or 'Please stay and live with me.' He'd missed his chance and now Yumichika was surely going to perish.

Later he would realize that a few weeks prior, he would have immediately panicked over his sword, weapons license, wallet, and personal documents being destroyed in the fire, but none of that stuff came to mind now. All he was worried about was Yumichika and getting him to safety. He had never had this feeling before, and it was so horrible that he felt like he was going to hurl. He didn't care if everything he had perished in the fire, as long as  _Yumichika_  was safe. He hadn't even realized that Yumichika had become more of a treasure to him than even his precious sword, but now the paralyzing fear that he was going to lose Yumichika had seized him and sunk its horrible claws into his heart.

No one was coming down the fire escape yet. No one was calling for help or opening the windows. The lobby was wavering and glowing orange like the hot coals of a campfire, and it wasn't likely that anyone would try to come out that way. It looked like the fire had started in the basement, maybe due to a furnace or a boiler blowing out or some sicko arsonist having a little fun. The fire had started on the bottom levels and was traveling up, probably having reached the sixth floor so far, and now the whole thing was likely to collapse.

After five stressful minutes of approaching the building further and seeing fire engines trying to put out the flames on the lower levels, Ikkaku saw that families were starting to scramble down the escape ladders and be rescued, but he didn't see Yumichika anywhere in the panic. He was all alone in their apartment, trapped and waiting to either burn or smother, or maybe he didn't even realize anything was wrong and was peacefully dreaming. He was really going to die in there.

Ikkaku was afraid of fire; he admitted it. He liked campfires, fireworks, and sparklers, but he was skittish of being too close. He'd been burned really badly as a child, and he didn't even like lighting matches by himself, but he still gave a policeman a hell of a time trying desperately to get inside before it was too late. He didn't care anymore if the lobby looked like the doorway to hell; he had to get in there. Yumichika, he had to get to him! It couldn't end like this!

"Sir, stay back!"

"No, I have to go in!"

He heard a ' _pe-kin'_  sound as a window exploded above them. With a look around, he saw that someone was throwing rocks. With a startling crash, the glass broke and started raining down. Ikkaku immediately looked down, shielding his eyes.

All of a sudden, he saw someone hurl past him, cutting straight through the police lines and up to the edge of the building. Now that Ikkaku was looking, he saw that one of the windows on their side of the building had indeed been broken out, and now that guy was throwing off his shoes and climbing the side of the wall like a frickin' monkey, not even stopping or slowing down for a minute. He was clinging to windowsills and the guard-rails on the sides of landings, using them like the steps of a ladder, not hesitating to grab handholds that were on fire. He was heading straight for the broken window.

Ikkaku was incredulous and admittedly impressed at how well they were doing without any sort of harness, but another part of him wondered why on earth anyone would be trying to get  _inside_  a burning building. Maybe they kept all their money in their mattress, or they had precious mementos of deceased loved ones that they had to retrieve, or maybe they had a sleeping baby somewhere in there.

Ikkaku was finally shoved back, pushed to a safe distance by the police officer, but Ikkaku just stared, squinting through the smoke as the man clung onto the wall as some burning debris fell and clipped him on its way down. After a short pause, the guy made it up to the window and punched the rest of the glass out, climbing inside and disappearing.

Ikkaku's heart was pounding like he couldn't believe, and all he could do was try not to cry as he thought of Yumichika burning in there. It was too late. The building wasn't structurally sound and there weren't enough firemen going inside. The odds were against them. If Yumichika was sleeping, he probably wouldn't be found by anyone until it was far too late. The next time he saw Yumichika, he'd be identifying his body, hopefully still appearing to be peacefully asleep instead of burnt beyond recognition.

Ikkaku numbly collapsed on the pavement, eyes wide and staring at nothing, mouth open and frozen in a horrified grimace. Yumichika was going to die, and he had to sit here and wait. Any second that rolled by could be the one that Yumichika's heart stopped, and he'd have no idea.

Ikkaku let out a shocked breath, down on his hands and knees, begging anything he could think of that Yumichika would be okay. What else could he do besides pray? All those cynical thoughts he'd always had about people only praying during horrible crises were gone. He needed Yumichika to be okay. Even if he was horribly burnt or stuck with breathing problems for the rest of his days, Ikkaku only wanted Yumichika to survive. He put his forehead to the pavement, fingernails digging into his scalp, _begging_  that he'd come out of this okay. He'd give all his earthly possessions, he'd give his own _life_.

Even after only knowing him for a little over half a month, Ikkaku didn't think he had the strength to live the same without him. How would he ever smile again if Yumichika didn't make it? Yumichika's life and his beautiful dreams were over. It was all gone. Ikkaku suddenly understood why Byakuya was so cold, and he got a horrifying image of himself raising Yachiru as coldly and as detached as the older Kuchiki had raised Rukia. He was about to lose his only love, and even in these flames, his heart was starting to coat itself in ice.

After five more minutes of listening to those endless sirens, Ikkaku looked back up at the conflagration hopelessly, still seeing people scrambling down the escape ladders from the top floors. He went over near the base of the ladder, as close as the line of police would let him get, and he waited, watching helplessly from one face to the next, endlessly disappointed as he looked for his roommate. He begged for Yumichika's safety a thousand times, hands clasped so tight that they were turning red.

Maybe Yumichika was okay. Maybe he'd been woken up by a smoke alarm and was just waiting a safe distance away. Maybe a kind neighbor had kicked in the door and searched their apartment. Maybe the sirens had awoken him and he was still climbing down the escape ladder. Maybe he was just helping others evacuate. Maybe he'd still be okay.

All Ikkaku could do now was rely on his luck, and for the first time, he began to doubt that it was trustworthy.

* * *

Renji opened the door to their apartment, stepping inside, seeing Ichigo wake up from where he was huddled on the couch. He could immediately see that Ichigo had been crying.

Ichigo's tired pink eyes rose to Renji's face, and he started to stiffen up, worried that Renji was going to walk past him into their bedroom, fill a suitcase, and leave. Renji's face was solemn and calm, and as far as Ichigo could tell, he didn't see any guilt or sadness, which didn't particularly reassure him.

Renji shut the door and just stood there staring at him as he took off his coat, hanging it up. Ichigo tried to say something, but caught himself when his lip immediately trembled and his throat closed up. His fists started to clench and he wanted to break something, furious that he was shaking so badly. Renji's  _face_  was just… He was so calm and serious, as if he'd made a decision and was sticking to it. Renji was going to leave, he was going to move out if he didn't do something. Ichigo didn't want to be left alone with this guilt for the rest of his life. It hurt so bad.

Renji turned back to him, eyes staring back into his resolutely, and Ichigo threw away his pride. He tried to apologize, tried to say that he was sorry and to beg him not to go, but Renji just walked towards him, causing Ichigo to flinch back and avoid his gaze, desperate to keep his voice and expression even. He tried to speak, tried to beg forgiveness, but Renji put his hand over his mouth and knelt in front of him, taking him in his arms.

Ichigo's hands twitched, because he didn't feel that he deserved to reach out and hug Renji back. He was still trying to get out the words 'I'm sorry', and he tried to explain that he'd overreacted and that he hadn't meant anything he'd said or done. He tried to apologize for hurting Renji's feelings and for punching him, but all Ichigo could do was give a frustrated angry scream and break down in tears. Renji didn't say a word, not even looking at him, just patting his back and holding him as he cried. His embrace was even, not squeezing or heartfelt, just laying there dormant and still around him. This wasn't out of love or forgiveness, it was a  _pity_  hug.

Ichigo was choking, desperate to keep in the pathetic noises that betrayed his feelings; he wanted to cling to Renji so bad, but he just couldn't, because he didn't feel love in Renji's embrace. He felt pity. Renji was trying to make him feel better so that it didn't hurt so bad when he left. There was nothing he could do to change Renji's mind, because he had that resolved look on his face that told Ichigo that he'd already made his decision. Renji had made up his mind to leave and was just doing this out of obligation. It made Ichigo want to  _die._

"Renji?" he asked shakily, voice wrenched with emotion, still trying so hard to keep it together. He looked up to him, biting his trembling lips, eyes wet. He was so scared that he was shaking all over, and it was so irritating that it just made him even more emotional. Renji's eyes were still cold and calm, and his face revealed nothing. He smelled like alcohol, but he seemed frighteningly sober. Ichigo didn't see lipstick anywhere on him, but that might not mean anything. If he didn't know better, he'd say he could smell perfume… He  _did_  smell perfume. Ichigo's heart broke, and he tried even harder to say something that might repair what he'd broken, that might make Renji take him back and love him again.

Renji had always put so much faith in their relationship and he'd never given up on it, even though Ichigo had been a stubborn jackass as a teenager. He hadn't wanted to date Renji publicly because he'd still been so embarrassed and pissed about it, but Renji had never given up. Ichigo had just assumed that things would always be like that, with Renji always following him and staying through everything. It had never occurred to him that Renji might tire of trying, and now all Ichigo could do was try to beg him not to give up on him, to stay because there wasn't anyone else in the world that he could trust like him. He'd given Renji his heart, and Ichigo couldn't bear to have it handed back to him.

Part of him wanted Renji to say something, to stop torturing him with that tense silence, but another part of him couldn't bear to hear Renji say that he'd made up his mind to go. Ichigo tried one last time to explain that he was sorry and that he hadn't meant it, but by then, he was an inch from sobbing his heart out, struggling just to breathe.

"I… I di-" Renji covered his mouth again, giving a minute shake of his head before he finally spoke, tone soft but strong, as convicted as Ichigo had assumed it would be.

"Marry me."

* * *

Just as Ikkaku was losing every last bit of hope, eyes red from the smoke, he heard something.

"Hey!" came a shout, and Ikkaku looked up towards the voice. He saw a random window open up, smoke billowing out like crazy, and he saw a man sticking his torso out the window and waving at him,  _him in particular_.

Now that he was paying attention, that window was on the third floor, and overlooking the same view as… wait,  _his apartment?_ Ikkaku stood up in confusion, a hand flat on his brow in an effort to sharpen his vision. It was hard to see just who it was through all the smoke, but he thought that… Oh, no way.

"Catch!" the guy shouted in a joking tone that was inappropriate given the situation, and Ikkaku immediately recognized the shock of red hair and the limp body that he was trying to get out the window. Ikkaku's eyes widened as he realized just what was happening, and for one horrible moment he really thought that Kaa was going to throw Yumichika over the windowsill for someone to catch. It sickened Ikkaku to think of, but a couple people had already jumped. At least ten ambulances had already sped off, and more were still arriving.

Ikkaku's hope was coming back, sharp and tense, bringing strength back into his limbs. Kaa hefted Yumichika over his shoulder and put one leg out the window, not seeming intimidated by the three-story drop. He'd probably cut the crap out of his torso and legs climbing into that other window, which had had broken shards of glass sticking up all over, but he didn't even seem to be wincing. To Ikkaku's disbelief, Kaa started  _climbing down_ with Yumichika over his arm. It didn't make any sense. The guy was all lean muscle, and his body type just didn't have enough strength to do something like that.

Ikkaku quickly got the attention of the fire marshal, who was already getting a ladder ready so they could go pull the two of them down more safely. Wow, Ikkaku was impressed and flabbergasted. Kaa was a fucking maniac, but fuck, Ikkaku didn't care if it meant Yumichika had been rescued. He really would never be able to thank the guy enough. Where had he learned to climb like that? How had he known about the fire?

When they made it to the ground, Ikkaku shoved his way over to them, watching Kaa move Yumichika off his shoulder and lay him on his back on the cement. He was so limp that Ikkaku mistook him for dead for a minute.

Kaa was an inch from throwing up, coughing so hard that he was heaving, face black with soot, but the crazy weirdo was actually  _smiling_. His whole body was shaking all over from stress, muscles giving out, and his movements were becoming uncoordinated and floppy from the sheer strain he'd put himself through. His eyes were red and runny, half of his hair was singed, and any visible skin had been charred and blackened. Ikkaku shook his head in disbelief, turning his attention on his unconscious love, whom Kaa was fussing over as well.

Yumichika was blue in the face, unconscious, obviously having fallen asleep before the fire and had breathed all of that smoke without knowing. Other than that, he didn't seem to have been burnt at all, to Ikkaku's surprise. That had been his main concern, but now that he saw how pale and still he was, it came to him that suffocating was just as serious as burning to death.

Kaa untucked his shirt with a laugh that was muffled by coughing, and Yumichika's cat tumbled out. Ikkaku could see claw marks and deep cuts from the glass all down the guy's skinny front, and the cat really did seem to like him, just like Yumichika had said. She was frazzled and jumpy, but she didn't run away or leave them. They were okay, they were both okay, oh thank god.

Ikkaku didn't know when he'd started crying, but he couldn't fucking stop, saying thank you over and over to nothing in particular, so glad that they were okay, that they'd been found. Kaa was eerily calm and almost cheery, not concerned about his own injuries, just checking Yumichika over and calling for medical attention, not getting why he was still sleeping.

"C'mon, wake up," he said blandly, tapping Yumichika's face, shaking him a little. "Ya' okay? C'mon, Bubblegum, time ta' get up," he said, sounding more worried now. Yumichika was so limp and pale.

It finally seemed to occur to Kaa that Yumichika wasn't just sleeping, and he began having a full-blown freak-out, shouting about Yumichika getting carbon monoxide poisoning. Ikkaku had to grab him because he was shaking Yumichika pretty roughly in an effort to jolt him awake.

The paramedics got Yumichika on a gurney and loaded him into an ambulance. They took Kaa too, who was under the impression that he was coming because he wanted to stay with Yumichika, not because he needed medical help. Ikkaku got in too, concern returning. When Yumichika woke up, he wanted to be there. Haruki wouldn't come with them at first, but Kaa coaxed her in when Ikkaku mentioned that they shouldn't leave her. Hopefully Yumichika would be glad to see her when he woke up.

 _When_ , not if. The alternative was too horrible to imagine. Yumichika would make it. He had to.

Just before they shut the doors, Ikkaku's breath left him as he saw something laying on the cement. He'd never dropped his sword before in his entire life, but there it was. He scarcely had enough time to go grab it before they were speeding off.

They strapped an oxygen mask over Yumichika's face, and every once in a while he would take a weak gasp and twitch, eyes fluttering, but other than that, he looked dead, taking shallow breaths that hardly moved his chest at all. Ikkaku and Kaa just sat there and stared at him worriedly as the medics crowded around him.

"That was really brave," Ikkaku said, not looking at Kaa. He never would've thought he would ever compliment the guy on something until now. He really was grateful, though. That had been really gutsy. The weird thing was that Kaa didn't even seem to realize how reckless that had been and how crazy that had been to attempt.

"Eh'." Kaa shrugged, not paying attention to Haruki, who was in his lap and rubbing on him affectionately. He still didn't seem to understand that it had been a risk to his own safety to go get Yumichika like that, or maybe he just didn't care. He rubbed his cheek with a blackened hand, smearing soot all over his face more than it was already. His shirt was sticking to his chest where his bleeding had dried. After a few seconds, Kaa started jittering nervously, hands fisting in his hair in anxiety, and he began muttering to himself about Yumichika dying and that he couldn't live if he wasn't in the world somewhere. Ikkaku tried to make a fist in his mind, telling himself that Yumichika would be okay. There wasn't a chance of him dying, no. Yumichika  _would live._

When they got him into the emergency wing of the hospital, Kaa and Ikkaku stayed behind in the waiting room to check Yumichika in. Kaa was dragged in by a nurse, because he was still coughing and trying not to hurl. Ikkaku followed behind, contemplating on picking Haruki up, but changed his mind when she hissed and swiped at him. She didn't seem to like the hospital-smell, and she wouldn't follow Ikkaku. There weren't supposed to be animals here, so he asked one of the security guards if they could watch her or take her somewhere until he got back, and they said 'okay', but Haruki wasn't letting the guard get anywhere near her either.

Ikkaku decided that he couldn't wait, and left the guy to deal with it himself, not wanting to lose track of where Yumichika was being taken.

Yumichika was put on a respirator, and Kaa had been given some water and some bandages for his chest. The two of them just sat there on either side of Yumichika's bed, each holding one of his hands. Seeing Kaa's red runny eyes and the way they looked at Yumichika so tenderly, Ikkaku had a moment of empathy for him, and he decided that if Yumichika didn't make it, he and Kaa would become friends.

It would be the least they could learn from this whole mess.

* * *

Ichigo was gasping for breath, still really weepy now that he'd let loose. He couldn't hold his emotions in anymore and it was embarrassing, but he couldn't help it. You know what they say about floodgates. Renji was still trying to comfort him, giving him a kiss and pressing their cheeks together. His voice was deep and soothing in his ear.

"The car doesn't matter. We can get it back. Just calm yourself down…"

Ichigo hadn't known that Renji had found out about the car, and in his upset, he started blindly hitting at Renji, still so distressed and scared and  _angry_ , trying to mask his tears with fury. He tried to talk through his sobs, slapping weakly at Renji's chest. "You scared me so fucking bad, I hate you-" Renji squatted in front of him, just grabbing him and smooshing his balled-up body against his torso, and Ichigo just allowed it, crying hard into his chest for a few moments, Renji's shirt muffling the sound.

"Let someone else be strong for a while," Renji said, patting his back, letting Ichigo get a hold of himself. "Shhhh… sh, sh, sh." Renji petted his head as Ichigo breathed shakily and growled in frustration when he couldn't stem the flow of his tears. Renji got up on the couch next to him, and Ichigo shoved his face in Renji's armpit, burrowing under his arm as Renji held him, not wanting Renji to look at him when he was like this.

"I thought you weren't coming back," he said with a sniffle, almost getting himself going again as he wondered whether Renji really had betrayed him. He hesitantly choked out his worst fears, not meeting Renji's eyes, but listening for any kind of guilty reaction. "I thought that you were gonna' go sleep w-"

Renji cut him off, lifting his chin to make him meet his eyes. Ichigo blinked a few times, swallowing hard, biting his lips. Renji stayed composed, eyes not reflecting guilt or pity, just calm silence. After a quiet moment of waiting for Ichigo to get a little more control over his breathing, Renji spoke. "The day you walked out on me was the worst day of my life, and… I'm not gonna' walk out on you," he said, voice finally betraying his emotion, "ever again…"

He made Ichigo sit back against the couch and then knelt in front of him, looking up to him, still so calm and quiet. Ichigo wiped his eyes and tried to get it together, heart still pounding; Renji was so composed and it just made him feel like the absolute wreck he'd become. His face probably was completely disgusting after all that messy crying, and Renji probably thought he was a huge wimp. "Kurosaki Ichigo…" Renji took a marker out of his back pocket, and didn't say another word, taking Ichigo's hand.

Ichigo just watched as Renji drew a stupid little design that resembled his own tattoos onto his ring finger. Then he looked up, leaned forward, and kissed Ichigo on his tear-wet mouth. Ichigo didn't move, letting Renji's warm lips ghost over his, and suddenly, his heart broke open wide, realizing that Renji had forgiven him, forgiven every stupid thing he'd said and done, just as he always had.

He fisted his hands in Renji's hair and wrapped his legs around Renji's torso, clinging to him tight and not relinquishing the grasp even when Renji asked him to. He just grit his teeth hard in an attempt to contain his whimpers as tears slipped out of his screwed-up eyes. This wasn't a hug. Ichigo was going to lock him here until he was sure that he wasn't going to sneak away.

This was too good to be true. How dare this idiot forgive him. He didn't  _deserve_  to be forgiven, and yet Renji had, just like always. What a wonderful man he'd found. Ichigo would never be as good as Renji, or good enough for him, and he admired him so much at that moment, him and his strength. Oh, how Ichigo envied him. Ichigo was bitter and always scowling, always cynical and mean, but that wasn't tough, was it. No, that was easy to do. All of the damage that had been done to Renji, all of that hurt and misfortune had happened to him, and yet Renji was still strong enough to forgive him. He was strong enough to remain gentle and kind towards the one who'd hurt him. That took guts.

Renji carried him to bed and lay them on top of the blankets, giving a calm sigh when Ichigo kept his limbs fixed around him. Now that Ichigo had finally given in and returned that embrace Renji had offered when he'd returned, he couldn't let go.

Renji pet Ichigo's hair for a while, trying to calm him down so he could go to sleep. It was so late at night, but Ichigo would  _not_ close his eyes, clinging to Renji every time he slowed down or paused for a moment, still thinking that he might not be there when he awoke. His face was red with embarrassment that he had cried so hard like that, but he didn't let it get in the way of holding tight to Renji's body. No, he wouldn't stop. He was still too afraid to sleep.

Renji didn't speak, giving him the time to pull himself together. He knew that Ichigo was embarrassed and wouldn't want to have to talk until he'd calmed down, so Renji just waited, listening to his sniffling as he stroked through his fuzzy head of spiky hair. He must've scared Ichigo really badly, and he knew that he had if Ichigo had reacted like this. That's why he'd come back. Renji remembered how horrible it had been to wait there all alone, wondering what Ichigo was doing, who he might sleep with in a fit of rage. Truth be told, Renji had thought about betraying Ichigo just to hurt him back, but he hadn't been able to go through with it. The temptation had been so close and so powerful that it had really scared him, and at that moment it had felt like he was punishing himself, not Ichigo.

He'd realized that he hadn't wanted that fight to be the end of them, so he hadn't allowed it to be that way. He had just decided that that wasn't going to happen and chose to salvage their relationship, which wasn't as hopeless as Ichigo made it seem. No. He'd been right all along; Renji had been right that they had come out of the dark times and needed to make a change, and the only thing he'd still had to decide was how big the change would be. They wouldn't just move into a house together. No, Renji wanted to get married, and that was the end of it. They weren't breaking up. They were going to be engaged. He'd decided this and had come home, and everything was going to be fine now.

Renji had always loved building things, but he loved to fix them even more, in every aspect of life. If things stayed difficult, which they wouldn't, Renji would persevere and stand strong through the storm. If their car broke down, he'd learn how to fix it. If they were out of money, Renji would work harder. If they fought, Renji would take a dive and apologize even if it wasn't his fault, because Ichigo would calm down and apologize himself later. If Ichigo kept having meltdowns like this and telling him to go without meaning it, he'd always be there to say 'too fucking bad.' Renji was  _not_  a quitter.

He knew that leaving after they'd fought had been the wrong thing to do, but it had helped him think and temper his resolve. That little scare he'd given himself when he'd been teetering on the edge of being unfaithful, it had shocked him into acting right. Still, he knew that his absence had scared Ichigo really really badly, and the guilt was getting to him a little, even though he knew that a scare had been what Ichigo had needed to get it together. It was just that… Ichigo didn't cry.

The only times Renji had ever seen him do so were when he'd gotten so angry at him those two nights, and even then, he hadn't been weeping. His eyes had just filled up with tears that trailed down his face as he screamed in rage. He hadn't… he hadn't  _sobbed._  Renji hadn't ever even seen him cry over his dead mother, and he felt horrible for scaring him like this. Maybe… maybe it was what they had needed, though, because when a string is cut and then tied together again, the ends are closer than before.

Ichigo finally spoke up, voice still raw and shaky, but stable enough that it was clear that he could keep it together now and have the adult conversation that they  _needed_  to have. "We can't stay together if shit's like this." Renji shrugged, not meeting Ichigo's watery eyes. Even though he'd said close to the same thing only hours before, Renji didn't feel like that anymore. He was one hundred percent sure that this was what he wanted. They were staying together, because he wasn't leaving this bastard.

"Like what?" he asked calmly. Ichigo looked to him, still clenching his hands in Renji's shirt even as he said this, making it clear that he still doubted that Renji was really going to stay.

"With all this fighting and tension and shit!" Ichigo's voice cracked, face screwing up in frustration and despair, eyes wet and red. "How are we gonna' survive? We're gonna' end up killing each other!" Ichigo was yelling again, but it wasn't out of spite this time. Ichigo was  _afraid_.

"I…  _I'm_  gonna'… I-" he cut himself off, finally releasing Renji's shirt in favor of hiding his head in his hands. Renji could see that Ichigo was sure that the pale-faced monster from his nightmares had really taken control of him and had hurt the ones he loved, just like it had promised.

"Okay, Anakin, just calm down," Renji mumbled, running a hand through Ichigo's hair. Ichigo mumbled bitterly that he shouldn't be making jokes. Renji saw that Ichigo needed a few more minutes of slow breathing to get his thoughts together. The floodgates hadn't closed just yet, and he knew how much it bugged Ichigo to not be able to control what came out of his mouth. "You're not gonna' be the death a' me, okay? Let's just try and calm down for a while." Ichigo sat up and shrugged his hand off, looking him in the face.

"No, I can't calm down. All of this is seriously screwing us up… It's… it's screwing  _me_  up, Renji. You can't leave me, it  _hurts,_ " Ichigo said, eyes welling up again as he clutched the front of his shirt. Renji didn't let him get worked up again, trying to stop him from continuing that horrible train of thought, but Ichigo held up a hand, going on. "If I can't control what the fuck I say, I'm gonna' drive you away for good. Maybe you'll stay this time, but what if this keeps happening? Our arguing's not like how it used to be and I don't know how to go back. This… This is just too much, and it's…"

Ichigo trailed off, eyes dripping weakly, face going blank and numb like how it was when he looked at his mom's grave. His breathing calmed, and the tears stopped as he held everything under, voice considerably more composed. "It's not just me anymore, don't you see that?" For a moment, Renji thought he saw some horrible flicker of yellow in Ichigo's tortured eyes, but he just shook his head, refusing to see anyone but the one he loved. "I… Is it split personality, am I bi-polar, is it stress build-up, am I just a jerk- I don't  _know_."

Ichigo's breath grew ragged and he looked at his hands as if they were transforming into claws before his eyes. "The fighting… I…"

Renji stayed quiet, the worry and disturbed tension fading away as he listened to Ichigo's voice. No matter what he said or did, it was still Ichigo, and he was positive that this was all just a byproduct of stress.

Ichigo hunched over, sitting cross-legged, hands clamping over the sides of his head. "The  _fighting_  is…"

Renji lay there on his side, head resting on his upper arm. He looked up to Ichigo, trailing a finger over his knee with a calm lax smile. "Ya' know?… I like it," he said softly, smiling like how he had when they'd been seventeen, and Renji had picked Ichigo a dandelion and tried to put it in his hair. Ichigo had punched him flat on his back but had kept the flower, and of course, Renji had still been smiling.

Ichigo looked at Renji in disbelief. "Ugh, you're so fucking annoying." Of course, it wasn't just Renji that was annoying; it was how Renji made him feel. It was so confusing. The guilt, the anger, it was all just too much sometimes. He flopped down next to Renji, worming up into his arms. They both stared at the ceiling and now that Ichigo had exhaled, they could finally start talking things out for real. Renji grinned in victory, watching those dark brown eyes closely, heart fluttering even though Ichigo began to rattle off insults.

"You dress like a slob, your hair fucks up the drain, you eat like a pig, you're stubborn, and you sweat too much when you fuck me," Ichigo said with a sigh, lip protruding in a pout. Renji just grinned that soft smile again, still giving him those lovey eyes as if Ichigo was saying something romantic. Ichigo felt like punching him, but at the same time, he felt like grabbing Renji by the collar and kissing him until he wouldn't leave.

"Yeah, and you punch like you have a rock for a fist, you swear too much, you're pissy, you're cranky, and you have pretty eyes," Renji ended, surprising Ichigo with the abrupt flip-flop. "You've been a real bastard lately, but… hey," Renji said all of a sudden, something dawning on him.

"What?" Ichigo asked, sniffling, wiping both his eyes with the heels of his hands, glad that Renji hadn't said anything to make him feel more embarrassed about his crying. Seriously… he'd actually  _cried_. Geez, he'd never live this one down.

"Quit your job," Renji said flatly. Ichigo just looked at him, startled by the change in topic. He became more prickly again, protesting, immediately jumping to be contrary.

"No way, we need the money, m-"

"Quit your job," Renji repeated, not leaving room for argument. "You're not happy there. Besides, you've officially aged out of being a busboy. You're not sixteen anymore, okay? You've got enough experience now that you don't have to be a waiter either. You can find work somewhere else. Just let it go," he said, meeting Ichigo's eyes warningly.

Ichigo felt like arguing, but his lips didn't listen to his brain, paying attention to his heart instead. "Okay," he said, to his own surprise. Renji went on then, seeming pleased.

"See? It's good to compromise." Ichigo gave a long-suffering huff, crossing his arms.

"We shouldn't  _have_  to compromise. If I wasn't such a dick to you, then everything would be fine like normal. I'm a  _jerk_ ," he said plainly. Renji tried to say that he understood that everything had become too much, but Ichigo just kept going.

"No, you were right about everything. Just- You know how fucking hard I try to handle everything and it pissed me off to hear you say it out loud that I'm overwhelmed, okay? It hurts… It hurts, when… I wanna' take care of us and I  _can't._ " Ichigo shook his head, blinking back tears again, looking to the ceiling as if in some plea for help.

"I don't want your life with me to be miserable. I know the crap you dealt with and I don't want you to have to go through that again, and I… I guess, by letting it bug me that much it just piled up and… I still made you miserable anyway, so what good was that?" Renji just listened and withheld his comments, which Ichigo was glad for, because his cheeks were red with shame.

"And I should've let things go more like you said, and… I… I kept telling myself that all this stuff was just a coincidence, and that I could deal with it, and that it was  _your_  fault. If you didn't believe I was strong, I wanted to show you, and… and I couldn't, and… I fucking snapped, I didn't mean… I  _don't_  mean what I said," Ichigo sniffled, rubbing his runny nose on his hand, and Renji knew that Ichigo was really bothered if he was going to do that, because he thought it was disgusting most of the time.

"I should've been up front and told you when I was having a bad day so we could deal with it. If I was pissed, I should've just said something so that you'd be ready for it, instead of just bottling it up and making you feel like  _you_  were the reason I was mad… And, you were trying so hard, I  _know_  you were… Like… I thought I was doing good when we went on that date with Ikkaku and Yumichika, and things were… they were like normal, and I missed that so much… and I just-" Ichigo fisted his hands in his hair, going on and on.

"You've been so patient and shit, and… and, you probably thought… Ugh, I wish I could take all of it back." He flopped forward, still sitting cross-legged, just letting his head touch the mattress. Renji rubbed his hair a little.

"Look, I'm not trying to put the blame on someone else, but I can't stop thinking about that fucker in my dreams. Shirosak-" Renji then interrupted, insisting that he wasn't real and that this was stupid. " _No_ , it's taking over my fucking brain and I can't get it out, okay? I know it's not real, but the more I think about it and the more stuff he says, the more I notice that I'm… I'll find myself  _saying_  some of the things that he's says."

Renji just listened stoically, eyebrows crinkling. Ichigo gave a rough sigh.

He couldn't blame his outbursts on his nightmares, because they weren't real, just like Renji said, but Ichigo still took solace in the fact that there was no way that Shirosaki could feel love. As long as Ichigo had love, everyone would be safe.

"I feel like just thinking about him is making him a real part of me, and… I let it get out of control. I went too far and I fucking cursed you out and I  _meant_  it at the time. I… I really… hated you… and I wanted to hurt you." Ichigo clenched his eyes and teeth, head rolling back as he forced out that he'd really felt that way at the time.

"And… I don't want to be like, 'this wasn't  _my_  fault', but… Fuck, I don't want to believe that it was  _me_  that was so horrible to you. No, you know what? I'm a psycho, okay? I'm gonna' turn into a psycho and hurt you worse. I seriously almost broke your jaw. I purposefully tried to hurt your feelings, I wanted to beat the shit out of you, and I was stupid and mean and I-" Renji cut him off.

"Will you marry me?"

Ichigo paused, arms still raised, stuck in his tirade that had been abruptly cut off. He stared at Renji, searching for insincerity. Renji just looked back at him passively. Ichigo gave a rough sigh, irritated when it seemed like Renji hadn't even been listening to him. He'd gone into a little rant, but he'd been brutally honest, letting out everything that he'd kept in his secret-heart for so long, and he'd really wanted Renji to listen to what he'd been saying.

"No, no, I hear what you're saying, I promise. Just look, okay?" Renji said, not backing down. "We found out that I don't have AIDS, that bad semester's over, you're quitting your job," Ichigo made to say that he couldn't, but Renji cut him off with, "Shut up, you are!" Ichigo sunk down, glaring at him, but Renji grinned, already able to see that Ichigo was reverting back into their natural habit of arguing – the  _good_  kind.

"I didn't tell you, but I got an offer for a paid internship… and, uh… I said yes. I wanted to talk it out with you, and the job isn't exactly what I wanted to do in life, but… The pay'll be enough for us to live a lot nicer."

"Really?" Ichigo asked, surprised and happy, but also guilty that he'd gotten so mad at Renji and had doubted their future. Renji nodded.

"Yeah. I'll get good money and maybe after that I can try to work towards what I really want to do. I'll have a real job now, so you won't have to do it all on your own. I'll be responsible n' shit; I promise I'll try hard. Things'll be better, just like we planned. It's all over, all of that crap, it's all done." Renji shook his head, crawling towards him, promising that he was telling the truth.

"I… before we fought, what I was building up to tell you… I was gonna' ask you to go house hunting. We can have a clean start and get a house, even if we can't afford to buy furniture for a year. We could be a family for real…  _legally._ We should do it. They say it's good to settle down once you're heading towards stability, and we are. It'll be a good change, and… it'll make us stronger, maybe," Renji said, rolling onto his back, smiling up at him. "Let's live together and get married, okay?… You asshole," he added on, making his voice sound like how it had when they'd been in high school, best friends, rivals, and partners all in one.

Ichigo took a breath in, ready to blow up at him because that idea was so  _insane_  that he felt like screaming, but to his own surprise, he let it go, just like Renji had told him to.

"Okay," he said, deflating, smiling after a moment when he realized how  _good_  it felt. Then he glared at Renji and shoved him a little with that old attitude. Renji looked at him with starry eyes, as if in disbelief that things may have gone back to normal, that Ichigo had actually agreed. Renji couldn't stop smiling, letting it hit him full-force. He'd said 'okay', as in  _'yes'_.

"But you're the wife," Ichigo said flatly, pointing in Renji's face. Renji just gave him a weird look and then started laughing into his arm, shaking his head. Then he began laughing harder, just looking back at Ichigo again incredulously, wondering if he'd forgotten that they were gay. Ichigo looked at his laughing boyfriend - ahem,  _fiance -_  for a minute, fighting back a smile, and then wormed into Renji's arms, waiting for his giggling to calm down.

"Happy birthday," Renji said it with the tone that he would give to an insult, grinning his ass off, making a motion like he should 'unwrap' him, starting with his belt. Ichigo just scowled back at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Says who?" Renji just laughed at the challenge, tackling him to the bed in a kiss.

"Mm," Renji sighed into Ichigo's lips, holding him down and pressing his body on top of him. Ichigo made a noise and asked him if he had bought a vibrator or something. "What?" Renji pulled back to see what he meant, and noticed his phone was buzzing.

He lay down on his side next to Ichigo, checking a message from Ichigo's father, half-sitting up from the force of his laughter. "PFFT!" he spat, clapping a hand over his mouth, half-embarrassed that he'd literally  _spat_  in front of Ichigo, but the other half of him was too busy laughing. Ichigo was confused and smiling a little at Renji's reaction, taking the phone after Renji offered it to him.

"Man, Isshin got you so good this time!"

"He never gets-" Ichigo stopped, breath leaving him.

' _Paid Ryuuken to call Ichigo and inform him that his car was towed and stolen from the impound lot. The car's actually at my house now. I just paid the boot-bail and had it detailed. Tell him 'happy' birthday' from daddy.'_

For the rest of the night, Renji was reeling that he was seriously getting  _married_ , while Ichigo was still in shock that his dad had pranked him so hard, and he'd actually fallen for it.

* * *

The first thing Yumichika awoke to was pain. His lungs felt like they were on fire, and an itch in his throat sent him into a fit of coughing, which scared him pretty badly, because he really felt like he was drowning. He couldn't breathe enough, and every small inhale he managed just made him need to cough even more. He was seriously  _choking_  and the panic seized him roughly as he struggled to get out whatever was blocking his airways.

His face scrunched up and his hands blindly came up to get whatever was on his mouth and nose  _off_. There had to be something plugging it up. Something kept touching him and taking his hands away, and when he opened his eyes to see what was happening, he immediately shut them again - not because it was too bright, but because it felt like there was something stuck in both his eyes. He started blinking like crazy, tearing up so much that he could feel his cheeks immediately get wet.

Yumichika kept trying to take off his oxygen mask like a baby who got upset because something kept hurting their face, not realizing that it was their own hands. Every time he tried to shove at his nose and mouth, something would scrape along his face, and something else would grab his arms to take them away. He still couldn't see who was doing it, because he couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to really see much. His eyes were red and leaking, struggling to flush out whatever was irritating them, and he didn't think he'd ever had a worse headache.

As the seconds rolled past and his coughing began to cease, it felt like water was draining out of his ears, relieving some of the pressure of his headache. After sound began to penetrate his spaced out ears, his blurry vision cleared for a second, and he thought he could see Ikkaku sitting at his bedside, looking at him with concern. Was he dying? What had happened? He'd just gone to sleep and hadn't had any dreams. He must be in the hospital, but why?

He tried to speak to ask what had happened and immediately noticed a horrible rattling noise that almost sounded like a stalling lawnmower, further realizing that it was his own breath. He got through about two shaky inhales before his breath caught again, thick horrible phlegm choking him. He started coughing again, unable to stop until something came loose, feeling something wet on his lips.

A hand with rough blackened fingertips pulled back the thing over his face, pressing a napkin onto his mouth, wiping gently. Yumichika was stunned when he could see through his blurry vision that whatever he'd coughed up was  _black._  He again tried to scratch his nose, but was surprised when his hands hit plastic. Oh… Was this an oxygen mask? Why was breathing still so hard? Oh, his throat hurt so badly, and he thought he could feel his chest spasming, forcing him to practically hack up his lungs.

He started coughing again, and this time it was wet and messy, but it felt like he could breathe a little better when he was done. Somebody wiped his mouth again, and he felt vaguely embarrassed but he was too weak to protest. Another set of hands from his other side pressed a soft tissue to his burning eyes, wiping away tears that were quickly replaced. There were so many that he could still hardly see, and he didn't know how to make it stop. It wasn't as if he was crying, but his poor eyes definitely were trying to flush something out.

"What hap-" he croaked, descending into another coughing fit. He heard someone shushing him, and he assumed it was directed at his speaking, not his coughing.

Through his bleary vision he could vaguely pick out two different body shapes, one with a blurry smudge of dark red hair, one only a skin-colored blob. Recognizing that Kaa and Ikkaku were both with him, sitting at his bedside, Yumichika tried to sit up a little, and immediately they both moved to help him, fixing his pillows.

Now that gravity was on his side, the tears that kept filling his irritated eyes just ran down his face, leaving him clear to see a little better. He was still blinking rapidly, trying to force himself to stop so he could try to see their expressions. Had something gotten in his eyes while he'd been sleeping? He knew that sometimes he slept with his eyes slightly open, because sometimes he'd wake up with them being dry, but nothing like this had ever happened. Had some sort of chemical spilled near his face? Why was his breathing so messed up?

Kaa's face got close enough to his that he could see in better detail, enough so that he was shocked at his condition. Kaa didn't seem perturbed by his own state; his eyes were big and concerned, and they were so _reddened_ , like he'd gotten something stuck in there too.

His well-kept hair was blackened and singed, and his face was smudged with soot, like he'd taken up a job as a chimney-sweep. There was a little piece of ash in his sideburns, and his breathing was noisy and forced. Ikkaku, on his other side, was physically unmarked, but otherwise a total wreck, eyes red for a completely different reason. Had Ikkaku been crying? What had happened? Was he dying?

They were both holding one of his hands, watching his every move, tense and nervous and ready to answer his every need. What on earth had happened to him? He wished they would say something instead of staring at him like they were waiting for him to die.

"Here, you want some water?" Kaa said in a raspy but sweet voice, smiling a little, grabbing a little Dixie cup and holding it to Yumichika's mouth. "Oh, wait," Kaa mumbled, trying to pull the mask off his face without snapping it back and hurting him. Ikkaku helped him pull it out of the way and Kaa pushed the paper cup to Yumichika's lips.

Yumichika could see better from this close, noticing that Kaa's fingertips were blackened as if he'd been drawing with charcoal, his nails cracked like he'd tried to dig them into stone. His skin looked extremely dry and raw, callouses toughened by soot that had worked its way into the detailing of his fingerprints.

Yumichika tried to swallow, choking a little bit, but the cool relief felt so good in his mouth and on his throat that it made his breathing noticeably quieter, although there was still that annoying rattle. He didn't seem to be injured at all from what he could feel, so maybe it was something else. Was he sick, maybe? He hoped he wasn't contagious. He just couldn't control his coughing fits and he didn't want to get either of his boys sick.

"How do you feel?" Ikkaku asked, voice calm and steady. He rubbed Yumichika's hand between both of his, warming it up. Yumichika's head rolled towards him; he was rather alarmed at how concerned both of the men were. Was he at death's door or something? Was he going to die? Something had definitely happened to him and they were worried about him, but Yumichika just couldn't remember anything and he didn't get why. The last thing he remembered was Ikkaku going out for his walk and then going to sleep in his floor-bed.

"I f-" Yumichika wheezed, whining in pain as he starting coughing yet again, trying to hold it in, only succeeding in choking himself a little when he tried to forcibly stop. Kaa's face scrunched in concern and he reached a hand out as if he wanted to pat Yumichika's back, but thought better of it. Yumichika tried to make a noise to let them know that  _he couldn't breathe_ , because they didn't seem to know. He'd stopped coughing, but now he honestly couldn't cough or breathe at all, just stuck there scrabbling at his chest, waiting for something to happen in panic.

Ikkaku helped pull him forward when he realized that the abrupt stop to Yumichika's coughing was cause for alarm. Seeing Yumichika grabbing his throat seemed to have alerted the both of them that he was choking on phlegm. Kaa patted his back with some force, not too hard, but hard enough to get Yumichika's coughing to start up again.

Yumichika gave a pitiful little noise, spitting weakly, feeling Ikkaku pulling back his oxygen mask again so Kaa could wipe his face. "Gross," he croaked pathetically, flopping back into the pillows.

"You okay, Yum-Yum?" Kaa asked tentatively. Ikkaku nodded, looking between the two of them, holding his hand again.

"My throat hurts," Yumichika rasped carefully, blinking to clear his wet eyes.

"Aw, poor guy," Kaa whined, leaning in and pecking Yumichika's forehead. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked, putting on a smile to try to put Yumichika's worries to rest. "Ya' must've been having good dreams if ya' weren't waking up, huh?"

Yumichika nodded, not trusting himself to speak without hacking up his organs. Ikkaku was silent, holding Yumichika's hand to his face, not moving. "What happened?" Yumichika finally asked in a whisper. Ikkaku was acting like he'd been brought back from the dead, and it really scared him to see him so pale and shaken up. Besides that, he could easily hear Kaa's old avoidance tactic of prancing around tough issues.

Ikkaku visibly swallowed, looking down at his feet. "… I thought you were gonna' die." Kaa was solemn then, his carefree attitude dropping as he watched Ikkaku talk, still holding Yumichika's hand and petting it gently with his grubby hands. Ikkaku exhaled carefully, voice rough like he'd been screaming. "The building was just…" Ikkaku shook his head, biting his lip, looking at the ground. Kaa gave an understanding nod, making a noise that showed he agreed about how horrible things had gotten.

"Flames were seriously shooting out of the windows, and…" Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika in horror, eyes haunted. Yumichika remembered that Ikkaku had gone out on a walk alone and… he'd come back and gone to bed and then the building had caught fire? Oh no, was Ikkaku's home destroyed? Where were he and Yachiru going to live? Had he been hurt? As far as Yumichika could see, he was unharmed, so Ikkaku had probably escaped the fire, but… had he left him behind? No, Ikkaku wouldn't do that. Had they been separated? Maybe Ikkaku had still been out on his walk when it happened and hadn't been able to help him. Oh, how horrible…

Ikkaku just smiled self-deprecatingly like his heart was breaking. He brought Yumichika's hand to his forehead, leaning down, elbows on his knees. "The firemen couldn't… they… some people actually died," he said quietly, to Yumichika's horror. "They weren't going in for you, and… they wouldn't let  _me_  go in, and… They were focusing on the top ten floors of the building, and they… they just gave up," Ikkaku said in a growl, mouth contorting.

Kaa kissed Yumichika's knuckles, holding his hand like it would be the last time he ever would. He seemed outwardly oblivious and unconcerned, as if Yumichika was just here to have his tonsils out, but Yumichika knew all about Kaa's little act when he was trying not to lose it over someone.

Ikkaku looked up to Yumichika with wet eyes, glaring at him like it was  _his_  fault. Yumichika knew he was just mad at himself. "They were just trying to keep the building from collapsing so they could save the top floors, and… I…" Ikkaku shook his head. "I just thought that you'd gone to sleep and the next time I saw you would be when I had to identify your body," he choked out, half-shouting, absolutely furious. Those words seemed to shock Kaa into awareness, because he made a pitiful noise and held Yumichika's hand to his mouth, closing his eyes. Yumichika thought he could see flames reflecting in Ikkaku's eyes.

"I thought you were dead…" Yumichika curled his fingers through Ikkaku's, looking away, because he saw that Ikkaku's eyes were dripping and he knew how it was with tough men not wanting to be seen when they cry.

"How did I escape?" Yumichika asked in confusion, voice like a box of nails. Kaa was noticeably silent, not moving, not looking at either of them.

"Kaa got you," Ikkaku answered when it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything.

"Kaa got me," Yumichika repeated, letting the words hit him. Ikkaku's heart wrenched horribly as he watched Yumichika look to Kaa with soft eyes. No. He wouldn't be jealous. He wouldn't say anything even if Yumichika went back to him. Yumichika had been brought back alive, and that was all he wanted. He would  _not_  scorn such a gift.

"You got me," Yumichika said again softly, running his hand over Kaa's face. Ikkaku cringed at the love he could hear in Yumichika's voice, loosening his grip on his hand. He knew that Yumichika might always have love for Kaa, and he'd accepted that. He just hoped Yumichika wouldn't do something rash just because Kaa had saved him. He didn't know if saving his life made up for all the years he'd wronged Yumichika, but that wasn't Ikkaku's decision to make, so he kept his mouth shut. He'd gotten what he'd asked for, which was Yumichika's safety, and he was damn well gonna' be grateful for that. He didn't own Yumichika or have a claim on him, and he wasn't going to stand in the way of what he wanted, even if it hurt.

Ikkaku didn't want to let him go, even though he knew he had to anyway because of his new child. Oh God, what were they going to do? He was going to be declared an unfit parent with no home, and Yachiru would be taken away. Ikkaku's eyebrows tightened, pushing that from his mind, trying to focus on Yumichika. He'd be thankful, he'd be  _grateful._  Nothing mattered right now except the fact that Yumichika was still alive. That was enough of a blessing and he wouldn't ask for more.

"Yes," Kaa replied, still not meeting his eyes. Yumichika was silent for a moment, just looking at Kaa's face and rubbing his hand with his thumb, allowing Kaa to slip a hand up into his and lace their fingers. Ikkaku closed his eyes for a moment, sure that he had no chance, but he startled slightly when Yumichika's hand tightened in his, not allowing his fingers to slip away.

"But… I don't get it," Yumichika said, coughing a little. They helped him get another drink, which took another five minutes of helping him hack up whatever gunk had gotten stuck in his lungs.

"What don't you get, honey?" Kaa asked, voice raw and short. His eyes reflected that of a thousand years of torture, and Ikkaku suddenly felt bad for the guy.

"How did you know which room I was in?" Yumichika asked, looking to him like he was the only man in the world, fingers still linked tight in Ikkaku's as an anchor.

"Lucky guess," Kaa said for what was probably the thousandth time, voice strained as he smiled sadly, tears in his eyes. He held Yumichika's hand tight to his face, biting his lip like his heart had broken.

Yumichika made a small tender noise, settling back down and taking in the fact that Kaa had risked his life to rescue him. Ikkaku silently watched the two of them share a significant gaze, almost positive that Kaa was going to pull away Yumichika's mask so that they could kiss.

At that deep moment of eye contact, Kaa cleared his throat and looked away in shame. His hand slipped out of Yumichika's and went to the back of his neck, scratching compulsively. Yumichika looked confused, searching for that handhold again, but not finding it. Kaa shied away from him, looking at the floor.

"Ya' gonna' be okay here?" Kaa asked tensely, seeming to hate every word coming out of his mouth. It sounded as if he knew he was about to hurt Yumichika and felt bad about it.

"What do you mean?" Yumichika asked, so devastated and hurt that Ikkaku felt like screaming.

"I mean, without me," Kaa added, swallowing like he was about to throw up, looking the other way and rubbing his upper arm.

"You're not staying?" Yumichika asked in a raspy pleading tone, looking at Kaa like he didn't understand why he was doing this. Ikkaku just watched on in disbelief, knowing fully well that Kaa didn't have to leave, and that he was doing something selfless for Yumichika's own good.

Kaa swallowed, not backing down. "I have t-" he cut off, putting his head in his hands for a minute, before taking a brave breath, seeming to be trying to fix his expression and his attitude so that it would be believable. "I'm gonna' listen this time, okay? I heard what you said… what you asked me, and you're right." He looked up to Yumichika with watery eyes, smiling sunnily. "It's time I let you go now…"

Ikkaku was truly stunned, realizing that his words in the park had finally gotten through to the guy. He really was trying to make Yumichika the center of his life, putting his happiness at the parapet of importance, even at the sacrifice of his own. Kaa obviously wasn't prepared for it, and Yumichika even less so.

Yumichika shook his head, horrified, lips ghosting the words 'no'. Kaa nodded 'yes' and looked in his eyes, choked up, but still smiling. "I've decided that I want you to have your dreams, even if I'm not part of them… Please, be happy… because you're pretty when you smile."

Kaa took both of Ikkaku's hands and brought them to Yumichika's, holding them together for a minute, smile fading. Then he stood, touching Yumichika's hair for just an instant, backing off so quick that it was as if he'd been burned. "Goodbye, Princess. I… I wish you all the best…  _really._ "

He looked away from Yumichika as if he wasn't in the room anymore. "Here," he said, dark mood lifting as he wormed in his pocket and handed something to Ikkaku.

Ikkaku let out a stunned breath, opening up the paper roll. Inside was Yumichika's phone, and as Ikkaku unwrapped it, marveling that it had been unharmed in the fire, he noticed what was written on the inside of the paper. ' _Keep him warm for me.'_

With that, Kaa turned his back, and with a shuddery exhale, he stepped away from the bed. Yumichika gasped and reached out a hand for him, but he was already gone, heading down the long hallway, visible through a window in the door. Kaa didn't look back.

Yumichika lay back in shock, staring at the ceiling, the vision of Kaa's retreating shoulders replaying over and over like it had every time he'd ever left him before, and this time he knew in his heart that it would be the last.

**Author's Note:**

> I do lots of Yumichika/Ikkaku stories, Go check out my Fanfiction . net profile : 'HadenXCharm'.  
> I also do an ask blog on tumblr for this pairing 'Ask-Yumichika-Ikkaku'.


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